#aro vent

[drearygenie]

Mom and dad drink coffee. My friends like tea.

Dad doesnt like people who drink tea.

I don't really care for either.

Dad says I'm old enough to drink coffee.

My friends tell me I look parched.

Mom asks what I want:

Coffee? or tea?

I don't really care for either,

they both leave a bitter taste in my mouth.

[sketchyface]

Genuinely don’t get the appeal of fanfics with “two people who are romantically attracted to each other but doesn’t realise it and behave in a stereotypically romantic way are forced to realise their feelings by their friends” because nearly every single time the friends are being so disgustingly intrusive and selfish

The two people are always written to be happy and satisfied in their platonic relationship, even if they are romantically attracted to each other, and their friends just waltz in and force them into a relationship dynamic THEY want the two to have, like a parent to their child and opposite-gender friend

The nature of the twos relationship doesn’t even change at the end of the fic! They usually behave EXACTLY. THE. SAME. So what was the point of it??? Instead of letting the two naturally change their relationship or not even changing it, the friends care more about their selfish want that the two have a stereotypical romantic relationship then the twos want for their own relationship

Sorry if this is phrased weirdly, it’s just been bothering me for a while. If any of y’all know any fics that subverts this trope pls recommend it

[radioactive-yuri]

they should invent an aspec community that isn't actively or passively hostile towards aroallos. i think that'd be cool

[failed-verification]

I’m happy for my friends in relationships but also no. I don’t wanna hear about your partner and every little thing about them. I don’t wanna hear about your valentines plans. I don’t want to hear about it at all I’m so tired of hearing all about this like it’s the only thing that matters.

I genuinely feel like a worse friend and a worse person for not giving a fuck about romance and not being super happy and excited about it. and I know that it’s just societal bs but it is so frustrating. I feel like a weirdo for not wanting or pursuing romance or caring about it over other relationships and everyone around me focusing on that only emphasizes how different I am

I can’t even really tell my friends this because then I’m being a hater and a shitty friend I know that’s how I’m gonna be perceived. But I do feel left out because I’m aro and it’s getting harder to pretend I’m fine with the pressure

[repulsed-confessions]

You can never make me feel bad for people like this, especially if they don't apply the same rules to those who feel the completely opposite way, which is like 98% of the cases.

If they can call everyone, who doesn't want to have someone constantly near them by atrocious terms & how they should "seek help" cause there's "something wrong with them", and refuse to realize such situation can be a nightmare to someone, then it's okay for me to point out their hypocrisy.

I may write an essay on how people are hypocritical towards relationships & claim bunch of lies about it, but still wonder & demand for everyone to be in one.

[lemonycranberries]

there's something so uniquely tragic about the experience of being aro and going through your own type of unrequited love. when you desperately want to know someone down to each of their quirks, spend your time with them, be vulnerable and share your deepest secrets, live with them, be their first option - but you can't, because all of those things are reserved for their romantic partner. they'll never feel the same way about you, and if they do, then comes the irony: you can't then reciprocate because then it's in a romantic context only. it's such an awful feeling to click with someone in a way you've never clicked with anyone else, think that they might be your soulmate, and have everyone around you ask "why aren't you dating? you'd make such a great couple" and maybe even feel that "well, maybe I could try" only to realize it's viscerally uncomfortable for you to even think about "trying" at all. that's not the type of love you want. but it's the type of love they want, in the end. and you desperately try to wonder if you should try to enter a romantic relationship with them, just to hold that spot in their life, just so you can be as special to them as they are to you - just to desperately cling onto what you have before it fades away. because after all, at some point they'll want and have a partner - and that partner won't be you. and from the moment that they have them, you'll never get the chance to be this close to them again. slowly you'll feel them pulling away as you can't do anything about it but watch, because you can't simply get "in between" a couple. certain attitudes and types of closeness are reserved for one type of love only. despite not being allo, you see yourself stuck in that same old tale you've always heard of: being "in love" with someone in a way in which they simply cannot reciprocate. they'll never be "in love" with you back, and as each day passes by you feel the tension inside you increasing, as if you're only counting the days before the ultimate tragedy arrives and you'll just never speak to them or laugh with them or cry with them again. you'll just watch from afar with an ache in your chest, and now suddenly you understand what was so painful about all those cliché unrequited love stories you used to see everywhere.

[th3r4p1lh4t3rzxd]

That cupioromantic despair when EVEN ur most aro friend want to date someone in specific and u r on your 13883838° bl of the month

[aroaceboytoy]

hi! I didn't see anything about this in your pinned post but if you're not comfortable answering no worries. Your blog is amazing btw I love how confident you are on here 🫶

I (also 19) was just wondering how you knew you were aroace or if there was anything you would recommend to someone thinking they might be one or the other or both?? Sorry if this is weird or would have been better as a dm(?) I haven't really sent asks or anything on here before.

Hope you're having a lovely night!

thank you thank you, i’m glad you like it. also i’m pleasantly surprised that i’ve successfully presented myself as “confident”, i’m still pretty shy irl but this is good practice lol.

it’s kinda difficult to give advice on this because aro and ace are both spectrums, so being aroace means different things to different people. i guess i’ll start with explaining why i identify as aroace:

ace- to me, sex is sort of like bowling. i can do it by myself, and it’s still a lot of fun to do by myself, but it seems like it would be more fun to do with other people.

sex was always about stimulation to me, not attraction. i’ve never just seen someone’s body and gotten horny over it, yknow? i’ve never had a crush or felt any desire to sleep with someone because of how they looked. if i want to jerk off it’s because i’m hormonal or bored. if i wanna sext with someone it’s because i like their blog or we have compatible kinks. it’s the specific acts or positions or kinks that make sex seem intimate to me, not sex in and of itself.

aro- just never really understood romance i guess. never felt what other people said they were feeling. i’ve been in relationships before, but i wasn’t the one who initiated them. the other person just went ‘do you wanna be in a relationship’ and i thought “sure, if it makes you happy. i won’t get anything out of this but idc, it’s just a label, nothing will change between us”.

i did fall in love once, i think. but i still didn’t want to hold hands or have sex or kiss them. i just knew i wanted them in my life forever. it didn’t last, of course. and losing that relationship felt like the end of the world. but it taught me a lot about myself.

i don’t really want a partner for the sake of having one. i don’t see myself going on dating apps or anything anytime soon. but i would probably like to find a partner someday, it’s just not quite romance.

i also have issues with understanding friendships and fitting in with my peers, i might be on the spectrum, i don’t know.

tldr

my advice: go with whatever label feels best to you. i think “aroace” fits me pretty well, but i might change my mind eventually. a label is like a nickname, not a diagnosis. you choose whether or not you wanna be called that. your identity is not set in stone.

maybe you find a microlabel that fits you. you don’t need to use it! you can, but you don’t need to. i’ve found a bunch of other labels on the aroace spectrum that kinda fit me but i said “i’m not dealing with that” so i used the umbrella term. it’s all up to you.

also you can dm me if you wanna talk about this more :) i haven’t really explained or articulated my identity in a long time, so sorry if this is too wordy and doesn’t make sense. it’s complicated, i don’t care enough to un-complicate it, i just said “aroace” and called it a day.