((*Note we are/our body is diagnosed with Combined Type ADHD, & our therapist suggested autism is comorbid, which we suspect we do actually have based on conversations with the autistic community & research (peer reviewed articles + the old diagnostic test (RASSD-R? RAASD-R? Something like that - some of y'all probably know what I'm referring too. I think we got a 205?)). Relevant to what this is about.
Also I use ââ˘â (trademark symbol) to indicate âthis is one section/thingâ & âthis is a â¨vibeâ¨â so that's what those mean))
Us for the past week or two (especially before work): Well, if ADHD meds are just stimulants, and caffeine is a stimulant, I can basically use coffee to self-medicate without worrying about unknown side effects (since I already know how caffeine affects the human body & how it affects us).
Us at work on caffeine, unmasked: *some tics (especially when tired/stressed), The Cups Must Be Arranged In This Pattern Or I Will Cry⢠(portion cups for dips, we work in fast food), Sensory Overload Says Hiâ˘, That Beeping Pitch Is Making Me Want To Rip My Skin Off⢠(timers; angry fridge door got left open), Sauce Got On My Hands, Bad Texture, Get It Off⢠(lots of extra hand washing), can't make eye contact to save our life (/mild exaggeration), Please Don't Touch Meâ˘/avoiding contact, hyperfocused zooms, gets 2x to 3x normal work done like it's nothing, small head shakes (as if saying no) are soothing, going nonverbal every hour or two from Overstimulated⢠because the beeps don't stop & having to type into a document on phone to communicate, Auditory Processing delays, Visual Processing delays, This Face Mask Is Grabbing My Face, Bad Texture, Make It Go Awayâ˘, can function without music but feel awkward & processing delays are worse without music, Words Are Difficult⢠+ Entire Dictionary Vanished & Everyone Is Speaking Simlish, I Understand Nothingâ˘, collapse to the concrete shaking & immediate meltdown or shutdown as soon as work is over, lay in bed Too Overstimulated To Move/Exist⢠for 2 to 4 hours as soon as we get home because need to recover*
Us at work on caffeine, masking: *dissociation, losing time, very long audio processing, everything gets internalized & shoved down, quiet/distant thoughts swirling, very dizzy*
Us this morning (before work): Yea no I don't feel like drinking coffee today.
Us at work (leading into after work), unmasked: *constant inner monologue, both narrating what we're doing & thinking about how the way we're doing it screams âI'm ADHDâ, more intense & frequent tics (hard head shake, shaking hand off like it has something on it), need music to not zone out/get Choice Paralysis, more shaky hands, thoughts go zoom, losing large chunks of time, rearranging the pattern of portion cups literally every time we put another set out to fill because Too Similar Is Too Boringâ˘, every little bit of movement draws attention & Must Look⢠(cars, people walking, flashing lights, clocks), â¨S H I N Y, Must Look đâ˘â¨ (one of our favourite visual sensory things is silver &/or gold/bronze shiny metal), That Person Is Wearing A Business Suit To The Dentist, That's Odd, ÂżDid They Just Leave Work? (& similar unhelpful distraction thoughts)â˘, Go Go GO/Must Moveâ˘, Pace Back And Forth Is Soothingâ˘, Tap Fingers On The Keyboard⢠stim (move fingers as if playing piano, but just tapping palm/other fingers/air), âEEEEâ constantly in head, very awkward eye contact (Too Intimateâ˘), immediate full body shakedown after work (5 hour shift) because â¨Need Toâ¨â˘, goes for a walk immediately after work because Too Much Energy, Need To Move⢠& Understimulatedâ˘, replacing words with other words that don't make sense or make little sense (e.g. âthat's not what I was trying to makeâ instead of âthat's not what I was trying to openâ), people's voices are speaking so slow they sound far off & processing is difficult, Please Talk Fasterâ˘, Very Very.Easily Distracted⢠(planned to do some self-care an hour ago, planned to read today 3 hours ago, but â¨Nope⨠Tumblr & distractions are too interesting)*
Us at work, unmedicated & masked: *inner monologue/brain background noise: âOld McDonald had a farm, and Bingo was his name-oh. B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O, and Bingo was his name-oh.â into the Jeopardy theme (doo doo doo do-do, doo doo doo), into the McDonald's jingle (âbuh dah buh dah dah, I'm lovin itâ); shaky hands, clumsy as heck, bouncing on toes, wiggling toes; humming to self, quiet whistling, hidden fidget cube in pocket quiet clicks*
Us: ...Well. Now that we've been medicated awhile I notice how much ADHD actually affects us because this is different. đś
There's noticably different feelings, experiences, traits that we now notice. We've never medicated our ADHD before because didn't want pharmaceutical dr~gs, so we honestly couldn't tell what would be affected by meds or not (always dealing with ADHD on a daily basis). Being â¨medicated⨠showed us what was definitely ADHD & what probably wasn't, because we got used to not dealing as much with ADHD stuff & then today was all the ADHD things &....oh. ÂżWhat we thought was Just/Still ADHD⢠even though we were basically medicated was actually autism? đś
Disclaimer that not every ADHDer will experience all of these & they may experience things we don't, & not every autistic person experiences all these things & they may experience things we don't. We aren't The Golden Standard⢠for ADHD, autism, comorbid ADHD & autism, or neurodivergence. Also, some of these may be overlap as well, theyâre not exclusive to ADHD or autism.
So....that's how our day went đ
. We weren't planning to be unmedicated with intent to see the difference, just didn't because too lazy to make coffee &...yea. apparently they //are// different, in ways we didn't predict/expect.
