You Just Lost The Game

cameron 26 no pronouns don’t refer to me   ⋆   studying computer science so i can be my dad's favorite redbubble   ⋆   art/writing blog: felivora poll blog: fmk-polls old side blogs are fully inactive   ⋆   motherfrogger occasionally post/reblog nsfw content, follow at your own discretion   ⋆   pfp picrew   ⋆   hellsite citizen since 9/4/13, 9:37:44 pm

[chatdomestique]

I spent a fucking hour lamenting how I’m nauseous and I need to puke and I can’t believe I’m sick, what could I have possibly eaten recently to make me sick, and I really feel like I need to puke, god fucking dammit why can I never puke even when I’m nauseous—

yeah no I just needed to eat lmfao

[jan-liliten]

op turned off reblogs but also i respect that they turned them off for a reason but i still want the post here so i removed their name

[foldingfittedsheets]

I had this truly awful lady I worked with many years ago. She was rude, callous, and generally pretty unpleasant. She was exceptionally homophobic to my face. She told me incredibly upsetting stories about animal abuse.

But even with all that negative karma I don’t think anyone deserves to have their boyfriend literally die on them while having sex.

Which is what happened to her.

He orgasmed and apparently that ruptured a blood vessel somewhere important can’t remember if it was brain but I think so and he died with his dick still inside her which I’m pretty sure is the kind of thing that should guarantee you free therapy for the rest of your life.

But the craziest part was that she performed CPR and actually managed to restart his bodily function which is absolutely mind boggling. Can you imagine going from mid coitus to life saving procedure? The presence of mind she must have had. It’s bonkers.

Ultimately, he didn’t live. While she’d gotten his body going his brain never resumed function and he passed a few hours later.

But because she’d kept his heart beating he was at the hospital when he died and he was an organ donor. They were able to harvest his organs under ideal conditions. Even though she didn’t save him she did save three or four other people by resuscitating him.

[rbsqp]

[harpieisthecarpie]

i couldn't decide on one reaction image but uh

[foldingfittedsheets]

DO YOU THINK I’M JUST GOING TO LET YOU GET AWAY WITH BEING FUNNIER THAN ME?! Right in front of my salad?!?!?

[rainwasheseverythingaway]

My first reaction comment when reading this to my teens: he came and then he went

My 17yo: talk about a pump and dump

My 15yo: pussy game so good he got upgraded to the big death

[taydivorce]

*scrolling tumblr* hmmm. i agree with the sentiment of this post, but the phrasing feels off to me. it doesn’t really have that Reblog factor, you know? *scrolls* oh good, a post that just says “i jerk off till my penis scrweam” . i better reblog this

[detectivehole]

emperor kuzco was clearly gay

[detectivehole]

hes 19, with unlimited power, and he ain’t got a gf. the only time we see him interact with any women his own age is when he’s rejecting like 7 of them rapid fire. he pretends to date pacha in a gag that lasts like 10 solid minutes. listen to me god damnit

[qqueenofhades]

Okay, but just in case anyone is coming to tumblr dot com for my hot takes on 20+ year old kids' movies: Kuzco super WAS gay (or at least coded as such) and of course, I didn't get it until I watched it as a gay grownup.

He is played obviously camp and dramatic, for a start, and there is the aforementioned "hate your hair/not likely/yikes yikes yikes/let me guess you have a great personality" summary dismissal of all his potential brides. Then he spends dinner asking Yzma about Kronk ("so he seems nice? He's what, in his late twenties?") and otherwise being slightly obsessed with him.

Then there is the whole Adventure of Doom with Pacha, him being ever huffy about the Kiss of Life, and then the restaurant gag where Kuzco takes to playing Pacha's fake wife and dressing up in ladies' clothing with great gusto (reinforced by the waitress' "bless you for coming out in public" remark when Pacha says they're on their honeymoon). Then when he is finally de-llamafied, we don't see him paired off with the obligatory girl from the lineup earlier, as might otherwise be expected in a Disney movie. Instead he is still single, but goes to found family it up with Pacha, Chica, Kronk, etc, which dare we remark is a very queer trope.

In short, I have no idea how a Disney movie with no white people (all the characters are Indigenous/people of color), a gay king, cross-dressing jokes, and the most offbeat plot of all time actually ever got made (can you imagine the Family Friendly Mouse doing that today? Let us also talk about Kronk because he is a brilliant deconstruction of both toxic masculinity and the musclebound henchman stereotype.) Other than that this was the Chaos Hour of animated movies in the late 90s/early 2000s, and yes.

So yes. There you have it. I will not be taking criticism at this time.

[flavinbagel]

In response to the question “How did a movie like this get made at all much less by fucking Disney?” there was a recent Vulture article that outlines the whole shit show of a history behind this film according to everyone (writers, directors, VAs, Stings) involved. The gist of the story is that they fucked up making a whole, true-to-form Disney musical that never came to see the light of day SO BADLY that Disney switched directors, locked the writer’s room, and didn’t review a single script until weeks after the film was in theaters.

Please, read this article if you have some time. This story is wild, and involves directors being pitted against each other Bake-Off style and a shockingly intimate documentary created by the wife of Sting who, himself was heartbroken by the decimation of the songs he wrote for the film including cutting a fantastic Yzma villain song sung by Eartha Kitt that is SO DAMN GOOD but would not ever have fit the more nailed-down Yzma we would eventually come to know and love. It’s so catchy though, I’m doubling up on calls to action but please listen now:

[theterriblethingabouttulio]

holy shit read the article. it’s worth it and completely batshit

[kat-witha-k]

This is fucking insane

[brightlotusmoon]

[mod2amaryllis]

I've never adequately appreciated the batshit brilliance of this joke, I've taken it for granted

[worldheritageposts-official]

World Heritage Post

[stimman3000]

“oh you wouldn’t identify as transgender if you hadn’t been exposed to other trans people and learned what being transgender was” you’re right! i’d identify as suicidal

[unknought]

social contagion is good actually

[tanadrin]

“better for people to be miserable in the right way than happy in the wrong way” is the inescapable conclusion of a lot of social conservatism

[gowns]

[whisperingsoup]

👏👏

[24602060451-deactivated20241111]

Customer: NIER AUTOMATA. VIDEO GAME DMV: 2 BLUNTS 9 SLUTS

Verdict: DENIED

[kalichnikov]

They were cooking with this interpretation actually

[liache]

i love that we and cats share pareidolia (seeing patterns where they dont exist), but instead of seeing faces in everyday objects like us, they see snakes

that computer cord? snake. string? small snake. cucumber? short fat straight snake

[yiffmaster]

snake pareidolia is one of the strongest things in human minds too! people report freezing mid-stride before being consciously aware of a snake in front of them, and the same happens with coiled rope, etc. in humans and other primates. it’s even been proposed that the need to detect snakes was a factor in the development of primates’ insanely good color eyesight

[ehlbee]

It’s because snakes are wonderful and we must stop and admire them at any cost

[roycohn]

gay men brought back 70s mustaches, lesbians brought back 80s mullets, and now straight dudes are just walking around with both thinking they stumbled onto this styling choice by accident. say the line meryl (cerulean sweater monologue but specifically about how gay culture creates taste)

[untitledgoosegay]

-- The Faggots & Their Friends Between Revolutions

[psychotic-gerard]

knew this woman who used to be a gay man and when he was a gay man he liked ‘ironically’ referring to himself as she/her and so when he came out as a woman he decided the next logical step was to also switch his pronouns to he/him.

[skarnish]

[tammog]

[melismasthmatic]

dying laughing at this genuinely unedited pic from the boston subreddit. innsmouthians stay safe out there today #CthulhuFhtagn

[massachusetts-official]

Official Post of Massachusetts

[zinjanthropusboisei]

It's pretty great

[homunculus-argument]

Imagine that one day as you're walking on a hot sunny path, your hat jumps off your head and lands into a muddy ditch. And you look at your muddy hat and ask it: "What did you do that for?"

"I don't want to be a burden anymore", your hat answers. "You are always carrying me around, and I can't carry you. That's not fair."

"I don't mind carrying you, little idiot", you tell your hat, "you hardly weight anything at all, and you shelter me from the sun."

"But that's different", your hat protests. "I don't mind the sun scorching on me. That happens anyway. It's literally no trouble for me to shade you too."

"Just the same it's no trouble for me to carry you. But now, because you wanted to stop inconveniencing and bothering me, I am now hatless and you are in the dirt."

[jantesika]

hello Aesop; how's the underworld been?

[homunculus-argument]

Every day I wake up and Hades kicks me in the nuts.

[redstonedust]

gay sex walkthrough 100% all secrets & bonus levels no commentary

[crazymuffin1]

gay sex truehomo% glitchless sub7min WR

[redstonedust]

gay sex alternate ending cut content & easter eggs explained

[dragon-in-a-fez]

there's a group of high school boys in this McDonald's and I just heard one of them say "I bet you you cannae break your own arm" so something interesting might happen shortly

[pangur-and-grim]

saw someone saying that my new book sounds too convoluted, and can I just say, what the fuck is so convoluted about a brain slug alien taking over the Canadian parliament and then getting run over by a truck and isekaid into a fantasy world where a goddess tasks him to kill the demon lord and reincarnates him into a pale twink but he falls in love/lust with a spider centaur instead? hello????

[rorschachisgay]

genuine sincere question but why does he need to be in canada at all at the start. why set it up with him being an alien in a foreign world he is unfamiliar with and is strange to him, meaning he has no real attachment to it or knowledge of it, and then immediately send him to a different world that he is unfamiliar with. why not just have an alien crash on a fantasy world would that not have the same effect entirely? lands a spaceship on top of the supposed chosen one of the dark goddess and then has to awkwardly take their place until the spider romance gets in the way? i see the appeal of the sci-fi and fantasy blend but i don't get why the canada bit has to be there like, thematically or structurally, so I'm wondering what the appeal of it is for you to have it set up in this way

[pangur-and-grim]

no worries, I have an extremely easy answer! I am Canadian

[despazito]

[iridesia]

[itsjunetime]

clowngirl getting an orchiectomy and the surgeon just keeps removing ball after ball after ball after ball after

[estrogenesis-vaporeongelion]

clown nurse standing by solemnly adding each successive ball to the ones she's already juggling