yk what I’m sick af rn so I’m gonna sick brain ramble and attempt to take the alters out of the alter disorder for just a moment
Most of DIDOSDD romanticization I find makes it out to be an alter disorder or friends in your head so
Here’s some of my experiences
1. I have such severe emotional amnesia to almost all of my trauma that I genuinely struggle to differ between traumatic memories and regular childhood stories. This has lead to me unknowingly trauma dumping to my friends and not realizing until their replies are utterly horrified.
2. I have severe memory “loss” (especially currently) due to amnesia to the point I will forget things 10 minutes after they happen. Currently the longest I get to keep memories for before they are “discarded” is about a week
(Quotes because from what I’m aware dissociative amnesia does not actually remove memories, just make them impossible to access)
3. Currently this is not happening as badly but severe identity crises. Moments where I’m up at 3am having mental breakdowns because I don’t know who I am or any of my interests or who I want to become
4. Similarly to 3, I constantly forget my interests, hobbies, favorite pastimes, etc. I have them written down in a notes folder and still forget
5. Adding onto 3, there was about a month where nearly every day my gender identity changed because every time I thought I finally found the right labels, I would have another crisis and seek out more: nothing ever felt like me. This still occasionally happens.
6. Personality. Because of my trauma and because of how my trauma caused me to adapt, if you were to take away all of my trauma all that would be left behind at this point is a shell. I wish I was kidding when I say I truly believe my personality is nearly entirely based on trauma responses.
That’s all I can think of right now, if I got a fact section wrong please correct me on it and I’ll edit the post, like I said, sick brain. I’m a little slow rn.
