Summary: Remus comes down ready to head to Pride but first he needs to come out to Roman and his friends.
Authors note: Sorry, brain tired so while I wanted this fic to be longer and actually include pride the words aren’t wording right.
/\/\
“Why can't I just wear all green? It's bright!” Remus moaned, as if he'd just been told to wear more colour the instant he'd come out, ready for the pride parade they'd be meeting their friends at.
Roman rolled his eyes, rifling through a box of pride pins. “I didn't say you couldn't. I asked if all the green is to match a specific identity or just because you like the colour?” He repeated, picking a couple out. Over the years they'd collected a lot of pins between them and the twins always used pride month to mix them up and swap any they'd like between them.
Remus leant over to nab a couple of the badges about Pride being a protest and a TERF repellent logo. “Would you actually know what labels would bring the green out if I said it is?”
“Can't say unless you tell me, but I also can't field questions for you without knowing.” Roman countered, smirking over his shoulder, “Are you waiting for me to guess?”
“Or make some Disney reference. It isn't like green is a good guy colour to that mega-corp you love so much.” Remus suggested, “Do you even know which flags have green as a main colour?”
Roman thought for a moment, “Agender or genderqueer are the ones that jump to mind first, sooo given your purple eyeshadow is this genderqueer colours for you, today?”
“Aromantic. Knew you wouldn't know it.” Roman cheered, throwing himself onto the sofa to cause the make Roman was now bringing out to scatter.
“REMUS! You're doing my eyeshadow for that! I want rainbows!” Roman scowled, scrambling to get them and shove Remus to sit properly. “So other than green, what does aromantic mean?”
“Ugh, fine.” Remus easily accepted the make up, tilting Roman's face to his to start after checking the colours around him. “I don't want romance, would rather just fuck or more often keep it as friendship. No attraction of the romantic sort.”
It's quiet for a moment as Roman takes in the information and keeps his eyes shut for the rainbow to be added. “That sounds good. Do the rest of our friends know or is this the first time you're telling any of us?”
“It's my coming out story! Hopefully I'll get to fight an a-phobe at pride and knock some sense into them!” Remus agreed.
“Let's try not to make the parade a riot today. Do you want the aro flag painted on your cheek?” Roman took the break with one of his eyes finished to look at Remus.
Remus wiggled in his seat, nodding, before bring the eyeshadow brush back to Roman's eyes. “Sure, Bright green, light green, white, grey, black. I'm hoping to get an aro flag while we're there, not sure if anywhere will have it though.”
“We'll go through every stall until we find one after the parade.” Roman promised.
/\/\
“Of course Remus found an identity that lets him be obnoxiously green.” Virgil groused, joining the twins at the meeting point they were going to join the parade at. “Are you picking one to match your favourite colour or is this a label you actually identify as?”
“I'm aro! The green is just a bonus.” Remus helpfully agreed, leaning over to swipe the rainbow facepaint marker over Virgil's cheek.
Virgil tried to dodge then grinned, “Do you mean aro like the romantic equivalent to ace?”
“Yep, and here come the last terrible trio.” He nodded, turning to wave at Logan, Patton and Janus who were all coming over.
None of them comments on Remus's outfit or the flag on his cheek, although Logan did raise an eyebrow after recognising it. They were all more excited for the parade than on commenting about Remus's identity given it would be starting soon.
Warnings: invasive questions, implied sex (not graphic at all), heavy angst, crying in public, alcohol mentions, internalized aphobia. Lemme know if I missed any.
Word count: 2,350
Woow! Finally done! Ngl this took me a while to write... but it's finished now! I really struggled to portray alloaro folks in the most validating and respectful way possible so I hope I didn't accidently offend anyone💛
P.S: I hope you don't mind me tugging you but this was the WIP I sent that paragraph from for the WIP game @naminethewitch
@aro-sides-week day 5 Aroace/alloaro/non-SAM-aro
...
Logan listened to the other's stories with great interest, everyone finding the term that fits for them in their own way. In Emile's case he was even questioning for years before he found a label that sat right with him.
He had to admit it was quite… inspiring, and a bit comforting if he's being honest, to hear others struggling with this when he originally felt like he was alone in his confusion.
He wonders… Can sharing his own experience be beneficial in easing his guilt? It's a theory worth testing, afterall, there are numerous studies that show how talking about things to a willing ear can help with processing emotions better.
He nodded decidedly to himself, fixing his glasses before raising his hand to catch Patton's attention.
"Hey there, fellow glasses wearer." Patton smiled at him. "Wanna go up next?"
"Indeed." He confirmed as he stood up.
"Well then, the floor's yours buddy!" Patton stepped aside from the center, giving Logan space to stand and face everyone.
"I do not wish to own this floor, but I am willing to share my own experience." He cleared his throat, fixed his tie and started his story…
Logan blinked as his mind regained awareness of his surroundings, rubbing his eyes and reaching for his glasses before putting them on and bringing everything into focus.
"Morning" he said simply as he tossed the covers and started getting dressed.
"How'd you sleep? I had a great time last night!" Fred smiled at him from the doorway to the bedroom.
"I slept well, thank you for asking. Last night was indeed quite pleasurable." Logan agreed, slipping his arms into the sleeves of his suit jacket and buttoning it up.
He noticed Fred has gone quiet and looked at him from the corner of his eye, noticing he's staring at him.
Fred noticed him looking and blushed. "Sorry you're just… really pretty."
"Oh um… thank you, you're quite attractive yourself." Logan said as he reached for his tie.
"Oh, let me help you with that, here." Fred walked over taking Logan's tie and standing before him. They locked eyes for a moment before Fred looked down to tie it around Logan's neck.
"You know I… I think I'll like seeing you again." Fred said hesitantly, tightening the knot and smoothing the tie when he's done.
"Are you saying you would like to copulate again?" Logan asked blantly.
Fred flushed. "Um… yeah… amongst… other things…" he stepped away, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.
Logan frowned. "Other things?"
Fred sighed. "I'm trying to ask you out on a date… I think I like you and… it'll be nice to know you better." He smiled hopefully at Logan.
Logan stared. "Oh… I…" he wanted to say yes, he did enjoy himself last night and Fred was attractive but… he just couldn't see them going farther, he didn't feel interested in being with Fred in that sense.. but how can he convey that without hurting him?
"Fred." Logan started.
Fred looked up at him hopefully "yeah?"
"I enjoyed myself greatly last night and I can tell you're a very nice guy. I do like the idea of us getting to know each other better just… not in a romantic sense, I apologize." He tried to explain in the nicest way possible.
Fred bit his lip. "Oh… I see. I obviously think you're nice too and in a different context being friends would be nice but… I just think it'll be weird ya know? After we… ya know…" he blushed again at the recollection of last night's events.
He didn't sound too hurt so that's a good sign. "Well then, in that case, it seems our ways will be departing today." Logan said, reaching out his hand for Fred to shake.
Fred stared at the hand then snorted. "Are you always this formal with your hook ups?" He asked jokingly but shook his hand anyway. "Oh ah and…" he walked out of the bedroom for a few minutes before returning with a piece of paper he handed to Logan. "Here's my number in case you change your mind about the dating thing." He winked.
Logan gave him a half smile, taking the phone number and putting it in his pocket. Fred walked him to the door and they waved each other goodbye before he walked out and closed the door behind him.
…
"You did what?" His brother demanded when he finished telling him about this morning.
Logan frowned. "Did I do something wrong?"
His brother stared at him in disbelief. "Wow, okay, let me walk you through what you told me."
"I don't see how walking will help-"
"Just… shut up, listen for a minute. You met a cute and attractive guy who's nice and thinks you're cute too. You hooked up with him, so far so good. Then, in the morning after he asks you out on a date because he wants to get to know you better and he might be developing feelings for you…. And you friend zone him? Have you lost your mind?!" His brother said in disbelief.
Logan's confusion deepened. " 'friend zone him'?"
His brother just groaned in frustration, shaking his head. "You're hopeless bro, why didn't you just say yes?"
"Because I wasn't interested… I don't understand, was I supposed to lie about the way I felt?" Logan tried to understand why his brother was so upset by this
"It's just one date, Lo-bro, how do you know you're not interested if you haven't even given the poor guy a chance?" His brother asked pointedly.
"I just… didn't see him in a romantic sense." Logan shrugged.
"You said you found him attractive!" His brother countered.
"Physically attractive it has nothing to do with romantic feelings and interest, I don't see why this bothers you so much." Logan said truthfully.
His brother sighed. "Bro, how long since you lost your virginity?"
Logan frowned. "10 years? I don't see how this is related-"
"And how many romantic partners have you had since then?" He cut him off.
"None." Logan said. "I don't see how this is-"
"You see why I'm worried about you now?" His brother interjected again.
"Um… no? I don't think I see the issue you seem to see." Logan said honestly.
"Logan… eventually you're going to need to find someone to settle down with and… with the way you're currently handling it… I don't see it happening. I just don't want you to end up like aunt Rose." His brother took his hand and squeezed it gently.
"What's wrong with aunt Rose?" Logan asked, desperately trying to understand.
"Nothing, she's great… she's just over 50 and living alone, you don't want that, do you?" His brother said.
"I mean… maybe not but… is that really that bad? You don't have to be with someone to be happy and aunt Rose looks pretty happy to me." Logan countered.
"Look, I'm just trying to help you so here's what you're going to do, you're going to call Fred and tell him you changed your mind-"
"But-"
"Let me finish, you go on one date with him okay? Just one, see how it feels, if it's nah then just say so and you'll never have to see him again, and if it feels like it might be going somewhere then great! You found your first boyfriend! Deal?" His brother looked at him expectantly.
"I don't know about this, Chris… It feels too much like lying for me to be comfortable with it." Logan hesitated.
"You're gonna have to step out of your comfort zone at least a little if you want to find a boyfriend, bro. It's not like one is going to waltz into your house one day." Chris pointed out. "All I'm asking for is one date."
Logan sighed. "Okay."
…
"Logan! Over here!" Fred waved him over with a smile. "I was so glad you called to change your mind! A little surprised but very glad."
Logan swallowed, he can already tell this is not going to work… but then again, Chris might have a point… he is inexperienced in that regard so maybe he shouldn't judge the situation so quickly.. Besides, it's not like he can turn him down again before the date even started.
He took a deep breath and sat in front of Fred, managing a slight smile. "Yeah I figured it's worth giving this a chance of at least one date.. just to 'test the waters' as the saying goes. Though I'm very inexperienced so this still might not work out." Logan said truthfully.
Fred raised an eyebrow playfully. "One date to win you over? Alright, I'll accept that challenge." He smirked slightly.
Logan chuckled at Fred's charm, he is pretty fun to be around.. Maybe this night will go by well.
After they placed their orders they started conversating. "So what do you work at?" Fred asked curiously. "Wait, wait, lemme guess… you're a teacher! No wait… a lawyer! Eh… something that requires that big vocabulary of yours and those formal ties you wear." Fred chuckled.
Logan smiled. "Close, I'm a professor at the local university here. Nice job, pays well, and I get to educate and lecture people which I always enjoyed since I can remember. What about you?" Logan took a sip from his wine as he waited for Fred's response.
"A professor! Huh… somehow that makes you even hotter." Fred giggled. "My job isn't nearly as impressive… I just own a small bar not far from here." He shrugged.
Logan raised an eyebrow. "Owning your own business is quite the accomplishment, there are not many who will be able to achieve such a thing."
Fred blushed at the compliment. "Oh… ah, thanks… it's just a bar… I just like making people happy, you know? Help them let loose for a while… everyone needs that from time to time."
Logan nodded. "Indeed they do. Do you happen to have any good wine there?" He asked with interest, perhaps he can pay this place a visit sometime.
Fred's face brightened as he nodded. "Oh yeah! We have almost every kind of alcohol you can think of! I like to appeal to as many people as possible so I…" Fred happily chatted about his bar, how he trains his bartenders in making almost any drink out there and even encouraging them to make up their own.
Logan smiled as he nodded through his rumblings, being with Fred just felt so easy and effortless… he desperately wished he could feel those romantic feelings everyone keeps telling him about so their relationship can work in a way that appealed to the both of them… but those stubbornly stayed out of reach.
Fred already mentioned his disinterest in a platonic connection with Logan after their sexual encounter, so if Logan can't recipicate his romantic feelings towards him… they'll have to say goodbye…
"...You should come and see it, drinks are on the house." Fred winked at him, reaching a hand to grab Logan's and gently rub over his knuckles with his thumb, looking up at him with a bright blush. "...Perhaps on our next date?" He asked hopefully.
And it was the morning after their copulating all over again… but somehow way worse, because now he cared about him even more and wanted to keep seeing him… just - frustratingly so - not romantically like he does.
"Um…" Logan hesitated, how can he turn him down now?
"I get this might be scary since it's your first time but… now I know I really like you, Logan and… we can take it slow okay?" Fred's hand was still holding his and he gave it a light squeeze, smiling softly.
"I'm sorry I-" the waiter suddenly arrived with their check and Logan quickly grabbed it before Fred had a chance, glad for the momentary distraction as he put the credit card inside and handed it back to the waiter.
Fred's hopeful eyes were still on him. Logan's heart ached as he opened his mouth to say no to this sweet guy he wishes he could fall in love with. "I'm really sorry I just don't-" the words got stuck in his throat.
The waiter handed his credit card back to him with a receipt and Logan quickly snatched it and stood up.
"Logan?" Fred frowned at him with concern.
He needed space… he needed to think… he can't think…
His breath quickened. "I'm just… really busy…" he stammered and he was bolting away from there before he even realized it, only stopping when his legs couldn't carry him anymore and he leaned on a nearby wall, panting heavily.
Logan didn't realize he was crying until Patton wiped his tears gently.
He backed away, embarrassed, furiously wiping his tears on his own. "I… I didn't have the courage to reach out to him again after that… he's probably better off without me anyway…" Logan struggled to finish the story and regain whatever little composure he had left.
"For the longest time I felt like I'm such a shallow 'jerk' who only likes people for their bodies I… I didn't know about… all the different kinds of attractions or how people can feel and not feel some of them… I didn't know what aromantic was or allosexual I just… felt broken and… guilty…"
Logan took a deep, calming breath, skimming through the faces looking back at him. Patton rubbed his shoulders gently in a comforting gesture.
"Hey, it's okay, I promise. Like I keep saying, this stuff is very confusing, thank you so much for sharing." He smiled sweetly at him. "Do you want to go back to your seat? Drink some water?"
Logan took another deep breath and nodded, going over to the table with water bottles behind the circle and taking one before sitting back at his seat. Feeling emotionally worn but also… relieved.
He supposes his original theory was correct then, a fact that made him smile slightly as he awaited the next person to speak up.
Its such a long song we will just split this into 2-3 parts lol ANYWAYS enjoy part 1 of this late thing for #AroSidesWeek
Give Us Euphoria PART 1
Songfic (Euphoria by MUSE)
Every side is aro-spec in these fics we create; this focuses on Remus and Patton. Obligatory disclaimer: this is based on both the source material AND our fictives (Rat and Frog were collaborators actually lol). They made sure to get each other's consent/permission to team up and write this, as should anyone writing about ppl they know irl.
Content Warnings: minor injuries, self deprecation, talking about depression and dissociation, suggestive nicknames.
Anyways, enjoy!
Shut down
We are growing spiritless
If no one cares, then who is gonna save us?
Give us euphoria
Remus was really, really fucking bored. Not just in general, but emotionally it felt like someone had squeezed out every drop of water from its octopus appendages and left it to dry in the desert. More literally, he hadn't moved from underneath his own bed in… yeah he wasn't even going to try counting. Groaning pathetically, the side glanced over to its right, relishing in the sudden pain due to the fact its eyes had not moved much for hours. Pain was good in these times, was grounding and very real unlike far too many dark fantasies Thomas would never bother even considering. But, that wasn't the main reason he had looked to his right; no it was…. shit, why had Remus-
"FUCK! This is just sad, and I don't do sad shit unless it's paired with grotesque horrors!"
The words were nearly ripped out of its throat that was rather dry, frustration almost palpable. A fit of coughing was followed by the admittedly theatrical creaking of the duke's joints as the side crawled out from underneath the bed. Ew, physical exhaustion of the depressed variety. Whether he had the energy or not, he was going to get to the bottom of this problem that was becoming disturbingly clear in its source. Not bothering to check on the state of its outfit and grimacing at the still extremely empty 'dark sides' living room, Remus took in a deep breath and put what it hoped was a winning and deranged smile on its face while giggling out:
"I hope someone is ready for a visitor from hell…"
Worn out
Everything will fall apart
So shine a light and warm up this heavy heart
And give us euphoria
It hadn't been the best week for Patton, and if he was going to be honest, the near future wasn't looking that much better. Despite the continuous progress with everyone figuring out how to work best with each other, all the new discoveries about Thomas' sides, and the growing acceptance of many… it had taken a lot of emotional energy he hadn't expected.
Honestly, his own shortcomings regarding being morality stung worse than what was left of his strained relationships; relationships in general had always been confusing and difficult for Patton. Never sure when the exact moment a person becomes a friend or lover, so he had always tried to be equally affectionate to everyone. Lost when it came to what's supposed to happen when a relationship ends or changes. Unaware if the annoyance or exasperation he felt from others at his puns were simply in the moment or a sign he had made a significant overstep, so he kept them all as harmless and cute as he could. Yes, Patton had done his best! Only, that wasn't actually the correct action. The right thing to do. He supposed it was all connected after all, morality and relationships.
Which brought him to the present, a tired chuckle making its way past his lips as he realized he'd spaced out yet again instead of getting ready for the day.
"At least I'm already dressed to impress! Well besides my glasses, where did I set them last night…"
Patton started off cheerfully, voice getting quieter as he stood up and searched the room with the enthusiasm of a cat sensing an oncoming bathing in a tub. Although leaving his room was a must when he wasn't feeling his best, it was tempting. Then again, he had plans to talk to a certain snake today, and really didn't want Janus of all sides to get worried about him, or even worse, disappointed. That should have been enough to speed up the finding process, but strangely enough he still couldn't find his glasses. Brows now furrowed, Patton put his hands on his hips and almost let himself get upset, brown eyes widening in fright as he caught himself.
"No no no, I cannot be doing that! Not after the frogger incident-"
"-I think you mean the coolest shit ever that you should do more often, Patton-With-The-Cake!"
The shriek that left Patton was quite mild compared to the jump his body performed as Remus popped into his room.
Summary: Roman has issues with love, and end up setting a boundary with Patton after countless times of love being declared making him hide flinches
/\/\
Love: The word made his skin crawl, even more than being called a gorgeous girl had once done. He was coming to despise hearing it, the more it was thrown around.
His mother now claimed that his dreams of being the Prince in Disney films meant that he wanted to find love. His relatives often sighed over how unfortunate it was that his dreams of true love hadn't succeeded yet.
Even worse was that it was becoming a bigger issue rather than smaller since he'd brought his own apartment.
Something had put the idea into Patton's head that his love for his friends must be constantly expressed. Roman was trying to pretend that he didn't want to flinch away each time there were declarations of love thrown out in response to any kind gestures and had, from the start, hope that replying with comments about caring a lot or feeling connected to Patton would encourage a change in the statements too.
What happened to people saying “I care about you”? It was a phrase that needed to be brought back; caring without loving, kindness without that oppressive term everyone had somehow decided to use which to Roman only spoke of control or assumed influence. Where else had reasoning like “I'm doing this because I love you” come from?
It was all he could see love as now. Familial, romantic, platonic, all forms of love that he'd seen used to control someone or had people try to use to control him. Some of that he knew was because their parents relationship was anything but healthy and movies are trying to tell good stories not show good relationships, but he couldn't help that hearing someone declare love had his guard rocketing up for the time they try to push him into something he doesn't want using that reasoning.
Once, long ago, he'd told this view to his older brother, Logan and had been told he doesn't see it like that. The explanation of what Logan does see love as left Roman bewildered and feeling like he'd heard a story from an alien planet given just how different their views of love are.
If the world ran on love then most of the time Roman was happy being loveless, comfortable in himself and with his friends.
That fell away when in response to making Patton a cuddly kitten toy Roman was sat listening to a tirade of love, both for him and the item and had to focus everything on not scowling. It was harder since he'd been so absorbed in sewing the night before that he'd gotten very little sleep. “Hey Pat? It's great you like the toy so much, seriously I'm glad because it took a lot of work, but can you, I don't know, change to other words if you're directing them at me? Ones other than love?” He asked, reaching out with one hand to tug on the ear of the toy as he spoke.
“Why? I mean what I'm saying.” Patton paused, confused and serious now, matching Roman's mood.
“It – it kind of makes my skin crawl and-” Roman sighed, uncertain now he had to explain it since this wasn't something he'd brought up to others before. Most people he knew weren't as effusive as Patton. “-love kind of sounds like attempts to control to me, mostly when said between people.”
Patton nodded, pausing to think for a moment. “Is that why you always say things like you care about us, or feel connected to me to when I've been saying things like that? I thought you were trying to make sure I knew this friendship wasn't romantic.” He asked.
“Yeah, I don't want the give and take control of love, even platonic love but I do care about you and all our other friends so much.” Roman nodded, letting his hand be taken when Patton reached out.
“Then I care about you a lot, Ro and am going to look after this kitty so I can cuddle it for years to come.” Patton agreed, curling around the toy with a smile.
Roman smiled back, glancing through to the kitchen. “And I care about you too. Want to make the sandwich cookies we planned to now? I'm sure kitty can watch from the table without getting messy.”
That got Patton jumping up and hurrying through to the kitchen before pausing. “One quick question, if love makes you uncomfortable, what does that mean for any relationships you might get into?”
“I'm not looking for any relationship other than friendships, Pat. I identify as a loveless aro and have definitely told you the aro part before.” Roman reminded gently, unsurprised that it had been forgotten momentarily.
“Oh, cool. Friends forever and you can rely on ours to carry on.” Patton agreed, beaming as he turned back to the kitchen.
Summary: Roman is writing a story and struggling with a character who’s identity he doesn’t believe he can write properly. Perhaps through going with it he’ll learn something about himself on the way
Warnings: a few sex mentions
/\/\
Roman was writing but the characters weren't behaving. Well, really they were behaving too well and becoming too fully formed for where he thought his skill was at.
One character in particular was trying to turn every scene to making her have an identity that he really doubted being able to accurately portray. Asexual, probably Aromantic as well, and truthfully he barely knew anything about the identities. How could people tell when they didn't feel something other than in situations where they're being pressured to feel it? Do scenes like that have to be included?
Actually Roman's biggest argument with the character now insisting she was ace was that it contradicted scenes he remembered writing and without going back to read a few thousand words of his own writing and probably putting himself off the entire story he couldn't know how easily they could be changed. That wasn't reasoning that was working against the characters in his head and he'd known it wouldn't from the start.
“You're glaring at your laptop again. Is someone writing a fanfiction that offends you? Can I write a worse one?” Remus commented, wandering past and shoving Roman lightly, but enough he clung to his laptop to avoid dropping it.
“I'm arguing with a character. Do we know anyone Ace or Aro? Can I change Amanda to make her so without destroying the story I've written so far?” He grumbled, looking over to his brother who at the first question clicked and pointed to himself.
Remus just grinned, “I'm ace so that's a start and sure you can. The scenes that would contradict her being either make little sense with how she'd really be feeling anyway. If you swap it from getting embarrassed over a crush to upset over her identity being ignored the argument stays but doesn't cause issues with her family right after moving out.”
“Since when are you ace? Weren't you thirsting over, goodness, who was it last week? That emo kid?” Roman side-eyed him for a moment before looking back at the screen. “And are there videos or do you mind getting interrogated so I can know enough not to write Amanda completely cluelessly?”
Remus waved a hand, pulling things out of the cabinets behind Roman and licking random packaging. “Since ages. I just think sex is juicy to talk about, not actually doing anything, that's dull. Talking to me ain't gonna help you write a traumatised kid who is as likely aroace through trauma as she is to naturally be that way. Ecosia it so the great googlepire can't control the results.”
That day Roman nodded and returned to just writing what was in his head, minus a few arguments over if how Amanda should act. He could trust his character for now at least.
/\/\
“So you've started treating your characters as people. Will I get yelled at for saying I think Greg and Harrison used to have tons of kinky sex but broke up when Harry tried to make the role play full time?” Remus was lounging on Roman's bed when he got in one afternoon, flicking through the notebook that held his novel project.
Roman just rolled his eyes, going to snatch the book back. “No, they're meant to be exes and I don't care what you headcanon for their past.” He sighed, flicking to the next blank page to carry on writing something since the book was out.
“Well it's obvious Greg is going for exhibitionism with Luke so he's gotta be kinky already.” Remus coaxed, only to get a pillow thrown at him. “Just saying what I'm seeing.”
“You're seeing wrong and those guys aren't even getting together. Now hush. Amanda needs to actually get an apology already.” Roman focused up on what he'd been writing recently, scanning the last page.
Remus cackled, pushing the pillow under himself. “From hating to write the girl to constantly having her involved in everything is quite the turn around, Rospeare. You projecting over there?”
“Course not! She's just the most interesting person to describe.” he protested, but paused, glancing to the page. “Cause I am just writing about people, aren't I? Not some label or minority but people whomever the world sees them as.”
For some reason the words sent Remus into triumphant cackles. “He finally realises it! People are people are people, fictional, acted or real, people are people.”
He'd heard the word people so many times it had lost all meaning so decided to ignore his brother and just write for a while. Besides Amanda was re-framing his own memories and how he'd thought about crushes before now and it was becoming fascinating to write about, even just when she was spending time with her siblings, thankfully less unpredictable than his own.
/\/\
Editing was a surprise to Roman. He'd never finished writing a story that he was sure had a reasonable plot of such length and he'd been excited to start typing it up.
Now he was just disturbed, reading over the next scenes he had to write up and edit, just wishing he could tear the pages up and completely rewrite them. Loosing any of his writing was loathsome so he settled for just ignoring the pages.
How could he have ever believed that Amanda would have a crush, let alone one on someone barely mentioned at all? It boggled his mind before he remembered the time he'd had a mental battle before accepting that his character was aroace. Roman almost wondered if part of his fight against letting himself write that was to avoid the self-reflection Amanda had brought with her.
After all, now he saw himself in Amanda more than any other character that had turned up in the story, including the actors that were friends with a few of his main characters.
“Me and Amanda match.” He murmured to himself, deciding to just note that there would be an argument between the main group during this scene in the plot he'd been compiling. He could sketch for a while instead, and perhaps see what his characters might actually look like.
“Yeah, I love your little blue dress number. Pretty sure I was meant to be the one to make it though.” Remus agreed, suddenly leaning through his door. “Or wasn't that what you meant about matching?”
Roman rolled his eyes, “No, I meant we're both aro. The ace part is yet to be decided but I doubt I'm aroace.”
“Fun. You're stealing my colour and refusing to look even a little remorseful of it. Pick something with a red flag instead.” Remus teased, throwing some fabric up so it fell draped over him.
For a moment all Roman could see was green and grey as he floundered in confusion at the sudden covering, before reaching to tug it off. “Favourite colours are not the way we chose our identities Remus!” He protested before realising the fabric in his hands was an aro flag, put together by various fabrics he'd been saving for unknown projects. “You? How did you figure this out before me?” He blinked after a moment, only to realise his brother had vanished again.
Looking to the sketch of a face that clearly screamed itself to be Amanda, Roman smiled. “Yeah, we match and I think I love you for making me realise that.”
Character: Virgil centered, with a bit of Remus and Patton at the start and just Patton at the end.
Warnings: hyperventilating, panic attacks, being pressured into dating, mistaking different kinds of attraction for romantic attraction. I think that's it.
Word count: 1,764
Day 3! This one I'm less sure about... but hope it makes sense idk.
@aro-sides-week day 3 tertiary attraction
.......
"...and that's how our relationship started! Patton began telling me about the aromantic spectrum and after some digging I found a term that seemed fitting to me! So this is my story everyone, of how I met my dear Patty-cake and realized I'm Aroflux!"
Virgil listened as Remus capped off his story, bewilderment overtaking him. That fast? One day of meeting each other and they decided to jump into a relationship they didn't even know how it was going to look like? Just like that?! That's insane, Virgil would have run off the moment he realized there's no chance his feelings will be reciprocated… or the moment Patton started walking in his direction…
Okay maybe it's just because Virgil's a huge coward but that's still pretty insane right?
"Like what you're seeing, hot stuff?" Suddenly all eyes turned on Virgil and he realized he was staring.
His face burned in embarrassment. "S-sorry…" he stammered, playing with the strings of his hoodie nervously, willing for everyone's attention to be turned back to the center of the circle, away from him.
"Aw it's okay, Kiddo! I will admit our story is pretty shocking." Patton smiled reassuringly at him. "Would you like to share yours next?"
"Oh um…" no, no he would rather die on the spot right this second- no, wait, this is why you came here! Stop being such a chicken and suck it up already!
"You don't have to-"
"Yeah! Tell us the juicy details!"
"Remus, this stuff is very personal, he has every right to-"
"Okay… yeah I'll… I'll share." Virgil managed to say, palms getting increasingly sweaty and his body temperature rising up as he tried to take deep breaths.
Patton still looked concerned. "I promise no one will get upset if you don't feel comfortable sharing…"
"No, no it's fine. I came here cause… I need a place to share it… get it out of my system you know? I just know that most people in my life will just be confused so… just, give me a minute…" Virgil explained. "But um… can I stay here? I don't think I can stand in the center like that…"
Patton nodded. "Of course! You can tell it from wherever you want, Remus, do you want to sit back in your seat?" He turned to his partner.
Remus shook his head with a grin. "Nope! I'm good here!" He said, shuffling even closer to Patton and resting his head on his shoulder. "If it's okay of course… I mean, if you're in the mood for it." Remus looked up to meet Patton's eyes.
"Actually…" Patton started.
Remus took a step back. "Space, got it." He winked and Patton sighed in relief as he took back his original seat.
"Thank you, Remus." He smiled fondly at him before turning back to Virgil. "You ready?"
Virgil took one, final breath, then nodded. Clearing his throat, he began his story…
"You're staring~" Valery nudged Virgil in the ribs and shook him out of his day-dreaming.
His cheeks flared. "I'm not! I just… think they look cool okay? It's not a big deal…"
Valery just grinned. "Hey guys! Our Virgil has a crush!" She suddenly called out to the rest of the group.
"What? No I don't! I just admire their style…" Virgil desperately tried to explain but it was clear from their faces that no one was buying it.
Was it a crush? How does one know for certain?
"Go talk to him! Aww you'll be such a cute couple!" One of his friends cooed.
"Wow let's not jump that far okay? I just think they look good- hey!" Another friend started pushing him towards the guy in question, Virgil's heart beating in his chest so loudly he was sure they could all hear it.
"C'mon, don't be shy Virgie, I'm sure he likes you too!" And with that he was shoved right in front of the guy's face.
The guy turned to look at him curiously. "Hello there." Was all he said.
Virgil swallowed. Okay Virgil, so you have a crush on this guy… apparently… how do people talk to their crushes?
"Umm… hi… do you… come here often?" He used a line he saw on a film once.
The guy looked around. "You mean, to school? Kind of have to, you know…"
Virgil's cheeks got redder as his embarrassment grew, oh god, what was he doing here?
"I… have to go to the bathroom…" he ran out of there as fast as he could, pulling his hoodie up and trying to hide away as much as possible.
That was terrifying! How the hell do people do it?! How the hell do people find dates?? ….I'm going to be alone forever aren't I?
After that he was very scared from the whole dating thing and tried to avoid it as much as possible, but he couldn't hide from the matter for long…
"So, Virgil, do you have a special someone?"
Virgil nearly choked on his water as his aunt's question drew all of the dinner residents' attention.
"Ah… it's.. kinda hard for me… with my anxiety disorder and all…" he stammered through an explanation.
"Aw that shouldn't stop you! Your soulmate is out there hun! You just need to be brave enough to look for it!" His aunt declared in her theatrical voice. Easy for her to say, she met her husband when they were kids, she never had to deal with the whole dating ordeal! Not that that ever stopped her from being a hopeless romantic…
Virgil just nodded with a shaky smile. "Yeah…" he returned to drinking his water as everyone's attention drifted off. He locked eyes with his mom, a look he knew meant 'we'll talk about this later'... Virgil really didn't want to talk about it…
"I thought you said you were making progress with your therapist." His mom said after all the guests left.
"Yeah I don't think breathing exercises will help me talk to a complete stranger and ask him on a freaking date out of nowhere… or however this dating shit works." Virgil grumbled. "Can't I just avoid this forever?"
His mom gave him a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder. "Aw you don't mean that sweetie, you don't want to be lonely all your life right? I'm sure you'll get it soon, everyone does."
"I have friends you know…" Virgil muttered.
"Sure, but it's not the same, what will you do when they find dates? Join them?" His mom chuckled. "But it doesn't have to be strangers you know, how about Valery? You two seem close." His mom suggested.
Virgil burst into laughter that died down when he realized his mom wasn't smiling. "Oh… you're serious… mom, we're friends." He stated the obvious.
His mom shook her head with a smile. "Honey… you were cuddling in the last sleepover."
Virgil's cheeks reddened. "So? She's a good cuddler… it doesn't mean anything."
"Right…" his mom winked, making Virgil even more uncomfortable. "Just think about it dear."
Virgil sighed as she walked away. Maybe she's right… I always want to hug and cuddle Valery… in movies that usually means romantic feelings…
…
"Virgil? You okay? You look nervous…" Valery said in their next meet up with their friends.
"I'm always nervous." Vitgil shrugged, bitting his nails anxiously.
Valery didn't look convinced. "C'mon, let's talk in private, even if it's something 'dumb' or whatever you think it is." She smiled and tugged on his arm slightly.
Virgil smiled a bit, she really was a really good friend, always paying attention to everyone around her's mental state, going out of her way to help in anyway she can… Virgil really liked being around her…
It THAT what a crush is? …maybe… so… he should just go for it… right? That's what they always do in media…
"So what's up, you can tell me anything." Valery smiled in a way that always made him feel safe.
"Um… my mom's starting to bug me about…" he gestured vaugely. "You know… dating and stuff…" he stuttered.
"Oh! Do you need me to play matchmaker? I can totally do that!" She grinned wildly.
Virgil's cheeks warmed. "N-no,no, that's not… doyouwannagooutwithme?" He blurted hasitily.
Valery frowned. "What was that? Couldn't hear you…"
"I… um… do you… want to.. go on a date.. with me?" He murmured.
"Oh!" Valery said in surprise.
"Forget it, it was stupid-"
"No, no, that actually sounds nice!" Valery smiled. "I just thought you're more into guys… but sure! I would love that!" She placed a kiss on his cheek and walked away.
Virgil rubbed his hand uncomfortablly. Well… I did it… is it supposed to feel this… weird and awkward? Though that's how I feel about most things so… it's probably nothing…
"....so the date went horribly… as you might imagine and well, after that I kind of assumed I have no idea what romance is or supposed to feel like… I looked into it a bit and found out there's tons of different kinds of attraction that are not sexual or romantic…. And when I looked deeper I found the aromantic spectrum. I don't know… I don't have a specific label I use or something… I just know my relationship with romance is a bit more complicated than most people in my life… I haven't told anyone yet, well, except for you guys, now, I mean…" Virgil rumbled until finally he stopped himself, realizing his words don't make sense anymore and fell quiet.
"Sorry…" he said quietly, looking down. "I'm rumbling… maybe I shouldn't have come… maybe I'm just too stressed by everything and I'm not even on the spectrum… I should just go-" he started getting up.
"Wow, wow, hey. You have nothing to be sorry about, as I said, this is a safe place. And, I think we can all agree, figuring this out is super duper messy and complicated." Patton chuckled lightly, and the room filled with sympathetic chuckles.
"You don't have to know your exact label right away, or at all even! Heck, you might realize later you're bi or gay or whatever! That doesn't mean you don't belong here or you don't anymore since you realized that. You belong here as long as you want to be, capish?"
Virgil sat back down, something warm blooming in his chest… a sense of belonging he never felt before. "Yeah?" He smiled hopefully as Patton.
"Of course, kiddo!" Patton nodded.
And for the first time in his life, Virgil felt understood. Maybe coming here wasn't such a bad idea…
Summary: Logan always assumed because they’d felt attraction before he couldn’t be aro. When a poetry discussion with Roman gets diverted onto types of attraction they start to change that thought.
/\/\
Attraction is weird. It's spoken about in so many bizarre ways that Logan is convinced society is trying to avoid anyone figuring out they might be aromantic or asexual. They'd spent years wondering if he could be aro but dismissing the idea purely because they know what attraction felt like and experienced it relatively often without the desires for romance that Patton had once described coming with a crush.
They were only illuminated to the nuances of attraction during a poetry discussion with Roman. Logan had been aware for a while that Roman is more intelligent that the needless singing originally had them believing but it was an interesting time to get revelations over how many types of attraction there are.
“For such beautiful words, I would give my all to a woman like this.” Roman sighed as they discussed an Emily Dickinson poem that Logan had been struggling to understand the sentiments of.
They had blinked for a moment before stating, “Roman, you are gay. Why are you implying some poetic words would attract you to a woman?”
“It's not romantic attraction, Logan. Clearly it's not, but are you saying you've never spoken to someone and just wanted to be around them more, or seen someone and without any lust or desire wanted to know them?” Roman exclaimed, forehead creasing when he registered their processing face.
They only replied a few moments later. “I thought that is just what attraction is. Do you mean that there are different feelings to the attraction if it's romantic?”
“Yes.” Roman nodded, lips pursed and debating. “What experience with attraction have you had?” He asked cautiously as if unsure the question would be welcome.
It made them thing carefully for a while, curious and concerned over being able to describe the attraction they had felt. If it hadn't been some level of romantic or sexual attraction, then what might they class it as? “That man from your theatre group; I was attracted to him for the reasoning traps and attentiveness that was needed to hold a conversation without being made a fool of. Oh, and I was attracted to Emile for a while, though that was short lived given his propensity for cartoon references. It was his intellect and knowledge of psychology that attracted me then.” Logan began explaining, trying to remember other occurrences of attraction.
“Intellectual attraction then. I'm not sure how I'd label an attraction based on poetry, like the one I referred to for Miss Dickinson, perhaps charismatic.” Roman suggested, nodding. “If it's not prying, have you actually wanted to date anybody before?”
Logan paused again, feeling like everything Roman was saying gave them a cause for self-evaluation they hadn't been away needed doing. It was frustrating to be asked this specific question though, simply due to how close it came to their revelation over there being different types of attraction. “I don't know!” They snapped, scowling, “How do you know about this?”
“Remus got fascinated by tertiary attraction a while back, left a few google searches open on my laptop after stealing it which I read through. He's now decided to make jokes over any type of attraction he feels being sexual.” Roman easily replied, shrugging a little as if that wasn't a big deal, “Besides, I've been trying to figure out the types I feel most often.”
They nodded, taking a few deep breaths since the attempt to make it a fight wasn't risen to. “That seems to be a reasonable decision. I'm going to endeavour to interrogate the attraction I experience from now on, but had not understood there are different types of it prior to this conversation.”
Roman nodded again, eyes tightening a little as he looked Logan over before offering, “Would you prefer if we refocus on Dickinson's poetry?” He offered.
“Of course, thank you.” Logan agreed, looking back to the book between them. “I have to say, these likes don't seem loving, despite the poem being reported as a love poem. They seem more to describe symptoms of indigestion.”
Roman leant back, hand to chest as if scandalised. “How dare you! Those are describing the nerves of getting your heartbroken.”
By the time Logan reached home that evening, their head was still spinning with thoughts of attraction and desire. They'd barely taken in any more knowledge or ideas about poetry from the discussions with Roman but for the first time weren't bothered over that. The afternoon was far from wasted when Logan had learnt such important information.
They might soon be certain over a label to use other than queer and it was more than likely to be aromantic.
