Yeah, so my countryās leaders have decided to double-down on the anti-immigration rhetoric that they shamefully manipulated then rode to get them into power. You know, because that worked so well for Brexit. Letās keep pushing that classic. One of the first things our newish PM, Rishi Sunak (note: a son of immigrants), did was to announce that they were going to be cracking down on the āsmall boatsā - i.e. the ones that desperate people use to reach these shores. Pretty despicable, right? Donāt worry, our āanti-wokeā Tory Party in charge has barely got started.
You may already have heard about the plan headed up by Suella Braverman (another child of immigrants), UK Home Secretary (reinstated after being fired for being a security risk) to deport āillegal immigrantsā to Rwanda, an expensive (and apparently illegal) notion that hasnāt really got off the ground yet, and you might be thinking: thereās no lower they can sink. Hold onto your life jackets.
The Immigration Minister, Robert Jenrick, decided that the lobbies of the children's asylum centres were too welcoming, with their colourful, cheerful murals of famous cartoon characters, so ordered the walls to be painted grey; like a dull, battleship grey.
Then it was revealed that the asylum seekers, refugees, and migrants who were currently being housed in hotels (rather than, you know, having their applications to live here properly processed so they could earn money, house themselves, and contribute to society) were costing us too much money. So, youāre going to process them? Oh, no, youāre going to put them on a barge.
But not just any barge⦠the Bibby Stockholm is special. Itās been the place to house folk temporarily for a few decades now, in various parts of Europe, including homeless folk and asylum seekers in Germany and the Netherlands, plus oil rig and off-shore windfarm construction workers, and is currently moored off the Dorset Coast in the south of England. Itās designed to house about 200 people. Itās been retrofitted to fit 500. Yes, you read that right. And not by enlarging so much as putting bunk-beds in. Iām sure that wonāt make anyone feel like theyāre being housed in a floating prison⦠Itās got, you know, a multi-faith prayer room and a gym and catering and medical facilities. And inhabitants will get day release. And 24 hour security.
So itās safe, right? Itās got extra fire escapes now and⦠no? No. Itās been assessed and there are some severe worries about how fire safe it is (when professionals start using the term ādeath trapā, it does tend to make one think, you know?), and how 500 people in there are likely to not be able to get out in case of a fire. Also that any outbreak of disease is likely to spread like wildfire. Ironically. But itās not like youāre going to put people at risk like that, huh? Oh, and thereās a lot of standing water in the system because itās not been inhabited or sorted out for a good long while, so youāre going to check for things like mould and legionella bacteria, right?
Wait, youāve asked for legionella tests but youāre going to start putting people on the thing anyway, before the results come in? Thatās⦠bold.
And⦠wait, youāve now put a man on board who has tuberculosis? And youāre threatening people who donāt comply with being put on board that theyāll get no benefits? Even though theyāve been advised that theyāre allowed to refuse to go, legally? But the Tory Deputy Chairman went on record to tell people who didnāt want to go that they could, and I quote, āFuck off back to France.ā So that's okay then. Problem solved.
And now youāve found legionella in the water on the barge. Oh, three days ago? Uh, haha, that seems odd. So⦠youāre evacuating, right? Well, look; thereās a bar youāve finally managed to clear. Itās somewhere in Hades, but sure⦠Have a gold star.
Iām sure thereās something Iāve missed, but thatās the crux of it. Iām not saying, you know, death camps, but, if anything, I might well be saying⦠death campsā¦
Oh, and then thereās the whole thing with the hotels where over 100 asylum seekers who are unaccompanied children have been kidnapped in the last year. Nothing to see here. Our coasts and waterways are filling with raw sewage, but everythingās fine. All part of the plan.