#asexual ally

[lgbtqiatext]

[sweetpickles-blog]

The way people treat Asexuality is so weird from what ive seen. Like trying skirt around the edges of what they actually want to ask/say.

I agree that being a human means things change. We dont stay the same forever as we grow we learn new things about ourselves but ive noticed from observing

Its always framed as like this "Oh you just dont know if you havent tried it 🥺" Their trying to chalk their words up to be sweet and love dovey (As if not having sex means you cant love others) but what their actually trying to say

(I get explicit under the cut fair warning)

"Huh? How do you know, maybe you havent found the right person? Like have you absolutely choked on some dick? How do you know you dont like sex if you havent eaten ass? Maybe you just need to find the right pussy to finger. Well try it, you have to!"

Then, if you ask them the same question. Its like "Uhm well..im not into guys like that. Never wanted to. Thats diffrent though" Or "I mean no ive never gotten with a woman, never thought about it"

So you exepct somone whos Asexual (assuming their either sex repulsed or just not intrested) to find this magical person and start absolutely digging in their partners asses from being so in love. So now their cured??

I AGREE. That sex can be a beautiful thing. Being so close with another person who your trusting when your vulnerable. It can be a sweet, warm wonderful thing. If you want to do it!

But also?? Leave people alone? What about someone not wanting sex makes people go "Well have you tried Dick?" As if were at a Papa John's and someone said they didnt want a toping on their Pizza.

[redacted-coiner]

Asexual Ally & Aromantic Ally

Multisexual Ally & Varioriented Ally

Trans Ally & Nonbinary Ally

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[somewandomnoobtalks]

"hey, did you asexual people don't belong in the lgbt community-" hey how about you go into a suspicious ally way and start fighting a extremely buff man.

[fae-sodapop]

"The AroAceAgenda* I say in a Boston crime boss accent as I address my aromantic, asexual, & agender friend.

[heyftinally]

So it's nearing the end of ace week, and although I've celebrated, I haven't been successful in making the post I've wanted to make, despite a number of attempts. So instead, I'm just going to do this quick and dirty, unedited style.

Aspec allies, I need you to understand something very important: asexuals and aromatics are capable of consent, even if it feels "weird" to you.

Let me elaborate.

Disclaimer: I'm speaking exclusively on my ace allorom experience, as that's what I know best.

One of my ex's, while mostly great, had a really big hang up about consent. Namely, they never fully believed I was truly consenting to any and every act of physical affection. Despite numerous conversations where I swore up, down, and sideways that I would tell them if I wasn't comfortable, multiple attempts to find ways I could alleviate their concerns, and countless attempts to explain my experiences to help them see my perspective, they just couldn't get behind it. Part of them always felt like they were in some way taking advantage of me or pressuring me.

It felt...really uncomfortable. I'm an adult. I have full agency over my body and my choices concerning it. I'm fully capable of knowing where my own boundaries are, and it's my job to communicate them. It's my partner's job to trust that I'm being truthful.

So to constantly feel like I'm being babied, or that my word isn't enough to prove that I'm not lying about my boundaries, or that I somehow need special treatment around physical affection solely because I'm asexual, it felt like I was having my autonomy taken from me, in a way. Despite what I was saying, they still believed I couldn't possibly *really* be comfortable with what I was agreeing to (even things as innocent as kissing).

After we broke up, it really messed me up for a while, thinking that I somehow hadn't communicated well enough, or, worse, that I made them uncomfortable just by being who I am. And that right there is a terrible feeling, but it's essentially what happened - my asexuality made them uncomfortable. And rather than unpacking that and working on it, they continued to put these insecurities on me and expect me to repeatedly comfort them and more or less apologize for my sexuality. At least, that's how it felt.

Don't do this. It's exhausting to constantly have this weight on you that your partner feels like predatory just for being with you, and it's exhausting constantly having to come up with ways to explain our experiences in ways that we hope will make sense.

It's fine to talk about it, but please, put in the effort and do the work to unpack your hang-ups and misconceptions.

We're adults. Whole, autonomous adults. We can set boundaries and give consent, and we have a right to be able to do so. Let us have that autonomy. If you wouldn't be this hung up on your non-asexual partner's ability to give consent, don't be about ours. Just because our experiences are different doesn't change our ability to give (and revoke) consent.

[nelliecom3t]

A QUICK MESSAGE FOR MY TRANS BESTIES:

- You are still a boy if you are pretty.

- You are still a boy if you love other boys.

- You are still a boy If you wear makeup, dresses, and whatever else you want.

- You still a boy if you don’t have surgery or testosterone. YOU ARE A MAN.

- You are still a girl if you tower over your fellow girls and have a voice deep enough to sing baritone.

- You are still a girl if you love other girls.

- You are still a girl if you rock a makeup-less face, a bald head, and anything else you want. YOU ARE A WOMAN.

- You are still non-binary if other people think you’re not.

- You are still non-binary if you wear ball gowns or tuxedos.

- You are still non-binary if you have a commonly feminine name or a commonly masculine name. YOU ARE NON-BINARY.

- You are still gender-fluid if people misgender you.

- You are still gender fluid if you are one gender or another more often than the rest.

- You are still gender-fluid in whatever you are wearing. And I will respect and love your pronouns. YOU ARE GENDER-FLUID

There are a million genders, and infinite pronouns. Not all could be listed here, due to my sadly limited knowledge. But, YOU ARE YOU. You can have any name, any clothes, and body, and style, any sexuality, and any friends. You can be a Demi girl. A Demi boy. A non-binary human with a particular connection to another gender. And I will be your ally.

I will correct those you misgender you and get your name wrong. I will correct them so you don’t have to.

I will send you links to free binders because I know you can’t afford one.

I will stay up all night with you as we brainstorm your perfect name.

I will compliment you. Not just say you are ‘passing well.’

I will tell your family they are wrong about you.

I will share my cupcakes even though I bought them. (STEVE.)

I will send you memes in the middle of the day. Or the night. I don’t really sleep.

I will listen to you rant about Lord of The Rings even though the movies are too long and I can’t seem to finish the books.

I will let you feed my hermit crabs because they’re cool and I’m proud of them even though all they do is sleep and climb around.

Because you are my friend. And you’re perfect as you are. ❤️❤️

[ally-flag-compendium]

Here is my Asexual Ally flag!