ᯓ ✶ stockpiled memories˖ ݁♬˚꩜

systalk sideblog

[stockpiled-memories]

stockpiled memories system

collectively you may call us leviathan or memory. use they/he

we are an hc-did system. ramcoa/oea.

we have quite a few other disablities as well, be mindful of our BPD!! this blog is also free from flashing imagery as we are epileptic.

–◌. ✚ ݁˖–

we're a system of colour (white/black/indigenous)

a lot of us tend to be fairly religious. jewish.

–◌. ✚ ݁˖–

collective spinterests are the academy is, hannibal lecter (especially the silence of the lambs), south park, & psychology.

stances

• anti-endo

• anti disorder abuse believers

• anti radqueer

• anti blankqueer labels

• pro good faith labels

more on rentry

https://rentry.co/stockpiledmemories

[stockpiled-memories]

littlecourse is so stupid. if you can treat any other alter normally, treat us normally.

"littles can't be involved/look at mature topics" yes I can actually.

"littles can't swear or be in places where people are allowed to swear" wrongg we can handle it & Kenny (insys) says quite a lot for a ten year old..

"littles can't take care of the system!" yes actually we can

it's weird to police other systems' littles & using myself as an example, even if I wasn't able to handle mature topics, the rest of the system is very into media that handles them. So naturally, I'd end up knowing just from being in the same space as them.

- Tweak & Bilvy3

[anti-willo-miku]

You might’ve heard me say the words endo centric a few times, so I wanted to provide what I actually mean.

Endo centric is a term I made to describe behaviors, communities, actions or individual people in the greater all origins plural community. Something or someone being endo centric means that despite to be “all origins safe” or inclusive of CDDs, it is clearly designed with non-cdd plurality in mind.

Some examples being:

A pro endo posts an advice post for “all plurals”, however the advice would be directly harmful to most people with CDDs.

Refusing to refer to pwCDDs, especially anti endo pwCDDs, by the proper medical terminology and instead using origin terms. (While mild, this can be annoying considering how many anti endos very much want to seperated themselves from the all origins plural community)

[stockpiled-memories]

i would say that treating fusion and dormancy like death/needing triggers is also very endo-centric

[sky-does-discourse]

Prefacing: we are a system of color

USING NAMES FROM CULTURES YOU AREN'T PART OF IS FINE!!! SO LONG AS: the culture is open, you do research on the culture's naming system, and do research on the specific name's meaning, origins, and cultural significance

If the name is very culturally significant and used for like... idk, random imaginary example: royalty only or something... DON'T USE IT. But otherwise— and so long as you're following the guidelines above— literally do WHATEVER YOU WANT. NO ONE CARES

I am BEGGING people to learn what cultural appropriation actually is. This is cultural APPRECIATION, not appropriation

ALSO. Because I see this in particular alot: JAPANESE IS NOT A CLOSED CULTURE (afaik). Maybe historically, but not anymore. But again, follow the guidelines above if you wanna use a Japanese name, just like you should with any name from any culture you aren't a part of

I know this is like an age old discussion in system spaces, but if I see one more minor in a syscord say "we have an introject from an anime and we don't want to 'appropriate' so they 'need' a new name" I might tweak out. Like it's fine if the introject genuinely just wants a new name but I promise they don't NEED one unless you've done no research into their original name at all

[stockpiled-memories]

yeah you obviously don't go for indigenous names, but most japanese people i've met (both on and offline) are happy to share their culture so ??

it really depends what the people in the culture say i think. just do research and make sure you know the origins of the name

(also a poc system)

[stockpiled-memories]

new blog name like i said... we were previously @the--classifieds

[tyu4thevenom]

whenever someone makes a diddy joke or mentions epstein to win an argument around a sex trafficking victim they should be allowed to kill them

[stockpiled-memories]

truth

[stockpiled-memories]

hihihihihihihihihihi i like being anon asker here hello how are u today

good good thank u for asking (⌒‐⌒)

[stockpiled-memories]

blog re-theming before url change (probably changing it at the end of today/tomorrow or day after)

[stockpiled-memories]

in the next few days or so we're changing the blog name to stockpiled memories :)

themed after the phrase that pays by the academy is...

[lynzwayistotallyrad]

i think that we should start listening to more actual jewish voices online

[almost-solace]

I want to talk about the side effects of programming that aren’t actual programs. There’s so much more to the trauma than that, such as:

- refusing to form relationships, especially if local, because of the fear that the new person knows or is affiliated with your abuser(s).

- being able to identify exactly what you are feeling, but unable to express the emotion. happy but can’t smile. sad but can’t cry. angry but can’t scream. scared but you’re not shaking.

- letting people hurt you, or hurting yourself, because you enjoy it. not even thinking you deserve it. you genuinely enjoy being hurt, because it’s all you’ve known.

- avoiding certain buildings, rooms, parks, roads, and places because they feel vaguely familiar, but you don’t know why.

- on the contrary, driving straight to those places for the same reason. you don’t know why, but you have a connection to this place, and you have to go.

- always assuming the worst out of loved ones. your partner forgot to text you before they left? they hate you and are plotting how to leave for good. friend gave you a gift? they’re testing your reaction to see if you really like them.

- struggling with hygiene. not because you deserve to not be taken care of, but because you don’t know how to take care of yourself. you don’t know how to brush your teeth. you don’t know how often to change clothes.

- not knowing the difference between good and bad smells. you’re sweaty and people keep looking at you funny? it’s fine, it’s not that strong. someone says your clothes smell dirty? they were cleaned a week ago, so they’re fine.

- finding people who are positive or happy either weird or stupid. i hate that girl, she’s too bubbly. that guy smiles too much. they’re too nice to me, they probably don’t even know what it’s like to suffer.

and it’s never on purpose. usually it’s never even noticed. this is how we survivors have lived for our whole lives. this is the environment we grew up in, the place we learned to survive. and it’s hard to adjust to a world where you are seen as weird, gross, or mentally unwell. it’s hard to open up and get help from people who think you’re too far gone.

[stockpiled-memories]

yes this !!

[oceanside-aero]

dormancy and fusion are normal parts of systemhood and should not be feared as much as they are.

this isn't an original thought, I know, but clearly people keep forgetting it. dormancy and fusion are not "death" and should not be viewed as such. they're signs of healing. they're signs of recovery.

and why do so many genuine systems fear it or feel the need to censor talk around it? endogenic rhetoric. endos always focus on the alters part of the disorder, so of course they prioritize having alters, and losing that is like losing a loved one to them.

the thing is, in regards to endos, they never had them to begin with. for them, there's nothing to lose.

I understand dormancy can be scary. fusion can feel depressing if you were close to the alter who fused. but ultimately it's a good thing.

alters are not natural. I cannot emphasize this enough. we are not meant to exist. if we were not traumatized as a child, I would not exist. I would not be writing this post.

dormancy and fusion are signs of healing. we need to start treating it as a good thing instead of the scariest thing you've ever heard of.

[stockpiled-memories]

yes!! honestly, we're so glad that during syscovery the first person we spoke to was our now partner-system who didn't frame these things as negative and instead as part of healing.

[stockpiled-memories]

thinking of changing system name and we have a few votes

4 - graveyard shift

2 - hellevator

2 - sucker love

then we have 3 with no votes we really like

stockpiled memories, human tragedies, tragic humanity

[lynzwayistotallyrad]

hi not so friendly reminder that ppl still think antisemitism has ended. we will not stop fighting. on this topic, antisemitism in the radqueer community is rampant. you cant be saying “i like and use non harmful transids!” when the community has bullshit like “transnazi” and “cisnazi”. you’re a nazi. do not put nazis in the queer community. fuck off.

[stockpiled-memories]

interacting with the internet is so weird. "dni anti yumeship" i'm not anti but i don't like them. i associate the behavior with people who treated us wrongly and contributed to us as a system falling apart and losing structure and needing to build a new structure again and restructuring to be heavy on protectors. do i consider myself anti yumeship? no, but i'm very selective on which i talk to since i do remember those people (contributed to my formation) and i am aware their community often can be toxic. - ozzy

[schizofemic]

[IMG ID: but of course, fuck JKR, you can enjoy HP without supporting her END ID.]

every time i see someone in cdd tags support the works of the most prolific terf who is out there funding the anti-trans movement im reminded of how unsurprising it is that online cdd spaces tend to overwhelmingly exclude transfems.

[ozz-ball]

jkr's bigotry is a major part of harry potter. the slave race? the fantasy race thats just antisemetic stereotypes? the way she portrays fat characters as greedy? every single damn minority being extremely stereotypical? how are you a FAN of harry potter without being a bigot?????

[anti-willo-miku]

Her bigotry is written into the story. It’s literally in your face. One of the black characters is called Kingsley SHACKLEBOLT. The cognitive dissonance it would take to enjoy something so blatantly bigoted is beyond me.

[allister-is-anti-willo]

Call me stupid or uneducated or whatever but I’m genuinely not understanding the Shacklebolt thing

Like I 100% do not support JKR or HP, and I know how horrific some of the things she’s put in the story are, but I feel like something just isn’t clicking on this one?

[anti-willo-miku]

To start, I am not a person of color. Please take everything I say with a grain of salt about this I am just listing what I know from others: this isn’t just a singular isolated incident but rather one example of a pattern of JKR naming her characters using bigoted stereotypes and microagressions, especially when that character is often the only representation for a specific group that she has in the entire book. Cho Chang, for example, is a glaring one.

[sovereignsystem]

(black system here)

"Shacklebolt" as in, bolting from shackles, as in... a nod towards slavery. (at least thats the red flag I got from the name)

[stockpiled-memories]

agree with sovereign system as another black system , also the name "kingsley shacklebolt" sounds like "king's slave" with the syllables combined/dropped in my opinion

the poc characters also act very stereotypically (the irish kid and his only personality is blowing things up)

[z0mb1eluvju1ceagainstendos]

i and almost every programmed system i know have been told we’re endo either directly because of the torture based conditioning we experienced as children or because of the symptoms of said torture based conditioning …

genuinely i think the endo community’s weird obsession with programmed systems is this bizarre form of jealousy that like. they think programmed systems are universally validated and accepted for their trauma and mental illness because it’s “bad enough” in a way they feel entitled too. which it isn’t even true, endos get treated better than programming/RAMCOA survivors and CDD systems as a whole because they are not mentally ill or trauma survivors so they have the privilege of being free from that discrimination. they also fail to understand that having “worse” problems makes getting help harder for a number of reasons including doctors literally not knowing what to do with organized abuse survivors. 

i’ve literally heard endos say stuff like “systems with x type of trauma are lucky because people think they’re valid” 🫩

there are a lot of rlly shitty things they frequently say about programmed systems and/or RAMCOA survivors. the most common i’ve seen is using us to try to prove you can be endogenic … because apparently being deliberately tortured by a high control group at a very young age with the goal of training you to behave in a specific way (usually because it makes you easier to further torture) is the same as deciding to make some imaginary friends one day? like they deadass take “my traffickers would intentionally trigger dissociation so they could take advantage of my brian’s coping mechanisms” as proof that you can decide to be a system whenever you want.

for me i was also convinced i was “mixed origin” and “protogenic” by endo systems when i was like 14 because of programmed alter splits & internal handlers programming alters and the fact that my trauma started when i was a baby so “it has been happening for as long as i can remember so i must have been born a system”. for me at the time i was mostly safe from my abusers but i know people who were taught stuff like that while actively being trafficked or in a cult that was taking advantage of the fact they were a system.

they convinced me that my trauma wasn’t bad enough to have DID and that i didn’t have amnesia (i had debilitating amnesia). i was also taught that my system would never act in a way that hurt me and shamed for being a toxic/selfish host when i reacted in unhealthy ways because of programming or like was hostile to internal handlers who think it’s best that we do whatever our abusers want.

this didn’t just happen to me like i said it’s insanely common among other programmed systems i know. polyfragmented DID especially programmed HC-DID presents in unconventional ways and a lot of things common in CDID systems have been appropriated by endos, such as not knowing when or why splits happened, not remembering trauma, having symptoms since a very young age, having lots of alters with a complex inner structure, even having alters that “make alters” which ppl will insist makes you mixed origin but it is not unheard of for alters to represent in system functions that you cannot really control, like an alter representing how your subconscious splits alters by physically cloning them in headspace.

sometimes i genuinely feel like some endos are intentionally grooming young trauma survivors. not all, i don’t want to make such heavy accusations towards the whole endo community even tho i don’t like them because i think the majority are just ignorant and ableist or children being manipulated, but they definitely have a hatred for victims of trafficking, cults, and other organized child abuser groups. generally they do not like PTSD survivors and other mentally ill people which is not surprising considering their origins but it is annoying when they claim to not be ableist or hateful towards victims.

You described perfectly some of my thoughts on endos and how they treat some parts of the CDD community. And i agree. How people treat ramcoa/programmed systems WORSE compared to people who dont even know what a system is is genuinely heartbreaking. All endos do is discredit the disorder when it's hard enough as is getting help or people that believe and support you alone. Thank you for sharing.