hand on my stupid heart

tanz, queer, brown, sleepy. 28! any pronouns

[werewolf-transgenderism]

if Desbiens does something else absurd and/or impressive during this game can we invent the ARD hat trick (rink construction, assist, perhaps a goalie goal or something)

[karvina]

parents around the globe are listening to some shit loud as fuck on the Tv

[snoomfies]

snoopy stamps!

[tourfilm]

god can you imagine being helly. kiss mark, find out you’re the daughter of the man responsible for imprisoning you and all your friends, start attempting to bring it all down when you get tackled onstage and suddenly you’re underwater, freezing and about to drown. come out being cradled by irving who is immediately killed in front of you. this is also the first time you have ever been outside btw. eventually you find out ur work bf has a wife and also had sex with your evil twin thinking it was you.. can we please get a wellness check on her

[assorted-aesthetics]

im unironically obsessed w the Dylan/Gretchen stuff. u love ur husband but ur whole marriage u've been waiting for him to get his shit together and u have 3 kids and ur exhausted all the time and he's another thing u have to Manage but it's just bc he's excitable and this aspect of ur relationship - that he's not a good partner to u and u have to Manage him - creates a separation. and it's not like he's not trying or like u don't love him ur just not very in love. u can't even remember the last time u were. then one day strange people come to ur house and ask u to meet ur husband's work self. the one that has dedicated his literal entire life to supporting your family. ur uncomfortable but you go. and there is ur husband but for the first time in years he's just focused on u. he thinks ur so cool and so beautiful. he's so excited about the fact that you have kids together. he gets worried about the idea that his outside self might not be a good partner to you. he's Certain that his outside self must be happy even if you can't see it bc he's so happy to be around u. he asks if he can hug u.

[beguilingcorpse]

congratulations to mark scout for somehow getting every employee at lumon to completely obsess over him. they are stalking him at restaurants they are living in his basement they are baking him cookies they are seducing him on work retreats they are doing experimental brain surgery on him they are lying about being lactation experts just to get close to his sister. and he’s truly just a guy. what can’t he do

[boasamishipper]

helena eagan whose destiny from birth was to be the future serene and placid face of lumon, who never once wavered from that path, even getting severed to prove her commitment to kier's vision, watching her innie be imperfect, impulsive, unsure, freely and openly affectionate and then receive affection and concern in turn with no strings attached.......yeah baby i'd rewind that security footage too

[storybook-souls]

it is so funny that apparently outie irving is like deep in the conspiracy and making clandestine phone calls and sending carefully crafted subliminal messages to his innie and meanwhile innie irving has just been living a gay romantic drama and trying to fuck his coworkers. barely even going "hey what's up with this goo"

[aingeal98]

Imagine waking up for the very first time and you're in hell. And you spend every minute you can trying to find ways to escape and you finally do manage to get out into the real world and you discover that you're actually the devil. CEO of hell. And you've got like 5 minutes before you get sent back so you do everything you can to destroy your CEO self's power before they get you and you succeed but then they do get you and knock you out. And the next time you wake up your gay elderly coworker is waterboarding you. Happened to my good friend Helly R

[anguilliforme]

the "tallest waterfall in the world" thing is by far the funniest lie told by lumon im genuinely not sure it can be topped

[mistressaccost]

so gemma was orpheus all along. when she looked back, called mark’s name, and asked him to come home.. innie mark realized he had no feelings for this woman. if she had stayed facing forward maybe the allegiance to his outie would have won out. but gemma turning around made him hesitate long enough for helly to appear. and when she called his name.. it was game over. eurydice embraced the underworld with open arms.

[withdreamsofhereafter]

Hexagonal growth in a black olive tree

[outsidehelly]

heyyy so its cool you have a girlfriend heleny or whatever. i'll totally reintegrate btw and she can sit in the cuck chair if you want. why are you locking me out of the body. hello. hello

[consultingfujoshi]

the cunt off to end all cunt offs are you actually kidding me people fucking died this shit was felt thousands of miles away through tremors in the earth the sheer cosmic power of their facecards rippled through the ether and kier goddamn eagans ghost on the big waffle in the sky shivered and turned around like Something Just Happened

[beyourghost]

and obviously you find yourself thinking oh i do wish i could get severed to do this one thing. would you actually maybe not. but you do wish you didn't have to undergo medical procedures you do wish you didn't have to do the things that give you anxiety you do wish you didn't have to do tedious tasks that barely even require you to be present for them. it's tempting. that's why the premise works. but the premise is also that somebody has to do it. somebody has to go to the dentist and somebody has to get on that plane and somebody has to write those thank you notes. just like somebody has to clean the house and somebody has to harvest the food you eat and somebody has to make the clothes you wear. you can't eliminate inconvenience you can only delegate it. you can't eliminate suffering you can only delegate it. and always the easiest way to live with this is to see that somebody as less than. less than you less than people. and if that somebody has to wear your body to do it well maybe it's not all that different. they're not a person. you are. it's capitalism all the way down baby

[fieldbling]

but of course mark s feels nothing for gemma that’s what he was born to do

[kitschky]

and maybe we're doomed but oh my love which one of us is orpheus?

congrats to severance for becoming my second fav anticapitalist-media-referencing-greek-tragedies