You never know how signing up for a new class, getting a haircut, attending a party you are too lazy to go to, or applying to a job you think you have no chance at can really shift timelines. You are probably one decision away from catapulting into a new timeline.
Would you follow your Blorbo into the deep, dark woods at night?
Yes
No
Voting ended onMar 5
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I know we’ve talked about this before but the retroactive realization for Shane Hollander that Ilya has been his future husband the entire time must have sent that boy spinning. What do you mean I introduced myself to my future husband. What do you mean my husband was there standing beside me the day I got drafted. What do you mean I jerked off to thoughts of my husband on the most important day of my entire life up to then. What do you mean my husband took my virginity. My husband and I watched each other grow up. My husband and I fell in love for the first time together. My husband was my first ex. My husband has been the most consistent, sensual, irritating, understanding, solid, loving presence in my entire life. Since I became a man, the thoughts I have reached for to comfort myself or bring myself pleasure have been those of my husband. I memorized the moles on my future husband’s body before I fully understood the wants and needs of my own. My husband taught me how to pleasure a man by pleasuring me. The first person I willingly came out to was my husband. My friends have NEVER known me at a time in my life when I was not in love with my husband.
I know we’ve talked about this before but the retroactive realization for Shane Hollander that Ilya has been his future husband the entire time must have sent that boy spinning. What do you mean I introduced myself to my future husband. What do you mean my husband was there standing beside me the day I got drafted. What do you mean I jerked off to thoughts of my husband on the most important day of my entire life up to then. What do you mean my husband took my virginity. My husband and I watched each other grow up. My husband and I fell in love for the first time together. My husband was my first ex. My husband has been the most consistent, sensual, irritating, understanding, solid, loving presence in my entire life. Since I became a man, the thoughts I have reached for to comfort myself or bring myself pleasure have been those of my husband. I memorized the moles on my future husband’s body before I fully understood the wants and needs of my own. My husband taught me how to pleasure a man by pleasuring me. The first person I willingly came out to was my husband. My friends have NEVER known me at a time in my life when I was not in love with my husband.
everyone making fun of hollanov for not having the domestic wherewithal that scott hunter does but you have to remember that hunter is five million years old and has probably been looking to settle down since before the new millennium while shane just discovered what being gay is and ilya just discovered the concept of being in a relationship
shane getting outed in his early years is such an intriguing concept. How do you think hollanov could work again after something like that? Like shane got burned so bad in the exact way he was always afraid it would happen and to then see ilya getting away scott free? The jealousy and resentment would be crazyyyyyy (and really juicy)
fell asleep thinking about this concept and woke up still thinking about it... gosh the angst is delicious. i think to figure out how the hollanov dynamic would unfold you would have to first figure out how the outing impacts both of them. for shane, i think it's like... if he were older and more well-established, i think he would still have to walk through his personal version of hell (violation of privacy, losing control of his public image, strangers knowing everything about his private life, etc), but he would at least have the security of knowing like, i'm really, really fucking good at my job. i've won cups for this franchise and this city. i've paid my fucking dues. so if they want to hate me they can hate me but i know who i am. but shane getting outed two or three years into his career, maybe as his ELC is expiring? he hasn't won a cup. i'm pretty sure montreal misses the playoffs at least once in those first couple years (because ilya texts him playoffs are fun why aren't you here or something teasing like that) so like, fairly or unfairly, he's probably starting to get heat for not IMMEDIATELY saving the franchise. the internal and external pressure he's putting on himself must be intense.
and then somehow he gets outed, and it's like... suddenly he goes from being this up-and-coming superstar, former rookie of the year, hottest item in the league, to nobody wanting to touch him. i don't think montreal dumps him right away... i think they just sort of start burying him. no contact with the press. they ask him to give up the C because the scandal is a "distraction" for the team. his on-ice performance takes a hit under the stress and they use it as a reason to demote him from the top power play unit. refs stop calling penalties against him and look the other way when guys call him slurs on the ice, and he starts getting pissed off (he's so angry he's so helpless he's so so so so so so so powerless) and getting into fights, which means he gets penalized, which gives the coaching staff an excuse to bench or scratch him, which means his points totals drop even further, which means he starts taking more and more heat in the press for not performing to expectations... combined of course with rumors coming out about locker room tensions, conflicts with the coaching staff, attitude issues, leadership issues, the impact his behavior has on the young fans who'd looked up to him, etc etc etc.
it just never fucking ends!!! not to mention he's been quietly dropped from all his sponsorships and his family/home life has become incredibly tense. i think his parents are 1000% in his corner (one thing about the hollanders is that they're gonna love shane!!) but in some ways that almost makes it worse? shane has to watch them put on a brave face about everything, trying to act like it'll all blow over and it'll be fine, all while knowing that they can't go out in public anymore without fans harassing them or jeering at them or asking invasive questions. all of his mom's dreams and plans for his future have turned to ash. he's wasted the years and years of financial and emotional sacrifices they made for him.
and then let's think about ilya... i think the outing happens so early in their relationship that ilya can sort of tell himself: it's not my fault, i don't owe this guy anything, i don't even know him, we were just fucking. he's young and scared and fucking stupid, and when shane offers him an out (makes it clear that he's not going to name the other guy in the video), ilya seizes it. shane's the one who offered!!! shane's the one who said he'd take the fall. shane's the one who said something painful about how - he wouldn't wish this on anyone, he gets it, he knows the scandal would make things hard for ilya in russia. and if ilya sort of feeds him those lines, like - my family, my country, i don't know if i could go home - well. shane's the one who said he didn't have to come out. ilya just shared what would happen to him and shane made the call. except of COURSE ilya knows what the right thing to do was. and as he watches shane's entire life and career implode he knows 1) he did the right thing to protect himself, but also 2) he doesn't deserve to ever be forgiven for it. i think that the guilt and shame of what he's done (or failed to do) would eat him alive. ilya shame thesis dialed up to 11 million. he's a bad person. he's a fundamentally rotten, dishonest person without integrity, someone who hurts people and ruins them by touching them. he can't be accountable for his own actions; he pushes the blame onto others. ever since he was a boy.
i think ilya would go to some pretty dark places in the years after he lets shane hollander take the fall. and i also think he would completely shut off all conscious thought about it. he's not sitting there thinking I'm a bad person. it's just this roiling, molten sludge of toxic self-loathing churning underneath the surface of his every thought and action. and he channels it all into his hockey, and his star just continues to ascend, and there's nobody who can even come close to touching him, because the one guy who could've given him a run for is money is playing fourth-line minutes for some playoff bubble team, shuttling back and forth between the MLH and the AHL, living out of moving boxes he doesn't bother to unpack anymore because chances are he's not going to be here next october.
and then when shane gets traded to boston and they meet again....... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. i think that, obviously, they don't start hooking up right away... in fact i think shane is polite and professional and completely closed off at first. acts like he doesn't know ilya. which he doesn't really, because - they're not anything. they fucked a handful of times a million years ago and then ilya let shane take the fall and they never spoke again. but of course there is STILL that magnetic draw between them - and it's intensified by the fact that ilya can't stop thinking about shane, watching him, etc. oof maybe shane even confronts him about it after a month or two, and it's the first time they've even referenced what happened between them - shane basically getting him alone and being like i won't be here for long, don't worry, but in the meantime can you fucking chill, because it makes it a lot harder for me when the captain is visibly, palpably uncomfortable with the f-- in his locker room. i think the appeal for me here is just like. a shane who is harder, more closed off, more guarded in his professional life, and an ilya who is just like. vibrating out of his skin with the need to atone and the understanding that he can never fucking atone. never. he can never walk back what he did.
BUT THEN ALSO WHAT APPEALS TO ME is like i wonder if, for shane, what happened gave him a measure of freedom that he never would've had otherwise. he fucks men now. super discreetly, yes, and not all that often during the season, and okay maybe he still has some fucked up emotional baggage he uses sex to work through, but like. he's not coming to ilya as the same nervous, closeted virgin, looking to ilya to give him direction. he knows he's gay, and the price for that self-knowledge was a lot fucking higher than he wanted to pay, but he paid it. whereas i think ilya comes into this dynamic just like... having MARINATED in that shame, secrecy, guilt, self-loathing for so many years... i think he stopped hooking up with men altogether, because it was way too fucking risky and also because it made him feel kind of sick thinking about shane. and he's also just, like, vibrating out of his fucking skin with the need to do penance, to atone, to make up for what he did in some way.
i think it's gotta be a pretty intense slow burn where you KNOW they're going to hook up again and they both have really complicated feelings about it but the pull is SOOOO strong. and then when they inevitably do start hooking up again i think things get really messed up between them emotionally because they're not talking about all about what happened or what's happening right now and they're both like. using this to work through something, but in ways that hurt them both. and it's gonna take them a long time to figure out how to heal themselves and each other.
I fully understand this isn’t everyone, but love the sect of m/m shippers who don’t want to be inserted into the relationship at all. dont want to fuck them, don’t want x/reader. this isn’t about me it’s about my boys being in situations and then fucking about it. I’m barely a fly on the wall im not even here.
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