There Is Only Chaos

Everyone needs a place for chaotic nothings

[mephistopheles]

hi so yeah im trying to find the hotel california and i know i have to take the highway to hell but i accidentally turned left onto the boulevard of broken dreams. i took the first hard right onto the rocky road to dublin cuz i thought it would loop back around but it didnt lol and i know im waaaaaay off course bc i just drove by the house of the rising sun haha. so how many miles until i get to the hotel

[mephistopheles]

500 MILES?!?!?!

[mephistopheles]

this blows i shouldve taken the old town road to where the streets have no name. i cant believe i have to drive 500 miles. wait hang on i have to what.

[mephistopheles]

hallelujah im almost there! i walked across the bridge over troubled water and through the tunnel of love. i can see signs for paradise city which means im not far from funkytown! it’s been a long long time since i was there. anyway i don’t wanna linger here sooooo what do i do after i walk 500 miles

[mephistopheles]

FUCK this. FUCK this and FUCK your hotel. YOU wanna walk on and on and on then you can go your own way but IM heading back to my fast car and getting on the road again. fuuuuuck i’m exhausted and i literally need a place to stay the night and wait wait okay rant cancelled. some guys are telling me there’s no need to feel down 

[mephistopheles]

oh what a night! that sure was fun! but im out in the boonies and still need to get home haha so let’s see. ummmm i left my car on penny lane after i got in a teensy little accident (you will not believe what i was struck by). the car is fine fortunately! it’s just farms around here tho so like i don’t rlly know how the hell im gonna get back to my house but WHOAAAAA wait yeah. that’ll do it. guys i just remembered something really great about country roads 

[gouged-doll]

[userfish]

my ducks? in a row. the elephant? addressed. my goose? cooked. my eggs? in several baskets. the bigger fish? fried.

[creez-un-compte]

Your monkeys ?

[thereisalesbianintheforest]

those aren’t mine.

[petshopbutch]

submissive in the way a livestock guardian dog is submissive to the sheep it kills wolves for

[petshopbutch]

love how much attention this post is getting i knew the gay people in my phone would understand me. btw here's the picture that inspired me to make this post in the first place:

[ch0co-c0rn3t-lov3]

DO NOT DOWNLOAD TUMBLR it will install a virus on your device called tumblr

[should-be-sleeping]

I keep fish and sometimes breed them (free fish hack). At the moment I have some beautiful fellows that are getting up there in age, so it's time to create more.

I separate all of my fish by their gendies as soon as you can possibly tell them apart to keep the population of my tanks where I want it, and to prevent inbreeding (and all of the complications that stem from that). These lads have effectively never seen a girl.

When I added the female to continue their legacy, they didn't know what to do. So they did what any respectable man might do in that confusing situation: ignored her and continued having sex with each other.

So preoccupied with one another are they that I'm honestly not sure if they will ever include her in any way that matters. Their bloodline ends with gay sex, and tbh, I kinda love that for them.

The g in lgbtq stands for guppy. 🌈

[should-be-sleeping]

As if to mock me directly, they are now going out of their way to have sex in front of her while she just floats there like

[should-be-sleeping]

I've turned off the light so that maybe they'll include her by accident. 🤫

[should-be-sleeping]

Free fish!

(Created by accident in the dark.)

[should-be-sleeping]

I need you all to know, I sat on this news for 72 hours, closely monitoring, waiting for more to be born and this is it. There are 4 of them. 😂

[stevishabitat]

[should-be-sleeping]

Asdfghjkl

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

"Accidentally discovered straight sex while confused in the dark" is like. The opposite of a porn premise.

[should-be-sleeping]

I'm down to the last 9 fish and have given up selective breeding in desperation and just made the largest aquarium co-ed. They simply will NOT have heterosexual sex. I'm at wits end. Like please include the females. I'm begging. 🙇

The lights are off. My fingers are crossed. There are 0 fry. It's been months.

[tr1ckfuneral]

Suicide ideation is so weird. Making a lovely apple pie while thinking of bleeding out in the tub.

[bisexualwario]

[20th-centuryghost]

sorry this was going to be a tags addition because I only get to use my coated pantone swatchbook like 6 times a year when i have a new enamel pin to design, but...

METALLIC GOLD PANTIES ????

[purlturtle]

[mayfay]

[horsegirlboy]

[ID: a tag reading, “#don’t eat citrus if you have any mental health problems #the vitamin C is so bad for you” end ID]

losing my fucking mind over how people will come on here and say just the easiest to disprove absolutely inane lies. for no reason at all

[stranger-nights-ahead]

This is so funny because of how long a chain of telephone it is. The starting point is that grapefruit juice SPECIFICALLY can interact negatively with several mental health medications (notably, not amphetamines). Then this tumblr post* and MULTIPLE NEWS ARTICLES got popular, stating that consuming anything acidic (including vitamin C) within an hour of taking your ADHD meds would render them ineffective. In reality, a large dose of vitamin C taken directly with an amphetamine-based ADHD medication has the potential to cause a minor dampening effect, but has no effect on other ADHD meds. 

These presumably got filtered/combined into the idea that vitamin C is bad to take with ANY mental health meds, which then got turned into the idea that if you have mental health problems, scurvy may be right for you!

[ashelyskies-deactivated20241121]

also turned into the myth that citrus nullifies HRT

[jasperwocky]

if you have any sort of chronic inflammation take your damn vitamin C please it's so important i'm begging uou please

[armengoldira]

[drdougdouglass]

[doggofactory]

[slimegirldick]

These are possibly the best tags I've ever seen. Tomato schlorpus indeed

[captain-price-returns]

Fourteen Years in Prison for Quoting Hamas? New Law Could Criminalise Journalists

Starmer is rushing legislation through parliament that experts say threatens free speech, public interest journalism and international human

[drfreakphd]

@isuggestrevolution do you have any ideas

[transgenderer]

When I say "godspeed" (I say it a lot) I like to imagine I'm a member of a futurism religion that worships velocity above all else. Like its the standard well-wishing in my culture. Speedliness is next to godliness. Someday we'll catch him! And the closer we get the more he loves us

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I like to imagine that I'm referring to a drug that induces apotheosis.

[red-garden]

MAGA boomers SHOCKED by 20y/o commie speaking fluent hog

[red-garden]

Hog 201 for anyone interested in trying this:

Bodily autonomy (like abortion, anti draft, etc) -> “The government shouldn’t be able to force anything on my body I don’t want.”

Anti surveillance -> “I don’t trust big government/big tech (big brother if you’re feeling frisky) with the ability to spy on me and my family.”

Immigration -> “Next to all of us immigrated at some point, I don’t see why the elites get to decide who’s allowed to be where. What’s to stop them coming for me?”

Climate Change -> “Big oil shouldn’t get to determine whether or not I get to go places. I don’t want to be dependent on some big business to survive.”

State Violence -> “I don’t want the goddamn secret police breathing down my neck! I trust my community a whole hell of a lot more to help me than I do the state!”

The vast majority of conservatives think of themselves as underdogs being repressed by the government/the elite, and they value personal freedom (specifically their personal freedom, they don’t care about other people). The will almost always agree with leftist points if you can find a way to blame the problem on their vague enemies (useful, since rich people are the root of most problems), and tie it back to their ability to say fuck everyone else. NEVER appeal to science, theory, logic, or human goodness. Make it seem as if you are a paranoid lunatic who trusts no one. They love it.

[dinosaurjam]

#you need to tailor your arguments to people's existing values and priorities if you want to convince them #the flip side is that it's every bit as easy to tailor conservative arguments to convince a leftist audience #so don't get smug #you're not immune to this either <- prev extremely true

[farmgf]

what the FUCK is going on right now. what is going on

[farmgf]

this post is so funny because it has over 10k notes and no context but all you have to do is look at the time stamp to know exactly what the context is

[bogleech]

bat opens up their little bat wallet to find they are all out of moths. A worthless $100 bill flies out for emphasis

[poondragoon]

From top-of-frame, a month flutters into the wallet. Confused, the bat looks "up" to see an equally-confused human standing "above" her, holding an open wallet containing a single $100 bill.

Camera rotates to reveal bat has been hanging upside down above a human doing the exact same visual gag and each ruined the other's bit.

Laugh track.

[legov7]

[realdonkeykong]

All so true. Why is the human Jon Arbuckle

[segamascott]

[dragon-in-a-fez]

top notch interaction I had with the ambulance crew after my accident a couple years back:

paramedic: hi, I'm Allan

me: you told me. and your colleague is Jim, and the man who found me is Peter. guess my short-term memory is okay

Allan: ..are you doing a cognitive function test on yourself

[dragon-in-a-fez]

Allan, two minutes later, putting a third blanket around me: okay, how's that feeling now

me: well my feet are still freezing but it's okay, I know you need to focus on getting my core temperature up first

Allan: how many times has this happened to you

[dragon-in-a-fez]

noteworthy that they literally had a mask on me hooked up to a tank pumping narcotics into my lungs through all this, and my body temperature was like 34°. I would have been doing well to just have both eyes pointed in the same direction

[supreme-leader-stoat]

"This is great. I'm going to get a good grade in post-accident cognition."