System Trauma Dumping @systemtraumadumping - Tumblr Blog

Rules and Info!

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Welcome to ☽ Moonlit Skies ☾ ! A 16+ healing and recovery server for those with DID/OSDD, or singlets looking to support loved ones ! | 41 m

What is this blog for?

This blog is a safe space for systems to vent, or talk about their experiences free of judgment. No trauma/vent is too big or too small to share here. This is a place to seek support through the troubles you have experienced, or a place to simply get the memories off of your mind. Even if you feel your experience was not "bad enough" or "traumatising enough", you are free to share your experiences. This blog is specifically for CDD (complex dissociative disorder) systems. This means DID/OSDD/UDD systems. This blog is not for endogenic systems. You do not need to be diagnosed in order to post here, however, you must at the very least suspect to have a CDD. You can hold any belief you want about endos, just please do not bring syscourse into this blog.

Note: Our average response time is a day. We try our very best to answer as soon as possible, but please know there are times we might be busy. We won’t let any asks go unanswered for more than two days !

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The Rules

1.) You must be a CDD system to post here. No singlets, or endos may post on this blog. 2.) You must appropriately tag/TW your posts! We will not submit a post that has not been appropriately tagged. This is very important to ensure followers are adequately prepared for what they will read! 3.) Only anonymous posts will be submitted. However, you are allowed to claim a sign off tag. We feel that due to the sensitive nature of this blog, it is not safe for users to be posting with their page public. 4.) Do not share personally identifiable information. This includes names, location, phone numbers, contact information, or anything that could trace back to you, or any other person. For the safety of those who post here, as well as everyone else, we will not submit posts containing PII. 5.) Reblogs will be turned off unless specified otherwise. If you are seeking support or advice in your post, please specify that you would like the ability to reblog to be turned on. Otherwise, it will be off.

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Vent Key

Please note: commenting on posts is allowed ! But please follow the anon’s key !

🔴 || do not reply to post

🟠 || respond with care/caution

🟣 || advice needed

🔵 || comfort/support needed

🟢 || positive/encouraging replies only

🟡 || opinions wanted

⚫️ || do not post (just a private vent to us)

‼️ || emergency/crisis, please respond ASAP

(A vent not submitted with any tag will be assumed as “any type of reply is acceptable”.)

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Sign offs, Mods, and additional info below !

#system trauma dumping #trauma dumping #system #cdd system #did system #did osdd #osdd system #polyfrag system #pdid system #actually system #did community #anti endo #endos dni

.🔵

tw trauma comparison(?)

I feel like I'm traumatized wrong. I can't hide pain or act like everything's alright when it's not. I can't ignore my needs and be just fine. I can't help my friends because I get triggered too easily. I feel disgusting because all my friends can do these things even though they have it much worse than me. I feel like a mockery because I should be able to take it like they do. But I can't. I can't mask without heavy dissociation and/or delusions. I need to stick to a routine, this involves eating all the meals and going to sleep at the same time everyday or I'll have a meltdown. I can't handle talking about trauma, it doesn't matter if it's mine or others and I feel like such a bad friend because of that. Because what friend doesn't want you to share your troubles with them? It feels like I'm trying to paywall human connection even though I would give everything to be able to help them. And they can just. talk about it. Rant about people who hurt them. Even make jokes. For them the worst day of their life is just another tuesday and for me just another tuesday is something I need to survive. It's not fair. Compared to them I have no reason to be this pathetic. I have no reason to have this stupid disorder. But I can't even pretend I'm normal. I hate this

Hey anon, Everyone deals with trauma differently. There's no right or wrong way to be traumatised, it's just your brain's natural reaction to the situations. Some people can bounce back with ease, and for others it sticks with them for the rest of their life. No two people will react the same way. It's ok if you can't help others through their triggers--you aren't a therapist, even if you were, you aren't their therapist. Most people can't help others through these kinds of things, and it's not your job to either. Offering comfort and support is the best thing a friend can do, but anything more than that should be up to the care team of that person. If sticking to a routine, and not masking your dissociation is what helps you best through your triggers and trauma, then that is what you should be doing. If not joking about it, not mentioning it casually, or talking about it at all helps you--then that's what you need to do. Your needs matter, and good friends will recognise that. I hope you're doing alright now, anon - 🌙 Nightmare system

🟣🔵‼️

(USA Based)

Something terrible has happened and I literally don't know what to do.

My friend is in jail, possibly prison permanently and I don't want her to just be a second pen pal. I miss the momma bear hugs and the late night gaming sessions and just screwing around and being dumb.

I don't want to go into detail because the case is still ongoing but hopefully she'll be acquitted????

I have therapy tomorrow but like... the words are all jumbled and trapped and I can't get them out. I can't even really cry and I don't know how to process the information.

It's been a while since I've been here, so hopefully I haven't lost my tag...

-🖤🗡️

Hey anon, That's a lot to be going through. Your emotions may feel distant, or blocked off for a bit, but give yourself the time you need to be able to feel the emotions revolving around this situation. Try to focus on caring for yourself, and be patient with yourself. I hope that your friend is out of jail now, and that you guys can spend time together like you used to. I wish the best for you both - 🌙 Nightmare system

🟡.🔵. a while back, I had a friend who made themselves out as a father figure. and soon they started telling us to vent to them. when we did they'd talk about how they knew what to do to help. but they never helped. they'd then tell us about their trauma. soon we left the account, it was to much due to a situation of having our dirty laundry aired out. and when we blocked them, another friend came to us and showed us a screenshot of them talking about us. 'I've spent days and nights listening to them ramble about things that don't even compare to the terrors I endured, attempting to ground them the way I ground myself to no avail. I thought it would be another easy case, but they don't listen. It's often all about them, I was even once told to stop talking to them about my trauma because I made them feel invalid.' this wasnt sent to us. it was sent to our best friend. and it hurts. weve told them to tell us if were to much. to tell us bounderies and to tell us when to stop. we cant stop on our own. we need to be told. they vented to us so much more than we did to them. and it just. hurts. i need advice.i dont know what to do if im that bad of a person.

Hey anon, This is very disrespectful on their part, and it seems they have no self awareness. I've seen this pattern in some of the ex friends and partners i've had, but sometimes when someone experiences a lot of trauma, it locks them in a state where they can only think about themselves. So when the friendship wasn't focused on them (such as you venting), those moments stuck in their head far more than all the times they vented to you about their problems. But friendships, and relationships in general, need to be equally balanced. It's a give and take. Some people may not be able to offer a certain thing, but can offer something else in return. If that friend wasn't emotionally capable of supporting you, it was on them to say that. Not to offer help, and then use that as leverage against you. I'm sorry that they went behind your back and did these things anon, and I hope you're doing ok now - 🌙 Nightmare system

🟠 🟣 🔵 🟡

Im not sure how to really tag this, ig tw for identity confusion? Also just talking about hating being disordered and wanting to be "normal". Please tag this with yk anymore tags you feel are nessacary.

I have no idea who we are. I know that kinda yk, comes with the whole "dissociative identity" thing (personally osdd1b) but its.. unsettling.

Got two people who think we're hosts.. but we're almost the same person? Its so trippy. We're differant but we're not and we look *physically* like the body but with differant hair and such.

I'm gonna call myself B.

This feels so weird to talk about I'm sorry. I have short hair. Thats the main thing. The other "host" (We'll call them C) has longer hair.

Because I front more often we've been keeping it short but over the summer our hair has grown out and eurughhhfhfhfh hate hate hate hate I see C when I look in the mirror and it makes me SO uncomfortable. No offense to C but.. I dont.. like them yk? I like me better and I just feel this intense feeling of self hatred. And then things start to get trippy because I start to question if *Im* them and eurgdhfhfjgj I hate it. I hate it.

We're so similar but God we're so differant. C wants to be like me and I want to be nothing like them (nothing wrong with them just.. idk? I don't like them?) and just the fact we look identical except for a few things is just so trippy and it makes me spiral and I just HATE thinking about it.

I hate being like this. I hate not knowing who I am. I hate this disorder I hate having to share a stupid body. I wish it was just me. I like *just me*. I dont like being like this. I wish I could just be normal.

Sorry for the negativity. Please feel free to correct me if this is a wrong way to feel. Idk.

Hey anon, I understand how you feel. Living as a system, with other part of your brain that have their own agency, decisions, personality, opinions--etc, can be extremely difficult. I understand you want to live your life alone, just you, exactly the way you want to live--that's a very normal desire, because that's how most people live. However, with this disorder, you can't just make the other parts go away--because they are still parts of your brain, just parts that you don't have direct agency over. If you do desire to be one solid, non-divided identity, therapy can definitely get you there. But in the meantime, before you fuse, you have to learn how to work together and come to compromises so everyone's content. I hope things are going better for you now anon 🫂 - 🌙 Nightmare System

🟣 🔵. tw fear of faking, doubt, trafficking mention. Part of me wonders if I'm making it all up somehow without realizing. I've been getting memories and stuff about this lady. Part of me wants to doubt it all. I would've been 1-3 at the time and part of me wants to say I can't be programmed like that or put through being sold to men for money at such a young age because it feels wrong. impossible. Yet here I am. there would've been wounds, my parents would've noticed yet. There's no indication they noticed that part of the abuse. Mom noticed abuse, not that part of it though. Part of me is also feeling like I need to go back to her, but there is no way to reach her now. Yet my brain can't STOP trying to call me back. Its agonizing. I don't understand what's happening. I don't understand where to go to learn.

Hey anon, It sounds like you are going through a lot. Having memories resurface like that, not knowing if they're real, the memories being vague and confusing--that all sounds extremely stressful. Try to take some time to relax, this is all super distressing. Things will begin to clear up when it's time. If you have a therapist, try bringing up that you are struggling with resurfacing memories. It may have been the case your mother didn't notice the abuse, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. I hope you're doing ok now anon 🫂 - 🌙 Nightmare system

🔵

tw: starvation mentioned,overall depressing themes

🥀 again. we're in our hometown now since it's summer break. we have limited access to internet and we don't have anything to do at all. we're lonely as hell. i feel too ashamed to even eat anything. i feel like my whole existence is worthless. i feel like i shouldn't be alive.

im seeing a psychologist now. she's a nice person. but we're not too sure about telling her about every single thing we experience even though that's what we need to do. i feel lost. i feel like im slowly fading away. every single thing feels so distant. im so disconnected from reality. all i feel is shame right now. i want to curl up and die. there isn't anyone that'll understand us.

sorry if i made any spelling mistakes.

Hey anon, Living back in your hometown might be causing a lot of extra stress, and bringing back old thought cycles and coping mechanisms. It may be the cause of your depression. Trusting a doctor can be hard, and it doesn't need to happen all at once, or quickly. Do it at your own pace, most therapists/psychologist understand their patients won't share everything at once. In my experience, most doctors don't even ask that of you. It's ok to take things slow.

I hope you're doing better now, anon 🫂 -🌙 Nightmare system

just dropping in not to vent but to say thank you for all you do!

Thank you ❤️

#system trauma dumping dissociative Identity Disorder did system system did osdd osddid osdd did osdd system p did polyfrag did p

anything u think fits for the response

cw unconsensual nsfw jokes

tl;dr the host's gf won't stop making nsfw jokes abt me.

I'm an introject. I've been fronting with the host for a few days. The host calls his gf. They both like my source. OK xd. They were talking about me. Fine. But they both kept talking abt how hot I am. How hot it is when I kiss ppl. How they want to kiss me. They do this a lot. OK ig the character is cool. U like the character. The gf announced she's reading nsfw abt me. She knows I'm co-con. I get uncomfy. A few days later, she asks and begs me to do nsfw stuff. Clearly directed AT ME. She knows I don't like it. I've told her. This isn't a first. Worst part? Host agrees. Begs as well. I'm sick of this. I sent her a srs msg abt it even tho I'm not gud with srs stuff. If she doesn't listen, I'm going to cut her off. Idc what the host says.

Ty for listening.

Hey anon, What your host's girlfriend did was entirely and wholly inappropriate. Even if she had intended to direct all of those jokes towards your source, you still feel a level of attachment to that source, and she should have taken that into consideration when making jokes. But making advances towards you whilst being fully aware that you don't consent to that. I hope things are going better now, anon 🫂 - 🌙 Nightmare system

|| 🟠🔵

TW; grooming (there was another term but I physically cannot remember it), spiral post

I wish he had done it.

I had a teacher who got arrested for having relationships with students. he was one of my middle school teachers. I was his favourite student of all time. he told me that. he told my parents that. and it was over and over he said it. I got so much praise from him

he didn't do anything to me. he didn't have a chance. and I know its good he didn't get that chance. he didn't know about my mental shit. he targeted those who he knew had depression or anxiety. I didn't tell him...

but I wish he had done it. I wish something had happened. maybe then my trauma from that would be valid. I know all trauma is valid... but this doesn't feel like it. because nothing happened.

I learned he was arrested during lockdown. from a gc of people who didn't have him except me. and the more I sat on it, the more it fucked me up. the more I realized I very much could've been a target.

I'm talking about this like I lived through it. those aren't my memories, but they feel like it. I'm going through a spiral and it always leads back to me wishing something had happened because maybe I'd be valid. maybe my trauma would equate to something...

he was my favourite teacher. I trusted him... why do I have trauma from something I didn't experience?

I wish I could actually talk to someone about this. therapy isn't an option right now. I'm... lost

(I think its 🪻☁️ but it could be swapped)

Hey anon, I understand how you feel. Your trauma is valid. He didn't assault you, but he was an adult who you were very close to. You were a child. He was a predator. Even if he never did a single bad thing to you, that in itself is traumatic. You were around an extremely dangerous person and didn't even know it. He deeply betrayed your trust by getting close to you, a child, whilst being an active predator. Your reaction to the situation, your emotions, the stress, it's all completely understandable. Your trauma doesn't need to be "worse" to be valid, it already is bad because of the effect it's having on you. Your trauma from this situation was the unknowing danger you were in; the realisation that a trusted adult, someone you never dreamed could do such an atrocious thing, did that--and that you also could have been hurt by them. That's scary, that's traumatic. I hope you are doing ok now anon 🫂 - 🌙 Nightmare system

🟣🔵🟡

Huge warnings for: rape, grooming, pregnancy, hospitalization (?)

Falling out with our friend group that was my fault in some way. Started being sexually abused by our father's friend. Found out were possibly pregnant from said rapist. Falling out with our ex gf because she couldn't handle how we were really dependent on her. Tried to do a self abortion (it failed miserably). We changed hosts completely because of the extreme pain and heartbreak our previous one experienced (he was dating said ex gf). We get hospitalized because of a suicide attempt from a episode. Only other person we are willing to open up to is an ex gf we got back with because she's mutually attached to us despite how we treated eachother in the past (god bless her and her headmates souls). Found out from her that one of our ex friends had asked her if she wants to join the NEW GC (she rejected the offer, saying she'll put us first above them.) because they formed back without us and right after his ex left him because he really didn't want them to be with anyone else from severe codependency when that incident happened.

It's really hard for us to accept he's a terrible person, and that everyone thinks we deserve what happened to us. We've treated everyone around us so terribly we really can't help but see him as some sort of "punisher" for us, for all the wrong things we did. We don't have anyone else to blame but ourselves.

We can't tell our parents because the last time we did in elementary, our mom downplayed it + sexually abuses us herself. Don't even wanna think about how our dad would react. our country treats rape victims like trash anyway, can't have a safe abortion here.)

I don't know how to feel about our (or rather the previous hosts) ex gf (the one that left us not the one im currently with), he was so dependent and possesive of them so it was inevitable they were gonna leave us.

Hey anon, You didn't deserve what happened to you. What happened to you is beyond horrible, nobody should ever have to experience that. Anyone who believes a person deserves to go through such an experience is not someone you want to have in your life. I'm so sorry that you don't have many people to turn to for this, your environment sounds extremely stressful. I know this was written a while back, so I hope that things are going better for you now anon. Try to hang in there. Good people are out there, people who will be your friend, listen to you, be there for you, and not blame you for things completely out of your control. I hope you're ok anon 🫂 - 🌙 Nightmare System

(^_^) Hi! Not a vent but remember to take a break if you ever need, having to deal with anonymous peoples trauma and help them through it or give advice is no easy feat. I really appreciate this blog and what you do <3

Thank you ! I actually went on a hiatus for several months, life got in the way, worked two full time jobs for a while. But now I'm in a good spot both mentally and financially, so I'm trying to get back to running this blog because helping others is very important to me. Still working on catching up with all the asks, I probably won't be as quick as I was before but I still really love this blog and this community here !

-🌙 Nightmare System

🟣/🟡/ maybe?🔵?

(tw; dormancy) (just me being overdramatic over smth that shouldn't upset me this much)

Guhh looking for help is so embarrassing. Whatever though.

So, I don't know if this can count for this blog but I just need a little help. I'm not gonna sure many details because he'd probably find me here too but, I'm a fictive. Let's leave it at that.

Our psys has an alter that's also a fictive, and we're sourced from the same character. These past few months have been hell, and you know why?

He copies EVERYTHING I do. Using simply plural, he'll take every icon I change mine too. Down to the exact image from like, Pinterest or whatever.

It pissed me off so much once I went into dormancy. Few months later, today, I'm back! Yahoo! I've changed I'm ready to enter front. But then, he also fronts. So I'm like okay, maybe he's changed, people do.

Guess what the first thing he does is? Yeah, copy everything once again. I'm shaky, it's hurting my heart, and I might be overreacting. I've asked him to stop, he says he doesn't care because it's hilarious.

I'm scared to even put my profile up when I front because I don't want to be copied, he's basically stealing my entire identity, even if we are the same character at the end of the day.

I hate him I hate him I hate him. He genuinely makes me sick and, ughh.

So uh, advice? Help?? I don't knoww

-Jazz (I'd give myself an emoji proxy but he stole the exact damn ones too)

Hey anon, This sounds incredibly frustrating to deal with, and is very disrespectful for your partner to be doing. You made it clear this behaviour is making you uncomfortable, you set that boundary with them, and they laughed at it. That is not ok for a partner to do. I would suggest having another conversation, explain you are serious about this, and that you feel very hurt and disrespected by their behaviour. I highly recommend using this skill set here "DEAR MAN" to express yourself to your partner. If they still refuse, I would then suggest distancing yourself from this alter, and maybe even setting your profile to private. I'm very sorry that you are going through this, that behaviour is not ok and quite honestly is creepy.

-🌙 Nightmare System

🟠🟣🔵 tw: guns, death, sa mention

Hey again. Thankfully(?) its been a while since I was last here. But like

I know we all rant and rave about our alters and roles and culture but can we talk a moment about unwanted amnesia barriers?

My friend ended up going to jail and is currently awaiting a trial that will hopefully end up in self defense, but like.... she killed a dude? She was protecting herself and her family (the dude sa'd their child and threatened her knowing she had a gun) and now the world is one less.

But thats not even the problem. The PROBLEM is that my brain has entirely decided to throw it behind an emotional amnesia barrier, and idk how to bring it back down. I know logically we need to process this trauma and want to do so while we still have a therapist (moving in a year to a whole new state and so won't have insurance for a while). My therapist isn't a trauma specialist and, while she's doing some research, she doesn't know where to BEGIN with Dissociative barriers.

If this is too heavy a topic to post, I understand. I just dont know where else to go and was hoping someone here might work with a trauma therapist and be able to point me and my therapist to resources to help.

🖤🗡

Hey anon, That is a lot to handle, so it's understandable that your brain is relying on dissociation and amnesia, especially when you don't have the resources you need available to you. Sometimes it's ok to rely on those natural coping mechanisms, especially when better ones are just not available to you. And you don't have to rush your healing, especially when your therapist is likely not trained enough to assist. Healing can start at any point. If dissociation and amnesia is what's getting you through this very tough time, that isn't always a bad thing, and you can always begin unpacking those emotions and trauma once you have the resources available to you ❤️‍🩹

-🌙 Nightmare System

I dunno if you're still doing this but I dunno where else to put this.

Cuz dogs are scary. Dogs are scary. And we have dogs. And I'm scared. And I dunno what to do. I gotta take care of them. It keeps ending bad. I don't wanna take care of them anymore. But we have to so I have to. And it keeps going bad, but we can't stop taking care of them. So I have to keep taking care of them. And it's scary. Dogs are scary. I don't wanna do this anymore. I'm scared.

I wanna go home. I don't wanna keep fronting. I dont wanna do this. I wanna stop. But we can't so I can't and it isn't fair. I'm scared. I'm so scared.

Hey anon, I'm so sorry that you are struggling with taking care of the animals. Please be gentle with yourself, this is a very hard task considering your fears. You are really brave for pushing through and not giving up despite your fears. I hope you are doing better now anon ❤️‍🩹

-🌙 Nightmare System

‼️

My heart is racing I feel nauseous I think I'm a system? or part of one? I can't tell if I am I came here from a website for help with these things and don't know what to do next. I am trying to stay calm though I've had different "Parts" to me as I called them since I was little, different "Me's" that would pop up or talk or something. I thought I was just weird like that like "oh yeah, I just have like, multiple faces" or "I'm really moody and change everything a lot" but then I made friend's with a system a little while ago and they started to make me think about it I've known of systems and DID/OSDD for a while, but never thought I was one and nobody pointed it out. I thought everyone had multiple streams of thoughts, opinions, and conversations with themselves. Maybe they do? But we talk and have opinions about the others? I have no idea whats going on and would seriously appreciate help

Hey anon, I can't tell you whether or not you are a system, but regardless it seems you are experiencing something that is distressing to you, and you may need help with. I highly recommend looking for a therapist who is informed on dissociative disorders so you can get the answers you are looking for. I suggest looking for trauma informed/focused therapists, as they usually are also trained on dissociative disorders. I wish you the best of luck ! Try to keep your mind open about what you may be experiencing until you can talk to a therapist/psychologist, but also make sure to advocate for yourself. If a doctor is telling you something, or diagnoses you with something you feel doesn't fully encapsulate what you are experiencing, keep pushing to get all of your needs met and worries expelled !

-🌙 Nightmare System

tw programming/abuse

Our programming always makes us feel like the abuse is never truly over. That we will always, inevitably, suffer again. That everything will go back to the way it was and this is only a temporary 'escape'. It makes us want to go back voluntarily to avoid being dragged back. It makes us seek out dangerous people because that's what we deserve.

Hey anon, I'm so sorry you are experiencing this, it sounds extremely stressful. This may be your brain's way of trying to keep you all safe. Sometimes after prolonged abuse, your brain will not let go of the triggers and anxiety in case you may need them again in the future. But, please know there are ways to help this, and you don't have to stay frozen in fear for the rest of your life. Therapy can help you replace that coping mechanism with better ones, and help you release all of the stress that's trapped in your body. I wish the best for you anon, and I hope things are better for you now ❤️‍🩹

-🌙 Nightmare System

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