multilingual poethlete

I sing, I write crap, and I play tennis and football... welcome to my nonsensical abode..

[badjokesbyjeff]

I always thought that Steve Jobs would make a better president than Donald Trump

but then I realized that I’m comparing apples to oranges

[stupidforsapiosexual]

Ahh so the funniest thing happened. The boys at the boys hostel managed to set the water cooler on fire,bomb it and take out the lights of the whole building.

The whole thing started with one guy who was so high that he threw the burning lighter in the vent of the cooler instead of the cigarette butt... and the pot head did not even realise it until the device was on fire... 15 min later there is a blast noise and the whole hostel building is dark. Now, boys will be boys... this was their tume to shine... someone stole underwear and someone else stole whole ass book and notes.it took 3 hours to get the light back on...

When they managed to fix the lights the warden decided to check the room of each guy for he was suspicious.

And guess what he finds? A fucking parrot... one guy has kept a freaking parrot that he *caught*. Its not allowed to keep stay animals... this guy caught a parrot from the wild,made a cage out of boxes for him... and managed to keep this a secret for 3 months.

He is a superior being!

Also video for reference

[the-memedaddy]

meirl

[stupidforsapiosexual]

This needs to be reblogged for eternity

[drawing-prompt-s]

New merch! Available until October 14!

[Tees | Hoodies | Sweatshirts | Mugs]

https://teespring.com/stores/halloween-merch

[mr-big-bad-wolff]

ADORABLEEE

[stupidforsapiosexual]

This is weirdly funny...saving for future reference

[mioree]

by Mioree

[stupidforsapiosexual]

Its random...I'm drunk

[ratbastarddotfuck]

Reblog if you’re part of a hostile nation that’s declared war on Australia

[mycroftrh]

Oh my god though guys you don’t know the best thing!  The best thing is: he’s right.

The Gay and Lesbian Kingdom of the Coral Sea Islands is a micronation near Australia.  This is their flag:

The Gay Kingdom (as it is colloquially known) was founded in 2004 in protest against Australia’s legal stance against same-sex marriage.

Here are some of their stamps:

They are currently ruled by Emperor Dale I, and their currency is the Pink Dollar.

And, indeed - they declared war on Australia for not recognizing same-sex marriages performed outside the country.  (Second link.)

[sailurmars]

You’re telling me there has been a Gay Island this ENTIRE TIME and I’m only just finding out about it????

[feitanswife]

WHAT

[gondorsfinest]

okay, but not enough people know the details on this. people at pride were upset about gay rights in australia. so they decided to sail 200 miles into the coral sea just ‘cause and put a rainbow flag on a fucking empty island out of spite. and i’m talking empty. no inhabitants. zero. it was a flat piece of land with a bit of dry grass. now it has a camp site and a post office. 

they have a declaration of independence that talks a bit about gay rights and then just flat out copies the “life liberty and the pursuit of happiness” part from the american declaration of independence. and here’s the best part: the founding group actually elected their emperor. he was originally going to be called the “administrator” of a republic. their website, however, says that “upon legal advice, his title was changed to that of Sovereign on the grounds that under Australian law a defacto prince trying to claim his crown cannot be charged with treason”. so they made it a kingdom and he now claims to be a descendent of edward ii.

everything about this is glorious and everyone should know about it.

Keep reading

[ileolai]

Not one of you mentioned that the anthem for this nation is I Am What I Am by Gloria Gaynor. Not. One. Of. You.

[stupidforsapiosexual]

Is this supposed to be a pun?

[stupidforsapiosexual]

I was scouting for dogs today and I found a litter of 3 kittens!!! They were looking quite hungry... since i don't have much experience with cats, I gave them baby food to eat. Sorry for the atrocious picture quality, they were a bit scared so I had to zoom to get a click.

[stupidforsapiosexual]

Moments of joy, months of sadness

our time together was so brief

and my love and affection strong

yet your absence cuts me so deep

everything now feels so wrong

for you I did something I'd never dare

As you were my partner in crime

I vowed to always take care

Guess I failed this time

I was sad, lonely and hurt

Keeping everyone happy was taking a toll

You were my salvation from this dearth

But little Sirus, you took a great fall

I try to be there for others

And make their day a little brighter

I try to never be a bother

And make their load a little lighter

But you were supposed to be freeing

Now I feel trapped by these gloomy clouds

The seasons in the sun I'd been dreaming 

All engulfed by the silence that screams loud

The one week with you taht I had 

Was everything I'd ever wanted

Even when you often drove me mad

My heart for once was sated

Even when the odds were against us love

I baked and cleaned for you with a smile

And all the hurdles we raised above

And the times we walked for miles

I was so excited to get you

And so disheartened when you were gone

You were the only friend that's true

And your absence has me shattered and torn

What did i do wrong?

I'm being eaten up by guilt

Why wasn't I the one with who you belonged?

My brain doesn't seem to quit.

Everyone thinks that I'm back to normal

But nobody seems to stop and look

That fake laugh you call phenomenal 

Comes from a being that's shook

I can't mourn because I have to study

I can't cry because I have to be strong

I can't vent because I have no buddy

I can't go out because its now wrong

Trapped in this lockdown

With nobody to keep me company

Nobody has time to look into my frown

For they are all busy making a family.

I make jokes about him to cope

And make myself look hilarious 

In reality I'm losing hope

And this sensation is nothing but serious

I see him every time I close my eyes

Unresponsive and convulsing 

He was almost about to die

And I could hear my heart breaking

Words:385

How long does it take to get over depression . because I am in a terrible situation. I have to give an exam soon but I have absolutely no concentration. I don't feel like playing tennis, or studying. I just want to eat and sleep all day. I do sleep a lot now. From sleeping 6 hours a day I now sleep for 13 hours. Yet I wake up tired and achy. I dont have the guts to say that i can't do this anymore . Everyone would judge me and I am not ready for that. If you ate reading this then do me a favour and help me please. I need help and I am not strong enough to ask for it myself.

[stupidforsapiosexual]

So this picture is of my dog sirus. I lost him about 3 weeks ago and its not been the same since then. I loved the little guy to the moon and back. He had epilepsy induced by vaccination.

Sometimes life is so unfair to you. I had been asking my mum and dad for a dog since the age of 3. I was always denied that pleasure. However I got Sirus from my hard earned prize money. I could never forsee this. I had him for a week and not I'll always have him in my heart. I bought him to fight away my depressing... Alas, I am even more depressed.

Just to kill some time and some sadness, I increased the number of dogs I feed. I have been feeding stray dogs since 2007 and its honestly the best feeling. I also vaccinate and bathe them regularly. I was feeding almost 20 dogs earlier... now the number has increased to 30. Also many of the females are going to give birth to puppies.... i am very excited... I'll keep you people updated...

[stupidforsapiosexual]

Chapter 2: get out of jail free

It was a little past midnight when the renowned killer reached the police station. Her steps feather light and her face glowed under the bright moon. Her mask rested on her visage. She was short yet built in a way that can only be achieved by a lot of hard work and pain. Her muscles flexed in her suit. She reached the gates of Glasgow police station with the grace and stealth of a cat.

It wasn't too hard getting past the security. The obese man was sleeping soundly with his half eaten baguette. She entered the halls of the station. "well, well, well, if it isn't my favorite place in the entire world." Sarcasm dripped in her voice. To say that chaos aroused would be an understatement. Guns we drawn in a flurry of movement and all the uniformed men and women were ready to fire. "is that how you welcome your favorite assassin? Well I'd suggest you put your guns down. There are just ten of you, and that's not enough to do much harm to me. You have surely heard of the stories right? I just want to meet my old' friend Mr. Cavill.", she said. There was hesitation in their eyes till one dumb woman spoke, "we aren't letting you kill him. you need to go through us to reach him!" scarlet sighed, she saw it coming. "are you sure love?". A gunshot rang. In a flash scarlet dodged the bullet and fired her own. When did she even get the guns out is a question that baffles many. Alas, seconds later there were ten injured police personals lying on the floor. Groans filled the air. "I told you that you were not enough. We could have saved this. A girl needs her beauty sleep my dudes."

She strutted towards the office of James Asshole Cavill. The commissioner. "hello James. It's been so long old nemesis." With his gun in hand James grunted, "what do you want assassin?" "a man. I need to take him. I've been told that he was wrongfully arrested by few of your men for some petty crime. He needs to attend a birthday party." She threw the picture on the desk and it landed perfectly. Scarlet smiled in delight. "why should I give him to you?"

"Well because I have this", she said throwing a monopoly get out of jail fee card. "And this, she said unleashing her butterfly knife." The aging man was not amused but he knew when he was fighting a losing battle. He simply took out the card and walked out towards the holding cells. Scarlet followed. He took off the keys from the wall and unlocked the cell of the man in question. "Thank you James. Now I'll be taking your leave. However there are two things you need to know. Firstly, your security guard needs to be fired. And secondly, there is a hall full of moaning collogues. And they are moaning in pain and not having an ogre." The commissioner's pale face flushed under the bad lighting and Claire's father smiled a little.

"come on sir. We need to get you home now. Your daughter must be waiting." The man followed scarlet.

The duo walked together out of the police station and towards a glossy black Porsche 911. The man was wonderstruck by the car. He asked," how did my family pay you to get me out?" she grinned, "Claire paid me enough and also invited me to her birthday party! You don't mind do you? Because I would love to come there! However the kids would be scared so I'll probably crash the after party. Oh I was wondering what to bring her and I am confused. Like I barely know her and she Is seven and I don't know what seven year olds want so.."

"Oh god! would you breathe. Stop rambling. Yes you are invited and no you don't have to bring anything. It's not going to be much of a party. I couldn't bring her the cake I promised. The police took my money away and beat me up" the man a.k.a Gordon said with a twinge of sadness. "oh well I think I know what to bring Claire now. A cake!!! Yeep!!!" Gordon was awestruck. How could someone so deadly be so kind?

"we have reached your house Gordy" I'll come by tomorrow before the party for my new friend.

"thank you so much! You are an angel. May the heaven shower you with blessings!"

"Oh but they already do"

at that moment Claire got out of the house running wildly towards her father. He embraced her with misty eyes and hugged her tenderly. Claire looked up and waved towards the assassin who waved back eagerly. Scarlet then sped away. She had one last task to do before getting her beauty sleep.

The car stopped at the back of 'heaven in a cup'. A coffee house known for its tasty goodness. She pressed a button in her car and the shed opened. Another button opened up the hidden garage behind the wall. She stepped out of her car and walked inside her bakery/residence. Switching on the lights she walked upstairs into her flat and changed her clothes. Sighing she said," they couldn't have stitched a better outfit. could they? The bastards think that women don't need to piss and can wear a jumpsuit for hours. Newsflash! We can't!" She wore her usual outfit in a hurry. In a moment the scarlet killer, London's most feared assassin was Amanda the tiny and curvy baker. 

She went back to the bakery and started baking a cake for her new little friend, all the while jamming to pop songs. After three hours of constant hard work the cake was ready. It was a flower basket full of roses and tulips. 



She put it in a refrigerator and messaged her co-worker Lynda to open the bakery in the morning. Scarlet then closed the bakery and walked upstairs thing about sleep and her now eight-year-old friend. She laid down on her bed and thought to herself, I wonder what mask I should wear for the party? Sleep came easily to her. Demons didn't plague her content mind this time. 

[stupidforsapiosexual]

The scarlet killer. The name fit her perfectly. The masked assassin sat underneath the oak tree with a falcon held between her strong arms. She seemed to be talking to it with a gentle tone that did not go with her personality or reputation. Her grass green eyes glimmered in the evening sunset. To the young girl who watched her from a few trees away scarlet looked anything but threatening. She approached her with a carelessness that only seven-year olds do. All she knew was that the scarlet killer is her salvation. She didn't care about the blood red attire which had seen the deaths to numerous people. The swords and scars that covered the females body went unseen by her innocent eyes.

"What is its little girl? What is your name? asked the killer in a gentle tone.

"I am Clarie. My mother told me that you are the only person who could bring my father back." She said in a somber tone.

An intelligent woman I must say.

"I want to be with my father again. The bad men in the police took him for a wrong reason. They don't listen to us and send him back."

"Hmm, I think I can do something about that. But you must know that my service has a price. I don't work for free."

Clare took out a few crumpled ten-pound notes and a photograph from her pocket. She handed them over. It was nothing compared to the millions the killer charged but for her she would make an exception. She accepted the money and looked at the family picture blemished with tears.

"Where is your father held hostage Claire?"

"He is the Glasgow city police station. They took him there so that he won't run away. Would you bring him back?"

"Now that you have paid me, I sure would. It was great doing business with you Claire. She extended her hand and the little girl shook it vigorously."

The scarlet killer could feel Clarie's gaze even when she had dismissed her.

"What is it that's bothering you now?" She asked, without turning her eyes away from the falcon perched on her hand.

"The falcon. Are you going to kill him?"

"Of course not. I don't kill without a price. He hasn't paid me to kill him yet. But he would, for making me treat his injuries. He was injured fighting for his mate. I found him lying pretty lifeless."

Clarie, much relieved asked, "why is everyone scared of you? You are very kind."

"Oh, curious Clarie. They are not scared of me. They are scare of the woman who wears this mask. The reputation that surrounds this sword and the brands that adorn the body of my victims."

Satisfied Clarie turned around. However, she stopped and said out loud. "It's my birthday day after tomorrow. Mum told me to invite all my friends and I want you to come.

Her green eyes glimmered as she laughed out loud." I don't think your mum meant me when she said that. But now that you have asked me to come, I have to consider it. You put me in a bad place girl. Now I have to look for your present."

Giggling ,Clarie bid adieu and ran towards the little town she called home.

Alone again, scarlet looked at the merry picture and sighed out loud. What have you gotten into Amanda; you are now friends with a seven-year-old who paid you thirty pounds to bring back her father?

Looks like she had a prison break in Glasgow.

[symbiocene]

Love seeing women with bare faces, short fingernails, practical shoes, comfortable clothing, a full plate, a toothy grin, a relaxed posture. Love love love seeing women comfortable and happy and unselfconscious.

[stupidforsapiosexual]

This is what we deserve...

[stupidforsapiosexual]

Its not wrong to cry

Till your eyes run dry

Its not feminine to whine

Or not be broody att the time

You have a right to feel and share

And you too deserve the care.

[stupidforsapiosexual]

[stupidforsapiosexual]

Maybe I die today

Or maybe I'll take your leave tomorrow

My time on this vast land

In not in my mortal fragile hands

The words which were sharp like a knife

Would hold you in a grip so vice

For when I die while you remain strong

Confrontation and solace is all you'll want

[angel-spidey]

Cluck You, Holland!

"Tom!", you screeched as the chicken clucked noisily near you, "Tom, what the fuck -"

He came running downstairs, a panicked look on his face, "Y/n, what happened -", he relaxed when he saw you standing in front of the chicken, "Oh hey, you finally met Predator!"

You inhaled sharply, "Predator? You named this chicken?"

He shrugged, stepping towards you and gently picking the bird up, holding the chicken out for you to see, "I should've introduced you guys formally -", he grinned, " - this is Predator as you already know, and Predator? Y/N's my best mate, buddy!"

The chicken made more noises, its birds flapping wildly in Tom's arms until he let the bird go, after which he fled past you two to reunite with two more chickens.

"Let me get this straight", you said calmly, "there are three chickens in this house right now. And you named one of them?"

Tom smiled obliviously, nodding like an innocent child, "I named all three of them, darlin'."

"All three?!"

"Why not?", he blinked, "Don't you think it'd be rude if I called him Predator and the other two just stared at me? I'm treating them equally, love."

"Tom", you muttered dryly, "Why do you have chickens in the house?"

"Well, the supermarket's run out of eggs."

You folded your arms, waiting for him to expand but he didn't, just looked back at you blankly. Groaning in frustration, you said, "That still doesn't explain why you'd buy chickens, Tom!"

He stared at you like you were the crazy one here, "To get eggs, obviously. Y/n, what's gotten into you?"

"Wait, wait -", you said dismissively, "so the store ran out of eggs -"

"Yes it did."

"And instead of looking for eggs somewhere else -"

"There aren't many options here, love -"

"You bought chickens to get eggs??", you exclaimed incredulously, "Chickens?!"

He nodded vigorously, "Yes, because chickens lay eggs -"

"I know that, Holland!"

"I don't get what's got you all bothered", he mumbled adorably, "s'just a couple of chickens, and you know we need eggs to survive -"

"I am absolutely sure we do not", you cut him off, "Tom, what do you even know about raising chickens?"

He looked lost at that point, and Predator decided to make more chicken clucks outside along with his two friends, interrupting the comical silence between you two.

"I... Harry's asked for tips on twitter."

He flashed you a toothy grin, his chestnut eyes sparkling, "And you're always there to help me out, aren't you? We could start a farm together, how cool would that be?"

"You know what?", you sighed, done with his chaotic bullshit, "You take your chickens and fuck off. I'm not helping you with anything."

Cluck! Cluck!

"And get Predator to shut up, for God's sake!"

[collectivefandomstuff]

The Batkids Explaining Their Injuries to Teachers Over the Years

Dick: Well, I’m an acrobat see so I grew up in a circus and I still practice to feel close to my roots and I fell off a railing

Teacher: That’s the third time this week, Mr Grayson. Maybe it’s a good thing you don’t plan to pursue this as a career

-

Jason: I got in a fight

Teacher: [eyeing the scratches, courtesy of Catwoman] with what, a jungle cat?

Jason: Cougar actually

-

Steph: I fell

Teacher: …

Steph: I’m like, super clumsy. [purposefully trips over nothing] oop there I go again.

-

Damian: [missing half his teeth] mugged.

Teacher: by who, the tooth fairy?

-

Duke: I had an accident

Teacher: what kind of accident?

Duke: horse with a grudge

-

Teacher: [eyeing two deep gashes, a broken arm, and severe bruising] what happened?

Tim: I was born like this.

[collectivefandomstuff]