dirtbag who yearns @starryeyed-cynic - Tumblr Blog

hear ye, hear ye!

an intro post for thee!

•

i’m aevan and i go by it/he/they pronouns:)

i’m transmasc and agender. for me my body is a vessel that’s cool, customizable, and entirely unique to me and i find that beautiful, weird, and fun. i don’t really feel any connection to gender at all and never really felt like i fit in a gendered box. i’m just me, im just some guy, a thing even (/pos). i love it/its pronouns because they just feel like me, they feel weird and unique, and strange, and that feels fitting. i also enjoy he/him pronouns as they feel strangely affirming, cause it’s not necessarily right nor is it necessarily wrong. they/them im honestly entirely neutral on because like, yeah, technically i fit in that box but like, really? out of all the options? she/her im neutral on because i honestly still feel a strange and difficult bittersweet connection to my femininity and how people perceive me when gendering me as she/her. i don’t hate it or dislike it, i just try not to think about it at this point in my life because of how complex it will be to unpack. im queer asf and honestly it feels like the right label for me sexuality and even a bit gender wise

with that all being said, i also have many interests and have a lot of autism stored in this vessel of a body.

i’m a big fan of philosophy, nature, art, music, and many other things.

i’ve spent a lot of time hiking and writing music in my life and i love to yap so so much. i spend a lot of time thinking and pondering while shmorkin shmeed.

i’ve been through a lot and i like to write about it as well as vent on here, which i will always tag and warn should it be a triggering subject. i try my best to be mindful of others and im endlessly curious of everything and always have been. if i ever word things wrong or speak improperly im always up for corrections and learning:)

i call myself the stary-eyed cynic because i believe myself to be hopelessly hopeless and naively optimistic, while also being jaded and scared all at once.

i try to enjoy the bittersweet in life because grey emotions and experiences are so hard for me to grasp due to my bpd (which i actively am working on through therapy and meds as well as other medical stuff yadda yadda). so feeling bittersweetness is a way of enjoying a version of greyscale experiences. i also got some crazy adhd and my fiancé can testify to this, especially when i forgot to take the anti-forgetting meds.

i love poetry and the artistry of humanity and the complexity of it never ceases to amaze me.

that all being said, i look forward to learning more about those of you who care to join me on my journey through this weird side to the internet.

smooches darlings ( ˘ ³˘)♥︎

p.s. here have some fob that i used to relate to

quezify

eggpril showers bring may flowers 🌼

#art

t-s-n-deactivated20250205

me getting silly in the pussy if im being honest ?

pococurantina

could you lie

#my beeb #me when beeb

pangur-and-grim

I think some of the loneliness of autism is that you feel like you hurt people just by Interacting Wrong, but you don’t know how to Interact Right, and the more effort you put into it, the more exhausted you are and the more artificial it comes across (with the end result of people still being upset with you). and it’s not anyone’s fault for not liking Being Interacted With Wrong, and it’s not your fault for doing it so wrong, but it is very, very lonely.

#my me #me too

quezify

goth eggs inspired by deborah czeresko

sanguine-scales

i think something a lot of people don't get is that years of mocking your child, even in jest, does in fact tend to get under their skin

sanguine-scales

a decade or two of even light verbal harassment is very much accentuated when it's an authority figure you are in every meaningful way subservient to

crabanarchy

I can tell my evil advisor has been feeling down lately so I've been pretending to take big sips from his cursed chalice and then roaming the palace grounds groaning and clutching my abdomen. Lowkey I know it's deceptive but I can tell it's really cheering him up. I heard him evilly cackle for the first time in weeks. WIBTA if I keep doing this

crabanarchy

UPDATE: I think I may have gone too far on this. I was making a whole production of being stupefied and enfeebled after he brought me my morning pistachio frappe. I had my manservant bring me to my chambers so I could cough weakly in my bed with the sunshine falling weakly across my pallid face because I know he really likes that but he didn't even smile and I heard him whispering "I didn't even poison that one" to his dark serpent. Now he hasn't even whispered maliciously into my ear all day and the servants say they saw him alone in his chambers bouncing his scrying orb into the wall. Should I come clean and apologise or do I try to make it seem like someone else poisoned me? It might cheer him up to have an imaginary rival to plot against

georgeromerosanalcavity

whatever. i don’t even care. *visibly rock hard and leaking at the tip*

#my me #me too #my beeb #me when beeb

quezify

arcade carpet egg based on @melissadiamond's suggestion

sleepyjim2

i truly forget how actually famous drag path is outside da clique i forget most ppl probably associate it with the fuckin democratic party of us tiktok account anf the tiktok trend edits or whatever

konoko

starryeyed-cynic

or for your consideration

#my me #me too #me when i choose for life to be blurry not without glasses but through their lenses #i love when i lose my glasses everyday #am i sleeping on them or have they fallen in the crevice who knows #jinkies my glasses i can’t see without my glasses

i will use my ex’s mom’s puffer while coughing like a maniac due to overdoing it on the bong till the day I die (it runs out) ╭∩╮ᵔᴥᵔ╭∩╮

#my me #shweed posting #stoner posting #trans stoner #fuck you and all that you are you tried so hard to ruin me but i will rise like the phoenix you so desecrate #oops i’m venting on main

easternhognose

I'm not really a fan of 'Protect the dolls' becoming the new media slogan for trans rights. 'Trans men are men trans women are women' had it problems absolutely, centering cis people for our validity and either leaving out or clumsy including nonbinary people with a slapped on 'nonbinary people are...also alive'. But I just watched some red carpet interviews and, while I don't give two shits what an actor I've never heard of from a show I don't watch things about me, I do find it interesting and a little concerning that the majority of people when asked what message they would give to the Trans community on Trans day of visibility just said protect the dolls or acknowledged their fashion, hair, makeup, music genre, ect won't exist without trans women. It feels like trans mascs are only seen as people designed to protect trans women and trans women only exist to be beautiful and fragile. When bathroom bans were first becoming really popular a few years ago I would see posts from white cis passing able bodied post op trans men in women's bathrooms to try and be some kind of got ya to conservatives completely ignoring how many trans men and mascs are harmed, assaulted, and killed by these laws. And I don't like the cis savior idea that trans women need cis people to protect them either. Idk I just think that like trans men need protection too, And trans women deserve love and respect even when they are not fabulous, And trans people don't need cis people to save us.

catboy-tdick

rox-and-prose

One of my least favorite mental illness things is "hungry but dont feel like eating" and its companions "hungry but all the food in the house is Illegal," "hungry but can't make anything," and "hungry, want to eat, but why bother"

chatdomestique

Also the adhd friend “hungry but unaware of hunger because current activity is too captivating”

rox-and-prose

"Hungry but I'll get to it later"

jabberwockypie

“Definite not hungry, nope, but upon forcing oneself to eat something, discovering that the food vanished in 30 seconds and the pervasive feelings of ickiness all vanished, what the fuck"