#audio hallucinations

[alienandalienated]

Hey there, just needed to say something quick. ALL of this misrepresentation about schizophrenia everywhere is ableism. People that say “schizophrenia is spiritual”, “schizophrenia is satanic”, “schizophrenia is demonic”, “schizophrenia means that you have demonic entities attached to you”, “schizophrenia means that you are in spiritual warfare with demons”, “schizophrenia just means that you are going through a spiritual awakening” is just so frustrating for people who ACTUALLY have this mental Illness or suffer from psychosis. It all comes from people who don’t even HAVE this illness or experience these things. It is dangerous to tell people who have or don’t have schizophrenia/ schizoaffective disorder, people who are on the schizo spectrum or people who experience psychosis that what they are experiencing is real and is caused from external forces or that they are just in a “spiritual awakening”. Stop spreading your misinformation on this mental illness and do some research, your ableism is showing. This goes to all of you new age spiritualists that say “people with schizophrenia just experience the world differently than us” No, we are suffering from psychosis/hallucinations or delusions. It is a mental illness, not what your idea of what schizophrenia may seem like to you. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, I’m not haunted or “woke” I’m mentally disabled, It is a mental illness PERIOD.

[thebashfulfaerie]

Trying to figure out what I think is mentally wrong with me and I’m not having a fun time. I don’t want to have my child growing up with a parent that’s all fucked up.

Went down the rabbit hole of BP with psychotic features. I match some but not all of the criteria. I don’t think I experience true mania or hypo mania, but damn, do I experience the mood swings but on a shorter term scale.

Looked at Schizophrenia, not a match for most.

Psychosis, a lot more matches, but hallucinations, grandiose ideas, and paranoia match a lot of different mental illnesses as a symptom rather than its own diagnosis.

OCD, feels like I’m getting closer. I overthink myself into panic attacks. I’ll overthink small insignificant things people say, until I spiral. I have rituals I have to do or I’ll think about it all day or night. I have to clean things a certain way. If I touch something I deem gross, my arms/hands/whatever will feel different than the one that didn’t touch it until I wash myself. I’m quick to anger when things are done in a way that I do them bc that’s more work for me to have to redo them.

I’ve also been looking at when people are usually diagnosed as well, age range wise. How common it is to be a comorbidity with Autism. I love research but this feels a little more like hell than research. I want to have a better understanding of what I think is wrong with me, so if I get help, maybe they won’t misdiagnose me. I just hate being on meds and I’m scared of losing myself.

Not all of my hallucinations are bad. The physical ones of being grabbed are bad. The ones where I see hands reaching for my child on the monitor are bad. The hearing my name called when it’s just me and my child is unnerving, but liveable.

The paranoia feels like it keeps me safe. I’m more cautious and I hardly break the rules because of it.

The grandiose ideas I could do without. I’m not a main character, I’m not some alien hybrid or not quite human creature meant to change the world. I’m a human, trying to survive late stage capitalism. (And having horrible time about it.)

What if when I go to someone they try and toss me into a psych ward? My family can’t afford me to be off of work. I’m the breadwinner. I may be potentially MAD but I’m not a danger to others so I don’t want to be put in a psych ward.

[psychotic-psypport]

[therealmaquaroonie]

Noises I've "heard" as someone who experiences audio hallucinations regularly:

Someone calling my name (the most common one by far. Gets annoying)

Someone calling my name; yelling edition (can make me panic at first)

Mario jump sound (first time i ever noticed something was up. Was in the car with only my parents at around 6-8 years old. I didn’t have my ds and my brother wasn't in the car playing on his either. Hasn't happened since)

Music of a singular instrument (will play as 'background noise' and then stop suddenly when i realize it's happening)

People loudly talking from outside the room (happens most often at night, when nobody else is awake but me. Will stop if I exit the room i am in. A lot of these sound like arguments, though sometimes it's laughing)

Cat meow

Boing sfx (multiple different variations)

Different varieties of ear ringing (unsure if this is a variation of tinnitus. Sometimes, after the ear ringing fades out, a different tone of ringing starts)

Default Apple phone notification sfx (i do not own a functioning apple device. My parents do but they don't use default options)

Rain World ping sound and sizzle/pop sounds

Minecraft chicken (what made me make this post)

Actually, multiple different minecraft mobs. Usually just the passive ones, though. That chicken noise was just really noticeable

Sound of something falling somewhere (i hate this one the most because i never can tell if something actually fell or if it was fake)

"Hey, Wolf, what causes these?" I really wish I knew, simply because I am both deeply fascinated and annoyed by it. It's not debilitating (hence why I haven't seeked out help for it), but if it gets any worse, I'll look into professional help for it. (It was much less common as a kid but has become more frequent as i have gotten older)

Idk if this means i have some kinda like. Condition. I mean, i probably do considering how likely it is with what diagnoses I currently have

I think it's kinda funny, tho bc I'll just be sitting here. And then all of the sudden, I'll hear "ping!" and go "huh. Ok then"

[emory82]

X Men Ramble about Charles

I was rewatching X Men Day of Future Past and one scene got me.

Erik and Charles are speaking, and they say:

"You sacrificed ur powers so u could walk?"

"I sacrificed my powers so i could sleep."

That got me. I hallucinate. No drugs, no nothing. 100% naturally. And it's horrible. Thankfully, audio hallucinations are uncommon for me. But I completely understand Charles. If I could. I would do the same. Give up something to have peace of mind. Hallucinations are horrible. Your world is warped. It's not the same anymore.

Audio hallucinations, having experienced:

Visual

Audio

Tactical

Presence

Are probably the worst. You can't shut them up. And if I were to connect that part of Charles's power to our world, audio hallucinations are what it's the closest to. Granted Charles is hearing actual voices and thoughts of people. I'm not.

But it's horrible. You can't shut them up. You can't. Erik couldn't understand because he didn't hear voices. The only people who could understand Charles in that moment were others who heard voices. Powers or no.

[crawlinghaze]

gerard way was right i am busy hearing voices again

[scary-friend]

I hate audio hallucinations so fucking much…

[devilboydogman]

As someone who experiences both, headmate-voices and psychosis-voices are very different even if the voice is the same tone/ sound similar (for instance, we have a Kayne headmate and also I once woke at 3 am to voices that sounded very similar to him yelling at me that were audio hallucinations.) the difference is like. Headmates process like thoughts, in different flavors of personality and parallel to your own consciousness but still part of You and Your Brain. Audio hallucinations (both internal and external) are more like noise from a source you can’t find or stop or control, and very often distressing or at the very least disruptive. At least, thjs is how I differentiate in my head.