#actuallyinsomnia

[empty-shell-of-a-girl]

I was 6 years old thinking about killing myself

now I am a 16 year old still thinking about killing myself

[i-am-a-calamity]

he's angry hes angry he's angry hes angry hes angry hes angry hes angry hes angry hes angry-

don't move can't move dont move don't move or he'll hear me-

be quiet don't make noise be quiet be quiet be quiet be quiet hell hear you be quiet be quiet be quiet -

he's going to hurt me he wants to hurt me don't hurt me he's going to hurt me-

it's all my fault it's all my fault it's all my fault it's all my fault it's all my fault-

i'll get hurt again i'll get hurt again i'll get hurt again i'll get hurt again i'll get hurt again i'll get hurt again-

please don't hurt me please don't hurt me please don't hurt me please don't hurt me please don't hurt me

please don't hurt me

[pnkheartx]

[beanerbrujx]

Insomia is ridiculous like I could be stoned out of my fucking mind and my damn insomia would STILL be 'but y sleep tho?'

[gibbearish]

[neurodiverge-aunt]

should i quit my job?

anyone have any advice for me?

read below the cut for details:

i struggle with anxiety-induced insomnia, adhd, autism, and occasional anxiety-induced depression (when the anxiety gets really bad)

the things that are hardest for me rn are the insomnia, anxiety, and executive dysfunction

i’m taking the minimum amount of credits at my uni and am working as a research assistant 10hr/week, but that’s still too much work for me.

i don’t need the job for immediate money but i want to pay off my loans asap and get experience in my field of study

i’ve had insomnia on and off ever since the week before i started my job. my job is great, actually. there’s nothing wrong with it or the ppl i work with. but i think the amount of things on my plate (job, school, making up a summer class i had to stop bc depression) have been really getting to me

i think that i could possibly get better from the insomnia if i quit, but i’m afraid that i wont, since i would be then worrying about running into my boss on campus, or not having a job to pay off my loans asap, or not getting experience for my field, or having a short job term on my resume, etc. and if i do get better from the insomnia, i won’t be able to get that job again, and it’s a really good one too!!

ughh.

i’m torn in half. i want to quit for my mental health, but i don’t know if that will really solve my problems. i already took a two weeks unpaid leave w a doctors note to see if the insomnia would get better and it kinda started getting better but the two weeks ended this wednesday...

i don’t even know how i will have the time to do two hours-ish of work per weekday plus my hwk and classes... i already have a hard time having the energy to go to class and do hwk...

anyone else have a similar experience? or does anyone have advice?

[empty-shell-of-a-girl]

hah it's midnight here and I'm still struggling to sleep, why don't the pills work anymore...

[hydratedghostcamp]

decided i’m gonna document my insomnia, just so i guess i have something to refer to? to generally log my life? idk. so: 3 nights with minimal sleep (none / 2 hours / 2 hours)

ALSO IF YOU HAVE TIPS PLEASE HIT ME UP P L E A S E

things i have done today to try and help me sleep:

not looked at screens past 6pm (aside from rn, and to put on music or podcast. blue light filter has been on all day)

when i have looked at a screen, kept it 20cm from my face

exercised

changed clothes x2

meditated

listened to a vlog (but didn’t look at it! just let it play)

eaten sleep-inducing foods right before getting in bed

worn a sleep mask

refused to nap during the day so id be sleepy at night

things i have not done:

taken a sleep inducing drug

gotten someone to knock me unconscious

but buddy you bet your sweet ass im gonna hire someone to knock me with a shovel come saturday night if i still can’t sleep more than 4 hours

also i am LIVID at my mom. i fell asleep at ~8:30 today and i woke up at 10:40 because she was on the phone with her parents and screaming into the phone so they could hear her. i get that, i get that she wants to talk to her fam back home. but could she not have shut her door??? gone downstairs?? literally ANYTHING knowing i haven’t slept??????? and THEN when im starting to fall asleep again at ~11:40 she comes in my room and shines a fucking light in my face to ask if i’m okay. like. ???????????????.

also i’ve been crying every 20 minutes or so since about 5pm, it ranges from sniffling tears to just full on break down so that’s fun!