Can I get some critique?
At this point in the draft I'm worried about the hook, I want to know if the first chapter is interesting enough. If anyone has tips about how to make it more interesting or if the issue is elsewhere I would like to know.
Also, I'm mostly self taught and trying to improve on my own so please critique my grammar, punctuation, ect. if necessary.
Here is the draft for chapter 1 ↓↓↓
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“Closing in ten minutes, Eve.” The librarian reminds her with a passing pat on the shoulder.
“Mhmm…" She’s quick to dismiss the friendly warning in favor of whatever is holding her attention. Posture and eye strain sacrificed for information gathering; hoarding rather.
The taciturn patron has been insistent on her daily visits. For hours on end she sits at the library's tiny tables with a tall pile of random unrelated books. Ranging from cook books to historical texts to romance novels. Her task was proving difficult and for the past few weeks she's been walking a tightrope with her generous publisher. It's been stressful searching for a topic to write her next book on with her brain running slow and the stress of the deadline dragging it down even more.
The librarian, having been ignored, shakes her head and adjusts her glasses. Her companion, and ever so loyal barn owl flaps its wings flippantly and releases its talons from her shoulder pad to stalk on top of their patron’s head.
This startles Eve. She closes the book and shakes the owl off. “Pauty!”
With the girl’s attention lost from her research the librarian takes the chance to scold her. “It's going to take you the remainder of the library's time to put all those books back.” She scolds her on top of the owl companion's playful attack. Eve knew when to listen. The fact that she is in her twenties and still scolded like a child doesn’t please her much but it’s a reminder that there are still rules she’s supposed to follow. Maybe that just annoys her more.
Eve rubs her temple as she gathers up the books filling the table space. “Okay…"
No progress was made today, and it's making her anxious. She would check out some of the books for more research time at home but she's already overdue on other books she's hoarding in her room, and Ms. Pepper would refuse.
She's a kind old woman when she can be, but stern as a judge when she has to be.
“I find it so interesting how you often refused to sit still in this library when you were a kid. Now you force me to delay closing each day because of your obsession. Do you even know what you're looking for?”
“Sorry." Eve mumbles as she pushes the chair in, half hearted and barely showing any remorse for Ms. Pepper. More remorse for herself rather.
Ms. Pepper just shakes her head. “Make sure to sign out, okay?”
“Yes Ma'am."
Eve meticulously sorts through aisles to put the books back where they belonged, lest she deal with more scolding and more talons. Strict rules for something like books was way out of her logic. They are treated like ancient artifacts and she found that silly. Anyone can write a book, anyone can add more to the lot, they aren't really that special. To add so much etiquette culture to them deters her further from her career choice.
Besides, she's tired.
Ms. Pepper waves her goodbye as Eve leaves the library, being the last one out, finally allowing the doors to swing closed.
It's barely light out anymore. The sun offered reading light to library visitors through the large baroque windows, it's mostly the only light available. Candles are strictly forbidden, even in contained environments. So the libraries are open only when the sun allows enough light to the comfort of patrons.
Too strict.
The sad slumping pace home was wrecking Eve as much as the thought of what home was gonna sound like when she got there. She didn't wanna go home but where else would she go?
She unlocks the door, unmotivated but muscle memorized motions of pulling out her key, turning it into the keyhole and locking the door behind her got her inside faster than she’d realize if she cares to notice. Nothing ever greeted her when she arrived back everyday. The laminated floor and the stone trimmed white walls were the same. Nothing changes, and that may be the very reason she dreads it.
Her steps reach the staircase, but just barely when her shirt is tugged from behind her.
“Evelyn!”
A small but demanding voice.
“Yeah?” She hums to her little brother, a bit confused as to why he’s so eager to see her.
“That lady you like was looking for you today.” Jun says. A purposefully blunt kid, saying anything to get a reaction.
Eve averts her gaze. “Uh… Who?” Hoping it’s a stranger though she knows damn well who would be at her doorstep.
The second Jun described the visitor she turned away. “What did you tell them?”
“I told her you—”
“Them, Jun.” She corrects him.
"— were at the library but you would be back soon.” Eve’s face twists in anticipation, eyes glancing towards the kitchen. “So I let them in and they’re waiting in the kitchen.”
“You let a stranger inside?” She sighs as she takes her bag off her shoulder.
“She-” Eve grabs his ear. “They’re your friend, yes I let them in!”
"... Okay, okay… You can hang out in the living room, thanks.” She pats Jun’s shoulder and tries to straighten herself up to be presentable to her publisher. Hoping they aren’t too irritated with her.
Eve had been avoiding Robyn’s notices all month. Another reason she stayed so long at the library. The messages went from word of mouth to mailed letter to in person attempts. Robyn is scary when it comes to their company so when Eve started to reach the deadline with no progress; when she felt Robyn’s impatient stare from across the city; she started to do anything to avoid seeing them.
Now though, they’re in her living room… and they definitely heard her voice. No getting out of it now.
Eve enters the kitchen with a demeanor of failed confidence. She didn’t want Robyn to think any lower of her, but Robyn has known Eve long enough to understand what each little quirk meant. Holding her thumb in her hand meant income was low, the hand on the back of the head meant I’m nervous to ask for something, the low hanging head and inward shoulders meant…
Eve took a seat across from Robyn at the dinner table. “I’m sorry if you were waiting long… I can brew you some tea.”
“I’m quite alright, Eve.” Robyn puts a hand on the table.
The rejection of tea with that tone meant a serious conversation was to be had and Eve was not ready.
“Well, uh… What-”
“I put a lot of worth into your name, but you know that.” Robyn adds a beat of silence, forcing Eve to think. “The books you’ve written have done amazing and are aging well. Yet I look at them and I’m disappointed.”
Eve doesn’t break eye contact in fear of a negative reaction. "... That so?”
“I read Harper again the other day.”
Eve’s first book. A short story novel that was first published as a teaser in the Weekly Publisher, later to have a lot of demand for a full version. Her first paying book published by a real company.
Eve pressed her lips back into her teeth nervously. “And?”
“The first chapter is always good, always. It did wonders in The Publisher,” They tap their finger to the wood of the table, dragging out the last part for emphasis. “and then it seems like you fell off. You gave up. Not that you got lost or stuck, but that you didn’t have the motivation to create the rest of the story.”
Eve finally broke eye contact and turned her head away, but only slightly.
~~~To be continued~~~
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~ I haven't gotten the full chapter drafted out, I don't wanna continue if I have to start over again.
