stacia

[strawberryrugburn]

i’m baaaaaaaaaaaack

[thyrell]

i think ive finally found a way to defeat the trump administration

[thyrell]

so if we call them “republican'ts”,

[lochnessmonsterofficial]

Trying to communicate with my future morning self is like setting an elaborate trap for an unsuspecting zombie like

if I put my phone alarm on full volume and vibrate and move the charger so I can put it on this out-of-reach metal surface, I can startle her awake. Probably. Then if I securely duct tape this caffeinated chocolate bar to it, it will provide a challenging situation and make her mushy little brain work extra hard to figure out how to turn the alarm off. Then she might go for the chocolate while she’s turning off the loud noises. With luck, she’ll consume the whole thing. 20 minutes of bliss then boom, physiology kicks in and the caffeine reaches her brain. Gentlemen, this just might work.

[lochnessmonsterofficial]

It didn’t work.

[artbybansheebender]

In the Incredible’s 2 Dash is seen laying on his back and kicking to the air on two separate occasions against an enemy. Given that the movie is set in Chicago, we can assume he sat through a Detective J.J. Bittenbinder “Street Smarts” assembly at school. In this essay, I will…

[ocdfeels]

hahaha but like why am i such an insecure paranoid piece of shit

[gluten-free-pussy]

When I was 16-19 I worked as a hostess/parking lot attendant at a funeral home and my boss told me (and I quote) “you get a friends and family discount but once you quit you won’t get it anymore so make sure you use it.” And to this day nothing has ever been funnier to me

[gluten-free-pussy]

A week after I got the job I accidentally spilled someone’s ashes on myself and my manager told me not to worry about it because they had spare ashes in the back room

[birdrhetorics]

my great-grandfather had to leave italy in the 20′s because he hit a fascist with a tuba, so if you think I am going to take this sitting down you are going to have to catch these hands and also this tuba

[goodblacknews]

Public Service Announcement via @the.root #fingersupdontcall

[solacekames]

A couple years ago, my mother (who is white) was watching from her window and saw a strange young black man in her driveway. He was crouching down beside her car as if hiding behind it. She didn’t call the police. She just kept an eye on him and waited. After about a minute of coaxing, he pulled a puppy out from under her car, gently tucked the puppy under his arm and walked away while lightly scolding it.

I’m not telling this story because my mom deserves a prize or anything, but to try to relate how terrifying a simple everyday activity can be. If my mother hadn’t been the person she was—and he had no way of knowing that—rescuing a lost wandering puppy could have easily gotten that man killed.

[cricketcat9]

“rescuing a lost wandering puppy could have easily gotten that man killed”

-a sentence sounding utterly crazy to a non-American person

[threebigolsausages-deactivated2]

scientist: hey dad, I discovered a new spider today! and I named it after you

dad: thanks son! I really needed this today, the boys at work were making fun of my long legs again. what did you call it? :)

scientist: uh…

[d1rtypaws]

Me: I love being out at night, I’m not scared of the dark!

tree: *exists, looking very vaguely like a person*

Me:

[strawberryrugburn]

6.18.18

So it’s Monday and I leave for camp in 6 days... I’m not in Lincoln again until August..... and then I go to Austria..... and then I don’t know what the fuck is happening with life..... and I like am not trying to let that stress me out bc like I’m gonna be in Austria for like a year so it’s fine that I don’t know what I’m doing after bc that’s like such a long ways away but I never can seem to focus on what is happening I’m always worried about what’s next and I don’t know what’s next but what’s next is camp and Austria but I want to know what is next next ya know

[catastrophywife-deactivated2016]

Free nudes? In this economy???

[strawberryrugburn]

I’m upset about something someone is doing but first of all it has nothing to do with me it’s just hurting my best friend but also he’s letting it happen bc it’s what he wants so I have no control and I feel like this is what it’s like to be my friend bc I’m this self destructive A L L T H E T I M E

[rydell]

i HaTE myseLf SO MUch. i CliCkeD An UNdEScRiptiVElY NAmED scRIpt FilE tHAt i MAde In 2011 WitHoUT tHiNkING Of THe PotENtIaL ConSequeNceS aND GUeSS WHaT it DoES? guEsS WhaT iT fuCkInG does. I BEt YoU Can’t GUesS

[iloveamelia-deactivated20190212]

i deserve unrestricted access to old churches and castles i want to know all the secrets

[southdownswitch]

i work in a castle and have unrestricted access and let me tell you sometimes knowing all the secrets……is worse

[hummingbird-hooligan]

please share with us the secrets

[southdownswitch]

what you guys want then, huh? You want royal family gossip? You wanna hear about the Duchess of York sneaking her lover into her room through a secret door? Or do you want the gross shit, like the skull stuck on the pike on top of the keep which nobody really knows how it got there but maintenance says it’s too high up to get down? Or the fact we tell kids the skeleton in the store room is ‘just a dummy’ but in reality nobody can break the grate without collapsing the wall? 

Ya’ll wanna hear about the G H O S T D O G????? 

[legacy-sweet]

I in fact want to hear all of those like way too much for it to be healthy

[c3rvida3]

The fact that I can bench press my parents is a lot less impressive when you take into account that they were cremated, but the ladies don’t need to know that.

[kaithetoaster-deactivated201804]

What even

My dude

Buddy

Pal are you alright

[c3rvida3]

What are you, my therapist? Grow up.

[saber-chan]

I spent all day doing sidequests instead of progressing the main story

[jump-spark]

I know you’re talking about a videogame but this is actually a really good metaphor for my life