My favorite thing is balance.
"I see where I fucked up, but can you understand where I'm coming from?"
"Oh, I'm sorry that happened to you, what can I do to help? I remember when something similar happened to me and this is what helped."
"Do you want me to be honest?" *mixes in a little cruel honesty to my usual blend of tacit honesty and dishonesty*
It makes manipulation so much smoother.
I agree; I think, if I have to lie/be dishonest, I can’t have it seem as if it’s the perfect response that is benefitting me in the most ideal way, because then that brings ulterior motives into the question.
Flattery, too. It can be a useful way to perk someone up a little if you do choose to disclose something more “harsh”.
I like what I call loaded flattery; I’m not sure if there is a term for it otherwise, but I often tell people that I assumed they wouldn’t care or assumed they’d be okay with something because of some assumed positive trait or positive/agreeable past experience… Then, after that, I will say I was sorry; it’s a far nicer way of saying “I thought you were cool, but I guess I was wrong about you; you’re a fragile little pussy, so I’ll treat you as such.” Simply refusing to apologize seems like making excuses or disregarding their feelings/criticisms, and simply saying sorry by itself makes you look wholly and unjustifiably in the wrong, without real reason to have done whatever they are taking issue with. It’s showing that I am willing to accommodate them, but also painting that accommodation in a negative light in a way that doesn’t seem outright critical of them in a cruel way.
Balance is very important.
