I've been sitting on these words for days,
I guess I just didn't really know what to say,
It gets hard to write to somebody you love while the tears pour down your face,
I know you didn't mean to do it, in a sick way it just amplifies the pain,
You were here yesterday and today got news your future was grave,
It's hard to write this because as your friend I feel I let you down in some way,
I should have noticed we were mates I should have seen the change,
But it's so easy to ignore when I ask how you are and you say you're great.
You pushed me to make the hard choices even when I wanted to cave,
I didn't want to annoy you so I didn't push that'll always be my biggest mistake.
I feel it too now, too far gone for help, I'm almost at the edge,
I guess that's why instead of fixing my shit I'm penning letters to dead friends.
There's a hole in my heart that I just cant push aside,
And I'm scared because the road you went down could very easily become mine.
Cooking my brain 'til I can't remember my name,
What good is trying to numb my pain, when I'm still cryng while going numb in the face,
Instead of feeling better I feel guiltier every single day that I make no change,
I swallow regret with every pill that I take, and I hate them but without them I feel like I'll die either way,
I'm stuck and feel so separated from the place in which I came,
So I keep trying take my feelings away, All with the same shit that killed you when you stuck that final pin in your vein.
I'm high, but I dont feel alive, and sometimes I wish I could just take your place.
You were incredible in every way,
You would give and life just seemed to take,
You deserved so much more than for things to end this way.
Rest In Peace, Trina. I read through some of our conversations today and while I cried, I remembered that it was ok to smile. I'm lucky to have known you.
Written by Kate Gentile ©
