The Starlight System

Hi we’re a system and I just wanted a place to talk about our system in a safe place

[starlight-system-log]

Do you think we can be okay?

[starlight-system-log]

Maybe there’s a world where all those magical things I was promised in life (friends, happiness, whimsy) are real. I just have to find a way to get to it

[cutiepieautistic]

Agere fluttershy stimboard

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This was a request!

*gif 9 is mine,f2u with credit!

[moonlitmeadowsys]

me a few years ago: why do i feel like i just came into existence when i was 12 or 13? why do i not really remember my childhood very well? why do i have such a horrible memory in general? why do my identity and behaviors vary so drastically?

me now: oh

[fairie-angel-deactivated2024080]

let’s play a game of Who’s Fronting?! anyway nobodys right everyones wrong and someone is crying somewhere

[unstablemotions]

Hey, you! You who suspect you might have PTSD, DID or another trauma disorder, but you think you didn't experience trauma "bad enough" to have developed a mental disorder from it? Let me suggest looking at it differently:

"If there's smoke, there's fire"

Do you experience symptoms of PTSD, such as hypervigilance, trouble sleeping, flashbacks, memory problems, dissociation, ect? Then yes, it was "bad enough". Maybe you don't remember anything "really bad" happening or you don't "feel like" it affects you, but listen to your body. The body remembers and the body doesn't care if you think it is "stupid" or "weak" to have a panic attack when someone touches you or that you still have nightmares about that thing you saw when you were 4 years old

Trauma isn't what happened. Trauma is the reaction to what happened. So what I'm trying to say is that if the reason you think you can't have PTSD/DID/OSDD/ect is because you didn't go through anything horrific enough for that, then maybe forget about what happened to you for a moment and just look at the evidence your body and mind are showing. And then, most importantly, be compassionate with yourself. You're going through a lot and it's gonna be okay in the end. Take it easy, okay? <3

[thebigcrow]

Hey, shout out to systems with "frustrating" or "socially bad" traits.

systems who seem indecisive, "hot and cold", disloyal, dishonest, etc. to others due to subtle switches, passive influence, amnesia barriers, etc. between headmates with very different opinions, wants, and moods

systems who have headmates with "scary" attributes/symptoms, like hallucinations, delusions, anger issues, hypersexuality, low/no empathy, selfishness, need for attention, etc. especially those afraid they're perpetuating the "evil alter" stereotype

systems who never know who's fronting. especially those with memory barriers, those who struggle with feeling any sense(s) of personhood, and/or those who struggle to keep close bonds with people due to this

systems who struggle with meltdowns, tantrums, outbursts, pathological demand avoidance, poor sense of social norms, and other tendencies/issues that make being social or just existing in public difficult

systems with fluctuating sexualities and/or triggers that make it difficult to remain with a partner/partners (or to date in the first place)

systems who infight in-system and have trouble making decisions without intense internal backlash

systems who have trouble keeping self care (and may go out of the house dirty/disheveled) due to other mental illness or due to frequent fronters being unmotivated, forgetful, or having sensory issues or triggers that interfere with self care tasks

systems whose "self defense" relies on people pleasing, avoiding stressors, getting overly defensive, or getting angrier than "reasonable"

You are loved, you are appreciated, you deserve to be a part of society, you deserve to be happy, you deserve to be understood and given patience... you deserve to be able to create, love, heal, be respected, be treated like your own age, to lead, to have a voice, to feel safe.

[starlight-system-log]

So everything’s broken down again, and it has me questioning everything. Whether or not we’re actually a system, what’s real or not, whether or not i’m just experiencing hallucinations. I just don’t know anything anymore.

But what has me confused rn is just how much barriers broke after a smoke session. And what i’m meant to do about it. I do feel more capable to navigate my outer life. And maybe a bit about how to treat myself (and my potential headmates) better.

I just wonder if other systems (who have used weed) have that experience too. Or if i’m really just playing myself.

[chruei]

Bye

[starlight-system-log]

Nothing like not fully fronting for a while only to realize I’ve been gone 2 years. TWO???? YEEAARRSS????? Just….

[kenaim]

[moon-mann]

ع

[bloodyl1ps]

this post hasn't left my mind since i've first saw it

[sonicrainbooms]

people jest but this is literally how i worked out i was gaslit for like 15 years of my life

[aphony-cree]

People who “want trauma” are recognizing, on some level, that they were traumatized but in a way that’s not “socially recognized” as trauma. What they really want is for people to see that they’ve been traumatized and be on their side

[respected-demon]

Hold up

[portraitoftheoddity]

I think it’s also important to talk about mental illness, and how the pain and trauma of being mentally ill as a kid is often diminished because of the lack of outside actors. If you spent your childhood being suicidally depressed because your wee little kiddo brain decided to be a chemical shitshow, it doesn’t matter how much mom and dad loved you, that kinda thing fucks you up. And having people only look at your external surroundings and argue that “nothing bad happened” ignores all the pain you went through internally. So wishing you could have something external you could point to in order to justify that pain and enduring stress -- just so people could understand -- makes sense. 

[roach-works]

fun fact! for most of my teen and adult life i wished passionately--and with a ton of guilt and horror too obviously--that i would get breast cancer or some kind of brain tumor, so that Real Doctors could say ‘my god! something’s really wrong with her!’ and then go in and CUT WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME OUT OF MY BODY and then everyone would say ‘wow all this time there really was something wrong with you, how brave you were! how strong!’ and then i would be Fixed.

anyway it turns out i’m transgender and really really really not neurotypical like at all. so like. that figures. 

[ruffboi-mags]

Yeah anecdotally the cancer thing seems to have been a common one, myself and like three other people I've known (minimum) had that one.

[serotonin-syndrxme]

oh so when marc spector has DID he gets a fancy suit but when i have DID i just get to stare blankly into space thinking about trauma every day. sounds unfair but ok

[evieri]

i’m tired of the misinformation being spread online.

the truth? DID is not performative. it is largely internal. switches usually are not super dramatic, alters do not have to think and act drastically different from each other in order to be separate alters, and not every alter needs to have a 100% consistent pattern of behavior. co-fronting and co-conning is common, lines are blurred, it’s not as black and white as the little people in your phone make it out to be. it is not always obvious when someone has DID & it is not always obvious when a switch has happened. lots of systems are designed to be covert for protective reasons. alters can impersonate the host. alters can have similar voices. lots of systems use i/me pronouns by default. masking is a real thing. DID absolutely is a spectrum and every system is different. a covert expression of symptoms is valid and acceptable and even normal. you don’t need to be aware of every one of your alters, it’s ok to confuse different alters and not always interpret things perfectly, not everyone has a headspace or functional communication with the rest of their system. alters may have varying levels of understanding of their system. it is not all cut and dry. you don’t have to know everything about your system, you don’t need to be super attuned to your inner world. it isn’t always like that.

when you pretend to have DID and create a caricature of it based on the most publicized symptoms, you are harming a very vulnerable group of people with a very highly stigmatized disorder. just stop.

[starlight-system-log]

The way Moon Knight makes me so happy because like I see someone that is so much like me be a superhero, go through hardships, kicks ass, and is the good guy. Like I know I have psychosis’s (as well as things that aren’t technically psychosis’s but are seen as such), I know that my symptoms would be seen as dangerous and bad to the ignorant. And yes symptoms not exactly easy to manage. But to see similar symptoms portrayed in a way that isn’t like demonic or dangerous. And to see someone with similar symptoms and still be seen as the good guy, and people still love and want him around. Makes me happy man.

Also like the little things of Marc and Steven hugging during their reunions, the derealization/depersonalization around mirrors, the sense of quiet and peace being scarier and more horrible than death, the anxiety and confusion around blackouts, the acceptance and having to go with the flow around amnesia. Like fuck man that’s me!!! That me!!! :D

[starlight-system-log]

I miss feeling comfortable. Knowing who I am and that this body belongs to me.

[starlight-system-log]

If I could be nitpicky for a second:

Making it like there’s an original, a core, whatever term you want to use feels out of date or rather an incorrect way of describing DID/OSDD. Something I guess is hard for other people to grasp is: there was/is no original because a singular identity (for lack of a better word) was never given the chance to form it’s always been plural. 

Also like the scales only balancing when Steven is dead. Fuck off, disrespectfully. Systems are not broken or half full or whatever. We are each complete on our own and together we are complete. Also what about Jake that’s been hinted at this whole time and if systems are broken or incomplete like the show writes then Jake and Marc are still connected in some way like Steven and Marc were so the scales should have been unbalanced still because Jake is still “alive.”

Anyway that’s enough of that. I know I’ve been just pointing out the negatives. But the show is actually pretty good. I’m still enjoying it and excited to see where it goes. But just a couple things that just kinda irked me. Otherwise glad to see some better rep for systems.