With apologies to @stephanos-spaceopera, @alordofstickfigures, @salty-sapphire, @criticals-come-back, @made-of-irritation and @criticalalexandrite
(Exterior, Sugar residence, day)
A young fellow wearing a purple shirt that says “Made Of Love” stands at the front porch and rings the bell. The door opens, and there stands Rebecca Sugar herself.
FAN: “Well Sugar, despite your plot misdirections, I made it.”
SUGAR: “Ah, Steven Universe Fan! I hope you’re prepared for an unforgettable Season 5.”
FAN: “Meh.”
The fan enters the house, follows Sugar into the dining room, and sits down at the table. Sugar goes into the kitchen, where the oven is smoking. She runs to it and opens it, panicking. Inside the oven:
SUGAR: “Oh egads! My show is ruined!”
She stands up and looks out the window.
SUGAR: “…but what if…I were to obtain fan theories, and pass them off as my own writing? Oh ho ho ho! Delightfully devilish, Sugar!”
The fan opens the kitchen door and squints.
(Musical interlude)
Su-ugar and her crazy complications
All of the fanbase is craving explanations
If I see one more awful animation
I’ll be ditching this show tonight!
FAN: “SUGAR!”
SUGAR: “Ah, SU fan, I was just developing a half-hour special! Care to watch it?”
FAN: “Why are there plot holes in your show bible, Sugar?”
SUGAR: “Uh…ooh, those aren’t plot holes, that’s foreshadowing! Foreshadowing for all the development we have planned. Mm, character development!”
The fan looks unconvinced but leaves the kitchen. Sugar takes this opportunity to run out of the kitchen and straight to the nearest fan-theory Reddit thread.
In the dining room, the fan prepares to watch the May 7 half-hour special. Sugar enters from the kitchen.
SUGAR: “I hope you’re ready for some mouthwatering plot twists!”
FAN: “I thought we were having character development.”
SUGAR: “Oh no, I said character reveal! That’s what I call this plot twist.”
We see a short clip from “A Single Pale Rose”. Rose Quartz shapeshifts, revealing herself to be Pink Diamond.
FAN: “You call this plot twist a character reveal?”
SUGAR: “Yes! It’s a regional dialect.”
FAN: “From what region?”
SUGAR: “…Delmarva?”
FAN: “Oh really? Well I’m from Ocean Town, and I’ve never heard anyone say character reveal.”
SUGAR: “Oh, not in Ocean Town, it’s a Surf City expression.”
FAN: “I see.”
The fan ponders over the episode for another minute.
FAN: “You know, this twist is remarkably similar to a theory I saw on Reddit.”
SUGAR: “Oh, no. Genuine Crewniverse work, we planned this for ages!”
FAN: “For this character reveal.”
SUGAR: “Yes!”
FAN: “Yes, and you call it a character reveal, even though it’s blatantly contradictory to many other events in the show.”
SUGAR: “Ye– …you know, the– …one thing I should–…excuse me for one second.”
FAN: “Of course.”
Sugar stands up, walks into the kitchen for a moment and then steps back out. It appears as if something strange is going on in there.
SUGAR: “Well, that was wonderful! Good time had by all, I’m pooped.”
FAN: “I don’t know about wonderful, but–GOOD LORD, WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE?”
SUGAR: “…Hiatus?”
FAN: “I–A hiatus?! This abruptly, for this long, and with no proper announcement on when the show will come back except for a random promo?!”
SUGAR: “Yes!”
FAN: “May I see the promo?”
SUGAR: “No.”
Sugar leads the fan out of the house.
CN, screaming from upstairs: “OF COURSE WE’LL SHOW YOU THE PROMO! YOU WANT LEAKS TOO HAHA?”
SUGAR: “I’m gonna kick your ass, CN.”
FAN: “Well Sugar, I’m incredibly disappointed and a little bit hurt that you made such an awful plot twist, and I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight, but you sure make a memeworthy Pink Diamond.”
CN: “LEEEAKS! LEEEEEAAAKS!”
The fan turns towards the house one last time. Sugar grins awkwardly. The fan shrugs and continues down the road.
