never let go | kwon ohyul
“you said i’m the only one that you need, but why did you go?”
ʚɞ pairing: idol!ohyul x idol!female
genre: idol!au // situationship to strangers to lovers // lots of angst // fluff // slowburn
mentions: ohyul, ryul, louis, woojin, (oc) choi rina, (oc) song hanjin, (oc) park gyuri.
word count: 10.9k
warnings (?): ohyul is kinda rude!!!
synopsis . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁. before you and ohyul were both trainees, you guys were once bestest of friends, and maybe slightly in love. being young and vulnerable, you broke off your friendship— leaving him behind with unanswered feelings and a heartbreak that would linger for years. 4 years later, each of you stand on the same stage, and who knows... maybe with the same feelings.
⋆‧°𓏲ּ𝄢 not proof read!!!!
ohyul always talked nonstop about dancing and singing, which nobody would sit down and actually listen to his tangents…
you didn’t know so much about dancing, but on the other hand, singing was your passion.
you met when you were both 15, first year of high school. you two went to the same school, and practically did almost everything together— late night convenience store runs, homework that frustrated the both of you, and conversations that went on longer than either of you meant them to.
you both talked about dreams you longed for, never getting tired of hearing each other.
“doesn’t this look so sick?” ohyul tilted the phone screen towards you, showing 7 men dancing in a practice room. “mm, it looks pretty cool.”
he clocked his head and pouted his lips, “you don’t care, do you?”
you brought your hand from behind you to shove his arm, teasingly. “i do! i just— you know i’m not into that kind of stuff.”
he groaned, “i’m telling you, y/n. if you give dancing a try, you’ll be the best idol.”
“is my singing not enough?” you squinted.
he snickered, standing up from his sitting position on the ground. “i never said that. with your voice you have, plus, dancing skills— you’d be unstoppable,” he took his hand out his pocket and reached out in front of you, “and i’m being serious.”
you let out a laugh, followed by a sigh. “you’re supposed to be the idol, not me.” you grabbed his hand as he pulled you up.
you couldn’t lie, you felt a heat come to your face everytime the two of you touched. and your sure he felt it too.
“yeah yeah, but imagine the two of us being idols. it’d be insane, right?” he instantly let go of your hand, taking the lead as he walked away.
you stood there for a moment, before following him.
in honest truth, you didn’t want him to be an idol. you knew what being idol meant. it meant not seeing each other, strict boundaries, and missed calls— distance. you were afraid that being an idol would slowly take him away from you. there would be a version of him that no longer belonged to you. but of course, why would you tell him that? it was his dream. and you want him to chase it. the way he’d get so excited talking about dancing, singing, performances, shows, you couldn’t take that away from him. but you knew it would take him away from you.
ohyul’s head was turned facing you, one of his eyebrow raised high.
it was a late night, both high schoolers trying to escape from the academic world, outside sitting on the edge of the sidewalk of the street in your neighborhood. he swore he would only drop you off at your house, but conversations and laughter went on for too long.
“listen to this song i made.”
you pulled out your phone and connected one of your earbuds in your ear, giving the other side to ohyul. he took it without hesitation, and listened. he tapped his foot as he thoroughly bopped his head— smiling occasionally. he couldn’t contain his smile every time you sung.
when the voice memo ended, you turned your head to look at him, capturing his reaction. he was already looking at you, a corner of his lip turning up. “i’m not even surprised.”
you scoffed, “wow, that’s all you have to say?”
“no, no! you know what i mean— like… you’re voice. you always sound pretty.”
you widened your eyes, a hint of blush covering your cheeks in an instant. “thanks… you always say the same thing though. can’t you say something different?” you say, trying to turn the tension down.
“fine,” he crossed his arms, looking up at the night sky. “when you sing… i can’t put it into any better words than this but… you sound exactly how you look.”
well, that didn’t help at all.
you blushed even more than before, turning away slightly to block your face. “thank you.”
“don’t mention it.” he leaned back, hands planted firmly behind him on the sidewalk, legs stretched out slightly.
you sat up, then shifting to face your whole body towards ohyul. ohyul looked only with his eyes, a flicker of something unspoken passing over his features— his chest tightened.
“…you know,” you started, your voice small but steady enough for him to understand you. “you’re the only one i need.”
his head snapped lightly, mouth gaping as if your words caught him off guard. he tried to stay calm, but the blush creeping up on his ears betrayed him.
he lowered his eyes, pursing his lips together. “only me, huh?” he tilted his head while looking at you, “you just saying that now, or… is it permanent?”
you couldn’t help but let out a laugh, covering your mouth with your hand. “you’re funny.”
all ohyul could do was laugh along with you, something fluttered low in his stomach like always, and he had to look away before he did something stupid.
he got up in one motion, looking down at you. “come on, let me walk you home now. we’ve been here for too long.”
“i was having fun, but whatever.” you smiled as you skipped behind him.
“y/n, i have something to tell you.”
for the past few days, you felt the slight change in atmosphere. something had changed... specifically, ohyul. he stayed home more than usual, he had longer dance practices, he became more unavailable. and it scared you. it had looked like ohyul built all his courage to even say that one sentence to you. i have something to tell you. you wanted to get up and scream at him, what are you hiding from me?
you two stood under a bus stop that happened to be places near the cafe you guys loved going to after school every so often. regardless of how you felt on the inside, you kept the same smile on your face. "hm?"
"i'm going to become a trainee."
"a trainee?" you suck your breath, still smiling.
you let out a breath. "that's amazing to hear, ohyul."
a light twinkled in his eyes and he put a hand on your shoulder. "i can't believe after all my dreams i've told you, its finally coming true."
"when are you leaving...?"
your eyes suddenly were distant, heavy with the thoughts and fears you had been thinking about.
"well, i found out a month ago. but i didn't want to worry you."
you looked at his hand still resting on your shoulder. you gently placed your hand on his and lifted it down. he stared with a guilt written expression on his face.
"you're leaving soon and didn't figure to tell me as soon as you found out?" you laugh was filled with discomfort.
"i'll still be able to keep in contact with you, y/n. don't worry about it."
your expression seemed to echo a song of longing that only you yourself could hear. your smile dropped and you shook your head, "how is this going to work?"
he laughed awkwardly, looking at you with desperation in his eyes. "its still possible, what are you talking about?"
"am i still going to be able to see you?"
"i can still visit you, and you can still visit me. even after i become an idol, if i do."
you bit your lip, looking the opposite direction. "you will be an idol."
"i-i mean-- its not guaranteed."
you shook your head, "no, you'll make it. i know you will, i'm happy for you, ohyul."
he sighed, following up with a smile, a smile that was an attempt to shove off the heavy feelings. "i know you would be proud of me. you always have." he reached his hand out, waiting for you to grab his. "lets go to that expensive ramen place before... you know, things get busy."
it was a solid 10 seconds of standing in silence, his hand still reached out towards you.
"i-i don't think we should... do this."
he blinked, "what-- what do you mean?"
you grabbed the hem of your shirt, bunching the fabric into your fists, "i- i don't want to get in the way... i think its better if we... stop talking."
he tilted his head, as if he was trying to read you. "hah- i don't understand."
"i'm saying that we should stop... being friends."
the hum of the cars somewhat nearby hummed, the crickets filled the emptiness, but the silence between you two was unbearable.
he opened his mouth, no words came out at first. finally, he let out a low sigh, trying to keep his tone light. "don't-- don't do that."
"i'm sorry, i don't want to drag you down."
"who said you're dragging me down?" he said, eyes filled with confusion but also pain.
"i say that," you felt tears surfacing your eyes. "i say i'm going to drag you down."
ohyul didn't dare to look away from you, all he focused on was making sure you didn't mean what you said. this was the first time he ever heard this kind of stuff from you. "you won't. trust me."
"ohyul, we can't do this."
he raised his voice a little. "but we can."
you stepped back from him, fists still clenched. "we can't, ohyul! what do you not understand?"
he looked down at your hands, clenched. "y/n stop, you're going to hurt yourself," he extended his hand out towards yours-- but you pulled away before he could touch you. "please, stop." a tear ran down your face.
he looked up at you with a heavy heart, "i'm not!" he took a step closer, "i'm not going to let you throw away our friendship because you think differently."
"g-get away from me." more tears trailed down and your hand instinctively went up to aggressively wipe your face.
"i told you-- this can still work. this is manageable. please."
you started to walk away, looking back at him. "don't look for me, okay?"
"you're being serious...?" he spoke, hands at his side, watching you walk away.
"yes" you nodded once. "i really do... wish the best for you."
a little small droplet hit the pavement, soon turning into thousands. the rain thudded on top of the bus stop they had previously been standing under. she walked away from him, rain pouring on her as she went the other way. ohyul's breath was shaky, soon his hands started to shake as well. he couldn't believe how it was so easy for you to just leave like that, and that quickly. he kept thinking to himself, maybe this was all made up in his mind. he looked down at his arm and pinched himself. he winced. no. it was all real. sooner or later, it wasn't rain just falling on his face, but his tears.
the next day after, you showed up at school like normal. but obviously, you weren't normal. you were devastated. you don't know why-- but after you told him all of that yesterday, you still found yourself searching for him in the hallways, near the vending machine you two always hung out at, the rooftop, in the class that had the perfect scenery of the trees outside. he was no where.
what am i doing? i did this to myself.
while walking to your next class, whispering was heard among the rest of your classmates.
"i heard he left to go to seoul."
did he already leave? he said he was leaving in two weeks.
"why would he go to seoul?"
"i heard he's going to become an idol."
"wow, he's going to be gone for a while then, huh?"
"he's super talented though, maybe we'll see him debut in just a few years."
"i heard him singing with y/n near the stairs a couple of times."
"y/n? aren't they best friends? i wonder how she's taking this."
"do you really think they're just best friends?"
"well-- no... but i'm just labelling them as how they label themselves."
"i'm surprised she isn't going with him. she might even be a better singer than him."
"yeah, but can she sing and dance? i take dance classes with ohyul, and he's really good."
you couldn't stand listening to them any longer, you sat down at your desk and put your head down, muffling any sound with your jacket that covered your head.
.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⋆. present day .𖥔 ݁ ˖⋆.
the girls jumped up, hugging each other as staff held up camera-- smiling. confetti poppers went off, which the girls squealed.
"congratulations girls!" their manager exclaimed.
a giant grin creeped up on your face as you spotted the cake that rolled into the room on a cart. "cake?!" you said, pointing to it. rina clapped her hands and bowed 90 degrees to the staff that filled the room, "thank you so so so so much!"
the camera angled towards the four of them, "on 3, say happy debut day! 1, 2, 3!"
the four girls held up hearts formed with their hands, "happy debut day!"
after the adrenaline died down, the girls returned to their dorm room, sprawled out in the living room. gyuri laid on the couch on her back, her head resting in rina's lap. hanjin was in a starfish pose, taking up almost the whole carpet that was on the floor. you, on the other hand, were sitting on the kitchen counter with the remote in your hand, playing the debut song's music video over and over. your eyes stuck onto the screen, watching every detail, listening closely to the parts where you hit a run and your hidden vocals in the track. "is that you humming in the background?" gyuri popped up from the couch, head towards you. "you noticed!" you smiled and ran over into the living room along with the others now.
"i'm going to miss sleeping in... manager just texted us to get ready to rest for tomorrow's stage at m countdown." hanjin stared at the ceiling. "ughhh, didn't we just do our debut stage today?" rina sighed exaggeratedly.
"cheer up, lets make our fans happy tomorrow. lets gain even more fans." you said standing up, "i'm washing up now, you all better get to it soon!"
"mmm fine!" hanjin got up and walked towards her room.
"y/n leader mode drains me." gyuri whispered to rina.
"thank you, this was babydollz!" you all four bowed as applause and commotion erupted.
"thank you!" the host bowed back to the girls and directed for them where to go.
as soon as the short interview was over, the girls sighed and slouched. "i kept stuttering." hanjin rubbed her forehead, but you grabbed her wrist gently to take it off. "we all did great, don't overthink it!" you smiled brightly.
suddenly, a shoulder collided with yours-- making you stumble forward a bit. you whipped your head immediately, scoping out who made you lose your balance, "i'm sorry!" the voice spoke.
it was another male idol, near the same age as you. he bowed low enough to make you only see his back. he had black hair, tied uniquely, it looked as if there were multiple little ponytails on the top of his head.
"its--" then, walked away before you could respond back. he rushed behind three other idols, assuming it was his members in his group. all the boys were wearing silver shiny clothes, their outfits made it hard to look away.
you turned back to your group, and they snickered. rina smirked-- whispering to you, "i think he did that on purpose."
"yeah, you wish," you said in an instant. "ran away before i could even apologize for being in the middle of the hallway myself."
hanjin tightened her hair as she spoke, "just apologize later if you see him again."
later on, the girls were on the stage, standing in a line, facing towards the audience. it was the segment where the winner for the week was announced, but babydollz were not nominated as they had just debuted yesterday. despite being a girl group, they were near the middle of the rows of idols and too short to see anything happening in front of them.
as soon as it was over, the winning group stayed on stage to do their encore, prompting the rest of the groups and idols to head off. you led your group as you tried to walk your way through the taller groups, making it a little difficult. what made it even harder was having to bow down every 5 seconds to idols that crossed your path. your group almost made it to the doorway of the exit, but others managed to pass you... multiple times. you, hanjin, gyuri, and rina stood there awkwardly, waving to the audience to keep things a little interactive. it had been about 20 seconds. you were about to let out a big sigh, until a figure next to you, waved his hand over. it was the same guy that had bumped into you backstage. your eyes flicked up to his, smiling and bowing, mouthing "thank you." though-- he didn't smile... he just nodded. out of embarrassment, you pursed ur lips as you slid in front of him, having your members follow you from behind. after that, you didn't see him.
on the car ride back to the dorms, you stared out of the window, the song on the street by leellamarz played in your ears.
you started to space out, causing your thoughts to drift. whatever it was, you mind kept circling back to that guy. he felt somewhat familiar, and you couldn't make out what it was-- but the small interaction you had with him stood out to you.
ryul:
buddy
the girl that was standing in the middle of the hallway tdy
louis:
we still dk what he means by "her"
woojin:
ok is bro just gonna leave us on read...
im gonna air out this whole car
im abt to speak out loud abt this in front of staff if u dont say smth
ryul:
so ohyul
are u finna say it or not
louis:
i just looked to my right and he's slumped
woojin:
if u dont wake him up rn
ohyul:
can u wait till we get home?
jeez
lngshot was finally back in their dorms, more specifically everyone was in ohyul's bedroom.
"aye, back up." ohyul gave ryul a stank face.
ryul folded his arms and stood in a stern manner, "nah because you just can't keep us waiting like this."
"okay, to be fair-- we did just get home." louis said before walking out of the room and into the kitchen.
"you guys piss me off for real." woojin stomped into the kitchen, sitting down in the chair and tapping his foot on the floor impatiently. soon after, ryul followed them and sat too. when ohyul walked out, the three sat there, eyes locked on him.
"is this necessary that you guys need to sit down like its a meeting?"
"yes." woojin said not hesitating.
ohyul rolled his eyes as he crossed his arms. "its a girl i used to be friends with in high school, that's it." then, he turned away to walk towards his room again.
"w-what? you know damn well there's more to that!" ryul stood up, sliding out his chair. his fists hit the table.
"i'm really not in the mood to talk about it." ohyul said once before closing his bedroom door.
the three boys looked at each other, more as if they were concerned. "okay, he never acts like that." louis said first
woojin raised an eyebrow. "i'm assuming she was an ex cause aint no way he acts like that when she's just a friend. "
"you can still act that way towards friends too, woojin." ryul said.
"you just always got to disagree with me, huh?" woojin rubbed his face up and down dramatically.
back in ohyul's room, he laid flat on his bed, staring at the textured ceiling. today confirmed that girl he saw online was you. before babydollz debut, they released some pre-debut content, as in small promotions, same as lngshot did. the first time he saw her in a short clip, he only took a short glance, but he felt immediately drawn, like he knew her once before too well. it was only one time he really came across her like that online though, short after-- he was too focused on his activities as a new debuting idol. but today, it confirmed it for him. it was you. the girl that he sung with, the one who listened to his nonsense at times, the girl who was really there for him. the girl that was his best friend. but most importantly, the girl that left him with unanswered feelings at 16... and he couldn't lie that even now it was still in him.
after she told him they should stop being friends and walked away from him, he walked home, slowly. he thought to himself what he did wrong, what he could've done to make that not happen. the next morning, he left to seoul. it was impulsive, but he was hurt and didn't know what else to do with himself besides leave. all he felt that he had was his dreams and you... and you left.
the most strange thing he kept thinking about though was: why did you become an idol? he thought you would never end up on the path from the past conversations they had… but he guessed, things change.
if your 15/16 year old self looked at where you are now and what you’re doing with your life, they would be surprised. and you knew that. being young, you obviously voiced how being an idol wasn’t an ideal choice for you, but with the help of growing by yourself and exploring more— it got you here.
it was the next morning after the m countdown stage, and you would be lying if you said you weren’t exhausted. you tossed in your bed as the sun that seeped through the curtain hit your eyes. you lazily reached for you phone that was under your pillow and went on weverse.
you clicked the upload button and clicked on the selfies you took at yesterday’s show.
thank you for supporting us, dollies. i love you! we will continue to work hard!🤍🩷
walking out of the bedroom, it was… quieter than usual. han jin was sitting on the couch, man spreading, both hands holding the phone— face focused as ever. gyuri poured her milk in the cereal bowl with one hand, and the other had her phone, her eyes drifted to each subject, double-tasking. rina scrolled aggressively on her phone on the arm chair, her finger practically sinking in the phone. “what’s… going on?” you spoke as you walked closer.
gyuri closed the fridge door, “just looking at our first scandal.”
your eyes widened. “w-what?”
“okayyy, chillll— it’s barely a scandal.” rina rose from the chair, shoving the phone in your face.
the phone displayed rina’s tiktok page, a video of babydollz leaving the stage. but it wasn’t just as simple as that. it showed the small interaction between you and the guy that bumped into you on stage. thousands of likes, comments, favorites, and shares.
caption: lngshot x babydollz omg?!?! i love when rookie groups interact 🤍🤍
you snatched the phone out of rina’s hand and clicked the comment section immediately.
| omg i NEED them to do each others dance challenges NOWW
| never knew i needed this interaction 😫
| i’m a lngshot stan but now i may need to stan babydollz
| 🤭okay bc why do these two groups look so different but match so well
| 06z leaders talking to each other 🙂↕️🙂↕️
| babydollz is full of facecards
| just ohyul being the gentleman he is
you zoomed in on his face.
and that explained everything— on why he felt so familiar.
you didn’t speak, you just handed the phone back to rina and walked straight back to your bedroom.
“is she good…?” hanjin said.
“i— uh, i don’t know?” rina replied.
you sat on your bed, making a thump.
was that ohyul? kwon ohyul?
you picked up your phone faster than ever, going to google.
the results showed images of his face, and his last name.
your breathing suddenly got heavier as you scrolled through lngshot’s social media pages— scoping out ohyul.
but… he looked different. his hair had changed. it wasn’t curly, and in his face anymore. he now had pin straight hair, forehead exposed almost in every post now. but the mannerisms, everything was almost the same… it’s just that he got older, more mature. you didn’t know wether to be happy or upset. a part of you was happy— he achieved his dreams of being an idol, he wasn’t just an idol, but a heavily famous one. but another part of you felt… distant. ohyul, who was once your best friend that you left, you guys were in the same space now once again. just 4 years older than before, more grown up and more wise. then, suddenly, the thought rushed through your mind.
did he notice me when we bumped into each other?
you smashed your face into your pillow and groaned. why did you feel these reoccurring thoughts and feelings just right now… slightly?
having a little while to yourself for a moment, you walked back out and straight into the kitchen without a word. the three girls darted their heads towards you. “… should we ask her if she’s okay?” hanjin whispered. “i-i think?” gyuri whispered back. rina cleared her throat as you sat down in the living room with them, breakfast in your lap.
“y-yeah, i’m okay.” you took a deep breath, before bringing the food to your mouth.
gyuri sighed, “yeah, you’re not okay, y/n. i know your our leader and you want to leave a good impression on us— but that thing— it’s wasn’t bad at all! just an interaction that fans noticed, so don’t think too mu—“
“it’s not that.” you said quickly.
the girls went silent. hanjin tapped her fingers on her lips patiently, as if she was waiting for you to speak.
“that guy that i bumped into back stage, and also i guess sorta interacted with on stage… i-uh, i know him.”
gyuri squinted. she ran her fingers through her hair, “what do you mean by know him?”
“it’s kinda… a long story.”
rina folded her arms, shifting in the couch to get comfortable as she threw a blanket over herself. “go on, we can listen.”
“well, we used to be best friends in high school, and when i found out he was going to leave to go become a trainee, i… i kinda just left him. anddd, that was the last time i talked to him.”
they all widened their eyes. “what do you mean? you left him?”
“i mean that i broke our friendship off.”
none of the girls made a big expression, they were more concerned than intrigued. “so… i’m guessing that was the first time you saw him in a while… and you just found out that was him?”
hanjin didn’t hesitate, “why’d you break your friendship off though?”
rina shoved her, "don't be dumb now."
“no no, its fine! i was… how do you say it? kind of attached to him. like-- i didn’t want to be the reason he would fail.”
you gulped. “i don’t know— our friendship was kind of… different. at least that's how i saw it. we were best friends, but—“
“but you felt jittery at times?” gyuri budged in.
“i guess that's a way to describe it.”
rina sat up, leaning towards you. “okay, soooo like… situationship?”
“i--i really don’t know.” you laughed awkwardly, rubbing your hands together.
hanjin cleared her throat, “okay, that’s enough! we don’t have to talk about this anymore.” she smiled as she wrapped her arms around you. you could tell she sensed you getting more sentimental than usual, which you never really showed that side. “we can get more information another time, right?”
you nodded, laughing. “yeah.”
"hyung, you know your trending right now, right?"
louis tilted his phone screen towards ohyul, who at the time right now was sitting next to him in the meeting room of MOREVISION. lngshot was set up for a meeting with their CEO, jay park-- but it seemed that jay park was running a bit late... like always. ohyul raised an eyebrow before grabbing the phone fully to look.
it was a video of you and him, you bowing down to him, and ohyul just nodding. "interesting." he said immediately, handing the phone back.
"w-wait, i wanna see!" ryul from across the table exclaimed.
before ohyul could protest, louis slid his phone in the hands of ryul and woojin. "baby's first dating rumor!" woojin teased.
ohyul rolled his eyes, "is that even what the comments say?"
ryul clicked the comments, scrolling at a fast pace. "nope, they're just saying how its refreshing seeing new gen groups interacting... wait-- your girlfriend is the leader of their group too? nah, you guys have to be destined or something."
"caption says, a collab i didn't know i needed, heart eyes emoji, pink heart emoji, black heart emoji." woojin read off, peering at the phone.
"what's ceo going to say about this?" louis spoke. ohyul replied, "i bet he hasn't even seen it, it'll take him 5 business days to find out."
"what are you guys saying about me?"
the boys stared. ryul shoved the phone under his legs swiftly. jay park sat down at the end of the table, holding a clipboard in his hand as other staff sat down in the room near the boys. "nothing sir." woojin spoke formally.
"yeahhh, that what i thought."
the girls huffed as they lied flat on the floor of the dance practice room. rina rolled over near the wall to grab her water bottle, it practically looked as if she was crawling.
you, on the other hand, grabbed your phone first time. you went to instagram, and clicked on the search bar.
search history:
@ 0h.yu101
there it was. ohyul's instagram, it was private of course, and he had 50 followers. his username sitting in your search history. 4 years ago when you guys had that fall out, you unfollowed and removed him off of everything, due to the fact you felt guilty for saying those things, plus him leaving earlier than he intended. you figured, he wants nothing to do with me like how i told him. but you couldn't help but wonder, did he actually listen to you when you said "don't look for me, okay?" sometimes, you actually thought to yourself what was going on in your mind to make you say those things to him. but you knew one thing, you were afraid and immature then.
you hovered over the send message button.
was it really worth it to reach out after all this time? even after what you told him? you closed your eyes for a second, thinking of every excuse to not text him.
you bit your lip, pressing the send button. you shut off your phone, placing it face down on the floor by your side.
after that, the whole practice felt harder than usual. all you kept thinking about was if ohyul still used that account, if he saw your text, if he didn't get it at all, or if he just completely ignored it because he was done with you. you didn't know what your intentions were with texting him-- but you knew what it meant to you. you wanted to hear his voice, even through words. you wanted a sign that he remembered you, that you still mattered to him in some small way. but again... guilt filled you-- the way you told him to get away from you, for him to not look for you. it was the fact that after that happened, he barely crossed your mind... only because you didn't dare him to. you leaving him made it no right for you to think about him all the time, so that's what you did. you didn't think about him. but now, now it felt as if everything rushed to the surface again. you felt those same things again, and you couldn't hold back anymore.
you went back to the dorms with the girls and laid in bed, as the rest got ready for bed. practice lasted nearly all day. that's when you heard a ding come from your phone. you had lost all hope in him responding, so you didn't even panic to get your phone. but then...
you gasped, then tripped over the carpet that was rolling up on your floor. you fell down as your books that were on your nightstand crashed to the ground with you. gyuri ran into the room, "what are you doing?!" she picked you up by grabbing your hands, then putting your books back on your nightstand, "you know, we can't have you getting hurt during our early debut days!" you nodded and got on the ground again, kneeling at her feet and bowing. "I know! i'm sorry!" you stood up again quickly at your feet and pushed her out the door. "h-hey, are you okay?!" gyuri said surprised, as you had never done that. you locked the door and jumped into your bed, phone in hand, raised high as you stared.
y/n:
| congrats on ur debut
ohyul:
| it was a month ago, but thanks
y/n:
| im sorry for being in the way at m countdown the other day
ohyul:
| u were at m countdown?
you froze for a second. he didn't know that was me? embarrassment flushed through your whole body, you flipped to one side and started typing aggressively.
y/n:
| sorry that was a typo
ohyul:
| u mistyped that whole thing?
ohyul:
| im joking
| its ok u were in the way, it was ur first time there
y/n:
| haha yeah
| how are u
y/n:
| oh okay cool
| do u have any new events planned that are coming up?
ohyul:
| variety shows, music shows, awards, promos
he didn't answer for at least 5 minutes.
ohyul:
| why are u an idol?
you stopped yourself from texting further, because you looking back at your texts made it seem like you were giving 90 percent.
what am i even doing? what am i achieving from this? he doesn't even care. maybe you were right. he probably didn't want anything to deal with you. you went to bed, not looking back at your phone once.
it came to the next day and you did not want to move an inch-- though, of course you had no choice. it was the first week of your group's debut and you all were scheduled to perform another stage at sbs inkigayo.
"let's kill it today!" rina exclaimed. "oh, you know i am-- this is my favorite b-side in our album, have i ever told you guys that?" hanjin skipped over, plopping a seat right beside you. you were scrolling on your phone, looking through lngshot's instagram page. hanjin widened her eyes and nudged you a bit. you slammed you phone on your lap and smiled big at her, "oh-- your favorite b-side? mmmm, i personally can't pick." hanjin gave you a lazy smirk and slouched back, "relax, i won't yell out loud that i just saw you stalking lngshot." a blush rose on your face, in response which you folded your arms, "you didn't." "but i did."
you sighed as she leaned over towards you, talking low. "what happened? i can tell somethings up."
"was it something dumb?"
"i don't know-- i feel dumb, so i guess." you let out a small chuckle.
"wellll... i can tell it's getting you overworked," she stood up, then reaching out a hand towards you. "don't let it stress you, whatever it is. most importantly-- if it's really consuming you, you know you can talk to me, right?"
you grabbed her hand as she pulled you up. "yes, i know. thank you, hanjin."
she smiled at you, then gathering up the other members to head out towards the hallways. your manager had told you that you all had some videos that needed to be taken, which lead all of you out of the room now. there, you and gyuri danced with ald1's junseo and sanghyeon to their dance challenge. after a few more rounds of more dance challenges with other idols and even your own, you thought it was all done-- until,
"babydollz, before you leave-- we also want you to dance with lngshot."
lngshot. its like that name echoed through your head.
"gyuri, you may go ahead and dance with enhypen's jungwon as scheduled... woojin and louis, you two are dancing with rina and hanjin. that then leaves y/n and ohyul, please pair up."
you took a deep breath, but you kept that same smile on your face. ohyul walked over to you before you could even take one step. you looked up at him, composed as ever. so did he. “im looking forward to work with you.” you smiled.
all he did a small nod and bowed. you bowed as well, then turning to their staff holding the phone in an instant.
without speaking a word to each other, you both danced side by side, to babydollz and lngshot's songs. you two quickly finished up, leaving you guys waiting for the others to finish. the staff by that point had walked away from the two of you, so now it really was just you two a little isolated from the rest, as they were about 5 feet from you. your breath hitched as you leaned against the wall next to him, still keeping a good amount of distance though. to keep things not so awkward, plus the fact you wanted to talk to him too, you spoke first— like always.
“are you busy this weekend?”
you gulped and looked away slyly, “just wondering… i-uhm, i hope you guys have a good stage later today. i know you will do well.”
and the thing was, you really did know. knowing him back in high school, he was always really talented.
“thanks.” that’s all he said.
despite yesterday’s texting conversation between the two of you, you really were trying your best to still make him at least acknowledge you a bit more than he normally did. and it was paining you he wouldn’t talk or give the same energy back. of course though, you were still slightly embarrassed of him being awfully dry, and the fact how you guys used to be best friends, knowing almost everything about each other.
"there's a chair for you to sit in, you know."
you tilted your head to glance at him, then at the chair next to you.
"its rude to sit when there's one seat for only one of us." you said quickly.
he's looking at you fully now. "i'm offering it."
you stared straightforward, shaking your head.
"no, it’s okay." you said
he let out a small chuckle, then turning his head away to stop himself. it was silent for a bit, before he talked again. "… you haven't changed."
you felt your heart beat out of your chest, now looking over towards him now. "is that good or bad?"
"take it how you want it."
you and ohyul were now making eye contact. him looking down at you. you looking up at him. just how it used to be. you couldn't help but look him up and down, as if you were checking if he was the same ohyul you knew. he was in fact the same, just more grown. and he could say the same thing about you.
he looked like he wanted to say something, but it never came out. the two of you just looked at each other, and somehow... it felt reminiscent. comforting.
"i got to get going." he said. he walked away before you could say anything back to him, leaving you leaning against the wall, thoughts filling your mind.
after the music show was over, you returned to your dorm like always and sat on the living room couch.
you squinted your eyes, clicking on the message 5 times before responding to make sure you weren't imagining things.
ohyul:
| can u leave ur dorm
| i don’t have any like harsh restrictions if that’s what ur asking haha
*ohyul started sharing their location*
you stopped breathing for a moment, looking once, twice at the screen.
y/n:
| really? meet you?
| right now?
you talked up to the rooftop of the small restaurant in the urban streets of seoul, you noted how it was at a more quieter spot. and there he was. ohyul. he was wearing a black hoodie with grey sweatpants, his hood hung low on his face. you stepped towards him quietly, sitting down from across him on the other side of the rooftop building. "you wanted to talk to me?" you said looking over to him. he nodded without speaking, nor looking.
half of you felt almost stupid, stupid because you showed up so fast for him because he asked you. you really were desperate for him.
“you got scouted?” he said.
you blinked profusely, “yeah— i did.”
“well… i started figuring out mor-“
he cut you off. “you said you didn’t want to be an idol.”
you paused, not knowing if he was quite literally trying to start a conversation with you or he was just being smart... but you really were that desperate-- so you continued.
“i mean… you’re not entirely wrong because-- i did say that,” you pulled your jacket more onto your body, as the cold air breezed by the two of you on the rooftop. “i can only answer from, i guess saying… i got older, realizing what i wanted to do.”
you can feel the tension between the both of you, but you did you acted like you belonged there—like this was just another conversation between an old friend.
his fingers tapped once on his arm before going still, like he had to remain then from shaking.
“did you think about me?” he spoke with his eyes still not on you, looking at the floor.
that caught you off guard.
you immediately darted your eyes at him, more clearly now. and he then met your eyes. there was so much distance between the two of you, but somehow, it felt as if you were facing right in front of each other.
“i… i didn’t. i didn’t really think about you after you left for seoul and after i said i wanted to stop being your friend.” you let a small smile plaster your face, half awkward, but overall doing that to comfort him— like how he would do the same for you then.
his jaw clenched. “you really think we were just friends?” his voice came out steady.
her breath stuttered before she could stop it. her fingers slightly curling into the arms of her jacket as if she was grounding herself. did he really just say that? did he confirm something without saying the real thing?
“i… i don’t know, ohyul.”
“why are you acting as if nothing happened between us?” he looked away once, before turning back to look at you. “why are you acting like you didn’t leave me?”
this was the first time their whole situation came back to taunt you almost. after a while. you couldn’t but help feel guilty after you said those things to him.
you gulped and rubbed your hands together, your nervousness now slipping through.
“i-i’m sorry. you didn’t deserve that… i didn’t deserve you.”
“y/n,” he didn’t sound angry. he sounded tired. “why did you leave?”
“no… tell me, why? you said i was the only one that you need.” his heartbeat felt louder that everything else in the world right now, his fist clenching beside him.
this time, you were left with no words. this whole time you’ve been trying to be uplifting to shove off the uncomfortable energy, but now— you just couldn’t anymore. your eyes fell to the floor, and your hands clasped each other out of anxiety.
“you can’t just leave me, and then come back like that. out of no where,” he sighed, really staring at you. “why did you go?” he kept persisting, voice raising a bit higher now.
you let go finally, letting a bit of sternness slipping out. “i was 16. i was immature. i was afraid, ohyul.”
he gave you the same energy back. “afraid of what? i would’ve still kept in contact, i reassured you of everything—“
“because i liked you..!” you spoke sternly, voice almost cracking.
“i liked you since high school, and gosh— maybe even now. i didn’t think this would happen, that i would see you again— but i did. and now everything is coming back to me and im revisiting these same feelings.” a tear fell down your face as you got up from the seat. “is that what you wanted to hear? i was afraid of abandonment, distance, falling out, idol life and how it would be for you…” you now were walking away, down the steps of the rooftop to exit. “i hope you understand it clearly now.” you said without looking back. as you got back on the street, walking back to your dorms, your eyes shedded with tears. you were sobbing. sobbing because you confessed, finally, but not in the way you wanted it to be like.
ohyul remained sitting down in his exact position. not moving. he blinked.
not past tense, not “i used to.”
for years, he questioned himself and lived with his unanswered feelings. he wondered if he’d imagined everything— the glances that lingered too long, the quiet jealousy, the way she and him stood too close together, the laughter. he had convinced himself he was the only one who felt it deeply— that maybe he had built this narrative in his head.
but you looked at him like it hurt to say it.
and suddenly, every memory rearranged itself. he let out a breath that he didn’t realize he was holding in.
the answer he’d been holding onto since 15 had finally been placed in his hands.
but it didn’t feel anything like relief.
because you didn’t say it softly. you said it overwhelmed. frustrated. sad. as if liking him had been heavy.
ohyul dropped his gaze to the floor, rubbing his eyes.
he had wanted confirmation for so long, but now everything felt sharper. he didn’t feel any type of rejection, the only thing he felt was the way your composure had cracked. the way you looked exhausted— like you were tired of pretending.
he wanted you to admit it.
he pressed on the bruise.
and when you finally gave him what he wanted, you walked away.
he had his answer. but it didn’t feel accomplishing. not how he anticipated it to be.
it had been a few days since you and ohyul last talked to each other. and you couldn’t lie, it was painful. but of course, you held that in well…. kind of. when you went home that night and went to your bedroom, hanjin knocked on your door— seeing you crying as you opened it for her. she pulled you into a hug, which you two had long conversations for that night. you told the other members of course, but not as detailed as you shared with hanjin.
during interviews, you kept the same persona, same bubbly personality with charisma, but as soon as you got into your dorm bedroom, you flipped. you were never the emotional type, but this was definitely taking a toll on you. being a newly debuted group, there were still shows you needed to attend as a part of your schedule. of course, every idol was here at this music show, including lngshot. lngshot and babydollz happened to cross each other a couple of times, bowing and showing respect. but between that-- there was ohyul and you. both left with heavy feelings.
you did a good job at not paying attention to ohyul like how you previously did before. at one point, you had to walk by yourself to the green room because one of the members needed their makeup powder, so you did them a favor. walking to the green room, you walked past ohyul. just ohyul. he wasn't with his group either-- and he didn't seem to be in a rush.
he looked over at you and bowed.
you kept walking past him.
he stopped in his tracks, turning his head back to look at you.
"did she ignore me?" is what he thought to himself. he awkwardly chuckled as another bypassing group bowed to him, seeing the interaction between you and him.
babydollz and lngshot coincidently both were nominated as the winners of the week... and babydollz took the win. on stage, they all bowed to each other, smiling brightly. the crowd erupted seeing the two groups interacting. ohyul smiled at you as he started to make his way off stage, but he received no smile or eye contact back. all you did was smile and actually directly look at the other members of lngshot.
"did you guys see what i just saw?" ohyul took the towel from the staff and wiped his neck as he exited off the stage of the music show with the rest of the members. ryul laughed as he hit woojin's back, "naaahh, she don't want you no more."
woojin spat, peering over at babydollz on the stage, "that's what you care about? pfttt, dude-- we lost."
"hey, i think they deserved it though. isn't this their first win?" louis emerged from behind him.
"we've only won one award too!" ryul said.
ohyul looked away, now staring onto the stage with you on it. he could care less about winning right now, what mattered was you and your feelings. "hey, let's stay here till they get done with their encore to congratulate them."
"you sure you're not suggesting that so you can say one word to y/n?" woojin rolled his eyes, crossing his arms.
ryul laughed loudly, "what's the one word he's going to say?"
"congrats." woojin spoke.
louis put his fist over her mouth as ryul giggled beside him. ohyul on the other hand though, looked dead serious.
"of course we should congratulate rookie groups, but if you really want to talk to y/n, do it another way. you are not confessing your love at a music show... i thought that was common sense." woojin spoke quietly towards ohyul only.
ohyul scoffed, "you don't think i know that?"
"oh... so you have a plan??"
ohyul shrugged woojin off as babydollz walked down the steps and into the back area. all of lngshot bowed 90 degrees, as babydollz bowed back and smiled.
"good job on your first win!" louis spoke.
"thank you!" rina cheesed.
as they were about to walk away, ohyul nodded his head at you, prompting you to stop.
because of your staff being present, you stopped in front of him, but not directly. by this point, you didn't feel much pressure as the other lngshot members were turned away. you nodded back to him, pursed lips.
"congrats. you deserved it," he paused, looking at the floor once before back up at you. "i told you your talent was idol worthy."
you didn't change your face. you licked your lips, letting a small sliver of a smile on your face show. then, you bowed, and walked away.
ohyul just watched as you walked the opposite way, leaving him standing there. if this was them 3 weeks ago, she would've been as bright as ever, happy that he even talked to her. now, it was the complete opposite.
back in his dorm, he laid sprawled onto is bed, back facing down and his phone in the air as he texted.
woonhak:
| i just saw that video of y/n and you on stage
| she still ignoring you?
woonhak:
| what u gonna do abt it?
ohyul:
| man
| idk how she dealt with me when i didn't wanna talk to her
| im prob feeling how she felt
woonhak:
| dont get so sulky now
| its not the end of the world............
| ........ not unless you arrange smth with her
ohyul:
| do u even think she would show up?
woonhak:
| sheeeeesh i meaaannn
| u never know until u try it
ohyul:
| no bc that could come across so creepy
woonhak:
| bro wasn't this the girl u used to hang out with everyday during high school?????
| this should feel easy as if it was like before
ohyul:
| i haven't talked to this "girl" in 4 years
| do u get it now
woonhak:
| aahhhhh riiiiight
| well....... idk what to tell u then
ohyul:
| thanks for the advice
woonhak:
| no problem!
| ok im joking
| dont go bc idk crap abt love
ohyul:
| its okay
| i expected this already
woonhak:
| ok wth is that supposed to mean
ohyul:
| im only joking
| im joking im joking
woonhak:
| ok WTV
| anyways, just go confess or smth
ohyul:
| i've been holding the confession back
woonhak:
| of rejection ?????
ohyul:
| that too
| but also that im going to do something stupid
ohyul:
| hm i think im done talking
| I've said too much
woonhak:
| i dont get it still
| wait
| WAIT
| EWWWWUUGHHHH
ohyul:
| your being dramatic now
woonhak:
| right.........
| ok go do what u gotta do
| jaehyun's yelling at me to get out the room
| BYE and good luck
| if u actually do it today
| lol
ohyul:
| hopefully youre not busy, meet me at [insert location].
you stared at the message.
this was the first time he had texted you since the last time you two talked in person.
you hated how you felt the little flutter in your heart seeing his text pop up. you were telling everything in your soul to not go talk to him, but those words he spoke to you today was more than normal... and slightly more comforting. you sighed, throwing your grey hoodie over your pajamas.
you stepped out of the cab, and walked over to the small cafe on the side of the street that was warmly lit from the lights inside. it was 8:12 PM. you didn't know what he wanted, but it felt as if he was a magnetic, pulling you towards him. it was always like that, it always felt like that.
as you got closer, ohyul just stood still beneath the small roofing of the cafe, looking straight as you. he looked tense. his hands were at his sides rather than being folded over the other like always, he looked like his old self... just more... restrained. you didn't make eye contact with him, until you stood in front of him, one foot away. you looked up. he just stared at you into your eyes, as if he was analyzing the color, or trying to read how you were feeling inside. your breath hitched, as silence filled the air for a minute.
"are you going to say somethi--"
it wasn't rushed. it wasn't dramatic. it was just one step that enclosed the space between the two of you.
your words died in your mouth as his hand lifted, hesitating for the briefest second near your cheek like he was asking for permission he knew you wouldn't give.
like as if he had replayed this in his head a thousand times before.
your eyes widened for s second, completely caught off guard. for a second-- you didn't move. but then, it turned into recognition, the warmth of him felt so familiar.
too familiar for the 4 years of distance you two didn't talk.
his hand settled lightly on your jaw, as if he was grounding himself.
you pulled away first. "ohyul--"
his forehead dropped against yours before you could finish, eyes closed, like he was exhausted from holding himself back for too long.
“i tried,” he murmured, voice low and rough. “i really tried not to do that.”
your heart pounded painfully against your ribs.
just weeks ago, he had been distant. guarded. looking at you like you were a memory he refused to touch.
now his hands trembled slightly at his sides, like he didn’t trust himself to reach for you again.
“when you confessed,” he continued quietly, opening his eyes to meet yours. “when you walked away… and I sat there thinking about it every night after.”
his gaze softened, but there was still hurt underneath-- years of it.
“i waited four years to hear you say you liked me,” he said. “do you know how messed up that is?”
you swallowed, unsure what to say, unsure where to stand, unsure how to protect yourself when he looked at you like this-- like the version of you he never stopped loving.
“i thought if I saw you again,” he admitted, voice barely above a whisper, “i’d be over it. i thought i’d be able to treat you like… just someone from the past.”
a faint, breathless laugh left him.
“but you show up,” he said, eyes searching yours, “and suddenly i'm back in high school again.”
the cafe lights glowed behind him, casting warm gold around his figure, and for a moment it felt exactly like before either of you were trainees, before stages and cameras and distance complicated everything.
his expression softened further.
“watching you walk away again…” his jaw tightened slightly. “i realized i don’t want to keep pretending i don’t still want you.”
you blinked, the words settling slowly in your chest.
for a moment, you didn’t trust your voice.
“…we never said anything back then,” you murmured, almost to yourself.
ohyul’s brows knit slightly, listening.
you let out a small breath, eyes dropping to the pavement between you.
“we acted like it was nothing,” you continued softly. “like we were just friends. but you're right… it was never just that.”
a faint smile tugged at your lips-- nostalgic, a little sad.
“the way you’d wait for me after school even when your practice ended hours earlier… the way you always listened to me complaining about everything…” you glanced up at him.
his lips parted slightly, surprised you noticed.
“i think we both knew,” you said. “we just… never said it out loud... until now."
the night air felt warmer suddenly, filled with memories neither of you had dared to revisit together.
“i was scared,” you admitted quietly. “that if we said it, everything would change. and when you told me you were becoming a trainee…” your voice wavered just a little. “it felt like I was already losing you before anything even started.”
ohyul didn’t interrupt. he just watched you, eyes softer than you’d ever seen them since reconnecting.
“i thought if i stepped away first,” you continued, fingers nervously twisting the sleeve of your hoodie, “it would hurt less. like i could pretend none of it was real.”
his shoulders relaxed slightly, the tension he’d carried easing as pieces finally clicked into place.
“you know what i remember?” he said gently.
“you saying you needed me,” he said. “and I went home that night thinking… that had to mean something.”
“well... it did,” you answered immediately. “i just didn’t understand what to do with it yet.”
the cafe door opened behind him briefly, warm chatter spilling onto the street before closing again, leaving just the two of you wrapped in your own quiet world.
“we were kids,” you said softly. “two people liking each other at the wrong time.”
ohyul studied your face, like he was relearning it-- noticing the small ways you’d changed, and the countless ways you hadn’t.
“i used to wonder,” he admitted, voice low, “if i imagined it. if i cared more than you did.”
you shook your head quickly.
“no,” you said, stepping just a little closer. “i think i liked you just as much..”
his breath caught faintly.
“it was always there,” you added. you smiled weakly. "we just… never actually spoke about it.”
ohyul smiled, letting his hand wrap around yours, cautiously. "well... we both know now."
you couldn't help but smile bigger, letting out a small embarrassed laugh. "can't believe i'm doing this with you."
"i could say the same thing." ohyul started to walk away from the cafe, leading you while holding your hand. "lets get a cab back to your dorm before i get in trouble."
louis, ryul, and woojin preufesly teased ohyul as they saw yours and his interactions. at the award show you both were attending, whenever you walked by him in the idol seating area, you and him smiled brightly at each other compared to other groups. "you guys seem happy... be careful, someone might clip that." ryul whispered to ohyul. "you jealous?" ohyul smirked. woojin sighed, nudging louis, "get a load of this guy, he finally gets with his high school crush and thinks he's all that now." louis shushed him, "other people are going to hear if you keep speaking that loud." woojin made a "tch..." sound as he grinned over at ohyul.
you scrolled on your phone, looking through the photos you and ohyul took behind the stage of the award show, sitting in your living room of your dorm.
it was a selfie taken backstage, the background slightly messy with cables, staff passing by, and racks of stage outfits blurred behind you. the lighting was soft and warm from the dressing room mirrors.
you were in full stage makeup, cheeks still flushed from performing, hair slightly messy from quick outfit changes. your head tilted toward the camera, lips pressed into a small smile that looked almost shy.
ohyul was right beside you-- too close to just be a casual photo.
he had leaned down to fit into the frame, shoulder brushing yours, one eyebrow raised playfully at the camera. his peace sign hovered near your cheek, but what gave everything away was his expression.
he wasn’t really looking at the lens.
soft. fond. completely unguarded.
hanjin peered over. her eyes widened. "what is that?!" she yelled.
you shoved your phone to your chest, staring behind you to see her mouth gaping.
"what what what---?!" gyuri sprinted towards the two.
"so that's what you've been happier?" hanjin pouted, "seriously, you didn't think to tell any of us about this relationship?"
"relationship..??? what?!" rina plopped right next to you.
"heh.... surprise?" you said awkwardly smiling.
"how long has this been going on???" hanjin whined.
you clicked your phone off before they could tear the phone from your grasp to investigate your phone. "it's only been 2 weeks... and we're not dating."
"two... weeks?!" rina cried.
ohyul:
| did you get home safe?
a small smile spread across your face before you could stop it.
outside, your members continued arguing over whether this counted as dating or not, but their voices faded into the background as you typed back.
because after years of missed timing, unsaid feelings, and growing up separately—
no running away.
no pretending.
just two people who finally found their way back to each other.
and for the first time since you were sixteen, holding onto him didn’t feel scary anymore.
