hi i‘m skye

TW!! vent account! please be safe<3 22 ˚✧₊˳✧༚ mental and physical chronic illness inactive

[starsintheskyee]

i hate everything that makes me me, i just hate it

[worthless-misery]

I have always felt lonely. But I think it's a specific kind of loneliness.

It's a loneliness that physically hurts. A loneliness that makes it hard to breathe. A loneliness that is always whispering in the back of your head.

It's a kind of loneliness I can't escape...

[starsintheskyee]

every day i hope life get better, it never does

[starsintheskyee]

i’ve just been so incredibly lonely

[starsintheskyee]

listen at this point, i get it, i’m the problem.

i. am. the problem.

but won’t somebody tell me what i need to change?

is it just everything i do?

is it something specific?

how am i supposed to be better if no one tells me when i’m doing wrong

[prinxessinwonderlxnd-deactivate]

probably needed a hug. went completely nonverbal and dissociated instead

[yuriartillery]

stray cat type hookup where she shows up in your house, bites you a lot, insists on cuddling when its inconvenient, eats your food, rubs up on you like shes in heat, and then leaves

[starsintheskyee]

reads autism diagnosis questions: “not being able to handle change? no i don’t think i have a problem with that, i change up my daily routine all the time bc i forget my plans”

literally cries when one (1) thing doesnt go as planned bc someone cancelled last minute

i like change, if i’m in charge. then, and only then apparently

[feizers]

— having someone love n care for u . . ;;

[starsintheskyee]

kinda just really need someone to care for me, tell me to take a nap when i’m overstimulated, give me a bedtime, make me eat when i forget or my head gets too loud, to protect me :’)

[starsintheskyee]

i was doing better, i swear! i was being good and getting better and then one trigger and i fall apart completely, i hate this, i hate my past, i hate my illness

i need someone to see me trying, i need someone to hold me and tell me it’s going to be alright, please please please

[starsintheskyee]

my body feels like a very used cigarette filter

[starsintheskyee]

“are you alright”

oh uh yea its just that nothing is wrong but everything *feels* wrong and i feel so fogged up and nothing is real and my hands are shaking and my body is shaking and my chest feels like it’s not part of my body and i dont know whats happening

[starsintheskyee]

reminder: if *you* perceive *me* being quiet as rude

it’s not my fault and you shouldn’t assume that i‘m not kind person just because i don’t mind silence

[starsintheskyee]

from time to time i realize what a loser i am, what a waste my life is. literally pathetic how i start crying because even when i‘m finally in charge of my life it‘s still just sad and messed up, no one to blame but my excuse of an existence.

[starsintheskyee]

i know not eating is not the solution but it‘s the only way i don’t feel absolutely disgusted by my body so a win is a win

[starsintheskyee]

the health care system is so fucked up, i am standing in front of you, screaming for help and you tell me i have to wait a YEAR to talk to someone?

but when something happens everyone is like „why didn’t they ask for help sooner??“ what a shitshow