Cakes @superjupiternoother - Tumblr Blog

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ruinedchildhood

buildabitchworkshop-deactivated

dexter was so fucking hardcore

#waffles

babymillionaire

unfollovving

who said ferraris aren’t family cars hah

booooost-deactivated20160127

because air from the grille is diverted out those channels, that baby would be launched out at sufficiently high speeds

iwillmindfuckyou

fantastic

4935058-452485-deactivated20170

I’m eating this Russian chocolate and it made a rattling noise when I shook it and there’s a horse magnet inside???

ihatejonarbuckle

russian kinder surprise

maschine-klatsch-deactivated201

That looks like it’s made of coal.

4935058-452485-deactivated20170

It tasted like coal

acoolguy

you ate a vase

4935058-452485-deactivated20170

honestly at this point me eating a small vase is the least of my problems

coolbean94vevo

memeseverdie

how the fuck do you look at a vase or table ornament and think “this is chocolate I will bite it”

danielkanhai

i hate when customers at work hand me a 100 dollar bill and then scoff when i check the watermark. like, lady, i will break out the counterfeit pen. i’ll draw your god damn portrait over benjamin franklin’s before i make a ruling. i’ll get a second opinion from a coworker on the opposite side of the store. i’ll call the mint like, “heyy…it’s daniel…you guys print any hundreds lately? i got a lady here with a hundred, just making sure it’s one of yours…haha cool just checking. so how are the wife and kids?” the people that make a fuss are always like, obviously rich too and you know that’s why they have a problem. like the nerve of me to doubt a rich person’s money. how dare i lump them in with a normal person with a hundred dollar bill. eventually one of them is going to let it slip. i’ll take the bill from them and go to hold it up to the light or feel it between my fingers or something and they’ll laugh and go, “oh, no, no no no i’m wealthy.”

castielcampbell

i had a co-worker catch a counterfeiter. back then we all had “truth teller” pens. and the rule was “anything over a ten gets checked if you’re not comfortable with it” but not everyone did it. but this girl was hard core about her pen. especially if she got a bad feeling from a customer. girlfriend had TWO truth teller pens in case one gave a false positive.

this couple come through her line with a lot of stuff and they acting like they are in a hurry. this was the wrong thing to say to this girl. you say that to her and she goes slower cause it freaks her out.

she finally gets to the end and the guy hands her a bunch of 20′s. first she straightened them out and counted them, and then she took her pen out. when i used it i made a little flower so that i would know that i did it. she made a swirly. the first swirly came back black, the second swirly came back black. she got out the SECOND truth teller pen and scribbled a like down the center of the bills…. black as coal.

she was freaking out. dude look like he was intense. she very politely asked if he had another form of payment as she would not be able to accept his money. “WHY NOT?!”

*gulp*

“cause it’s not real, sir.”

“MONEY IS FUCKING REAL! YOU BETTER GET MANAGEMENT OVER HERE! MY MONEY IS AS GOOD AS ANYONE ELSE!!”

she very quickly walked over to the phone and paged, and her voice, was so tinged with panic that everyone, even CUSTOMERS stopped dead in their tracks and listened to the page.

you’d never seen a page answered so quickly. it was prolly ringing before she put the phone back on the receiver. “what’s wrong? what’s going on? are you in danger? are you okay?”

and she told them that no, she wasn’t okay,, her customer was screaming and cursing at her and his money wasn’t real and she had no idea what to do now, this wasn’t covered in the CBL’s!

this got manangement on their feet. “stay call, take a deep breath, we’ll be there in 5 seconds with back up. it’s going to be okay. just breathe.”

which is easier said than done with a man that weighs 150 lbs more than you is screaming his ever loving head off. even the retiree door greeter came over and stood by her just as a show of solidarity, she couldn’t really have done anything, but she was a witness, and sometimes that’s enough to get people to back down.

it must have felt like a hour later, but it was about 2-3 minutes before the store managers came walking down the aisle with the popo trailing behind them. the cops were soooooo happy to see him.

one member of management took over the register as the other led the cashier off to sit and collect herself, while the cops talked to the guy and eventually arrested both the guy and the girl. (apparently they’d been looking for them)

management was so fucking happy that she caught him because he had like 300 dollars in funny money and she caught him dead to rights. they calmed her down, thanked her profusely, gave her the rest of the day off with pay, and called her bf or mother or someone to get her home, because she was shaking like a leaf and they didn’t want to her to get hurt on her way home.

So yes, i will use my pen when i have too. i’ll hold them fuckers up to the light to make sure that the right pressie is in the corner pocket.

don’t fuck with the money honey it just don’t pay.

lynnafred

When I was a manager for a large craft store chain, I had a customer pay with a $100 bill. One of those new ones, the blue ones that look more like they belong in a game of Monopoly than in your wallet, and there was something… Off… About it.

The watermark of Ben Franklin on the bill looked like the shittiest line art of a man you’d ever seen. It was horrendous. But it passed my marker test, so I had to give the guy his change and with a smug grin and $50 worth of Copic markers, he left.

I thought about it all night and into the next day, when the local weed dealer came in to buy his baggies. See, jewelry baggies are cheaper than ziplocks despite being the same fucking thing, and I was the only one who would treat the guy like a normal fuckin dude, so as we were chatting as I rang him out, I sighed and said, “I got a counterfeit hundo the other day.” And I told him about what I’d gone through. I told him what the guy looked like, what he bought, how he acted in line. And when I was handing him his receipt, I said, “I don’t know why I’m telling you this, man, but just watch out for any suspect looking Benjamins over the next few weeks.” I gave him one of the counterfeit markers and told him that they wouldn’t do any good, but he could have one anyway.

I guess I just wanted to tell someone about it, because I stopped thinking about it after that.

Until the day I got a call from the pot dealer about a month later. He was furious. Someone had ripped him off in over $250 of weed, and they’d done it with–yup–fake Benjamins. He gave me the guy’s name, his description, everything. And then, at the very end, he added, “I’m luring him downtown for a drug deal. Call the fucking cops.”

So I did.

The cops swooped in and grabbed the guy, and not only did they find my Copic markers that he’d bought from the store, he found similar high ticket items from other stores in the area. The cops came back, returned me my markers, and asked how I knew to tip them off.

I told them it was a lucky guess.

And that’s how a drug dealer and a junior store manager bagged a counterfeiter.

katlouq

Reblogging this version because it is GOLD

weloveshortvideos

uenzude-chan-blog

Where I get me a man like this???

airframeextender

check the morgue on the fifth of july

gravewithinagravewithinagra-blog

yo when he lands a solid punch on one tho

babyanimalgifs

newtnewt92

Fun things to say when someone tells you they’re going to go to the bathroom:

Stay safe

Congratulations

That’s what they all say

Different strokes for different folks

I hope you have the time of your life

But you have so much to live for

Please explain

fuckthisbloganditscurses

Happiness Will Come To You.

12goblins

when tho

fuckthisbloganditscurses

When You Least Expect It. Probably Late March

wizardshark

reblog for happiness to come for you in late march!

zigxortega

zac--efren

I reblogged this last year and I hung out with blink-182 backstage on March 30. Reblogging again because it worked the first time.

scientiablr

honestly, last year one of the best days of my life happened in late March

automatic-caution-door

ladysnowofmpls

ok this is really sweet

waitwhatdidtheysay

[captions]

Girl: “You glue them on.”

Dude 1: [very confused] “Why would you do that? I don’t glue mine on.”

Dude 2: [also confused] “Yeah, what the fuck?”

Girl: “Have you never heard of gluing them on?”

Dude 2: [incredulous] “No!”

Girl: “Watch this.” [she removes her eyelash]

Dude 1: [slightly panicked] “No, I- STOP.”

Dude 2: [shocked gasp] [pause] [concerned] “Do you still have eyelashes?”

Girl: [laughs]

veryfunnymemes

goosekuraleap-deactivated202102

I see no difference in energy here

outofcontextarthur

blackgirloutrage2-blog

PAY ATTENTION! This is how you weed out the men who deserve your time and the ones that don’t. These dudes are literally telling you who they are, but y'all refuse to listen. Your safety comes first.

dynastylnoire

I’m in a FB group where dudes 30 and older were having full tantrums over this post. These are the same guys that admit:

Not deleting nudes post break up

Not believing when women that were sexually assaulted

Not believing sex with a partner that is sleeping is rape

Etc.

Please do not date people that take issue with your protecting yourself.

adreamdeferred

i deadass took a picture of my dates license and sent to my homegirls in the gc. and turned on my location. yea you cool but it’s always about me and my safety.

dandridgegirl

Men who aren’t trash should already know this is commonplace. One of my last dates even offered to take a picture together for my safety text.

furbytheminx

Men who get mad when women try to protect themselves are just telling on themselves, nothing more.

on-your-knees-darling

All you people out there talking about “spreading my private information” like you don’t drive around with your liscense plate out there for everyone and their mom to see all day every day. Sit down. Shut up. She didn’t ask for your social security number you absolute acorn. Your plates are public knowledge.

them-days-was-olden-as-fuck

The spread of the black death.

kaneohtakarada-deactivated20160

Poland

sarahvonkrolock

Poland, tell us your secret.

nautilidi-deactivated20130605

Poland is the old new Madagascar.

lazuli43

If I remember correctly, Poland’s secret is that the jews where being blamed all over europe (as usual) as scapegoats for the black plague. Poland was the only place that accepted Jewish refugees, so pretty much all of them moved there.

Now, one of the major causes of getting the plague was poor hygiene. This proved very effective for the plague because everyone threw their poop into the streets because there were no sewers, and literally no one bathed because it was against their religion. Unless they were jewish, who actually bathed relatively often. When all the jews moved to Poland, they brought bathing with them, and so the plague had little effect there.

Milan survived by quarantining its city and burning down the house of anyone showing early symptoms, with the entire family inside it.

kiwimane

I reblogged this tons of times, but the Milan info is new.

Damn Italy, you scary.

thesonicscrew

Poland: “Hey, feeling a bit down? Have a quick wash! There, you see? All better”

Milan: “Aw, feeling a bit sick are we? BURN MOTHERFUCKER, BURN!!!!!”

theeyesinthenight

Also, this might have something to do with it: from what I understand, O blood type is uncommonly… common in Poland. Something to do with large families in small villages and a LOT of intermarriage. The black plague was caused by a bacterium that produced, in its waste in the human body, wastes that very closely mimic the “B” marker sugars on red blood cells that keep the body from attacking its own immune system. Anyone who has a B blood type had an immune system that was naturally desensitized to the presence of the bacterium, and therefore was more prone to developing the disease. Anyone who had an O type was doubly lucky because the O blood type means the total absence of ANY markers, A or B, meaning that their bodys’ immune system would react quickly and violently against the invaders, while someone with an A may show symptoms and recover more slowly, while someone with B would have just died. Because O is a recessive blood type, it shows in higher numbers when more people who carry the recessive genes marry other people who also carry the recessive gene. Poland, which has a nearly 700 year history of being conquered by or partnering with every other nation in the surrounding area, was primarily an agricultural country, focused around smaller, farming communities where people were legally tied to, and required to work, “their” land, and so historically never “spread” their genes across a large area. The economy was, and had been, unstable for a very long period of time leading up to the plague, the government had been ineffective and had very little reach in comparison to the armies of the other countries around for a very very long time, and so its people largely remained in small communities where multiple generations of cross-familial inbreeding could have allowed for this more recessive gene to show up more frequently. Thus, there could be a higher percentage of O blood types in any region of the country, guaranteeing less spread of the illness and moving slower when it did manage to travel. Combine this with the fact that there were very few large, urban centers where the disease would thrive, and with the above facts, and you’ve got a lovely recipe for avoiding the plague.

Interestingly enough, as a result from the plague, the entirety of Europe now has a higher percentage of people with O blood type than any other region of the world.

simoorgh

WHY IS THIS ALL SO COOL

icepickparty

When Tumblr teaches you more about the plague than 12 years of school ever did.

detenebrate

Just to throw a nod in, as a medieval historian, this is all credible, and is the leading theory as to the plagues effectiveness at this point. So. Enjoy your new knowledge!

loveismyrevolution

Wow. This is cool knowledge!

surprisebitch

this is all so cool but i must say i’ve never been prouder to have O as my blood type. suck on that A B supremacists

hanninope

astralpixie-deactivated20161225

I hope you wake up early enough in the morning to put on your favorite outfit and make your favorite breakfast. I hope you find your skin clear and hair healthy. I hope you’re content with the way your body looks. I hope you find happiness in small things today. I hope that, even with your ups and downs, you are content with yourself.