bitchless paradise

noah•26•minor🥺•autistic•gay

[probuccalfat]

everyone told me not to bring the monkey.

[podcastwizard]

my most toxic trait is i fucking love work gossip. i play neutral not to be the bigger person or take the high road but to hear slander and hearsay from every side. two coworkers complained about each other to me in the same afternoon and i nearly blacked out from the rush

[rongzhi]

English added by me :)

[angelsguideher]

I had a dream I was watching keeping up with the kardashians and Kylie had gotten cyborg legs like they had taken the legs of an AT-ST from Star Wars and put them on her lower half so she was like 11 feet tall and Kim was like “I think Kylie’s new legs are SO fun..”

[midnightcowg1rl-deactivated2020]

I literally think about this post every day

[yeah-yeah-beebiss-1]

[segamascott]

[hometoursandotherstuff]

Sound on. How dogs navigate stairs.

[fattyskeleton]

i'm fucking sick and watching this almost killed me. i felt my throat closing. Almost met god over that fucking dog launching itself down stairs

[sqruitwart]

to the person who reblogged a bunch of really horny furry bara art that i just so happened to open in the middle of the office and bulge after bulge of scrolling i could not escape: thank you

[ishowdespair-deactivated2026012]

[hamptercatapult]

[omegaversereloaded]

ilove when someone posts about an issue that's supposedly plaguing society and it's painfully obvious that said issue is not a thing that matters if youre not on tiktok

[nianeyna]

reminds me of this reddit comment I have saved

[thegaymertrainer]

Ya Zhou Pottery

[boyswillbeboxes]

[gaytanic-panic]

[solvatochrome]

THE POWER FLICKERED THREE TIMES

IF WE LOSE POWER I’M QUITTING

JUST GIVE ME 20 FUCKIN MINUTES FOR MY CHICKEN NUGGETS TO COOK PLEASE

please

[theskiesabovelife]

(vegan) I hope your power runs out 

[solvatochrome]

thats fuckin nice and all but the chicken is already in the nuggets. the power going out doesn’t save a chicken. it’s a nugget already. sorry

[metal-gear-zeke]

I love this post because they said (Vegan) like its a fallout skill check

[harmonicstupidity]

[solvatochrome]

hey just letting everyone know the power didnt go out

[sh4wtycore]

[euamopipoca-deactivated20120215]

Put a / in the year you were born, so we will have an average age

[sociallyanxiousdragon]

Before 1990: //////

1990:////

1991://////

1992:////////////

1993://///////////////

1994:////////////////////

1995: //////////////////////////////////////

1996: /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

1997: /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

1998: ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

1999: ///////////////////

2000: //

After 2000: /

[sociallyanxiousdragon]

This is what we did before polls, when we could still edit posts

[rincewitch]

stone age tumblr utilizing primitive tools

[dirtydisneyconfessions]

ok dude, i know you wanna fuck the granny queen from a bugs life, we’ve gotten your confession 385 fucking times, we get it, you love fucking old wrinkly ass ants, stop fucking submitting it.

Elvira.

[heritageposts]

date of origin: 2013.

[sambuchito]

(about to jerk you off) wait which way was it again righty tighty or lefty loosey ✋😅🤚 oh well! (twists so hard it rips your peanis clean off)

[sambuchito]

la traduccion en español de esto que sería tipo (a punto de hacerte una paja) para en que sentido era la derecha ajusta o la izquierda libera ✋😅🤚 bue ya foe (retorcijón tan fuerte que te corta la pija)

[sqruitwart]

(idem te drkat) chek na koju stranu ono ide desno tijesno ili lijevo labavo ✋😅🤚 ma vidit chemo! (zavrnem tako jako da ti ischupam cijeli penis iz korijena)

[sqruitwart]

(iö de iersidia et) nate öde kia li ssörai deökke mierre ö uille luesse ✋😅🤚 erfe! (ru öix'dm tixebia nö i'ruiu la unuri bera ejdelai)

[sambuchito]

(about to jerk you off) wait which way was it again righty tighty or lefty loosey ✋😅🤚 oh well! (twists so hard it rips your peanis clean off)

[sambuchito]

la traduccion en español de esto que sería tipo (a punto de hacerte una paja) para en que sentido era la derecha ajusta o la izquierda libera ✋😅🤚 bue ya foe (retorcijón tan fuerte que te corta la pija)

[sqruitwart]

(idem te drkat) chek na koju stranu ono ide desno tijesno ili lijevo labavo ✋😅🤚 ma vidit chemo! (zavrnem tako jako da ti ischupam cijeli penis iz korijena)