#actually stpd

[clownery101]

This whole month has been non stop socializing I need to crawl in a hole and die

I like the idea of having more friends and hanging out with people, but I don’t actually want it. I like getting ready for it but I hate actually participating in it. I just stay quiet and keep to myself hoping no one comes up to me asking personal questions. I think everyone has like , a secret society with secrets I’ll never uncover nor understand. I don’t know if I want to be a part of it. If I was the secret society with secrets , just me, that would be ideal. I feel envious though.

[toesuckler]

the perceived dangers from stpd means that a lot of early warning signs of a spiral or sudden depression are seen as finally acting normal. delusion motivated habits that you consider to be saving your life will be thrown aside, but since these habits are illogical to others- the changes happening because you don't value your safety does not register. often times, betraying a delusion represents passive disregard rather than active improvement on your mental state.

[leuc]

i cycle viciously between a needy, desperate, terrible cling for companionship and company, to isolation and solitude. from a soul piercing loneliness to intolerance for company besides my own.

[cluster-c-culture]

suspected AVPD + STPD culture is needing to check all the pages in your personal journal for evidence of tampering, because it wasn’t where you usually put it when you left the room.

my only true safe space and it was almost taken from me.

𖤓

[strings-ofand-code]

Sometimes I wish I could stop existing- not in the suicidal way. I like being alive. Life has a lot of value to me. I just wanna be in the void. I wish my body could go on but the fact I am merely a concept becomes an undeniable fact to all. I wish I could erase my consciousness. I sort of envy the unconscious. I wish my bubble of isolation was unpoppable. I hope all of that makes sense in conjunction.

[stpdgooglesearches]

what do people consider weird

is xyz creepy

why is the wind targeting me

am I being watched

.

[stpdgooglesearches]

how to see yourself

how to see real self

how to see what you really look like

.

[strings-ofand-code]

It's also weird to be in social situations. I think the right thing to do is give information about myself. Let them in on aspects of what I do n whatever to express interest in being friends. I think that's how the rule works? WHY Would I do this though