I love how Tank walking away from Quinn wasn’t portrayed as “This is wrong, I’m being just as bad as him and I have to stop”, it was portrayed as “Oh my fucking god I actually dated this man what the hell”
The amount of love I’ve been getting on my redacted fics….You all are so amazing I can’t believe how much you guys like them. It’s surreal to me. Thank you so so much
So I wanted to make this because it was something that I wish I had.
If you don’t know what to write it’s ok, the best thing to do is just to sleep on it. But if you really want to get writing I find that rereading/ watching/ listening to what ever you want to write about helps get creativity flowing.
Picture yourself in the scenario, but don’t put yourself in the scenario. I often find picturing me in the fan fic helps me write it, I think about what I want to happen and write. But don’t put yourself in the scenario. Keep in mind that if someone is reading your fan fic/ story. It’s difficult to relate if it’s just you in the story, use gender neutral terms, if it’s a xReader use things like y/e/c (your eye colour)
Don’t stress, think on it. Creativity comes randomly. And while it may be frustrating, forcing creativity just creates a mess. There have been times where I don’t come on here for a while because I can’t think of anything to write
Sit on it and re read. Many times your first draft isn’t the best, let it sit in your notes for a while, come back and read it again periodically. If you get to the point you don’t want to post it anymore that’s okay too.
Talk with friends, discuss things with other people, and take criticism as feedback not hate.
Have fun. Your best work comes from when you’re happy about what you’re writing. If you don’t like something, don’t post it. It’s your art.
This was how I imagined Tank reacting to the things Quinn was saying. Please have in mind I wrote this before Quinn’s Aftermath was uploaded I was just busy posting the Broken series and don’t have the energy to rewrite it. So if things don’t match up exactly I apologize
“He’s gonna try and get into your head Sam, say… say things that aren’t true to try and get you to tick. You have to take everything he says with a grain of salt. And no small talk. You have to go in knowing what you want. You give into his stalling he’s just going to get more and more under your skin.” Tank’s heart was beating at a rapid pace. What did Quinn want with Sam. It didn’t make any sense to them.
“Darlin.” Sam grabbed their face so they could look him in the eyes. “I know.” He said staring deep into their eyes. They could tell he was trying to calm them down. It only half worked.
“Sam there’s been things I haven’t told you….. he… I want to be the one to tell you personally but… knowing Quinn he’s going to bring them up. Please…. If you hate me after what he says then… give me at least a chance to explain myself.” They held on to him tight, they couldn’t let him go. He was their mate, their world.
“Darlin, Quinn is a sick fuck. I’m not going to let what ever bullshit he spews change my opinion of you. I love you, with my absolute everything.” Hearing him say that made their heart metaphorically skip a beat. He kissed their forehead and walked out to go confront Quinn.
When he got in there he did everything they told him to do. Skip the small talk, go straight to questions. But Quinn had other plans, as per usual.
“Why the hell am I here?” Sam asked.
“Because I want to get to know you Samuel. We’ve barley even met.” Hearing Quinn’s voice again was like needle’s piercing their skin from every direction.
“Oh I remember the night we met, perfectly. That image is never gonna leave my mind.” Sam shook his head No Sam don’t tell him that.
“I do look rather dashing in blood. Don’t I?” Quinn laughed, the needles pushed in harder.
“That supposed to be funnny?” Sam cocked his head.
“Two and a half years.” Quinn ignored the question “You think they would all blend together over the decades. But I never forget a face. How if Freddie doing? Does he still wake up screaming at night, thinking of me?” Quinn smirked. They could see the smoke coming off of Sam.
“Keep his name, out of your fucking mouth.” Sam seethed.
“Fredrick Collins.” At that point Tank themselves wanted to jump through the glass and strangle the fucker. “He did take your name didn’t he? Must have left a pretty good impression as a maker then. Was that your way of compensating for than your own less than stellar undead upbringing?” That got Tanks blood boiling. How fucking dare he bring up Sam’s turning. Especially knowing how hard it was for them.
“Tank, calm.” David shot them a look.
“Sorry.” They cleared their throat.
“Where is she?” Sam pushed
“I’m not done playing with you Sammy.” The nickname made them growl.
“Calm.” David repeated.
This was going on way too long, Quinn kept stalling, trying to get under Sam’s skin. They didn’t expect much less from him but they weren’t the most patient of people.
“I’ve never had a progeny. Tell me, what’s it feel like when he has the nightmares? Do you feel them too? Do you feel his fear like it’s your own or something separate? When he remembers my teeth tearing through his skin, ripping muscle off the bone. His blood splattering his face. Do you feel it whgen hes sobbing in bed, trapped in a dream begging for his life. What doe that feel like.” Tank was thankful Bright wasn’t here at the moment, the pain and anger they would be feeling having to listen to that.
Sam saw the two as if they were his own kids, as with Sam being their mate they met the two of them many times. They were good kids gone too soon. Sam was often really hard of Bright but Tank was able to get him to lossen up on them. Bright reminded Tank as themself, only younger and having more to live for. That night at wonderworld they never would have known Quinn would attack. They probably didn’t even know he was there. They were unempowered, and that world was hidden from them, for all they knew vampires were pale white teen heartthrobs who sparkle in the sun light.
“I don’t have to sit through this.” Sam started to get up.
“Is her life worth less than your comfort?” Quinn asked when Sam had his hand on the door. “Sit.” He demanded, a tone Tank heard a lot during their time with him. “Do you hold him when hes crying or is that too much? Consoling isn’t everyone’s strong suit.”
“Clearly.” They could practically hear Sam roll his eyes. “I have a question of my own,”
“Oh yes, ‘where is she?’ I heard you the first ten times” Quinn mocked
“No, something different.” Sam sounded proud, like he was able to get the jump on Quinn.
“And what might that be?” Curiosity, something rarely used by Quinn.
“Why am I the one in this chair? You know who you should actually be facing.” Tank’s eyes went wide, what was he doing.
“Be cause this is more fun.”
“Because youre a coward. Because youre scared to face them-”
“Because theres no greater pain I can give them than denying them closure. Because I know that having me this close just out of reach, refusing to talk to anyone but their beloved mate-” Tanks eyes could have popped out of their head hearing him say that.
“David….” they whispered.
“What?”
“He’s been watching me…” Their breathing got faster.
“What? How do you know?” He took a step closer to them.
“He called Sam my mate” The fear could practically be heard on their voice.
“Ok? So? He is.” David was very confused.
“But how would he know that? I’ve never called anyone that. Not even him…”
“Why are you doing this to them?” Sam questioned.
“I take betrayal very seriously.” Betrayal? Betrayal? He was the one who betrayed them, hes the sicko who attacked innocent people.
“You have to have trust before you can have betrayal.” Sam countered.
“Oh, they trusted me. They trusted me with every part of them.” Tank’s stomach dropped. “I was their safe place for all those ugly thoughts in their head, because they knew what was in my head was much worse. That I wouldn’t judge them for it, that they could ask me to do anything to them and I’d do it with a smile. Anything for my precious” The name made them want to puke, to scream, to cry. “Are you enjoying my sloppy seconds?” They felt something in their heart hurt, like Quinn took a wooden stake and gud it into them, their chest got tight.
“I’m enjoying being with my mate” Sam seethed, “Someone who is stronger than the shit you’ve tried to put them through.” Sam defended them.
“This is why your more fun Sammy! You don’t crack under pressure like they do. Not yet anyway. I wonder how many buttons I have to press to push you over the edge.” Quinn was trearting this like a game. To him it was.
“Save us both some time end this. tell me where the girl is.” Sam tried to get back on track.
“Game’s not over yet. Tell me something, vampire to vampire, their blood tastes like heaven, doesn’t it.” Their face got hot with shame. They could feel David looking at them. “And the sounds they make when the fang sinks in.” They shut their eyes, tight. “The way they’d wind their fingers into my hair, dragged me in tighter like they wanted me to bite hard enough to hit bone. It’s like nothing else.” They knew he was doing this to get under Sam’s skin, but they couldn’t help but feel absolutely disgusted by who they used to be, what they used to do.
“Where is the girl?” Sam didn’t let him in.
“Do they still prefer their bites on the thigh? I was never picky. Ephemeral artery would suit me just fine. Especially with how hard they always wanted me to bite. But with a mate, maybe they prefer the neck nowadays.” Tank tried to hide themself, the look they felt coming off of David was enough to send them back into their old self.
“He… bit… you?” David’s voice growled.
“It…. It was all consensual at the time David….” The tried to hide even harder.
“What is the point of any of this.” That obviously got on Sam’s nerves.
“I guess I’m asking the wrong person… because… you’ve never bitten them… have you?” Quinn chuckled. “I’ve been close to them Sammy, so close. With out them even noticing. I would have detected your mark on them. But I haven’t. You refuse to taste them. How interesting.” The smile on Quinn’s face sent a chill through them, the metaphorical needles in their skin were practically hitting bone at this point. “Surley they’ve asked for it by now. Knowing them.”
“You don’t know anything about them.” Sam was trying so hard to keep it together.
“I’m sure you wish that was true. Sorry to burst your bubble there cowboy. They always were my favorite thrall.” Quinn chuckled at Sam’s obvious anger. “How are the scales looking? Your comfort weighed against the life of a stranger. Still worth it?”
“If listening to your sick shit is what it takes to ensure that girl’s safety. Then yes, it’s worth it.” Sam looked into Quinn’s eyes.
“You mean that… how interesting. You know, I considered adding the stipulation that no one be listening behind the mirror while we spoke, I do love my privacy after all.” Quinn poked.
“Why didn’t you?” And Sam bit.
“Because then I wouldnt have the satisfaction of knowing my favorite thrall was in the audience.” He laughed and it made everything in Tanks body run cold. “I know you’re back there Precious. Have you missed me?”
He smiled looking at the mirror almost like he was looking directly at them. And that’s when they broke, the fear and anger and sadness that was running through their body had started to overflow. Their breathing got rapid, their eyes began to well with tears, their body began to tremble.
“Tank? What… hey.” David grabbed their shoulder but it only just made them jump and slip deeper into the panic. “Woah, hey, look at me. Tank, it’s okay.”
Almost as if he could sense their panic Sam shot up out of his seat “you asked for me. Talk. To. Me. Leave them out of this.” His words like knives
They felt their knees start to give out. And luckily David never let go of them, he lowered them down as they continued to let the panic attack run its course.
“It might be best to get them out of here. They don’t need to relive stories of their trauma from the one who gave it to them.” The detective interjected.
“No… Sam…” they managed between gasps.
“Sam’s going to be fine Tank. Come on, let’s get you some water.” David lifted them up and carried them out to the car to calm down.
That’s a hard one, I’m definitely just in love with Sam. Vincent is always a good one, there was one moment when I just listened to the Avior audios on repeat but I also think it’s because he was one of the only ones who didn’t mention the inversion. I listen to David a lot. Having and the whole DAMN crew are good listens. When Freds was still public I really liked listening to those just cause it was something different but i think Geordie was a good replacement for that (eagerly waiting for an update to that) Although I would have loved to see the learning process with the two. I will say I don’t like Marcus’ story line it just seems… weird to me. But regardless I really love all of them (excluding Marcus) and I listen to all the playlist constantly.
Plot: (summary of what you want to happen, and how much freedom I would have with the plot)
Please keep in mind the definition of requests, an act of asking politely or formally for something. I can fully just not go through with a request if I do not feel comfortable with it.
I need a Redacted Audios fan to become my internet bestie because none of my real life friends listen to him so I’m just ranting about deamons, werewolves, vampires, telepaths, stealths, freelancers, elementals, dream walkers and many other magic users and they’re sat there like “🙂 yep”
Since that night Cutie and Geordi either texted or called every night. Eventually Geordi moved back in with them, and for the first time in a while, it wasn’t silent. They still never asked to enter his mind, but not because they were over stepping that boubndry, but because they still didn’t trust themselves. If they did it once what was stoping them from doing it again. They couldn’t hurt Geordi like that, not again.
“Hey,” Geordi’s voice was soft, “Penny for your thoughts?” He gave them a half smile as he set their breakfast down in front of them.
They just shook their head, “No- nothing. It’s nothing.” They picked up their fork and started eating.
“Hey, Cutie…” Geordi also picked up his fork but didn’t start eating yet.
“Hm?” They hummed with mouth full of eggs.
“I- I’m not saying it’s something you have to do… not if you don’t want to… but I’ve just noticed that… you haven’t asked to you know-” He couldn’t even get the full thing out before Cutie almost choked before swallowing their eggs.
“I haven’t. I haven’t read your mind. I haven’t gone in there. I- I’m better I swear. I wouldn’t do that to you.” Panic filled their voice.
“No, no,no that-. I didn’t think that you did. You say you’re better and I believe you, it’s just… you haven’t even asked to… and… i guess its just… I kinda miss it.” He shrugged. “Do you think you want-”
“No.” They replied sharply without looking at him.
“That-... that was fast… is… is everything okay?” He was taken aback from how quickly they shut him down.
“Im fine.” a short respond with the same sharp tone.
“Cutie, I don’t mean to pry, and seriously if its something you really don’t want to talk about I’ll back off. But, I know you my love. I can see something is wrong. I’m still Geordi, you’re still my Cutie. The only thing thats changed is you’re getting help. You can still talk to me. Trust me. Like I trust you.: His eyes were full of concern, with love, with adoration.
“I-.. I do trust you Geordi…” The tossed their eggs around their plate with their fork.
“But-... There’s a but in there isn’t there?” Geordi layed his hand ontop of theirs.
“I don’t… I don’t trust… I don’t trust myself.” They looked up at him with sad eyes. “I’m scared Geordi. I’m scared if I’m allowed in once, I’m going to fall right back into that shitty person I was. The one who didn’t respect your boundaries, the one you felt necessary to compare to so shitty ex. I’m scared I’m going to hurt you again.” Their eyes began to water, they tried to bat away any stray tears, but Geordi took both of their hands in his.
“Look at me. Cutie, look. Recovery is a slow and strenuous process, I know it may feel exhausting, sometimes you’ll fall backwards and it may feel like you aren’t making any progress at all. But hear me when I say this, as an outside perspective, not as you, not as your lover, not as your boyfriend, as just Geordi, you have come so far. And it touches me to hear you say that the reason you haven’t is because you don’t want to hurt me, thats sweet, it is. But Cutie, you can’t trade one extreme for another. I like it when you talk to me in my head, its fun, it feels intimate, all I ask is that you ask before you do, and if I ask for some time, then give me a little time.” Cutie was nodding their head the whole time he spoke. “Now, do you think you would maybe want to…”
“I-.. N-... uh…” Cutie struggled they did, they really did, but like… one talk isn’t going to make those thoughts go away.
“It’s okay to say no. But just know that right now, in this moment, I want you in. I want you to listen.” He looked deep into their eyes. Cutie felt themselves nod their head. “Okay. well, youre more than welcome.”
Cutie entered his mind. Cute, so cute. They care, they’ve changed. Change, good, good change. Beautiful eyes. Can they hear? Can you hear? Are you listening? Cutie nodded their head. Good. good. Smile, cute smile, I love that smile, I love you. Never leaving. I won’t leave. I love you. Cutie chuckled “Geordi”
My name. Sounds sweet. I like when you say my name. “Yes?” whats up baby? What do you need? What can I do. Smile, keep that smile. Love that smile.
“Go eat your breakfast you dork.” They laughed
Laughing, cute laugh. Sounds like music. Like angels, I love that laugh, I love that smile I love you. “Right.” He got up and went back to his seat to eat. I’m so lucky, I love you. Look at me, let me see your eyes. Beautiful eyes, gorgeous eyes, I could get lost in those eyes. Hey don’t roll them at me. You know what? Just for that…
No, don’t you dare they tried to stop him but it was too late
Iiiits a smaaall world aaaftr aaalllll. It’sss a smaaalll world afterrr all-
I will disconnect if you don’t stop
With that the door bell rang.
I’ll get it! Geordi ran to the door before Cutie could even get up. They heard the door open Who? Familiar. They look familiar. Name… damn it why am I so bad with names “uhm… hello.”
“Hey! Cutie here?” A familiar voice rang out.
They got up from the table and went to the door, wrapping their arms around Geordi, “Hey Stealth, Hi Milo.” They waved to the slightly smaller male behind their friend. He was taller than Cutie, almost Geordi’s height but Stealth was a giant so they made everyone look small. He didn’t respond to the greeting.
“Milo, be nice. S’ry He’s a lill grumpy cause I made Him come. If we had it his way, we’d been layin’ in bed all morn’.” They waved their boyfriend’s pouty mood off.
Tall, scary, why does that man look so mad, should I let them in? I should let them in. Don’t be rude Geordi of course you should. “W-well, come in no need to uh, no need to stand out in the open. Un-unless you want to.” Geordi said nervously. He had met Stealth before, not Milo though, yet he was still intimidated by Stealths height. Shit, we didn’t clean. We haven’t even finished breakfast. Did you invite them? Why are they here? We didn’t have any time.
“Sorry about the mess, um. We weren’t really expecting you. Glad to see you though.” Cutie smiled at their friend.
You didn’t invite them? What kind of person invites themselves over?
My best friend kind. Geordi be nice.
Sorry.
“Oh it’s not a big deal to us. If you’d like we could leave and come back when ya’llfeel like you’ve cleaned up the place. Although, it looks super clean already. Well compared to how you had it when-” Stealth began to share too much information.
Cutie cleared their throat throwing them a ‘shut the hell up’ look. “No you don’t have to leave. It’s fine. Why’d you come over anyways.” They asked.
Compared to what? Why’d you stop them? What are you hiding you menace? Was it when I was at my sisters?
Shut up Geordi
“Oh honestly we-” Milo cleared His throat, “I- wanted to see ya’ll. Sorry bout Milo, he’s not usually this grumpy. He’s normally a super sweet guy.” They gave him a side glare.
“Not anything against you, you are a great person Cutie.I was just told we were going to the store and going back home. Sorry if it seems I don’t want to be around you.” He apologized.
“It’s okay Milo. Well while youre here you guys want a drink or anything? Wanna play mario cart or something?” At Cuties offer Milo’s eyes lit up.
At first I was like “yeah three parter but then I saw how long the third one would be and now it’s 4 lol
*three weeks later*
The alarm blared, the sun wasn’t even shining yet. Cutie groaned as they threw their arm over to hit stop on the alarm. “Too damn early for this… 3 hours…I don’t get paid enough.” They rolled out of bed and got ready for the day. It was quiet, so so quiet. All they could hear was the running of the shower, the tap when they brushed their teeth, the pop of the toaster when their bagel finished toasting, the start of their car. But other than that, silence, and that's all it’s been for three weeks. They began their journey to the fifth floor of the building.
“Hey Cutie!”, “Morning!”, “Have a great day!”. All of their co-workers greeted them, to which they responded with a half assed smile.
“Whats going on?” said the tall serenity daemon in front of them.
“What do you mean?” The questioned.
“Oh please you can’t hide shit from me. You can’t hide anything from my entire race. You’re upset… like greatly upset. Talk to me”
“I am fine… Cam, please. I need to get to my office. Im already late.” They pushed passed him
“fine , but I will get an answer!” He called out after them.
They got to their office only to be greeted with the pile of paper work they didn’t finish last night, along with a couple extra files. With a big sigh they sat down and logged into their computer. That was until they heard a knock at the door. “Come in.” they called out with out looking up from the screen or stoping their fingers flying on the key board.
The person entered and cleared their throat, causing Cutie to finally look up. “Mason, um, hi…” they became worried, why would their supervisor come all the way to their office to talk to them.
“I’m not going to beat around the bush. You’re a good worker. A great one… most of the time. But lately-” The Fae couldn’t even finish their statement before Cutie cut them off
“You’ve been taking late nights already. Like every night. Only occasionally you leave on time. But look at your desk right now, I mean you could build a skyscraper with the files you haven’t filed yet. I’m not here to reprimand you, because the fact it that when you work, you’re one hell of a worker. But I’m worried about you. Stealth tells me that you haven’t been sleeping at night, that you’re dealing with your own demons right now. But it can’t affect your work, you must know that. Especially now, with every thing that has happened. The Inversion, the break out, Quinn.” He said heartfeltly, they knew he genuinely cared.
“Yes sir, I know… I… It wont, I won’t let what is going on affect my work. I-... I’m seeing someone on my lunch breaks. It’s just taking a little longer than expected-” Cutie tried to excuse the poor work efforts lately, but they knew that it wasn’t a good one.
“I don’t want management to let you go. Please, for my sake… do better. I really don’t want to have to train another elemental.” Mason joked but Cutie didn’t laugh.
“Yes sir.” They nodded and got back to work as Mason walked out. And from 5:00 to noon that what they did, they worked their ass off, filing the stack of papers on their desk. They would have gone longer but there was another knock at the door. The person didn’t bother to wait for a response and just opened the door.
“Hey Cutie,” Stealth popped their head in. “We’re uh, we’re headed to Enzo’s across the street if you wanted to come.” They offered.
“Shit… it’s lunch already?” They hadn’t even realized how much time passed but when they looked back at the papers so much wasn’t done. “No… no I um. I need to meet with someone. Thanks though.” Stealth nodded their head and closed the door. Cutie logged out of the computer, standard department protocol, and headed to the elevator. Didn’t bother to grab their bag or anything. They got in the elevator and hit the 10th floor button.
“Tenth floor. Isn't that the mental case floor?” The man who phased into visibility right behind them asked.
“Jesus! What the hell Alec.” They turned around and hit him. “God I have enough on my plate with one stealth, I don’t need you randomly appearing behind me like a psycho.”
“Hey, it’s what I do best, so um… why you going to the tenth floor? Oh god are they giving mental exams again?” Alec groaned.
“No. No-uh… I don’t know. But that’s not why I’m going.”
“Then… why are you going up there?” He pushed
“No reason. Just… just gotta file some paper work for a case.” They lied.
“Riiiggghhhhttt, and that’s why you have that HUGE stack of papers in your hands.” Alec said sarcastically.
“Alec, just stop.” They snapped.
“Okay, okay.” He held his hands up defensively. “I think this is your stop.”
The elevator doors opened, and walked out. “Well… good luck.” Alec called out.
They walked down the hall and stoped in front of a door. They knocked three times, and the door opened. “Hey! I thought you weren’t coming.”
“Hey Melissa, sorry just got caught up in some work.” Cutie walked in and sat in the leather arm chair.
“Well then. Should we begin?” Melissa began to pull out all the usual equipment.
“Uh… Melissa, do… do you think we could keep this one off the record? I- I mean take what ever physical notes you need… but can we cut the audio recorder?” Cutie wrung their hands nervously.
“Are we finally talking about it?” Cutie nodded in response. “Ok, yeah.” Melissa put her audio recorder back into a drawer. “So where do you want to start?”
“Where should I start?” Cutie was already dreading this.
“The beginning. The why, the how. Everything.” Melissa opened her note book.
“Well. I guess it started as far back as I can remember. I mean, growing up in… in a telepath household…. My parents didn’t talk to me until I got my powers. And before and after, nothing… I mean NOTHING was private. Any crush or partner I had, any test I didn’t do too well on, any report card I got a B on, I mean, they knew when I was changing, what I would wear before I walked down stairs. They knew when I was lying, telling the truth, there was no point in trying to hide anything.” Cutie began to cry. “But when I got… when my abilities developed… I realized just how… how fake people were. What came out of their mouth wasn’t what was playing through their minds. I- I lost friends. People I trusted who lied to me.” Then came the sobs. “I-… I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, crying is a part of healing. This is how you get better.” Melissa reassured.
“Melissa… what if… what if I never get better? What if Geordi doesn’t want me back? I mean I wouldn’t want me back. Gods I’m such a fucking mental case-“ Cutie was rambling.
“Cutie… you are not a mental case, you are hurt. Years of family trauma, built up over and over. It’s trust issues. Every one has them to some level.” Melissa put her pen down. “Okay, forget notes, forget all of that. Just, talk to me”
“I want to get better. I do. I need to get better. But… I’m scared that I’m never going to get better. What if… what if he trusts me again? Then what? I slip up and break that trust? I can’t do that….” Cutie couldn’t stop crying. They hadn’t cried like this since that day.
“People have relapses. They have moments of weakness. But the more you work to not have those moments, the better you get. And you’ll get to the point where you won’t relapse any more.” Melissa gave Cutie soulful eyes. Caring eyes.
“He hasn’t called… hasn’t texted. Not since that night.” They looked at the ground.
“Have you ever tried to… contact him first? Maybe he wants to wait until you feel like you’re ready.” She tried to help them see the other side of it.
“What if I never feel like I’m ready? What if I take too long and… and he moves on?” The thought made their chest burn.
“Look, just. Reach out to Geordi, let him know you’re still thinking about him. That you still want him. Don’t let him go.” She pushed.
“Melissa-“
“No, don’t Melissa me. All of your what ifs will actually come true if you just sit on your ass like this. You’ve been seeing me for three weeks. Since then how many peoples minds have you slipped into?” She questioned.
“Um…” Cutie took a hard moment to think. “I- none… I mean I’ve been so focused on… well on other things. I don’t.”
“You haven’t slipped into anyone’s minds. See, that’s progress.”
“I-… I don’t know…”
“Okay, how about some homework. You, are going to contact Geordi tonight. And update me tomorrow. Now our time is up and you should probably get back to work.” Melissa began to pack up all her stuff.
Cutie went back to work, behind that same old desk. As they worked their mind wandered, it was always so quiet…. They wanted it to stop being so quiet. They thought about connecting to someone near their office…. Thought about using them as background noise.
“No-“ they took a deep breath. “Music… music will help.” They brought up their Spotify and hit play on the first playlist they saw, without even looking at what it was.
They were immediately hit with the wonderful notes of the Tetris theme song. “Fuck” they groaned. Their eyes began to well up, they pulled their legs onto the office chair and rested their head on their knees.
“Hey Cutie, I’ve got more fi-….” Stealth again walked in without a knock. “Woah… are you okay?”
“I’m fine” they groaned without picking their head up.
“Really? Because the fetal position in your office chair crying to the Tetris theme song does not read ‘fine’ to me…what’s going on?” The walked over and put a hand on Cuties back.
“Geordi…. This is the stupid song that played on repeat in his head. I wanted to put music on to distract me from the silence but instead I put on the playlist that I made for Geordi ....” They tried to suppress their tears, but when they looked up at Stealth there were wet spots on their pants and they had red puffy eyes.
“I’m sorry…” Stealth pulled them into a hug. “You want to come over to my place tonight? Have a self care night. Maybe we can rope Milo into it… paint each others nails and everything.” They said very excitedly
“No, I have… other thing I need to do. Maybe some other time.” They thought about the homework Melissa had given them. Contact Geordi….
That night they stayed extra late, the thousands of files they had to deal with got cut down to the 30s by the time they clocked out. They drove home in silence, they made a cup of instant noodles in silence. It was all so quiet.
Sitting down on the couch, cup of noodles in hand, they used their other hand to pull out their phone.
——————-
The phone buzzed, once, twice, three times, Geordi groaned and picked it up. “Hello?” His voice groggy, who would be calling him this late into the night.
The person on the other end didn’t speak. “Hello?” He asked again only to be answered with silence. Finally he pulled the phone away to look at the contact information. 😚💜✨Cutie✨💜😚
He put the phone back to his ear “Listen if you have nothing to say to me fine. But don’t call at one in the morning only to say nothing.” He was going to hang up when he heard the gentile tone of their voice.
“Wait… I’m sorry… for waking you… it- it’s not one am…” He imagined them shaking their head in refusal.
“Yeah… it is. Check the clock.” He replied.
“Damn…” they breathed
“Did you just get off work?” Geordie knew them, they’d work themselves to death on rare occasions when he had an out of town business trip.
“Um… yeah… well, like an hour ago.” Their voice was soft, something he missed, something he longed for.
“What time did you go in?” He sighed.
“Seven… I- I had a lot of work to do.” They tried to justify.
“Cutie-… that’s not healthy.” He rubbed his temple.
“I… I know… I’m sorry.”
“Can I ask, why’d you call?” Geordi wanted to ask that from the start.
“I… um…. I don’t actually know…” Great, their tired, probably drunk, and don’t know what they’re doing. Wait… drunk.
“Cutie… are you drunk?” He asked worried.
“No- no I’m not drunk.” The replied super fast. “Look in all honesty, um, my therapist gave me some homework to um… to reach out and contact you tonight. I don’t know what she wanted me to say but… I did it. I guess. If you want to hang up now that’s totally fine.”
Therapist? Had they actually started to go see one? Of course they did, they said they would. They wouldn’t lie. Hell they told him when they invaded his boundary, even knowing the consequences, they told him. “Therapist?”
“Uh-… we’ll… more like a department hired psychologist you know, detective can deal with some… some serious stuff so they have someone there in case…” they drifted off. “Uhm, but I’ve been seeing her for a while.”
“How do you think you’re doing?” He had wanted to check in but ofcourse his brain alway distracted him and he ended up forgetting until late that night when he figured they’d be in bed. But looking at the time now it’s safe to assume that they most likely weren’t.
“I-… I don’t know… I mean. She’s helped me find ways of dealing with it-“
“It? What’s it?” He cut them off.
“Oh… um… the- the silence. I guess I kinda understand why they use solitary confinement as punishment for inmates now.” They joked and chuckled. “But she’s helped me find ways. Instead of entering someone’s mind I just… put on some music, or a tv show or something to distract me. I have to admit though, it’s not always easy to.” They gave another chuckle. He tried to imagine the small smile they normally have with a chuckle like that. But it had honestly been a while he could only half see it, ouch… that hurt.
“Yeah, well no ones said it would be easy.” Shit that came out harsher than intended.
There was a good thirty second of silence. “We um. We talked about my family today.” .Geordi’s jaw dropped. They hadn’t even talked about their family with Him before.
“Oh- wow. Um thats great.” Gerodi gave them mental praise. They had to have been going to her for a while if they were that ready, or at least known her for a long time. The only person he could recall they said they told about their family was Stealth.
“Yeah… I guess…” there was yet again prolonged awkward silence.
“Hey, when um.. Whens your next day off?” Geordie broke the silence by asking.
“Oh- um… I’m not exactly sure… why?” They sounded confused.
“Um, why don’t we go grab a coffee or something. I miss you Cutie. I told you I didn’t want you out of my life and I still don’t. But, don’t feel like you have to meet up with me. I mean I imagine you’re a little pissed with me. I mean, I walked out when you needed me, and then I kept forgetting to call. That had to have messed with you a lot.” Geordie fully understood what a crappy move that was. He had told Cutie before he left that just because theres good intentions behind something doesn’t mean that its good. So just because he had genuinely forgotten… doesnt mean it wasn’t a terrible thing to do.
“Y-yeah.. I’d like that… I um… I’ll text you and let you know when.” He could almost hear their smile and it warmed his heart. He got the feeling that was the first time they genuinely smiled in a while.
They were able to find the strength to get their phone out and call the last person they texted.
“Cutie! Hey! Wha-… Cutie?” They could hear the rapid breathing that came from Cutie. “What’s goin’ on? Are you okay? Where are you?”
“Home… help… please” they struggled to get it out.
“Okay, okay. I’m on my way. Just… just try to calm down.” The line disconnected. They didn’t even know who they called. Their mind wasn’t working. Whoever it was, whoever they called, who ever told them to calm down. They couldn’t. No matter how hard they tried. They began to feel dizzy, feel like they were being lifted from their body, they felt faint. Their vision began to blur, and darken.
“Cutie? Cutie? Wake up, please.” They were being shaken. “Cutie? What happened?” Their vision cleared up, and they could see the familiar face of their co-worker.
“Stealth?” They looked around dazed and confused.
“Cutie, what happened? Where’s Geordi?” They asked with pure concern written all over their face.
Geordi… Geordi… they began to cry.
“Hey hey, it’s okay. Just tell me what happened.” Stealth pulled them into a hug.
“Geordi’s gone… he left. He’s staying with his sister. We… we had a fight… Stealth… I fucked up… I fucked up so bad.” The tears streamed out of their eyes.
“Hey, hey it’s okay, it’s goin’ to be okay. Just take a deep breath for me. Cutie, I need you to calm down.” Stealth ran a hand up and down their back in a soothing rhythm. Cutie got a hold of themselves but the tears didn’t stop. “I’m gonna call Milo, I’m not leaving you alone tonight.” Stealth picked up their phone and dialed their boyfriend. “Milo, hey. I’m going to stay at Cutie’s tonight. No Milo, seriously, I don’t want to leave ‘em alone. No, everythin’s fine… I think. We’ll talk about it later. No Milo, later. Okay, okay, I love you too. Bye.”
—----------------------------------------
Geordi didn’t want to leave. God knows he never wanted to walk out. But he couldn’t put himself through the same thing he did with Ben. They weren’t Ben, they were so much different, but… but they had their similarities. Geordi began to walk to his car but before he even made it to the stairs he stopped
I should go back, they didn’t look well. No, I’m not well. Not there. But… crying. They were crying. Panic attacks. They have panic attacks. What if they’re having one right now? Scared, they must be so scared. I don’t want them scared. Theres no one there. No one to help them. They need to learn to help themselves. Thats harsh, no not harsh. True. It’s true.
Geordi had his own tears streaming down his face and he continued down the stairs to his car. And they followed all the way to his sister. He knocked on the door. She answered.
“Hey G… whats up? Are you okay?” She looked worried. Really worried. “Was it Ben? Did he try to contact you?”
“No.. No… I-... can I come in?” He sobbed
“Absolutley.” She opened the door for him to walk in. He went straight to the couch in her living room
“Are you gonna talk about it? Why are you crying?” She sat next to him.
“Um… you know how I found someone else. My… my partner…” He began
“Yeah… oh god… did you br-”
“No, no. Not… not yet. We just um… we had an argument. I decided I needed a little space. You don’t mind if I stay here for a while… do you?” He asked with tears still in his eyes.
“Of course not. Whatever you need G.” She nodded her head. “And… if you ever want to talk about the fight… I’ll listen.” She walked away to go and get him something to eat. He pulled out his phone to text Cutie like he said he would
Hey, I made it. Hope you’re okay. Talk to you later.
He hit send and didn’t look at his phone the rest of the day.
This was something I thought up from two comments on Geordi’s episode Your Boyfriend Finally Draws The Line. One said something about Cutie having a panic attack after Geordi left and another kinda piggybacked off that with saying how even if Cutie got the help, and Geordi forgave them that they would never forgive themselves and live in constant fear they would hurt him again. So… angst.
Italics is things playing in Cuties head and the bold italics is what they were thinking in the moment of the fight
CW: stereotypical/fictional display of a panic attack, argument, disassociation, mental distress, and severe angst. (Lmk if I missed anything)
multiple chapters
master list | part 2
Why are you like this
Of course I’m mad. Fuck you-
I’m asking you for 20 or 30 minutes. Why is that a problem?
That is not fair to me. Don’t say that.
Why are you like this
Do you know how hurtful it is
Fuck you-
Cutie just stood there, all of Geordi’s words swirling around in their head.
Sometimes I just want some space for myself
Don’t… DON’T
Why can’t my words ever be enough for you
Geordi was right, all they did was push and push and push. They were being so fucking toxic.
Giving me space is not some gift you’re granting me. It’s… it’s a right that you’re respecting.
Don’t guilt me for asking for it
That is not fair to me
Don’t give it conditionally
You’re not really giving it at all
Subconsciously they knew that it would come to this, but they were to blind to see that the way they acted was bringing this end closer and sooner.
It’s not easy for me to just not care
My feelings aren’t just some problem you can solve
Even if that would be convenient for you.
They think everything’s about them
Selfish, that’s what they were. They were too insecure to take Geordi’s feelings into account. They were too obsessed with what others were thinking about themselves to care that Geordi needed space.
It’s like you don’t even hear me
Because I’m tired. And you don’t seem to have much to say anyway.
Are we too different
They don’t get it, they don’t get me
I have drawn a line, and they keep crossing it
Maybe trying isn’t enough
It wasn’t, trying wasn’t enough. Because regardless of how hard they tried it always ended up the same.
I’m upset. But that doesn’t mean I want you gone.
I’m not mad, just tired
I want them in my life
Did he? Did he still want them in his life? After all they had done.
They think back to the talk they had just had before he walked out.
Is the why really going to make a difference? I already know why you did it. The same reason you always do *he’s going to leave* because the thought of not knowing what someone thinks all the time pushes you to this place where you just- *loud, loud, mad. He’s mad. He should be. You fucked up*
It was everything they were scared of but they couldn’t do that to Geordi. They couldn’t lie, they couldn’t hide it from him. They loved him. He understood how hard it was to be honest. Of course he did, he was Geordi, the best thing to ever have happened to them.
Honesty after the fact… and then apology… aren’t going to be enough for me.. anymore *way to go dumbass. He’s gone, he hates you. He should. What’s wrong with you* because… because apologies are just words…. Words you keep on saying.
He was right. The amount of times they said sorry, you coulda filled a whole pool with it.
I lost three years of myself, and my health, and my happiness to that. And I’m not gonna do that again *happiness, you don’t make him happy. Miserable, he’s miserable. How could you?*
They never wanted to take his happiness away. To be compared to his ex. An ex they didn’t know much about but they knew was a piece of shit.
I need to go. I’ll text you when I get there. Goodbye.
And just like that, he walked out. And they were left there, alone, in silence, so so so much silence. They could feel their heart begin to speed up. Faster and faster, it felt like it would beat straight out of their chest. Their lungs moved with their heart, expanding and contracting faster and faster, their chest burned. They were already crying before Geordi walked out. Their legs gave out, Cutie fell to the ground right there in the kitchen. Chest heaving, mind racing, face flooded with salty tears. They began to shake, they couldn’t stop it.
“G-G-Geordi” they wheezed. But no matter how hard they tried to call out, Geordi left, he was gone. He wouldn’t even care to come to their side to calm them down.
They tried so hard to think of the next best person. But they couldn’t. All that ran through their head was Geordi and his words.
They were able to find the strength to get their phone out and call the last person they texted.
“Cutie! Hey! Wha-… Cutie?” They could hear the rapid breathing that came from Cutie. “What’s goin’ on? Are you okay? Where are you?”
“Home… help… please” they struggled to get it out.
Sitting here thinking about the Fredrick and Bright Eyes story line and how much I miss it. I’m glad Erik did what he thought was necessary for his own good but, I’m upset that there were things that drove him to that point and now so many people are missing out on what could have been something amazing. I miss Fred and wish Erik could bring him back in due time. But I know that most likely won’t happen. So I’ll settle for fanfic I guess.
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