when I said stupid, I meant it

The product of my strange impulsive imagination and a friend who said I should make a Marvel tumblr, because these weird headcanons might actually be amusing. PLEASE NOTE: This is just me trying to be funny. People may not be entirely in character, and if it really bothers you, I'm happy to listen to your suggestions on how to do better. Thanks!

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Come on, Marvel, give the people what they want!

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“Now that we’re out of candy, it’s time to break out the giant inflatable turkey!”

- Tony, probably

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It’s almost Halloween and glow sticks are amazing, so please picture Peter Parker wearing a flashing ring on each finger, glow stick bracelets up to his shoulders, five glow stick necklaces around his neck and another twelve connected together like a belt, and flashing light-up sunglasses. In the Spider-Man suit.

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Far, Far Away, In An Ideal World...

Everyone who knows Natasha and Steve knows that they have the best kind of friendship. That weirdly tactile one where it’s not weird for them to steal food, clothes, and furniture from one another, and their lives are punctuated by petty, joking arguments.

Like the time Natasha invited herself over to Steve’s apartment for a movie night, then proceeded to claim the sofa he was already sitting on. He refused to move, so she sprawled out on top of him and declared that it was her sofa and if he wanted to be an extra cushion, he could do whatever the hell he wanted. Bucky, in the midst of this, retreated to his giant armchair with the popcorn.

Or the time Natasha started giving people business cards with Steve’s number on them in bold block letters, proclaiming, “STEVE ROGERS IS HOT, SINGLE AND BI, CALL OR TEXT HERE.” Steve retaliated by taking her to a gay bar and putting a sign around her neck that said “SINGLE PANSEXUAL LOOKING FOR ATTRACTIVE WOMEN WITH GOOD PERSONALITIES.” Natasha left with twenty-three phone numbers. Steve left with Bucky.

Or the time Steve accidentally ate Natasha’s yogurt because how was he supposed to know that her strategy for hiding it from Clint was to put it in his fridge? Natasha put yogurt in his gloves for that. It wasn’t fun when his hands made an awful squelch when he put them on before a mission, but he took it as a blessing. She could have put it in his underwear. And anyway, Bucky’s idea of stuffing cooked ramen noodles in her boots was much funnier, especially since they stole the ramen from Clint.

Or the time Steve left his Amazon account open on his laptop after buying some books. Natasha guessed his password (Bucky’s birthday) and bought him a set of Avengers-themed underwear and a Captain America onesie. Needless to say Steve wasn’t expecting that when he opened the box. His revenge was sweet, though - not only did he buy himself two more onesies (one Winter Soldier themed, one Black Widow themed), he bought $2,000 of plastic bouncy balls on Natasha’s credit card. The Avengers have a ball pit in the training room now, and Natasha has claimed the Cap onesie for herself. Steve wears his Black Widow onesie with pride - and the themed underwear.

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“Plum season is over, I’ll see you when I’m done hibernating.”

- Bucky Barnes, probably

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Avengers + musicals continued

Bucky said The Band’s Visit is his favorite solely because of a few lines from Welcome To Nowhere. He claims that if you changed “sand hill” to “landfill” you’d be describing his childhood apartment.

Tony tried to give Steve and Bucky two tickets to Frozen. Bucky nearly ripped them up and flushed them down the toilet before Steve suggested giving them to Wanda instead. She said it was a good musical, and even Vision liked it.

Loki may have locked Bucky and Nat in a room together and made them listen to Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812. They’re interested but also very lost, because even superior Russian skills don’t help them follow the plot.

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Bucky: touch my popcorn and I'll throw you off the roof of Avengers Tower

Sam: isn't that a 45 minute drive

Bucky: I've got time

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I was making ramen earlier and I swear to god I could hear Tony Stark yelling “GIVE ME BACK MY NOODLES, YOU B*TCH” at someone, probably Clint.

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I’ll bet $20 that Tony has fallen asleep with his eyes open looking at a computer screen. Someone came into the lab to talk to him and just fuckin screamed when they tapped him on the shoulder and he fell off the chair, still asleep.

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While I’m crying about Steve and Bandstand, I might as well show you my favorite song from the show as well as the one that reminds me most of Steve, ‘cause that little f*cker doesn’t take shit from anybody.

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Back to Avengers + Broadway

I was listening to this and started to realize how much the song starts to sound like Steve at the beginning of the second verse (at about 1:03), so I decided that since I already assigned Steve Bandstand as the Musical He Needs To Listen To, I’d share my pain (and Broadway obsession) with all of you.

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my sister is having a bake sale today and it made me wonder if Peter, MJ, Ned, and Shuri have ever had a bake sale to buy some LEGOs or a robot or something

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how many times do you think Steve has tripped over his shield in the middle of the night?

I feel like the Avenger’s resident pranksters have been leaning it on his bedroom door while he’s asleep so he stumbles over it blindly on his way to the kitchen at 2 am

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I’ll bet $20 that Bucky, Clint, and Peter are on department store internal clocks and are already discussing and putting together Halloween costumes. Steve is trying not to explode with the injustice of it all (“It’s not even September yet!” “It will be in like a day!”), and Natasha is making three lists: candy for trick-or-treaters, candy for hungry Avengers with no self control, and candy for herself.

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If Peter Parker is taking APUSH this year you know that Steve and Bucky are trying to figure out why they keep getting calls about history assignments because yeah they lived during the Great Depression and WWII but Bucky only has fragments of the following 70 years and Steve literally slept through all of it. Wikipedia knows more about the 60s than them.

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I feel like Bucky, Steve, Tony, and Nat were all that one emo kid, but that seems like too many emo kids in one friend group. Somebody needs to be happy in this tower.

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I’m not sure about MCU Bucky, but in my mind, any modern AU Bucky automatically listens to Panic! At The Disco.