#aro grief

[neverquiteeden]

Waking up every day looking in the mirror and repeating "my friends will not abandon me for romantic relationships, my friends value me in their lives, I do not need to go through anticipatory grief like this, shutting myself out before they abandon me is not a valid strategy, it is better to have lived and loved and lost than to isolate myself out of this expectation".

[malenkibukvi]

"«Знаешь, давай поговорим о любви». И мы говорим о любви. Говорит, конечно, она. Что я-то могу о ней сказать? Что я о ней знаю?"

"«You know, let's talk about love». And we talk about love. Of course, it's her talking. What can I say about it? What do I know about it?"

25/26.01.2026 (made at night through midnight). happy aro awareness week! stay fierce my fellow aros, we shall rule the world one day

[shiutsu]

CW:Gore

Allopls try not to assume every single aro is friendship obsessed maniac. Or that everyone has a best friend. No,no we fucking don't. Not everyone has someone that's willing to stay or just put them as a 1st choice.

Or any type of love. It doesn't matter. Some of us are aplatonic/afamiliar/loveless/etc.

Not everyone wants to/has spend their life with someone. No matter if they have the chance or not (some of us are unlikeable & don't have the nerves to bother w ppl when we know they're not gonna like us anyways no matter how we'll try or we just had enough of the treatment we received).

I said this like 400 times already but not everyone feels love & has the ppl 4 it.

This is like every post in the aro hashtag whenever I open the feed,it makes me mad. If I could block this shit,I would,but considering ppl don't tag their posts smth like alloplatonic or platonic favorable, I'd have to block the entire hashtag,which is no.

It pisses me off. & its not just these sentences,it can be anything w love or partnerships.

btw if you're a normal allopl that doesn't say this shit or doesn't think this,this isn't targeted towards you. This isn't supposed to offend anyone,but the amount of shit I see pisses me off, especially the platonic stuff, considering that friendships was smth that ruined my life & make me overthink.

[musingsofamouse]

my true false love

i love being loved; i'd love to love too

just as roses are red and violets blue

but deep down you know that part just isn't true

and "i love you" to me's not "i love you" to you

listen, that isn't to say

"i don't care for your thoughts"

"i don't care for your day"

i love you, yet not. not in the right way

and don't get me wrong, i care for you still

but our love's not the same, so what can i do?

i'm surely a conman, poor victim of mine

but a sorry's so hollow, so i sit here and whine

"i love you" i scream, with all of my heart

i think i'm a liar; i know i am not

greed is a sin- this must be divine

is my love to be punished? are my feelings some crime?

i love being loved; i'd love to love too

spoke honeyed words

sweet falsehoods for you

and, i suppose, if i'm honest

i prayed for the day

i'd say "i love you too", but in the right way

‎

[kitsu-katsu]

Very much personal posting but other aros might relate

I love being aro, it's extremely cool, it's a big part of who I am and love it

BUT, that fact does nothing to alleviate the resentment I end up feeling for the best friends who say they'll always be there for you and "oh, we'll all grow old together, we'll be telling shitty jokes to each other at a nursing home at some point", only to immediately show you that they will in fact always prioritize a romantic pursuit by bending over backwards to have everything be about a new love interest they met less than a week ago

It feels shitty

In my case, some of my best friends live in a different city hours away from mine, so we can rarely hang out in person anymore, and they also have huge anxiety problems, so they haven't visited my city at all, it's always me going and telling them "I'm all yours when there, we have to go out!" And so many times we don't even get that as plans fail so easily. And plans have been made for them to visit the other way around, where us the remaining 3 people of the friend group are. But it's always a faraway hypothetical that never goes anywhere. "Some summer", "over spring break", "It'll happen I swear".

These two friends in the other city each got romantically interested in some guy

Friend A, who fails to meet our plans to go out 95% of the time, somehow managed to always have the perfect hole in their schedule to go out at least twice a week for a month and a half with their romantic prospect

Friend B, who's been saying they have to visit our city at some point but hasn't because of anxiety or being busy or financial problems, met a guy less than a week ago who lives in yet another city that's just as far away as mine is from my friend's city, but in less than a week they've already made plans to go on a trip to their crush's city to see them more and go out

And it SUCKS

Because you are understanding with them

Of course it's hard to go out, we've all got different responsibilities and different mental health issues and different money issues and such

But after being best friends for almost a decade and seeing them suddenly be completely able to do in a day what they fervently insisted they couldn't do with you in a year, it's.... Maddening

I'm not jealous of their partners because they have their romantic attention. I'm envious of the time they can clearly manage to give someone they've barely met but is obviously immediately more important until the relationship implodes than I am having been there for them for nearly a decade

And it means that when the relationship fails and we're back to the status quo, I have to sit there and believe them that it is still literally impossible to go out for more than 2 hours every 4 months. I have to sit with the fact that as soon as some other pretty person catches their eye, "we're all gonna grow old together" becomes nothing but a passing joke

It's a huge blow

[rapha-reads]

I have got to stop watching cdramas*, they're giving me unrealistic expectations of love.

And as an aromantic already going around constantly feeling aro grief, this isn't helping.

(*can't stop, won't stop)

[delicioustrashbluebird]

I've known I was aro for the past few months. Even though I've known, I'm still processing and accepting this fact now. It's just now dawning on me all of the experiences I'll never have because of it. I don't like anyone romantically. I'm never going to date. I'm never going to live with my partner or get married. And it feels like a loss. I know these things aren't something I would enjoy, but I still feel like they're things I lost out on. I feel like I'm grieving this future I could have had. It's not a bad thing that I'm aro, and I don't wish I wasn't, it's just a weird feeling coming to terms with all of this. I feel like I should be having a funeral for this future I thought I was going to have.

[actuallysafe-for-aro]

I asked my friend not to talk about her boyfriend with me so much (makes me feel repulsed, useless and unwanted) and she got really upset with me.

She said she was hurt and confused and didn't understand why I hate her happiness.

I cried so much that night.

I had to swallow my hurt and all those other negative feelings to comfort her and reassure her that I want to be a supportive friend and I'm not trying to dismiss her happiness.

I basically had to say "you know what, fuck my feelings and needs. I have to make other people comfortable around me." My existence makes people uncomfortable and they think I hate happiness.

Why cant they understand that romance is not happiness to me.

Im not allowed to have boundaries surrounding my identity out of fear of hurting or inconveniencing the allos in my life