Misplaced Lens Cap
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Acquired Stardust
DEAR READER
One Nice Bug Per Day
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YOU ARE THE REASON
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
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@starfleetstripper
I can't believe it's already 2017
Guys I’m crying omg I was drunk please stop reblogging this
They want it to stop…..we reblog it to the extreme
No no no lol please don’t
Forever reblog until 2017
O my god no
i cant stop laughing
until 2017
only 3 more years.
I already added this to my queue, I don’t even know if i’ll still be on tumblr then
i love writing with ellipsis……. i love the drama…….. the mystery…….. you dont know what im going to say……. you keep waiting……. you think im gonna write some more…… well……. think again……….
An ellipsis is a set of three “…” if you add more than that, you’re just misusing the keyboard.
……………………….sure………………………………………
after dying god informs you that hell is a myth, and “everyone sins, its ok”. instead the dead are sorted into six “houses of heaven” based on the sins they chose.
We arrived first at the House of Lust. “House” is a misleading term. It was more of a camp, spread over acres and acres of lush forest. There was a white sandy beach (nude, of course) full of copulating couples. There were little cabins sprinkled all along the path, from which orgasmic moans regularly came belting out. Men with six pack abs and women with perky breasts strolled by without even noticing me and God. They only had eyes for each other, tickling and pinching each other with flirtatious giggles.
“What do you think?” God asked as we passed a nineteen-way taking place in a pool of champagne. Little cherubs flitted overhead armed with mops and cleaning supplies, thankfully. “Lust is our most popular sin.” I eyed the supermodel-like figures of a couple passing nearby, and could easily see why. “You can look however you want. Hell, you can be whatever gender you want. No fetish is too taboo, and no desire can be denied here.”
It was quite tempting, but I wasn’t ready to make a permanent decision here. “Let’s see the others,” I told God.
We carried on to Greed. We passed rows and rows of mansions, each more opulent than the next. Some of them were so large that they would have had enough bed rooms to fit my entire hometown. And so many different styles: one second, we were in a beautiful French vineyard in front of a gorgeous chateau with the Alps in the background. The next second, a warm tropical beach with a modern mansion atop breathtaking cliffs. After that, a ski chalet in Colorado with a roaring fire in a hearth large enough to fit an ox. Each one had various Italian sports cars and Rolls Royces parked in front, with the occasional smattering of boats, helicopters, etc.
“Any material desire you ever wanted,” God explained. “Your own world, where you can have everything. You want the Hope Diamond? You can fly to Washington DC in your own solid gold helicopter and buy it from the Smithsonian. Hell, you can just buy the Smithsonian.”
Also tempting, but I decided to keep looking.
Gluttony was next up. Tables and tables of the very finest foods: beautiful steaks cooked medium rare; butter-poached lobster tail; fresh oysters on a half shell; exotic wines in dusty bottles that had been hiding in the cellars of the world’s finest restaurants. Everyone had a glass of champagne in hand and simply lounged on couches and chairs near the tables, eating endlessly. As soon as the inhabitants took a bite, the food just instantly came back. My mouth watered even watching them.
“In every other House, the food is practically sawdust compared to Gluttony,” God explained. “You haven’t truly experienced heaven until you’ve been to Gluttony.”
I shook my head, and we kept moving.
Sloth was as you’d expect. An endless sea of the softest mattresses, stacked with cushions and pillows that made the story of the princess and the pea seem minimalist. Little angels visited each resident, giving them massages that made them all melt into their blankets.
Wrath was… well, a lot like what I’d expect Hell to be like. Fire, brimstone, whips, torture.. you know, the works. Except here, you weren’t the one being tortured. Every enemy you’d ever made in your real life was now under your thumb. “Lots of people choose their fathers,” God explained. “Lots of grudges against parents in general, you know. But you’re not limited to that. Someone beat you out for a big promotion back on Earth? Take your pound of flesh here.”
Then we arrived at Envy. It looked… well, a lot like home.
“Go on in,” God said, gesturing toward the door. I turned the knob and walked in… and found Emily waiting inside. She ran forward, wrapped her arms around my neck, and planted a kiss right on my lips. “Welcome home, honey.”
I looked back toward God. “Oh, don’t be coy,” he said. “You have no secrets from me. We all know that you were in love with your best friend’s wife.” She didn’t seem to hear him at all; she went back into the hall. “We all know that you just settled for your own wife while secretly pining after her. Well, this is your chance to live happily ever after.”
I peered into the kitchen. Emily was baking something, wearing nothing but an apron. Her curly black hair fell softly over her shoulder as she whisked ingredients. She turned back, noticed I was observing her, and an enthusiastic smile spread across her face.
“It’s what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it?” God whispered in my ear.
I wanted to take it. God damn did I want to take it. But I shook my head.
God seemed puzzled. “You need to make a decision,” he told me.
“I haven’t seen Pride yet.”
He scoffed. “No one ever wants Pride, trust me.”
“Well, I want to see it.”
_________________________
Pride was boring. Just a row of workbenches in a bare white room.
“I don’t get it,” I told God.
“Yeah, no one does,” he answered. “That’s why no one ever chooses it. Doesn’t cavorting in Lust sound better than sitting here building little trinkets for the rest of eternity? Wouldn’t you rather gorge yourself in Gluttony? Or spend time with Emily in Envy?”
I considered the options again. “I pick Pride,” I finally told him.
He narrowed his eyes. “What? Look at it!” He gestured around the room again. There wasn’t much to look at. “Why would you choose this for the rest of time?”
“Because you don’t want me to pick it,” I told him. If he was really God, he’d know what a contrarian I can be. And I knew he was hiding something, trying to pretend like Pride didn’t exist. There was something special about it.
God scowled back. “Fine.” He led me over to one of the workbenches. In the center, there was a black space. A blank, empty void that went on forever. “Here’s your universe,” he said. “You’ve got seven days to get started.” He took his seat at the bench next to me and went back to tinkering in his own world. After a long pause, he finally spoke again: “You know, it might be nice for me to actually have some company for once.”
FUCKING I MEAN.
IT’S LIKE 7AM AND I LOVE GONNA REBLOG SO I CAN READ THIS SHIT AGAIN
I still think it’s hilarious that the reason nobody ever figures out Superman’s secret identity or where he lives or what he does when he’s not saving the planet, is because he already told them all the Kryptonian stuff that can’t be tied to any of his human friends or family. I guarantee you the in-universe wikipedia article on Superman lists his name as Kal-El and the “personal life” section says that he lives full-time at his private fortress of solitude at the north pole. Nobody in the world looks at Clark Kent and thinks “oh my god, maybe he’s superman!” for the same reason nobody ever starts to suspect that their coworker who looks KINDA like Barack Obama is actually secretly Barack Obama – They know who Barack Obama is and know what he does and they know their coworker Greg is Greg and not Barack Obama. They have no reason to assume Barack Obama secretly moonlights as Greg The IT Guy at their workplace even though they’ve never seen Greg and Obama in the same place. At best, “Greg is secretly Obama” would be a running joke at the office, and the same is true at the Daily Planet. “Kal-El of Krypton, who lives in a CRYSTAL PALACE at the NORTH POLE and whose dayjob is SUPERMAN, sometimes puts on a suit and pretends to be a clumsy reporter and lives in a one-bedroom walkup in Metropolis” is a ridiculous concept to anyone who doesn’t already know it’s true
[From Max Landis’ amazing “American Alien” series about Superman.] SO GOOD
SCREAM 👏🏻 IT 👏🏻 TO 👏🏻 THE 👏🏻 BACK 👏🏻 SO EVERYONE 👏🏻 CAN 👏🏻 HEAR
His shit eating grin in the last one sells it
I love the idea of Clark Kent turning up to every office Halloween party in an ill-fitting Superman costume from Target.
Still one of my favorite clips from Superman: The Animated Series.
This has gotten bigger since I last saw it ant that’s FANTASTIC
Henry Cavill literally once stood in Time Square, in a superman t-shirt, under a giant poster of himself and no one recognised him, even though he was actively trying to be recognised.
I’ve never seen this post but it just became my favorite post on the internet
Wanna know the kicker?
In the first chapter of JLA’s “Divided We Fall Arc” both Clark and Bruce reveal their civilian identities to the rest of the League. This is post “Tower of Babel” where nobody but Clark still trusts Batman, and in order to start building trust again, Clark urges Bruce to unmask himself to the rest of the team because Bruce obviously knows who everyone else is. Bruce agrees on one condition, Clark has to “unmask” himself as well.
When the big reveal goes down, Kyle Rayner says it best re: Clark being Superman: “He doesn’t…wear a mask. I never even…thought he had a…day job…”
That’s right, the canon reason why nobody makes the connection between Superman and Clark Kent is because nobody thinks that Superman HAS a civilian identity.
Also, with a really good actor, Clark Kenting is entirely possible, as Christopher Reeve demonstrates in the 1978 Superman film.
There was actually a story where a scientist at Lexcorp developed a computer program to analyse all available evidence and work out who Superman is
It figured out he was Clark…and Lex fired the scientist for wasting company resources because he COULDN’T BELIEVE that Superman would ever “Pretend” to be human because it would mean pretending to be “Weak”
90% of Superman’s disguise is everyone else doing the work for him
the best secret identity of all.
I love every version of this post because they are all beautiful.
me at 15: why do my parents watch fuckin hgtv all day?
me at 25: damn the granite countertops really do make that kitchen pop
Fashion people are always lying for no damn reason b
i wish this was longer
when the teacher asks u bout that reading u were supposed to do for homework
Now that’s a curriculum I’d sign up for
Satans cool -Elliot
my new favorite thing is adding “bitch” to the end of famous and influential quotes not all those who wander are lost, bitch
if at first you don’t succeed, try again bitch
butch hartman is baiting me and im gonna stab him
but…cosmo gave birth to poof….how could you forget writing a canon mpreg into your own show?!
Cosmo fucked juandissimo is the only logical conclusion
okay u can make fun of Shrek all you want but if u don’t think they were the most beautiful fucking movies ever then ur wrong
united steaks of america
there has never been a more appropriate day to reblog this
I reblogged this exactly one year ago. how time flies.
People might not realize how groundbreaking this is to recognize in India.
This is art. A masterpiece, actually.
A true American hero
Iconic
10x04 | Paper Moon
Imagine wanting to spend billions on something so easily circumvented.
I guess lefties think that illegal aliens can walk on water.
Wow, you’re right. There’s a huge flaw in my post, I forgot that humans have no way to get across water. Thanks for pointing that out, I’ll get right on deleting this.
THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN
I’VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND THIS FOR SEVEN YEARS
DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT IS TO ?????
I’m fucking dying
That last fatal scream tho
IT IS BACK ON MY DASH THIS POST NEVER DIES WHO EVER PUT THIS UP IS A GOD.
THE TERROR IN HIS SCREAM OH GOSH
