Breaks (But it turns and evolves into something more like) ...,from life?
It's only the first night and what happens as soon as I sit up in bed? Anxiety, raw, hard anxiety mixed with this sensitivity towards my surroundings and this damn situation I got myself into, pulling me in and drowning me in an ocean of endless scenarios that go from bad to worse and just won't leave my mind for a single damn second and making me feel like an absolute mess; I am aware that I am having anxiety and that I am sensitive but the anxious and sensitive part has more control than the rational and calm part. So it's like I have to wait for the part that tells me I'm the absolute worst to finish its turn until the rational part can take over.
-I don't even know why I'm crying - I say as I grimace and feel the tears wet my eyes AGAIN - I know I'm crying because of my period - I'm already starting to ramble on - but i just..., WANNA die. - Saying it out loud was something I immediately regretted, I didn't mean it, in a way. No, I'm lying, I don't want to die God, life is wonderful - that last part sounds more like a stifled sigh than something genuinely hopeful - I just... I HATE THIS DAMN IT, it feels like - frustration mounts as I can't find a way to explain how I feel - my mind isn't even my own - I finally manage to formulate bitterly.
A few minutes later, lying in my bed I realize:
-this is going to be a loong break
Pd. (A line that just occurred to me)
"Incluso cuando te estás desmoronando, puedes ayudar a alguien."
"Even when you're falling apart, you can take somebody up."

















