I know I have a lot of young folks that follow me. Many of you are heading off to uni next year or back in a few weeks.
Iâm going to tell you something I wish someone had said to me when I was young:
1. If your brain does not produce the right chemicals or neurotransmitters to balance itself - store bought is fine.
SSRIs, Adderal, Fluoxitine, those nifty ones for PTSD, whatever it is, if you need it. Use it.
2. No matter how old you get, even if youâre doing everything as prescribed, some days are just gonna suck. Nothing you can do about it. Sorry.
3. You can parent, exist, whatever you need to do even when days suck. Itâs harder. But, you can.
4. Sometimes, you are a better parent, student, friend, partner, spouse unit, etc for having learned how to deal with days that suck than parents, partners, friends, etc who try to pretend that/ assume that everything is perfect.
5. Assuming you know everything about everyoneâs experiences because you share some traits with them is a great way to get you into trouble. Assuming people havenât grown and changed based on their lived experiences as they age is also a great way to piss people off.
My best friend from my university who is Filipina, and one of the best people on this planet, taught me a phrase as I was going through my journey with neurodiversity. I still use it to this day.
When talking to someone different from me, and sharing my experiences in dialogue, I ask âNo toes?â As an autistic person, I tend to use personal experiences as a way to empathize. But; that doesnât always work because of my communication style.
Thus, to ask if Iâve stepped into or over the boundary of a sensitive subject I can ask âNo toes?â (A short form of: âDid I step on your toes?â) The Spouse Unit and I use this all the time with each other. Use it freely.
Super helpful to establish a connection with people, and it has endeared me to many because Iâm simply upfront and honest with the assistance I know I need in conversations.
Quite honestly, itâs one of the best pieces of advice Iâve ever received, and my friend doesnât even remember giving it because her memory is so bad.
6. Some days, you will want to crawl under the covers and pretend you do not exist. You go on existing anyway, and you are not lesser for the desire to NOT want to be wherever you are currently.
7. Try to honor your desire to rest/ crawl under the covers and pretend you no longer exist when you can. You will be happier and more productive for it later.
8. Learn to laugh. Hard. At all the things you do f-up. Again, this makes you a lot more fun to be around. And, for better or worse, if youâre neurodivergent and/or disabled, f-ing up is the name of the game.
You are always going to be putting your foot in it. It is inevitable.
9. Give yourself time to just think.
Go for a walk. Doodle. Make food. Write music, poems, or stories. Meditate.
10. Make friends that are offline and listen to them.
My favorite university memories are of going to our local tea shop/ cafe every Friday and discussing things from literature, to history, to our personal lives, and just listening.
Our phones were only for looking up dates.
Thatâs where I fell in love with my spouse.
Thatâs where I heard one of the funniest lines in existence.
Thatâs where my friend said reading Les Miserables was less depressing than reading the Animorphs.
And, I seriously think I laughed so hard tea came out my nose. Even though, that might be a true statement, it sounded absurd.
I tried to 4.0 university because I thought thatâs what my father/ family expected.
I graduated summa cum laude with a 3.98 GPA, and my dad still talks about it like it wasnât enough. I 4.0ed my Masters, and because I donât, directly, use it in my current field, even though I didnât have to pay for it, Iâm still asked when Iâm going back in my field all the time.
You donât get time back.
You donât get your years back to learn all the cool stuff you want to learn. Study what you love. Learn lots. And, youâll find a way to do what you love because youâre focused on absorbing the material you care about.
I leave you with these last anecdotes:
My friends and I got lost on the way to a Half Price books. The Spouse Unit was driving while half a mini-van full of people were shouting directions at him.
Eventually, we pull into the Half-Price books.
My best friend and I found this incredibly cool copy of LâMort dâArthur (unabridged) by Thomas Mallory. Iâd always wanted a copy. So, I bought it. In IHOP, my friends and I took turns reading passages about Arthur, Merlin, and the knights over pancakes (as dramatically as possible). Then, we all argued (over the GPS) about the best route home.
Do I remember studying LâMort dâArthur in my âHistory of the English Languageâ course. Heck No.
Do I remember half jumping on my friendsâ backs as we passed the book around at an IHOP?
Abso-freaking-loutely, I do.
I also remember the first times I tried to flirt (badly) with my now spouse.
I remember our GPA competition that he lost only because he forgot a deadline to resubmit a paper.
He and I could have been in the same honors society if only he remembered to submit his paper work.
And, I remember teasing him about it. Endlessly.
I would do almost anything to get those moments with @lukebbuff back. But, Iâm also learning to enjoy the ones we have with our Squish too.
So, my TLDR recommendation in general?
Donât be too hard on yourself & unplug enough to enjoy every moment.