premise: as the production assistant for one of teyvat's biggest music programs, you interact with idols on the daily. though, it's hard to do your job when these idols start getting a little too close and personal. (yandere! genshin idols x reader)
dark content
you remember exactly how you felt when you first entered the industry. starry eyed and bushy tailed, you were so excited to meet your favorite idols. yes, you had a notebook for autographs and everything.
unfortunately, your enthusiasm died quickly.
"what's wrong? you don't look so good."
childe slings his arm over your shoulder naturally, dragging you under his weight. you wince at the feeling of sweat on your back, the result of his prior rehearsal. mic checks were your least favorite part of your job.
"childe, could you please let go? i have a job to do," you mutter, though you knew better than to try and pry him off you. he'd only hold you tighter.
"but i haven't seen you in forever! have you been reading my texts at all?"
kaeya walks over, water bottle in hand. he tosses it over to childe with a grin on his face. "stop bothering her, it's so clear she doesn't feel comfortable with you. especially with you basically hounding at her. isn't that right, sweetheart?"
you shrug, put in a difficult spot. "it's fine, i'm used to it."
childe smiles gleefully like a little kid. "see? i just missed my best friend, that's all."
kaeya's right. but it's not like you can say anything. though you've already been a production assistant for a year, you have a feeling that if you spoke out against these idols, you'd lose your job within seconds.
having started three years ago, dckz (childe and kaeya's group) has quickly risen to fame, especially overseas. with their more mature, darker concepts, every time they have a comeback your social media feeds are flooded with thirst edits.
you met childe first. well, one-on-one, anyway. it was through some one-off chance. the timing seemingly matched up and by some miracle (or curse), he attached himself to you. it didn't take long for his members to join him. from running tedious errands, unsolicited texts, and tiny temper tantrums for you to be assigned to him, your career life has been anything but peaceful.
nowadays, whenever dckz has a new promotion, or any group for that matter, the staff don't even hesitate to send you their way, since you have a "way with idols."
at first, management was quick to transfer you elsewhere. somewhere in the shadows, where the idols couldn't see you as much. but when they realized how unenthusiastic they became (so much so that even the fans noticed), now they're even encouraging you to talk to them.
"what's going on?" it isn't long before zhongli joins the three of you.
"childe's just screwing around," kaeya replies.
zhongli raises a brow at you but says nothing. he's always like that—he's known among the fans for his "strong but silent" archetype after all. and after a year of interacting with him, you can't really blame them.
however, however, zhongli is not quite as impassive as the public makes him out to be. it's not obvious, but you can kind of tell. the way he brushes your hand when you hand him a towel, or the way you sometimes catch him staring.
when getting ready for the actual show, he'll beckon you over to adjust something that doesn't need to be adjusted. he'll ask you if his collar looks okay (though it's very much skewed). when you go to fix it for him, sometimes you can hear his breath hitch a little. just a little.
he doesn't say much, and you can't help but feel grateful. it makes it a lot less troubling when dealing with the group.
kaeya, on the other hand, has no problem expressing when he wants something. he grabs on your wrist and tugs you away from the conversation.
"hey! where are you going?"
kaeya waves dismissively. childe continues calling out to you two but it gets quieter the farther you move away from him.
"can you help me? i think my pants are a little lose."
yeah right, you think. his pants are so tight you can see an imprint of his dick, not like you want to see it. if they were any tighter, kaeya's circulation would've been fucked.
the staff don't say anything when kaeya drags you into the dressing room. it's become the norm at this point.
the dressing room is cleared out. it seems that the staff are tending to the other members as of right now, or at least getting ready to leave. although the members are performing tonight, their rehearsal was rescheduled early in the morning. the next group, 4nemo, should be coming in the next hour or so.
you can feel your eye bags droop at the thought.
"i think your pants are fine," you finally say when kaeya closes the door.
"you think so? could you check for me? i felt them droop a little while dancing. i wouldn't want them to drop in the middle of the performance."
"wouldn't you ask your stylist, then?"
he shrugs. "i don't see them here right now. do you? this is urgent business."
he leans closer than what is considered professional.
you know he's lying. but kaeya's always like this, pulling random excuses out of his nonexistent pockets. the staff won't humor him, so it's up to you to. apparently.
even when the two of you both know he's talking out of his ass, he'll go on like nothings wrong. just like how he's subtly showing off the semi-hard-on he's gotten.
there's a devious smirk on his face that you wish you could wipe off.
he leans forward, his lips barely brushing against your earlobe. "well? what are you waiting for?"
before you can say anything else, the door opens.
you're quick to step away, to which kaeya groans.
"of all times, diluc."
"tech is looking for you, kaeya. they wanna check your mic."
it's dead silence between the two of them. there's some sort of animosity. you heard that kaeya and diluc knew each other way back when even before they were set to debut in dckz together. though they don't hate each other enough to kill (not anymore, anyway), there's still an unspoken rivalry. the fans love it.
for you? it's a bit annoying.
especially when you're caught in between.
however, it doesn't seem to be one of those days, because kaeya acquiesces. "fine, but don't be too long."
he leaves with a huff, making sure to keep the door wide open.
you're waiting for diluc to say something, but he doesn't. so, of course, it's up to you to do something about it.
you check him out, analyzing the little patterns of his outfit down to the way he's standing. over time, you've learned how to get a read on idols. maybe that's why they like you so much.
"all the dancing mess with your makeup?"
diluc nods silently before walking over to one of the makeup chairs.
you go over to him, taking lip gloss and a thin makeup brush from your pocket. for a production assistant, it's a bit unusual. but after so many incidents, you just learned to have it on hand. it's easier that way.
his eyes follow every single one of your movements. you dab some of the lip gloss onto the brush before gliding it over diluc's lips. you take a small second to yourself to admire the sheen.
"you have a whole team of stylists, you know."
"yeah, but it doesn't look as good if someone else does it."
like zhongli, dliuc doesn't cause too much trouble for you. well, as long as kaeya isn't in the room, which isn't often but whenever he's alone he's fine. at least he doesn't throw fits whenever you're not in the room.
however, he's also arguably the hardest one to read. he always has to have some hidden meaning behind everything he says. he looks at you like you're supposed to get it, too. even if you do, you pretend not to. you're just a lowly production assistant, trying to do their job.
so you just wordlessly touch up on diluc's makeup, trying to ignore how he's staring at your lips like he wants to kiss them.
after dckz's rehearsal, it's 4nemo's.
in contrast to dckz's more sexy concept, 4nemo for the most part takes on a softer one. they're so different but popular in their own right. so when they're promotions collide, it's troublesome.
"so? what did you think of the performance? isn't my singing voice the best?" venti says.
for archons' sake, you just want to do your job...
venti's the chatterbox of the group. he doesn't throw as many fits as childe or kaeya do, but it's still exhausting to deal with him. every time you see him, you're dragged into a conversation you can't quite escape.
from what he ate this morning to invasive questions like what color were your panties, he can never shut up. sometimes he even jokes about the two of you entering a secret relationship together. you don't dignify it with a response.
it makes sense that he also helps host the music show.
xiao and aether had to leave immediately after the rehearsal. xiao has an appearance in a variety tv show to do and aether's busy preparing for a collaboration with his twin sister. for that, you're grateful.
it's quiet.
almost too quiet.
"kazuha's missing."
...great.
4nemo's manager looks distraught. he's relatively out of breath, a bead of sweat on his temple. "can you help look for him?"
you don't miss the way venti pouts. he tugs at your shirt, silently asking you not to. "she's helping me with something."
with what? entertaining?
you smile at him, as if it'd placate him. "it's okay, i'll be right back."
that's enough for venti to let go of you, though it's definitely not willingly. he has a pout on his face that you swore you saw go viral on twitter once.
it doesn't work on you. you head out to find kazuha.
this kind of phenonemon is normal. kazuha's quiet, but that just means that he's likely to go off on his own whenever his "creativity sparks."
you search all the usual spots and come up with nothing. it isn't until you're in one of the more hidden hallways that only production staff use that you find him curled up in some corner with a notebook and pen.
"there you are, kazuha. everyone's looking at you."
kazuha looks up from the paper with a knowing smile. "ah, i knew you'd find me."
you sigh exasperatedly, going down to sit next to him. it's the first time you've sat down all day. you can feel the soreness in your legs screaming at you.
"you can't keep doing this. everyone's worried."
"it's fine. they know i won't get into trouble. besides, i need to finish this next song."
"another one? but you're promoting right now. aren't you overworking yourself?" you know you are.
kazuha shrugs. "i don't know. i just...felt like i had to write something. want to see?"
of course you do. 4nemo has always been known for their soft, meaningful lyrics. their heartfelt words have always touched the heart of fans. kazuha's known for his lyrical genius, so you'd love to see it in action. you lean a little closer, eager to see his work when you catch a glimpse of something you don't like.
did kazuha want you to see it? or did he forget? either way, you'll pretend you're none the wiser.
you brush off the sight of your name scribbled on the sheet with hearts next to it. it's flattering, really. but you don't want to get caught up in some kind of scandal, despite how good these big entertainment companies are at hiding those.
"no, it's okay."
you get up unceremoniously, pretending to pat away the dust off your jeans.
you're here to do your job, not to pursue anything unprofessional with a bunch of idols. as much as you dread the shenanigans you have to put up with, you love your job. you love watching the idols dance on stage, singing their hearts out. you love the way the fans cheer and scream, just like you once did. you love knowing you helped make it happen.
so for the sake of your employment, you wave goodbye.
"i'll let your manager know where you are. good luck with your writing kazuha!"
"wait!"
you're gone without another word.
that night, everything goes smoothly. you spent the rest of the day moving back and forth, flipping between different groups like speed and endurance is your superpower.
it's all worth it though, you think as you stare at the monitor.
dckz is up right now. you watch how kaeya and diluc smoothly glide across the stage in harmony, almost as if they didn't actually hate each other. as much as these idols have their own problems and conflicts backstage, it's different once the spotlight hits them.
there's so many lightsticks in the crowd you're almost blinded. countless fans, both in-person and online, are having the time of their lives.
so yes, you'll switch between groups, fetching xiao some water and making sure that zhongli has an extra towel from when the group's finished performing. you'll turn down any unwanted advancements without so much as a complaint. if it means that these idols won't throw a fit or falter on stage, you'll do it. you'll do it all for the fans for this exact moment.
but at the end of the night, when the show's all over and you're ready to go home, you'll sit down for a long time and let out a breath you didn't know you'd been holding.
description: a love that once burned eternal begins to wither in silence. when scaramouche leaves, you’re left with nothing but guilt, anger, and heartbreak that eventually blooms into flowers that taste oddly like chestnut.
warnings: blood, vomiting
a/n: not sure if october is the right month to post this because everyone is freaky rn.. but it's okay guys!!
maybe it was too much expecting someone a few hundred years old to remember everything you wanted.
you had learned that as you stood at your doorway in the evening, the chill of night seeping into your bones and under your skin. you had learned that as goosebumps bloomed across your bare arms, the harsh torrents of icy winter wind grazing your skin doing little to help. you had learned that as scaramouche gazed down at you, lilac eyes cutting sharp, laced with both irritation and something else.
guilt.
it was something new to you, something you were only just beginning to recognize in his gaze. you were unfamiliar with it, yet it was something scaramouche had carried with him for centuries. you had only just recently been able to identify it in his hazy violet eyes. only recently, during one of those rare moments where his usual sharp tongue softened, and the playful edge in his voice faltered. he had let a flicker of something almost like regret slip through when he talked to you. he had let a flicker of something almost akin to grief show in his cat-like eyes, so brief you might have missed it if you weren’t looking closely.
you didn’t know what to do with that. it unsettled you, tenderness wrapped in pain. it made the air between you heavy, fragile, like a thread threatening to snap. your heart ached. it ached for him, it ached for the guilt he carried, it ached for what would become of you two.
“you always want way too much,” he had spat out quietly, picking at the skin surrounding his short nails. he averted his gaze from you, attempting to hide his guilt behind a mask built up of exasperation yet again. “even if i look away from you for a moment, your mind practically bursts into flames.”
you had stared quietly at him, eyes looking anywhere but his face. eyes looking anywhere but at his feline-like eyes that pinned you down, anywhere but the messily done and slightly faded burgundy eyeliner that emphasized the purple of his eyes, anywhere but his lips, parted and painfully soft, curled into a small yet nasty snarl.
no, instead you looked at his nails, decorated with splotches of black polish, chipped and cracking. you looked at how he picked at the skin surrounding them apprehensively. you looked at the hollow of his throat and how the shifting pale moonlight filtering through the door drew patterns on it.
he looked back up at you silently, fingers stilling.
you smiled, small and brittle. it didn’t reach your eyes, of which were glossed over, of which couldn’t meet his. you just stared at the worn out tiled patterns on the floor.
“yes, i’m sorry,” you whispered. you didn’t know what you were sorry for. it wasn’t even true; you didn’t want too much.
but you couldn’t manage the words, couldn’t tell him he was wrong.
and that was that.
as scaramouche brushed past you and left, the door closed behind him with a sound like the world ending.
—
the first night was the worst.
you were sitting on your bed silently, pale pink sheets pooled around you as you stared at your hands, trying to process everything that had just happened, when suddenly a ragged, wet cough tore through you. it felt as if something was clawing up your throat. then you coughed again; the sound was loud, repulsively watery. you barely had time to get up and sprint to your small bathroom before your body doubled forward and something warm and red came out.
blood.
it bloomed in the water, tinting it a light shade of scarlet. you stared down, eyes teary and droopy, tired. a metallic taste settled on your tongue and, before you even had time to wonder why you had just coughed up blood of all things, another coughing fit took over you. this time it was harsher, and it had your hands clutching anything they could to keep you balanced on the cold tiled floor of your bathroom.
your eyes squeezed shut as up you coughed up a lump of something, gagging as you did, hearing the small splash it made as it fell into the toilet. a strong grassy (and slightly vanilla) scent overtook the room, mingling with the previous iron miasma the blood you’d coughed up had brought. a wave of nausea washed over you, and you found yourself heaving and hacking up even more of whatever you had previously.
as the pain in your chest finally calmed down, you opened your eyes, your breathing quick and shallow and strained. a light sweet, nutty, and vanilla flavor mixed with the irony taste of blood lingering on your tongue. you glanced down at what you had coughed up.
flowers.
dainty, small, and shaped like stars. they were the color of chalk, pure white aside from the small splatters of blood on the petals.
why had you just coughed up flowers?
you hoisted yourself up, staggering slightly in the process. you rushed to your bedroom dizzily, grabbing your phone from the tangle of sheets on your bed and unlocking it with trembling fingers.
the first thing you saw was your search history: how to make bam yang gang, 4nemo playlist, what does bam yang gang tasye like, can i substitute chestnuts with sweet woodruff…
ignoring the rest, you quickly typed up hwy am i cougjfkn up flowers and pressed search.
a moment passed, and then the screen lit up.
hanahaki disease.
an illness where one coughs up flower petals due to unrequited love. left untreated, it may lead to suffocation and death. current cures include surgery to remove the flowers or the reciprocation of feelings. the surgery will remove all memories of the love interest, and is not 100% guaranteed to work. if gone wrong, the surgery can lead to death.
you stared at the screen with a blank expression, trying to process the words on it. your hands trembled slightly, phone shifting slightly in your grip.
unrequited love.
when had scaramouche stopped loving you?
—
the second night, you visited the doctor.
the small examination room smelled sterile, like antiseptic. you sat on the edge of the cold table, legs swinging slightly, clammy hands clutching each other tightly in your lap.
the doctor typed something on her computer, back turned to you.
“hanahaki disease,” she said simply. “it’s… a little rare, but not unheard of. it used to be much more common in the past, but less so now. it is caused by unrequited love, of which causes flowers to grow in the victim’s lungs. sometimes the victim’s love may be requited, but their belief of it being unrequited may be so strong that it causes the flowers to still grow.“
she told you the three options. you already knew them, but hearing it aloud made your stomach twist: suffocation, surgery, or requited love. and the surgery wasn’t a guarantee; it had a 50% pass rate and, even if it worked, it would erase everything regarding your now unrequited love from your memory.
it would erase his voice, his face, his favorite animal, his eyes, even the fact that he preferred bitter things over sweet but still loved bam yang gang with all his heart.
“is there a way to slow it down?” you asked, voice cracking slightly. if death was practically inevitable you wanted to slow it down as much as possible. your fingers clswed at your sleeves, pulling the fabric over your knuckles and fidgeting with it.
she looked at you with something close to pity. “avoiding emotional stimulation might help, or avoiding the person who caused it,” she offered. “but there’s no reversing it once it’s started. you need to think seriously about your next steps.”
you left the clinic, lungs feeling heavier than before.
—
the third night, you saw him again.
it wasn’t on purpose, obviously.
you had found yourself wandering the streets past sunset, wrapped in a scarf you hadn’t worn in years and a jacket too thin given the weather. wool itched at your neck and frost nipped at your skin, but it was something to do.
you turned a corner. the convenience store near your home was still open, warm golden lights casting long shadows through the frosted glass of the doors. you decided to go inside, body quivering slightly from the cold clawing at you.
you stepped in, a sudden rush of warmth blowing at your face. you smoothed out your hair, frizzy from the wind blowing at it outside. you glanced around, and then you saw him.
he was seated at one of the corner tables used for eating, head tilted back just slightly, one thin hand resting loosely beside a styrofoam cup. the tips of his fingers tapped against the side with a careless rhythm. his other hand held something brown, small, and square between his fingers, near his mouth.
bam yang gang.
his lips curled just faintly around the first bite, his sharp eyes narrowed ever so slightly, as if even sweetness was something he fought against.
that was always the way he ate it, like it hurt him to savor something so sweet.
your feet didn’t move, frozen at the entrance, watching as he chewed slowly. he didn’t look up, didn’t see you. you didn’t know whether to feel relief or grief.
the only reason you took a step forward was because the cashier shot you an odd look.
you wished you could taste the same sweetness he did at the moment. you could only taste the bile rising in your throat.
you pressed your hand to your chest, as if that could keep the petals down.
—
the fourth night, you ran into kazuha.
you hadn’t meant to — then again, you hadn’t meant to do much of anything lately. you had stepped outside once again, trying to escape the cloying scent of grass and vanilla and metal your room was filled with. the heavy ache in your chest had dulled into something quieter but always present. even the petals had stopped being surprising.
you’d stepped into the same convenience store again, not because you wanted to see him but because you craved familiarity. or maybe it was just cold outside and the convenience store was the closest place by your house which was warm.
you were halfway down the snack aisle, staring blankly at a row filled with chestnut-flavored jelly when a familiar voice startled you, their words lilted, a smile evident in their voice.
“hey.”
you turned, startled, and suddenly you were looking at… kazuha?
his face lit up when he recognized you, though there was something sheepish behind it. his platinum hair, normally neat and tied in a small ponytail, was let down and partially covered by a hood. his cheeks were tinged slightly pink from the cold outside, a plastic bag swinging from one of his hands, filled with boxes upon boxes of instant ramen.
“long time no see,” he said softly, voice almost drifting like a whisper.
you both stood in awkward silence, the hum from the refrigerators nearby the only thing breaking it.
“how’ve you been doing?” he asked gently, voice lower now. there was something cautious in the way he looked at you.
you swallowed. “not great.”
“figured,” he said. “you look like shit.”
then he winced, a hand lifting as if to catch his own words. “sorry. that came out wrong.”
you forced a slight smile.
you followed him to a small table in the corner of the store. it was the same one scaramouche had sat at the night before.
you sat across from kazuha as he pulled out one of the boxes of ramen he had. he offered you one, and you shook your head. you couldn’t eat anything these days.
“he’s… not handling it well, you know,” kazuha said after a moment, standing near the convenience store’s little hot water dispenser, grabbing it and filling the cup to the line.
you stared at him blankly. “…what?”
“he won’t admit it,” kazuha murmured, eyes distant as if he were recalling something far away. “acts like nothing’s wrong, but he’s been picking fights with everyone lately. xiao said he almost broke a mirror in the dorms over nothing.” he shook his head with a soft, rueful smile, strands of hair brushing his temple. steam curled around his face in lazy tendrils.
you didn’t answer. you couldn’t. you were afraid that if you did, you’d start crying.
“no,” he said quietly. “but i’ve seen it before. long time ago, back in inazuma. it doesn’t always look the same, but… there’s a certain look people get when they have it. yeah. i know.”
you looked down at your hands.
they sat limply in your lap, knuckles pale and fingers trembling. you squeezed them tighter.
“how long?” he asked after a pause, voice so gentle it made want to start tearing up just by hearing it.
“a few nights.”
kazuha exhaled slowly, eyes flicking across your face. “and it’s already this bad?”
you nodded, gaze glued to the floor. “i thought it was just a cold at first. but then i started coughing up petals the same night.”
it was how something so terrifying, so painful, so fucking horrible, could still be beautiful.
“scaramouche… he’s always liked flowers,” kazuha mumbled, mostly to himself.
silence lingered between you both after that.
outside, wind howled past the windows of the store, tugging at the weather-worn plastic signs taped to the glass. you glanced at them absently, watching them flutter. things fell apart so easily.
“you need to talk to him,” kazuha said quietly.
you turned back to him silently.
“what?”
kazuha hesitated, poking at his noodles. “i’m not saying he’ll say what you want him to say. but… you have to tell him.”
“he left.”
“he’s scared.”
“so am i,” you said, louder than intended.
your voice cracked a bit at the edges, and you startled yourself with the sheer rawness of it.
“i’m scared all the time, kazuha,” you said, voice shaking. you blinked, eyes glassy and eyelashes sticking together, wet. “i wake up with blood on my sheets and flowers literally surrounding me every single day. i can barely breathe half the time. i can barely eat. i’ve been coughing so hard i see stars. what’s he fucking scared of? what does he have that he has to fear?”
tears started spilling down your cheeks before you could stop them, nose reddening. your gaze flitted to the ground.
kazuha didn’t say anything. he just reached over the table and gently placed his hand over yours.
you stared blankly at your shoes. your chest felt much too tight again. you pressed a hand to your sternum, fingers curling into the fabric of your shirt, nails digging in. it didn’t help. the pressure was still there, hot and insistent, like something writhing underneath your ribs and in your lungs.
you doubled forward suddenly, the bitter taste of bile rising sharply in your throat. a harsh cough tore through you, wet and ragged, shaking your entire body. the pressure in your chest intensified, as if something was twisting and clawing at your lungs, refusing to be held back any longer. your hands flew instinctively to your mouth, trying to stifle the cough, but it was no use. you gagged, the taste of something metallic and distinctly nutty flooding your senses.
kazuha’s eyes instantly widened with alarm. without hesitation, he dropped his ramen box onto the counter and ran to your side, hand firm on your back as you bent forward, gasping for air. the warmth of his touch contrasted sharply with the cold chill settling in your bones. tears pricked at your eyes, your body trembling. star-shaped petals spilled out of your mouth and onto your hands, smearing blood and spit onto them.
your coughs subsided into shaky gasps, but the ache remained — deep and relentless. when your breathing steadied, you leaned weakly against kazuha’s side, eyes dull with exhaustion. his hand remained on your back, gentle but unwavering, and he looked down at you with a gaze full of nothing but pure concern.
“i’m sorry,” you whispered around your hands, voice barely audible. you choked on a sob this time instead of flowers.
—
the fifth night, you could barely get out of bed.
the ache in your lungs had settled into something near-constant now. every breath you took felt shallow. pale-pink sheets stuck to your skin with sweat, and your mouth still tasted like iron and nuts and that awful sweetness you once loved but now couldn't stomach. a petal clung wetly to your chin.
you didn’t remember falling asleep, but you must have. when you had opened your eyes, the sky outside your window had dimmed into something bruised and purple. the sun was basically gone and the stars were still nowhere to be seen.
and then you found yourself outside again.
you left the house wearing only your nightshirt and slippers. no coat, nothing to protect you from the wind.
you walked aimlessly for a while.
and then you saw him.
he was standing by a streetlamp near the corner convenience store, head tilted to the side, a steaming styrofoam cup in one of his hands. his hood was pulled up, casting a shadow over his sharp features. even in the dim light, you could see the familiar violet of his eyes.
he looked up before you could turn around and disappear.
his expression shifted the moment he saw you. he blinked slowly, lips parting. not quite surprise, something much more akin to dread.
“…you look like shit,” he said.
his voice was detached, but there was a hesitation behind the words that gave him away.
you didn’t reply.
you stared at him, throat raw and hot with unshed tears. the wind bit into you, and you regretted not mustering up the energy to wear something warmer.
he looked at you, then away, then back again.
“kazuha told me,” he muttered. “about the flowers.”
your heart stopped.
“didn’t believe him at first,” he said. “thought he was lying or being poetic or some shit like always.”
you stayed silent.
his gaze dropped to the ground between you. he took a sip from the cup idly, eyes narrowing slightly as if lost in thought.
“then i saw you just now. and… yeah.” he looked back at you, a flicker of guilt in his eyes, quickly masked by his usual nonchalant expression. “you look pretty fucking sick to me.”
“i-” you tried to say something, but your voice cracked. you pressed a hand to your throat, the ache pulsing like a heartbeat.
he sighed, tugging his hood back a bit. “i came all this way because kazuha wouldn’t leave me alone,” he admitted, voice low. “he’s been on my ass. ‘go see her,’ he said. didn’t expect to run into ya out here, though. was g’nna wait a bit til i went to your house.”
you started to speak, but a cough spewed out inside of words. you doubled over, the world narrowing to the rasp in your lungs and the way his eyes darted with concern.
his cup hit the ground before you even realized he’d moved. dark liquid splattered onto the ground, and the faint aroma of roasted beans lingered in the air. steam curled lazily from the remnants in the cup, twisting upward like smoke caught in a breeze.
“hey-” his voice cracked mid-word as he caught you by the shoulders, steadying you. his hands were cold, trembling just a little. “breathe. shit, just- just breathe, okay?”
you nodded, but the motion only made the dizziness worse. the cold dug deeper, threading through your veins, and you felt impossibly small under the streetlight’s harsh glow.
he exhaled, the sound sharp. “you shouldn’t even be outside,” he muttered. “you’re gonna…” he stopped himself. swallowed the word.
die.
you knew that’s what he’d meant. you almost wanted him to say it.
the silence stretched, thin and fragile as glass.
he shifted, jaw clenching. “you should probably get that checked out,” he muttered, as if the words could make up for the silence between you.
you tried to laugh. it came out cracked and ugly.
“yeah,” you rasped. “not like i already have! i would’ve never thought to get it checked out! do you think i’m fucking stupid?” despite your harsh tone, your eyes were glassy.
scaramouche flinched.
for a moment, neither of you said anything. the world felt painfully still, save for the soft hum of the streetlight and the dull rustling of trees due to the wind. you could feel him watching you, even when he looked away.
“you shouldn’t be out here,” he said again. his tone was flat again, that same detached indifference he’d perfected ever since he stopped caring.
“you shouldn’t have come,” you whispered back.
his head snapped toward you at that. something flickered across his face — hurt? anger? regret? you couldn’t tell anymore.
“yeah,” he said after a beat, voice tight. “guess i shouldn’t have.”
you looked down at your shoes, the cracked pavement blurring. you wanted to say you missed him. that it still hurt. that you were sorry for whatever you did that made him pull away. but the words wouldn’t come. only another cough, wet and weak.
he moved then, instinctively, one step forward, then froze again. you saw the hesitation in his eyes before he pulled back.
“take care of yourself,” he said quietly.
and then he turned.
the space where he stood felt colder once he left, like he’d taken the last bit of warmth with him.
you pressed a trembling hand against your ribs, trying to steady your breath.
you wanted to call out his name, just once more, but the sound died in your throat, swallowed by the night.
—
the last night, you wandered into your kitchen.
mustering all your remaining strength, stepping over piles and piles of dirtied flowers, you walked to your kitchen, bare feet padding gently across cold tile. the lights stayed off. you didn’t have enough energy to to turn them on.
you weren’t hungry, not really. just tired. you’d barely slept; every time your eyes closed, you dreamt of him leaving and the silence that came after.
you leaned against the counter, arms limp at your sides, breathing slow. your gaze flicked to the small glass jar sitting on the highest shelf. empty. it had been for weeks now. you didn’t even need to check.
you remembered when you would sit in the kitchen in the tired hours of dawn, the whole world hushed around you. scaramouche would be sleeping quietly in your bed, face squished against one of the fluffy pillows. you would pray that he wouldn’t notice you were gone. you would go to your kitchen. you would go to your kitchen and just simply stare at the empty jar where you had once kept bam yang gang, the jelly scaramouche brought home every so often. it was one of the only sweets he liked, and, before you could even try it, you’d find out he had scarfed down all the jelly. you could only imagine the taste. you still didn’t know. the only reason you had wanted to try it was for him, to understand what exactly he liked. but, if you had to guess, maybe it was similar to the flowers that were slowly killing you. the slightly nutty taste, the lightness of it.
“you always want way too much,” was what scaramouche had said as you stood by your doorway with glassy eyes, but no. no, all you had wanted was that — just that one thing: to sit beside him, shoulder to shoulder, your knee barely grazing his, sharing that chestnut red bean jelly together.
Summary: They make a reference to something personal between you two while performing live. Almost putting a spotlight on you.
Notes: Modern AU, mention of irl video game and band: Remmber Sports (they're good recommend Tiny Planets),
Warnings: suggestive humor, swearing, never expect proof reading
He met you before he was an idol. High school to be exact. You two were in the same music class bonding over how much you dreaded your music teacher. "He sounds like a divorced mom.." "isn't he married?" "Exactly" you flop onto your desk
You two have been in almost every class together years afterward, just so you didn't have to work with a stranger for group projects. People would would find you two around school alot and walking home together. "And they were roommates," one of your classmates giggle as you two casually hold hands while speaking to eatchother, in reality, you both didn't notice
He was always so calm but also somehow could smell your problems?!? "Ughhhh" "Lemme guess they chewed gum loudly again?" You spring up placing your head back down. "Stop knowing based off my grunts!" "And you're mad at me for not noticing something earlier" "HA!-" "nm it's because I didn't let you sleep in" "...I genuinely despise you"
He started catching feelings midway through your first semester of the new school year. You did notice he sometimes hugged you tighter, looked at you a little longer, he even got small trinkets for you, noticing how fond he looked when you casually wore them.
It was by the end of the year he had told you he got a scouted as an idol, it took alot for him to tell you but it worked thank god you didn't ditch him like he thought.
"So uh..." "?" "I got scouted" your eyes widen, he thought all his fears came to life before you hugged him tightly and squealed. "I TOLD YOU YOU HAD A NICE VOICE!!" "You didn't have to yell" "Shut up you cry over stuff like this!" Now you were the one that oddly knew things about him...you were right...he did cry...alot like the whole group knew the next day.
The group try to hype him up into asking you out. "DUDEEEE COME ON THEYRE NOT GOING ANYWHERE" "I can ask to hangout" he mutters holding his phone in his hand "COME ONNN" venti and heizou sync up kazuha speaking up "ask them to go for dinner" his cheeks turn pink almost instantly "UH MAYBE NOT COME ON- WHAT IF-" "and sent" "WHEN DID YOU TAKE MY PHONE?!" "You'll live" Xiao rolls his eyes as aether bickers with him, his phone noti goes off. "Sure what time?" There's a silence in the room as Xiao gives him the phone. "At 4?" "bet ☆" you and those star emojis how are you like this. "ITS A DATE!!" "YEAAAAAAA" they sounded like a frat house.
He gets all giddy on that date and when you two finally go on one you finally hit the maybe were dating phase but you both don't wanna admit it to eatchother. So the rest of 5wirl planned something for you two. "Alr we know he likes them nowww...." "we...." "Why don't we perform for them" "on their friend ani?" "How do you know that..." they turn to heizou "because he saved it on his calander" "..." and so they planned out your ani for you two.
And so their evil plans acted out perfectly, you two went out on another date and later that day you dropped him off at the concert. What you didn't expect was heizou dragging you to a seat. "Stay right here and don't move alright" you watched them get on stage aether seeming to be looking for you, they get to performing when one of the lyrics hit you. "Hey why don't you meet me at four?" An almost slured pronunciation followed by aether finally finding you. His eyes so tender yet teasing. You felt your heart skip a beat a small wink only making you more bashful.
To think the performance would end there nope. As you tried to get off your seat aether greets you with a cheeky smile a small ring in his hand. You turn around quickly. "I guess I flustered you more than he ever will" he leans on you wrapping his arms casually around your waist while you continues to fluster you. "He was just a small crush..." "enough to have you gush for 4 months about it" he laughs softly kissing you cheek. "When did you even gain this much confidence" "small words of advice" your mind immediately goes to Heizou. "Alrighty then..." without a warning you pull your face closer forcing him to slouch over you. "Did heizou tell you what to do incase of this situation aswell?" Thank god that concert hall was almost empty and the seat you were at made it almost impossible to see you two because the next thing you see and hear are a bunch of idiots going YEAAAAAAAAAAA. Aether x y/n shirts and a poster held up by Xiao. They ship it.
You made cute accessories! He's seen your work on social media and reached out. "You're accessories are so cute do you have a store?" "Nah I only sell locally near my college" turns out you both went to the same college he's never did a double check so fast in his life. As soon as he saw you he cupped one of your hands, his eyes sparkling in pure joy. "GIMMIE EVERYTHING IN STOCK!" "HUH?!"
Number one fan he's following you around. He'd be your personal advertisement always wearing your stuff and flexing it to others. He WILL be the most annoying person on campus
When you tell him to stop he just kinda tilts his head until he realizes what your saying as if he finally loaded. "Oh! Alright!" That's when you make an almost massive mistake "I did enjoy your support tho but youre-" "SO YOU LIKE HAVING A FAN?!" And so began the simping. He's all over you. Every class your with him? He's leaning into you, whispering random stuff in your ear. Your eyebags got darker everytime he did this but he was more chill than your online fans.
The days you also leaned into him are the days you've never seen someone more flustered. "Hm?" You lift up your head watching him cover his face quickly. "Venti?" He turns away from you even more. "Don't look at me! Where did you even learn that-" "I mean you do that to me all the time" "don't say it outloud-" "did you just whimper?" He stops suddenly using is braids to cover his face as he mumbles to himself. You bring that up to traumatize him
He had to get used to you showing affection, you weren't even dating yet! Come on, don't do this! Even a small smile he'd tease you for it but he'd definitely scream into his pillow about it.
He only asked you out when you made your feeling for him known. A small note under his door telling asking him to meet up at an amusement park later that weekend was where it clicked he looked and sounded like a little girl you could hear his "YEAAAAAAAA" from your room.
He's doing everything he's on a call with the others he just needs them to hear his my story animated from start to finish. "Can you not play that effen punk music main stream shit can barely hear you" "Shut the fuck up hot topic this is important!" "This is why you fucked up your eyeliner" "I DID?!?!" He checked in his mirror realizing he didn't and mostly argued with Xiao. "If they ditch you you deserve it" "quit being a downer! Good luck Venti!" They all mostly wave at the camera before hanging up leaving you and him alone for the evening
He loved it. He was like a child pointing at things he wanted. "Do you have the money?" He looks away pounting "not an actual question I'll play for it" his eyes widen almost sparkling. You two left flexing your carnival game knowledge and venti covered in plush prizes you won for him.
As payback for the newfound plush army, he invited you to a concert. "Oh so you did have money" "Shut up" "hehe" your teasingly small laugh is so cute stop doing that. What you didn't know is that he strapped some keychains you made on his belt, and he NEVER STOPPED WINKING, if you had to drink everytime he found you in the audience and winked you'd have five drinks...per song. It was cute seeing him smirk whenever you slightly blushed at him.
"Y/n!!" He smiles as you wait for him outside the concert hall. "Lets go to another amusement park!" He giggles embracing you "right now?" "Yea!" He nuzzles his face into your chest "sure..when you take off all of those keychains Jesus how much did you-" "200 bucks" "...VENTI" "THEYRE CUTE I KNOW YOU EYED THEM!" You blush slightly smirking "I did...they look adorable on you" you struck him right in the heart leaving both of you flustered. "The amusement parks a few blocks away" "LETS GO!" as if it never happened you both headed to the amusement park.
You beat him at a rhythm game he liked. You got first in a video game event he liked since then him he's declared you his rival. "Who the hell is this guy getting in the way of the number one spot" he grits his teeth checking your profile. "347 full combed songs...300 all perfects...and maxed out cards" he rolls his eyes
He wanted to let off some steam at an arcade only to find out he got beat in that game also! With the same name tag as the rythum game champ. He nearly smashes the machine when he notices you step up to it. "Shame, this games kinda better when I'm kicking someone's ass..." You sigh only now, noticing him, smirking at this chance you take it. "You mind playing this with me?" You perk up. Thinking this is a good way to let off steam, he accepts. "I won't go easy." "Alright!" You let him pick the song and almost immediately grab the handbar
Strange, he thinks he doesn't need it. As soon as the song starts, he hears your feet absolutely slam on the board. He's shocked but doesn't look over he's focused on his side of the screen. By the end, you huff heavily, looking up. "You won." You put your fist up for a fist bump. "Ah that songs so annoying~" he dosent give you one back putting in his names for national ranks. That's when he noticed that you put in the name the person on every rythum game had and as soon as you pressed confirm he nearly pounces on you. "SO YOURE THE ONE TAKING THE NUMBER 1 SPOTS EVERYWHERE!" "Yea what about it-" he looks at you angrily, calming down a bit before turning back to you. "I declare you my rival" "well...If you wanna we could rematch sometime gimmie your number?"
Ever since then you two have skeduled days to go to the arcade to whale on eatchother and going out to eat afterword. "I'm pretty sure you'd like it reminds me of your face ☆" you say as you point to a horrible cgi skeleton. "Screw you" "heh". You'd eventually open up to him more and invited him out to places more often. He didn't wanna say it outloud but he genuinely enjoyed those moments
One of the times you two went, you try to teach him gutair hero, he kinda mumbles to himself. "You can just play on your lap" "hmmhmm mhm em You can't be this msm hm" "what-" he realizes he said that outloud and covers his face nearly dropping the gutair. "I didn't hear that last part" he sighs in relief "but do you think im cute?" And so he's even more ashamed of himself. "Context clues" you scratch your cheek in a bit of embrassment "I think you're pretty cute too" you embarssingly laugh leaning away
you're pretty sure you could see his heart skip a beat as he looks up at you, his face nearly entirely pink. Peaking at you through his hand. You decide to tease your friend. "Seems like you wanna date me~" He moves back quickly, covering his mouth to hide his blushing. "I'm fine with that ya know~" you lean into him him still covering his face. He looks away looking back at you,his eyes softening "I'm fine with the thought of kissing you..well maybe a little more than fine but-" your words were cut off as you feel his lips touch yours. Quick yet soft, his hands wrapping around your shoulders. You lean back trying to catch your breath "...how long have you've been waiting to do that?" "...a few months now" "That's kinda adorable Xiao" you lean in for another kiss. You two recount that day as your first date
Ever since then he's more willing to hang out a little more clingy too. Whenever he had a show he would ask you if you were busy that day before sending you the ticket link. "Hey are you busy on the 14th?" "No why?" He'd send you the link without a secound thought "you know I'm not really into idols that much" "I'm in the group..." "...bought"
He actively looks for you in the audience. You would text him where you were sitting beforehand, yet he'd still look like a lost puppy. As soon as he finds you, his eyes sparkled. He forced himself to calm down before giving you a small wave
It was by the end of the show where he was performing the last song and you noticed something about their dance it kinda looked like what you would do on a song you knew well. It was then that you realized Xiao made a dance routine inspired by your sweaty gaming dance. You covered your face in embrassment but peaked through your hands. You couldn't believe he paid that much attention to you. He smirks noticing this
As the show ends, he runs over to you, "That was...a little embrassing" you blush a bit. "..." "dosent mean I didn't like it tho!" Trying not to offend him further you mumble on of how great the performance was. At first he's pretty stiff with his arms crossed you'd think he was annoyed till he kissed you again leaning in to hug you. "I'm glad you liked it" he whispers ever so softly in your ear.
He offen saw you working on projects for bands he likes and decided to commission you. He invited you to a studio and you both began to focus on what he commissioned you on. "I'm looking for something calm yet something someone would listen to in the morning to wake them up..." "hmmm" you play a calm chord progression on your gutair. "Speed up a bit" he taps his foot as if keeping pace as you speed up your playing. "That's pretty good! Sounds like a Remmber sports song" " YOU LISTEN TO THEM?" "Yea?" "Oh my god I thought you wouldn't catch that-" "they're a bit of a guilty pleasure"
You two always worked together after that whenever he would be lost in thought you'd just play hall of the mountain king behind him. He'd turn around slowly as your playing got more intense. "You think of something?" "..."
You pretty much became 5wirl's offical gutairst after kazuha recommended you. They'd make fun of him for how long you two stayed at the studio together. "Kazuha~, you left us sleeping in the shopping cart again!" Venti grins ear to ear "must really like that gutairst." Kazuha smiles."They're just a friend I find it easy to get along with" he thinks about what you two were talking about his eyes softening as if it were an old fond memory "and he's doing it again" heizou sighs jokingly
A few months of performing together, they treat you as family, almost apart of 5wirl. As soon as Kazuha ever left the room they'd turn to you in a heartbeat. "You sure you don't kiss when we're not looking?" "Eh?!" "Does kazuha usually get all mumbly around you" "he does but-" "I KNEW IT" "dose he show you his unironic leaf collection" they all lean in expectingly. "No wha-" You made sure kazuha was too far to hear what you were about to say "...OK so this one time..." they listened to you like their lives depended on it.
The day you told them about that is the day you regret the most, they always looked you and kazuha up and down. Snicker to themselves. "How much you wanna bet they might kiss today" "CAN YOU TWO CUT IT OUT" you let out a sigh walking into the recording studio to practice, a familiar humming following you in a few secounds later. You two sing together and when you finish he finally speaks up. "You know... this the song I was playing when I first realized I was into you" "heh really" you stop strumming, realizing what he said "wait what-" he laughs softly at your reaction placing a hand on your cheek. "That songs kinda special to me..." he holds your hand tenderly with his unbandaged hand. "Reminds me of how much I love you" your eyes widen a bit as he looks at you with the most soft eyes. "I love you too kazuha" you smile gently, letting him lean in to kiss you
All of them noticed you two were dating it was odvious, the way you two acted around eatchother gave litterally everything away. "You two give eatchother less personal space than before are you dating?" "What?" "And you smell like him-" "how do you know what he smells like" "so you're dating?!" "How did you come to that conclusion?!" You and venti would bicker trying to hide your relationship with kazuha after he forgot to tell you he already told them.
Finally a show came along a small gig surprising a popular idol group would show, but still nice. You looked at the music sheet for the song looked up at him, sighed, and looked back. He looked so pleased giving you a few riffs and you look down to see another reason to go to therapy.
What he didn't put on hell on paper was a very veryyy familiar cord progression. He played it himself and put it in post. Making another version so if you ever asked you wouldn't notice, and a few weeks later they went live
You watched them in the audience, hearing the song you helped on and felt your smile fade into a straight face as you heard your solo along with the memorable melody gutair. He saw this trying to avoid a giggle while performing, he's suffering from you brainrot the rest of the show, some fancams caught him getting kicked by heizou or Xiao.
"So how did you like the show~" "Xiao almost kicked you off the stage..." There's a silence. "He dosent kick hard enough for that...but at least you enjoyed it" he smiles, pinching your cheeks and rubing your face, you look away hearing him giggle at your behavior. "I'll make you a coffee-" "don't you dare make a reference" he smirks at you "hehe"
You were online friends usually playing main stream games or random stuff you found. Youd always play together though, never single player! He hates that
"Are you playing a single player game..." "no-" "LIAR ITS ON YOUR STATUS" "SHIT- I mean I have no idea what your talking about" "...atleast stream it" he always got all pouty when he couldn't play with you
He'd definitely randomly interrogate you because you found something out on someone you both knew. "IS IT ABOUT-" "shush shus shu stfu quiet" "oh come on dude what is she gonna hear you?" "We're in a public call" "oh...LMAO" "DUDE"
When you combine both these loves, his love for you playing a co-op detective game with you has become the best thing for him to ever experience. "Who will be first to solve this?" "We're supposed to work together heizou" "oh...oh 😏" "nevermind I'm gonna play hitman without you" his avatar suddenly turns to face you and emotes a shocked reaction "OH COME ON"
He started catching feelings for a while. Ever since you two got on a call for the first time, your voice kinda intransted him. "Your voice Is so nicee" muttering into the mic yet you heard him clearly. "Thank you?" "It really is" its like you can see him currently slumped over his desk just day dreaming about you.
Didn't stop your offline friend for teasing you about him too. "Ooo he's into you~" "nuh uh nope nope!" The tips of your ears turn a pink. "And you like him back might aswell seal the deal" "STOP IT!" Blushing heavily you slam your hand down. Unsurprisingly Heizous in a simular situation 4nemo teasing him over just how much he talks about you. "Ohhh they're so cool" "they smell nice" "stop mocking me" he huffs "then get with them" they say in sync "stop weirdly harmonizing" he sits down covering his currently pink face.
Didn't help when you two first saw eatchother. "What the hell you live so closeby" "I know right what's next you're at my favorite Cafe conveniently the next table over" you turn over your shoulder seeing someone smile at their phone turn back and type "you mentioned before you had moles under both eyes right?" The persons face dropping looking around."Yea?" Without typing back, you walk over sitting infrot of him. "Bro, someone's sitting at my table, hold on" you smile at him typing back "oh sorry lemme just leave then my mistake 😔" "WAIT HUH?!?!" his eyes widen as he grabs your wrist "y/n?" small tears forming in his eyes pulling you into a hug with desperation. "Heizou" he hugs you tighter when he hears his name come out your mouth. "You're as pretty as I thought you'd be..." patting his head as he nuzzles into your chest. "You wanna go back to mine after this" "Yes!" With sudden enthusiasm, you two talk about your irl lives while bullying his drink of choice. "Pumpkin spice.." "oh my god shut up my again" "it's nasty" "it's good to me!!" "Shut up mom with 2 kids living in a van"
He's been going to your house at least once a week now "we should play together" he overbites his lip "I barely charged my secound controller" you overbite your lip back at him "then let's just hang out then I got news bby" visibly cringing at that last bit you let him in with him near instantly showing you a picture of him being accepted into an idol group. "Ohh you're gonna have real fangirls now" "Shut up!" "I'm gonna lead them just to make fun of you" "you're the only fangirl I'd date" "..." You visibly cringe "OH COME ON" "HAHAHA"
And so you were invited to the hell known as a debut concert and dear god was it near impossible to not be as hype as the crowd. Especially catching the fancams with him winking at you. Anyone could tell he was super inlove with whoever he was winking at especially after the group stopped in between a song witch you were barely paying attention to until you heard "I hope you guys never have to play solo!" Could have swore you felt him glare at you "speaking of solo the next songs title is-" all you paid attention to yet you look like you just woke up from a really loud noise.
"Y/n! Did you see it! Did ya like my moves" he smiles at you like a happy little dog. "It was surprisingly great Heizou" "surprising huh?" He pouts as if saddened by that comment. "But the show was amazing Heizou I'd go again" that bright glow of a smile you had is something hell never let go of, without hesitation he holds your hand "marry me" "come again?" "I mean it we should date!" Accidental slip up. He's screwed, you're gonna reject him so blatantly he's never gonna bother you again. "Heizou...that's so sudden" your eyes meet warmly "but I've been thinking the same" kissing his cheek you walk off letting him process what just happened. "WAIT WAIT WAIT YOURE NOT DITCHING ME AFTER SAYING THAT" "MAYBE I AM!" You had to run home that day but it was worth it laughing at him trying to keep up.
sleepover with the anemo boys but wanderer wakes you up with his fingers inside of you, telling you to stay quiet and to not wake anyone else up but you can't help but moan out from the way his fingers curl into you so good... :( but maybe he wanted you to wake everyone up, so one by one the rest of the boys wake up to the sight of wanderer fingering you. wanderer is feeling nice this morning so he'll let everyone else join and have at you as well <3
