#ally 101

[nonbinarymlm]

I think there are too many people who say “I support the LGBTQ+ community” when they mean “I don’t think it’s immoral to be LGBTQ+”. They think not being intentionally bigoted is the same as supporting LGBTQ+ people. It’s not.

[adifags]

My sister was going through the container draw and I heard her shout, why are there so many bottoms but no tops

sgaysjekakkaka WHAT

[nonbinarymlm]

If you are cis then it is not appropriate to speak on trans experiences of oppression. It is simply not. You can boost the voices of trans people, but it is not okay to push your own take on how any transgender people experience oppression. It does not matter how many trans friends you have. It does not matter how knowledgeable you feel.

It is not acceptable for any cis person to speak over transgender people about their own experiences.

[grandwretch]

Hey, fellow white authors: 

I’m reading a book, and came across some things that made me uncomfy, so let’s talk about white people writing POC protagonists who hate themselves and how we should maybe... not... do that... anymore? 

First of all, let’s be real: White people don’t know what it’s like to be a person of colour. And we can do all the research we want, but we’ll never really know. If a story that’s explicitly about being a person of colour needs to be told, white authors need to step down and let an actual person of colour be the one to tell that story. 

Secondly, writing self-hate can be tricky, and no matter how good you are, the lines get blurred. Some members of your audience will always interpret it differently than you meant it, especially if you’re not crystal clear that the internalized hatred isn’t justified. And when it comes to internalized racism, that blur gets even nastier. Balancing your character’s feelings with the intent of the narrative is almost never going to be easy, and, again-- This is something someone of that race could write much better than a white person could. 

My last point is this, and it’s an important one: Not all non-white people hate themselves for not being white. While internalized racism is definitely something that our society has created, being white is not the ideal. It is not something to aspire to. There are plenty of people of colour (in fact, I would say, most of them) who are proud of their race and their culture. 

Not only is racialized self hate something we have no business writing, and something that can make your entire narrative uncomfortable for everyone reading, it is also completely unneeded to write more diversely. 

Please keep these things in mind while you’re building your characters from now on, thanks!

[intersex-ionality]

(I hope this is okay to ask?) As a perisex person, what should I do when I hear other perisex people use the word "hermaphrodite"? Should I be telling them "if you're not intersex you don't get to use that word at all" or is it okay when they use it as a medical term (vs as a slur)?

Well, I don’t know about other regions, but in the US, the clinical/medical category is DSD, not “true and pseudo hermaphrodites” and hasn’t been for... like 25 years or so. It was certainly being phased out by the time I was born though it wasn’t compeltely out of use or anything.

In English-speaking europe, “intersex” is still the term used, and I have no idea what’s going on with Canada or in any nonwestern and nonenglish contexts.

So, I think if you wanted to say “most people with those conditions prefer to be called intersex” or “the clinical term is intersex” or something to that effect, I think that would be fine. 

I would avoid saying things like “hermaphrodite is a slur” outright for two reasons: first, they may be using it in a reclamatory fashion, and second, if they aren’t reclaiming it when you point out to people that they’re using slurs they usually freak out and get very angry and defensive. Correction without accusation will keep the conversation going smoother and make a more positive change on behaviour, when you can manage it (this is often much easier for allies than for us, obviously).

This, of course, is assuming the conversation is neutral or positive in tone. If someone is using it as an insult or in any derogative or exploitative manner, I heartily recommend shutting that nonsense down as soon and as completely as possible.

[thebisexualblogger-blog1]

Don't ever use the words "admit" or "confess" when discussing an LGBTQ+ person coming out. They have guilty & shameful connotations that suggest being queer is a crime and that it's inherently something to be avoided.

[downwithcisfandom]

Is it ok to be cis and support down with cis?

Certainly!

I believe I’ve discussed this before, though I assume it never made its way into the Ally 101 tag. But basically, if you’re cis, and you support DWC, that can generally be perceived as an act of alliance. It suggests to your trans friends and followers that you don’t hold your own gender experience to be so sacred that you’d lash out at someone just for making a joke about people like you.

There are some things to keep in mind, however.

1) You are coming from a position of ignorance. You are cis. This means that you do not experience transphobia, erasure, violence predicated on transness, etc. That means that Down With Cis is something you can enjoy, but not something you should directly participate in. By all means, reblog DWC art and info posts for others to see. But do not create them yourself: you’re not qualified, and it gives the impression that you believe your cis voice deserves equal weight to our trans voices. That is, itself, an act of minor transphobia.

2) You are coming from a position of power. A lot of people making DWC stuff have a deep interest in avoiding people such as yourself in their personal online spaces. You have an obligation, as a possibly uninvited guest in those spaces, to be careful. Identify yourself as cis in your tags on posts. Check with the OP of a given post to see if they have asked cis people not to reblog from them.

3) You are entering a space that is neither made for you, nor caters to you. This is perhaps going to be a foreign feeling for you. Accept that sometimes, you’re going to be insulted by people who are angry, sometimes you’re going to be told to go away and not come back. Try to take in the message that people are giving you when they lash out or block you, but don’t get angry. From the ground up, you need to realize that this is not your space. 

I think that about covers it.

Would anyone like to make additions? Please remember to @ me if you reblog with additions, because tumblr doesn’t show additions to ask posts.

[downwithcisfandom]

Hi so I don't think I've seen a lot on the topic of cis people headcanoning characters as trans. ( i didn't see anything about this in the links , so if this has been previously answered I'm sorry!!) but like is there any guidelines(if any at all) to doing this? I don't want to do anything that could be out of line

I haven’t talked about it before, that’s for sure. The last time I even really expended any thought energy on such a thing, it was because I thought I was cis and I wasn’t sure whether or not I should be making headcanons.

So, I guess, maybe take a minute to reflect on your own relationship to gender before you get into it too deep. There’s a very real chance that this is a manifestation of some of your own genderfeels, since most headcanons are ultimately the result of people seeing themselves in characters.

That in mind... basically, I think cis people should definitely read, write, and enjoy trans characters, so I am alright with cis people’s trans headcanons in a general way. However! There is always the risk that a cis person is basing their headcanon on transphobic stereotypes, so before you go around shoving your headcanon in anyone’s face, really think about why you headcanon the character in that way. What made you think “hey, this person is probably trans.”

Was it a trans friend being like “hey this person is probably trans”? Was it because you recognized some part of the character’s narrative as reflecting a crisis of identity which might mesh well with genderfeels? Was it because trans people are cool as heck, and this character is cool as heck, and therefore they must be trans too?

Or was it because this girl is really tall and intense, or this boy has fine bone structure and a retiring personality? 

As a cis person, it’s going to be very, very easy for you to be accidentally but cruelly transphobic in your headcanons, and your discussions of them. So, if a trans person (even an anonymous one!!) is like “okay, but you realize this is based on stereotypes and is super bad,” be willing to listen to them. Seek additional information and opinions, if you like, but always be receptive to new information rather than enforcing your own opinions.

Basically, just remember that you, as a cis person, are a guest in the trans headcanon tags/spaces. You can be thrown out, so be extremely careful, and be ready to listen for a lot longer than you talk.