i probably won't end up writing this so... hollanov mommy kink on main
At some point pre tuna melt, Boston adds "Jane" to a group chat to know more about the woman that Roz is obsessed with and he almost leaves but the chat is nothing but memes and hockey and this is Shane so he stays and finds that when they're not on the ice, he really likes hanging out with Boston. This leads to a drunken night where someone (my boy Connor Connors) makes a joke about how, as captain and known party animal, Ilya is like the team "fun dad" and wouldn't that make Jane the "team mom"? And Shane laughs along, thinking the joke won't go any further than a dumb drunk moment, but it catches like wildfire.
Suddenly Shane has all of the Boston Raiders calling him "mom" or more frequently "mommy" and making jokes but also asking him all the questions they feel too grown up to ask their own mothers i.e. "does this shirt go in the dark wash or light?" (Marleau) or "I’m watching my sister's kid for the night, when will she stop crying?" (St. Simon - Shane had to call Hayden for that one) or Shane's favorite "do I need my passport to fly to Alaska?" (an American rookie) and the chat kinda fades into his routine. Post tuna melt, the chat is full of hockey players begging "Jane" to get back together with Roz and complaining about how they’re children of divorce (Shane mutes the chat but can’t bring himself to leave).
Shane tries to leave when Ilya becomes a Cen but they will NOT let him and it only gets worse cause someone (Carmichael or Marleau) lets it slip to the Centaurs after a Boston game about how funny Jane is and if they've met "mommy" yet and the Cens get jealous so now Shane is a part of two different group chats with his bf's teams but not his bf, and they all insist on calling him "mommy", and Shane gets so used to calling himself mommy that he has to stop himself during texts/calls with Ilya. (He has yet to tell Ilya about this whole thing)
(NSFW below the cut)
SO the first night of the off-season, Shane and Ilya are no longer in a superstitious sex ban & Ilya decides to take his time with Shane, now that they can finally relax and spend time together. And Shane is in agony. It's been hours of constant teasing. He's lost all sense of time, and the only thing holding him up is Ilya's hands on his hips. The only thing he can think about is Ilya between his legs and the spit running down his balls. He's long since stopped caring about his own spit that's puddling beneath his cheek. His body is aflame, he’s come untouched twice at this point and Shane feels so empty it's like an ache. Ilya only makes it worse, cause every time he stops for air he prods a finger or two into Shane's hole. Lightly tracing around the rim and altogether showing no signs of stopping this madness anytime soon. Shane is a mess of long, drawn-out moans and almost pained whimpers.
Ilya isn’t doing much better. He’s almost acting as a man possessed, a robot who’s only directive is to eat Shane out until he’s crying. Ilya is moaning into Shane’s slick, puffy hole as he grinds his dick against the sheets. His sweatpants are a mess as precum leaks from him, allowing the sensitive head to catch against the soft, wet fabric as he humps the bed like a dog. And anytime his tongue isn’t in Shane’s ass, its singing his praises. Just “so pretty for me” as his thumb tugs at Shane’s hole or “tastes so good, Moy Lyubov’” or “so desperate for my cock, all puffy and red for me” and each word tugs Shane deeper, til his head is full of static and empty of anything that isn’t Ilya. So when Ilya’s need starts catching up with him and he starts humping and grinding his leaking swollen cock against the mattress. Two fingers plunging inside Shane and massages Shane’s prostate, his tongue laving against the rim. They end up basically prone as Ilya uses his other hand to jerk Shane off, thumb and pointer finger focusing solely on the messy head of Shane’s dick. Shane’s moaning and babbling “so good Ilya, so good”, “please, lemme cum Ilya please”.
The fever of pleasure is catching up to the both of them, and Shane, not thinking of anything but Ilya’s tongue plunging in past his fingers, says “oh god Ilya, so good, so good at eating Mommy out”, and the second that word comes out of Shane’s mouth, Ilya comes so hard he blacks out. Shane follows close behind at the sound of utter desperation that falls from his boyfriend’s lips.
Once they’re all conscious and cleaned up, Shane fesses up about where the “mommy” came from and just how long he’s been in groupchats with all of Ilya’s friends without Ilya. Ilya is outraged because he knew Pike and JJ couldn’t be that funny, when in fact Shane has been pinning all his laughter and inside jokes on them instead of simply telling Ilya
(Both Luca and Troy have a mental breakdown when the dust settles on Shane and Ilya being outed and they realize they’ve spent the better part of a few years calling THE Shane Hollander “mommy”… however, they don’t stop)
honestly perhaps more compelled by the juicy messy angsty alternative to the ever popular hollanov-same-team-lots-of-pda.
which is that after they are forcibly outed, shane becomes hyper vigilant about not touching ilya in public and ilya becomes scares to push that boundary.......like shane jerking away from casual pats, or not responding, them both working to make sure they are never next to each other in team events or in the locker room, or on the same line. shane dissociating, having panic attacks, tuning everything out but the next game. ilya biting his tongue, withdrawing, furious and taking it personally, playing guilty and mad.
regret-fear bubbling like toxic sludge between them, potentially setting off a turmoil of hesitation and disconnectedness of touch between them outside of public, that they have never had to deal with before..... and it makes both of them bitter and upset and they're clinging harder than ever emotionally and out of sorts and fighting around it but scared to fight about it and what if....gasp ....it starts to affect their hockey.....
In my head, after Vegas, Shane gets invited to a friend´s band performance at a bar and the band plays a cover of the song "Worry Rock" by Green Day.
The song starts with "Another sentimental argument and bitter love, FUCKED WITHOUT A KISS AGAIN, dragged it trough the mud."
When Shanes hears it he wants to fucking cry but he just puts his puppy eyes and a fake smile as he sips from his beer (that he doesn´t even want, he wanted a damn ginger ale) and cheers for his friend singing.
Shane thinks that when Ilya is feeling down or hard on himself that he should recreate the trophy room scene with Ilya looking at his own trophies. It quickly becomes clear that’s not working, but all is well when they shift four feet to the right and Ilya perks right up fucking Shane in front of Shane’s trophy wall. Shane is the ultimate trophy for Ilya. If Shane wants him, loves him, keeps wanting and loving him, then he must be worth wanting and loving because Shane only ever does things that are worth it and he only accepts the best.
shane is known to have the bitchiest RBF in the league, and the only person he can’t help but look with the loveliest expression is his husband and it doesn’t matter where, the moment he looks at ilya rozanov he will have a gentle smile and heart eyes on his face. but as soon as he looks other way the rbf is back instantly and it makes some people feel bad if they’re in the vicinity of that coldly expression.
ilya is a formula 1 driver and shane is his race engineer
he only listens to you.
well. i’m the only voice in his ear.
shane is 1-2 years older than ilya. they've been racing against each other in karting since they were little, formidable competition who keep ending up on the same podium. shane doesn’t hate rozanov, but they’re not quite friends either. at least he’s one of the few boys who never called shane a slur when shane won. shane eventually quits racing and goes to university instead, to work in f1 after.
so when ilya rozanov becomes a protegé f1 rookie at 19, shane is one of the many graduate engineers on his team. they both assume the other doesn't recognise each other.
and shane is smart, he shines through the team, and he's able to pick up things and understand ilya's driving style like no one else can. but more importantly - he's the only one on the team who doesn't rise to rozanov's bad temper and ragebaiting. (which makes ilya do it more) rozanov is fun, charismatic - but he's also such a diva to work with. everyone hates working with him.
so when ilya's old and experienced race engineer rage quitted after ilya straight up disobeying a team order - ilya had a say in who they should promote, and the team unanimously agreed for shane to take the role. he might be antisocial, and very young, but goddamn it he might be the only willing candidate for the job and wouldn’t quit before one season ended.
this partnership is an instant success. ilya achieves all his firsts with shane - and his lil baby crush grows into unsalvagable lust. in las vegas, a series of unfortunate events led to ilya starting 18th, and he ends up winning the race. the party was insane. shane did not show up.
ilya shows up to his hotel room, shirtless, bottle of champagne in hand.
“shouldn't you be at your party?”
“you weren't there. i'm bringing the party to you.”
they hook up for the first time then.
the team wins the constructors champion for the first time that year. ilya is the world champion the year after. thus begins the unbeatable hollander-rozanov dynasty.
ilya has a roster of women to sleep with in every city, but never has an official girlfriend. svetlana, the racing nepo baby turned reporter, has a free pass to the paddock, but they maintain that she's not his girlfriend.
if it was a boring win, ilya does not come home that night. if it was a crazy race, he'd end up in shane's hotel room. and if it was a really bad race? shane finds ilya's hotel room.
this goes on for YEARS.
shane is quiet, bad at workplace small talk, seemingly has no personal life, and eventually everyone on the team figured out he's probably gay, and are nice about it. he doesn't correct people when they tentatively imply that he's gay. he's married to the work anyway, it’s not relevant.
he's never said it out loud that he's gay, not even to ilya. rose landry the movie star gets invited to the paddock one race, and she got to sit next to shane trackside, and that was the closest shane has ever interacted with a woman. ilya got so jealous he made an excuse to not get a picture with the rose landry.
and they're Not Together. ilya loves women, shane is too busy to date, it doesn't mean anything that every single time ilya has to go to the factory he ends up sleeping over at shane's, because of course shane the freak lives 10 minutes away from the factory. it doesn't mean anything that they eventually end up spending most of the summers together, because ilya 'has nothing better to do' (he has no home to go back to) and shane 'has work!’
one summer ilya even invites shane to his yacht, a forced holiday for his favourite engineer and right hand man, and shane meets his friends and it's all so normal. they can still pretend that they don’t really care about each other.
until The Crash. ilya spins and runs right into the barriers. for a long minute shane thinks he might be dead. but he's back on air, thank god, he's speaking and he might have dislocated his shoulder but nothing that couldn't be fixed.
then the engine catches on fire. shane has never lost his cool over the radio ever in his entire career as a race engineer, but he yells at a delirious ilya who's still trying to recover trom the concussion. get up, ilya. get out. get out now! please. you can do it. shane is still yelling when the fire cuts the electronics short, and all he can do is keep his eyes glued to all the screens, cursing the ambulance for not getting there faster. there's so much smoke.
a lifetime later they pull out ilya, who climbs and stumbles out of the car himself, still on his feet. he waves off the stretcher, hobbling onto the ambulance (with a lot of help) - and does his stupid little wave he always does during his victory lap in the general direction of the helicopter overhead. he had no one else waiting for him at home. he wanted shane to see he was alive and well.
shane yanks his headset off (and broke it) and starts sprinting to the medical centre once he sees ilya's handsome and thankfully unburnt face on camera. he's heaving with his hands on his knees by the time he gets to where ilya has been left to wait to be taken to the hospital.
shane doesn't even realise he's crying. he can't move any closer. he's staring at ilya and there's still a million other people around them and shane suddenly realises he's in love with his driver and his driver might love him back and they're so fucking doomed what about russia what about the sponsors what about all the races held in homophobic countries.
and then shane visits him at the hospital and gets promoted to secret boyfriend.
ilya can't race for the rest of the season because his bones have to heal and he burnt his forearm and has to do physio. it doesn't stop him from turning up to races as soon as he can, to pester shane who still needs to work with the reserve driver. ilya is happy despite being on the bench and he films silly socmed stuff on the track and keeps forcing shane to join - until the internet starts getting a crush on his race engineer.
ilya bounces back next season fiercer than ever. they end up sharing hotel suites more often than not and have a flimsy excuse about Strategy but those two have always been perfectly weird for each other and joined at the hip so no one questions it. the sex is freaky as all hell. shane starts wearing glasses to work all the time. the elusive shane finally agrees to getting on the podium with ilya as the team rep, if only so they could have photos together, close to each other.
beaming, in each other's arms, shane squealing as ilya pours champagne down the back of his shirt. ilya planting an obnoxious kiss on shane’s temple.
i think ilya lays on shane’s lap a lot more than shane lays on ilyas lap because ilyas stomach always sounds like someone threw rocks in the dryer and set it on high and shane just constantly sits back up to ask if he’s okay
Ilya: My fetish is saying some incredibly stupid shit and watching Shane speedrun the five stages of grief as he realizes with horror that he still wants me to fuck him.
I just think, upon getting back to their hotel room after their first MLH Awards as a married couple (where they were both nominated but Shane won MVP), Ilya should begin frantically undressing his husband, kissing him like he's been fighting not to all night, only to find that Shane is wearing a plug.
"But how did you...? Have you been wearing this the whole time? The whole ceremony?"
Shane is so fucking pleased with himself. "Surprise."
"So this is what you meant when you said you have big plans if you win. What if I won?"
And Shane tugs down Ilya's briefs so he can finally get to his cock after hours of shifting uncomfortably in his seat just desperate for it.
"Well, good thing you've always liked my plans, huh?"
Ilya: *making bicep curls behind Shane as Shane is doing weighted squats, he had already lost count on how many reps he´s done because he can´t stop looking at his husband´s ass*
Ilya Rozanov is the character of all time. He is Russian. He drinks vodka with ice, which I'm sure is a punishable offense. He is a hockey phenom. He doesn't follow a diet. He won the Stanley Cup before he was 25. He is both a loverboi and a fuckboi. He is bisexual. He is in love with his rival, who is a man. He has slept with every woman in Boston and Moscow. He used to fuck his coach's son. He listens to Bad Bunny. He drinks his respect women juice. He tells his teammates that he loves them. He misses his mom. He loves dogs. He has a husband, a boring Canadian neurotic autistic hockey player with beautiful freckles. He drives sports cars, most of which he gives up for his husband. He is great with kids. He is now Canadian. He wears Adidas, Diesel, and Jean Paul Gautier. He smokes. He checks in during sex. He lost in the Olympics to Latvia. He is afraid of loons. He got a loon tattoo.
Shane and Ilya´s 6 year old daughter has to make a family tree for her class. llya is feeling down about not having pictures of his mother for her to put in, and then he sees she draws her with a halo over her head 😇 and she writes "grandma Irina, no photo but she looks like me, I have her eyes and her name, she looks after me." Ilya cries.
(She then also prints a dinosaur and adds it to the tree, like on the top of the tree)
Shane: who is this, baby?
Baby Irina: Uncle Scott :) *Ilya loses it*
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