BTS Reaction: They find out you are autistic
S E O K J I N / J I N
(Content note: NON ED related vomiting)
“Ah, you’re up!” chirped Jin. He turned from the stove to place a soft kiss on your cheek.
“Morning, Jin.” you slurred, voice still cottony with sleep.
Oh Jesus, he’s not cooking-
Your boyfriend beamed as he wrapped your hands around a steaming mug of coffee.
“I made us eggs. Now, shoo, go sit, no helping allowed. Drink your coffee.” he waved you off, moving to plate breakfast. Unfortunately for you, cooked eggs were a sensory no-go, physically swallowing them was next to impossible, and the smell made you feel sick.
You hid your scrunched up nose in your coffee mug as you took a sip, letting the strong scent block out the sulfurous one of the eggs. Before you could think of how to respond, he was in front of you, sliding a plate at your setting with a quick kiss to the side of your head, and diving into his own breakfast. Desperate not to hurt his feelings, you steeled yourself and started methodically shoveling the eggs in, careful not to go too fast or too slow as not to arouse suspicion. You thought you had this under control, until after about two minutes, your body rebelled, and you started to gag.
“Sweetie, are you alright?” Jin questioned, his eyebrows furrowing.
Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop-
“C’mon, up.” he murmured, gently pulling you out of your chair and guiding you over to the nearby bathroom. As soon as you got within reach of the toilet, you all but threw yourself over it, retching violently as your body purged yourself of what it felt was poison. You felt Jin gathering up your hair behind you into a messy braid, and dragging the blade of his palm along your spine. The contact was soothing and it made things momentarily okay.
“Love, are you not feeling well?” he asked gently, a cool hand coming up to cup your cheek.
“I’m not sick, Jin, I have-, I- I-”
“Hey, take your time.” he soothed. “I’m not leaving.”
“I’m autistic, Jin.” you exhaled. “I have problems with food sometimes. I’ve never been able to keep eggs down, even the smell hurts. I didn’t wanna say anything because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings, so I thought I could be brave and try, for you, I’m so sorry-”
“Sweet pea, no.” Jin gently cut you off. He slid you into his lap, kissing the top of your head. “Don’t apologize for something you can’t control. I don’t want you forcing yourself to do things you can’t handle anymore, not for me, not for anyone. I know how hard it was for you to just tell me this, but I want to know every little thing about you now, so I can take care of you better.” he nuzzled your head. “But first, we need to fill this cute tummy of yours.” he poked your stomach, making you squeak. “Do you like bananas and toast? I want the real answer.” “That is quite literally my breakfast every time you’re not around.” The bright smile returned to Jin’s face. “Okay, Bananas and toast it is for my sweet pea!”
Y O O N G I / S U G A
“Zoolander or The Invention of Lying?” asked Yoongi, flipping between the two choices on Netflix.
“Considering I’ve watched Zoolander about 5 times in the past 2 months, I gotta go with The Invention of Lying.” you replied.
“Cool and nice.” your boyfriend assented, selecting the movie. He tossed the remote to the side and flopped himself halfway on top of you.
“Jesus! Warn someone!” you teased.
Yoongi snaked his hands just under your shirt, but jerked away the minute he touched your skin.
“I could ask you the same! You’re fucking freezing!” he cried. “This won’t do at all.”
You watched him heft himself off the couch, moving towards where he knew you kept your linens. Patiently, you waited for him to be done rifling through your blankets, but you noticed that he was taking an awfully long time to choose one, and you had just put away your laundry, too.
“Okay, I can’t help but ask, but what the fuck kind of blanket has to weigh as much as a small child?” asked Yoongi as he re-entered the room, an eyebrow raised.
You could feel your heart in your throat as you realized he was holding your weighted blanket in his arms, which you had specifically put away, knowing he would be over.
“That’s a weighted blanket, Yoongi. The whole point of it is for it to be heavy.” you explained, trying to dodge the question.
“No shit, Sherlock, but why on Earth would you need this?” he reiterated.
“Because I like it?” you responded, hoping that would get him to drop it.
“If you like it so much, why did I find it in the back of your closet, underneath the old blankets you only use for moving?”
He had you there.
“I’m autistic, okay?!” you snapped, feeling backed into a corner by this line of questioning. “I like the way it feels, and when I’m by myself, I need it to keep me from feeling all frazzled and gross on the inside. It’s what lets me go to sleep when you’re not with me. I put it away because it’s really fucking weird. Does that answer your question, Yoongi?”
You heard the shhnk of several pounds of blanket hitting the floor, and then the couch dipping under Yoongi’s weight as he sat beside you.
“Doll...” he began. “You’ve been hiding this...going through all that alone, all this time?” Yoongi’s voice was sleepy-soft, a special tone he reserved for moments like this one.
You swallowed. “Yeah. I don’t wanna drag you out of your studio every time I’m back on my bullshit again. I know you have songs to write and fans to service.”
“I know how awful that feels, to push everything down because you’re scared you’ll lose everyone if they find out what’s inside of you. I did that for years, and I can’t have you suffering like that for my sake, I won’t let you, baby love.” he pulled you impossibly close, kissing the knuckles on your right hand.
“Promise me you won’t hide around me anymore, and if you don’t feel good, you come get me, okay?”
“’Kay.” you murmured.
You felt him pull the heavy weighted blanket over you both, laying you on his chest as he started the movie, kissing you just under your ear.
“Pinky promise?” he held out his little finger, a tiny little pout gracing his lips.
You wrapped your pinky around his.
“My pinky promises.”
H O S E O K / J - H O P E
Content note: Flashbacks of forced eye contact
“Waow! A snake-u~!” Hoseok exclaimed, hissing and wiggling his hips for dramatic effect, as you both walked in the local park one morning. You rolled your eyes at your boyfriend’s antics.
“Sssssss- gotcha!” He suddenly scooped you up in his arms, gnashing his teeth before planting a kiss on your jaw.
“Imagine if you really were a snake, Hobi. I’d be defenseless. Oh, the tragedy!” you fanned yourself.
Hobi chuckled as he set you down, not quite taking his arms from around you.
“I think I just need some special contact lenses and I’d make quite a handsome snake. What do you think of that, jagiya?” he asked, not really expecting a serious answer.
“Do they even make contact lenses that look like snake eyes?” you wondered aloud.
“I sure hope not!” announced Hobi. “Ah, I had a nightmare last week where your eyes turned into snake eyes. Jin was pissed when I woke him up screaming, you should have seen his face.” He flashed his brilliant teeth.
“Stop, you did not dream that.” you giggled.
“I really wish I hadn’t. I keep wanting to look at your eyes to make sure it’s not coming true.” You noticed his face suddenly become serious. “But I can never really get a good look at your eyes for more than a second. In fact, now that I think about it, you don’t really look at anyone’s eyes at all.” It was chilly outside, but your cheeks felt red and hot under Hoseok’s stare. You wanted so badly to be able to just look at him, but fuck did it hurt you to meet another’s eyes, like looking right at the sun.
Eyes on me, you recall a teacher’s voice, feeling her hand grabbing your head and turning you to look at her, your eyes burning as she forced the eye contact.
“Oh no, don’t fret!” you felt Hoseok pulling you further into his side. “I didn’t mean to scare you, dove. I know you’re just anxious, and that’s okay.”
“I’m not anxious, Hobi.” you said.
“But, you-” he started.
“I’m autistic, not just anxious.” you deadpanned. “I don’t- I can’t make eye contact because it really hurts me. It makes my eyes burn if I do it for more than a second, and trying to do it more often doesn’t make it better, like it might if I were just anxious. I’ll try harder to do it longer for you, though, I’m sorry.”
You felt Hoseok screech to a halt beside you.
“No, I’m sorry. I can’t ask things of you that cause you pain. I’d be a terrible boyfriend- a terrible person if I did that.” He leaned in to pepper some kisses on your temple.
“None of this-” he gestured towards you “bothers me, dear heart. I’m not upset that you can’t look at my eyes, I’ll always know you’re listening.” He smiled gently as you squeezed his fingers.
“I want only for you to be yourself, your entire self around me. And if that means I need to check myself, I will. My angel, if I promise to cherish every last bit of you, will you let me be your sun?”
The tiny little pecks he placed on your fingers were warm as he peeked up at you through his lashes, all tingly and bright.
N A M J O O N / R M
Content note: Suggestive material (no sex), brief mentions of daddy/kitten kinks, ABA/compliance therapy
“Such a good kitten.” Namjoon purred, his fingers skating up your sides. “Tell me, who does this belong to?”
“Daddy.” you immediately responded.
“Damn right.” he nipped at the base of your neck. “I think you’ve earned a reward, hmm?”
You’ve heard those words before.
“I need you to stop flapping your hands, or you won’t earn your token.” The therapist’s voice was here now, permeating your consciousness. You didn’t stop. You felt her grabbing your wrists, pinning your hands to your sides.
“Quiet hands, quiet body.” her mantra, repeated at least three times a day. She lifted her hands, and you remained still. A stillness that made you feel full of angry bees and television static.
“Good kids who have quiet hands get a token.” she put a smiley-faced sticker on a chart, ironic, given the grimace on your face.
“Honey, stay with me!” Namjoon’s voice sliced through the unhappy memory, the therapy room fizzling into dust around you. Namjoon was shaking you as your eyes flitted around, realizing that you were in your bedroom, safe. Safe with your boyfriend.
“Fuck, are you alright?” he asked, worry etched into his face. “You just- checked out on me. Was it something I said? Did I hurt you?”
“You didn’t hurt me.” you tried to reassure. “I just, when you were talking, you reminded me of...other things.”
“Other things?” he questioned.
“My mind took me back to somewhere I’d rather not revisit.”
Namjoon sighed, his hand warm and heavy on your shoulder.
“Oh honey, if you had an asshole ex, you should have said something. I wouldn’t have tried this with you if it was going to bring up bad memories.”
“I haven’t been with anyone else, Namjoon. That’s not what I was remembering.”
His face fell, a horrified look growing in his eyes.
“Who the fuck did this to you?” he was quiet, his grip on you tightening.
“I was being bad, and-” your voice was warbling, the way it does when you’re about to cry.
“Honey, what are you-”
“I was b-bad because I have a-autism, so they took me to this place where they would hold my hands down and make me look at their eyes, and it hurt a lot, and if I was quiet, they would tell me I was g-good and give me stickers. It hurt a lot, but I don’t wanna be b-bad.” you broke down.
“Jesus Christ.” Namjoon cursed, after he was quiet a moment. He all but crushed you against his chest, resting his head on your shoulder.
“My love, you’re not bad, you never were.” he murmured into your skin, kissing your shoulder. “You didn’t deserve to have that happen to you. You get the same right to be touched only in ways you wanna be touched, like anybody else.”
“I’m sorry I fucked this up, Joon, you were so excited to try it.” you apologized.
“If it’s not something you enjoy, it’s not something I like either, honey. We don’t have to do this ever again.” He lifted his head to kiss your forehead.
“I won’t be them. If you seriously believe I would leave you for this, you have another thing coming.” He was...smiling?
“Uhh...”
“This is the only punishment I’m interested in.” He’d barely finished speaking before he pounced on top of you, kisses tickling your cheeks.
“Joon!” you squealed in glee.
J I M I N
“Hiya, darling!” Jimin called out as he locked your door behind him.
Shit! You’d forgotten your boyfriend was coming over today! Of all of the days you could have been nonverbal, it fucking had to be today. You acknowledged Jimin with a wave.
Jimin frowned, moving towards you to kiss your cheek.
“You’re awfully quiet today.” he mused. You worried your lower lip with one of your teeth, an old nervous habit.
You picked up your phone to shoot him a text, gesturing that he should check his phone when it buzzed. Confused, he opened his messages.
“I lost my voice, can’t actually talk today, LOL :)”
Jimin peeked up at you, a worried look on his face.
“Dear, are you sick?” he asked, putting his hands on your shoulders. “Why aren’t you resting? Sit, sit!” he demanded.
You rolled your eyes, sending another text.
“omfg chim I’m gonna be fine.”
“Fine, my gorgeous ass! You can’t talk!” he started feeling your face, kissing your forehead.
“You don’t feel warm to me. Have you been to the doctor yet?”
“I don’t need to go to the doctor. My voice will be back on its own soon, don’t worry.”
Jimin’s grip tightened on your shoulders.
“Laryngitis is serious business, Jagi. Let me take you to a doctor, please.” he pleaded.
You sighed. Might as well drop the bomb.
“I can’t talk because I’m autistic, Jimin. Sometimes I just lose my voice for a while, especially if I’m stressed out. But it always comes back.”
You carefully watched Jimin’s face as he read your text, letting your fingers fiddle with the end of your shirt. When his hand moved to run through his hair, you winced, snapping him to attention.
“I don’t think I ever considered you could be- it just makes so much sense though, you’re always so quiet, you barely even look at people that aren’t me, your hands are always playing with something. God, how did I not figure this out?” he wondered aloud.
“You weren’t supposed to figure it out. I was trying really hard to keep it from you.”
Jimin set his phone down, a sad look on his face.
“Sweetheart, were you scared to tell me?”
The way you stopped looking at him said enough.
“Darlin’, c’mere.” he pulled you onto his lap, stopping to kiss the back of your neck.
“Thank you for telling me. I know it took a lot for you to do that, and I’m really proud of you. As much as I wish I had known sooner, I could never blame you for trying to protect me.” His hands were gentle as they moved up and down your arms.
“But autism doesn’t change the fact that you’re exactly the person I fell in love with, the one who likes to watch Archer and Stranger Things, the one who lets me play out my fantasies of being a hairdresser, all it means is that now you can be more of yourself than before, and that excites me.” He twirled a lock of your hair around one finger.
“You are always my cutie pie, voice or no. Never forget that.” He planted the littlest kiss on your nose.
T A E H Y U N G / V
Taehyung only had six bandmates, but it felt like he had twenty. That Hoseok guy alone was five people worth of personality crammed into a single body, with enthusiastic responses for everything. He was loud, bright, and fast-moving, a well-meaning affront to your delicate senses. He was probably a very, very nice guy, but trying to contend with him and his other bandmates, that you’d never met before? No thank you. Your boyfriend was so excited for you to finally meet the people that were basically his brothers, his second family, but he didn’t know how trying it was for you to meet just one new person, let alone six vibrant personalities. Between Hoseok being himself, Jimin and Jungkook starting nonsense with your boyfriend, and Namjoon and Jin constantly asking questions, you felt yourself becoming quickly overwhelmed. God bless that Yoongi, though, he seemed to pick up on the fact that your capacity for social interaction was limited.
“You’re not looking so good, sugarplum.” Taehyung startled you, his hand rubbing up and down your back. You could see that his eyes were full of concern through his bangs.
“Are you sure there’s only six of them?” you tried to joke.
“I’m positive.” he let his arm go all the way around your opposite shoulder. “Let’s get out of here a minute, they’re more than capable of entertaining themselves.”
You were grateful for the breather, the uncomfortable squeeze in your chest reducing as Taehyung pulled you both into a large armchair.
“Okay, pumpkin, talk to me.” he kissed your temple.
“I’m sorry, I just got a little overwhelmed.” you explained. Taehyung frowned, not buying it.
“You were absolutely scared, hun. I wouldn’t call that a little overwhelmed at all. Were they bothering you at all?” he challenged.
“They weren’t really bothering me, I’m just, well, bad with people.” you admitted, finding the pattern on the floor very interesting.
“Well, they quite like you, I can assure you of that.” he grinned softly, bumping his nose against your cheek.
“It’s not so much that it’s- I-.” you tried to find the courage to finish that statement.
“Go on. I’m listening.” Taehyung reassuringly rubbed your back again.
“I’m autistic, and all of this is a lot for me. Even if they’re nice, they’re still new for me, and they’re all really energetic, and it’s a lot for me to try to balance at the same time.”
“Oh, fidget.” he cooed, using that breathy voice he used for ballads. “I wasn’t thinking when I wanted you to meet them all at once, I’m sorry.” he left some apology kisses on your hairline.
“It’s okay, Tae, you didn’t know, and that’s my fault.”
“For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re weird at all, and I would know, because I’m pretty fucking weird.” he giggled. “And I’m really happy now, because I can get to know you all over again, even the bits you might not like. Will you let me see you as you are?” he peeked up at you over your shoulder.
“I think I can do that.”
Taehyung smiled and kissed the corner of your mouth.
“Wanna get out of here? We can always talk to them later, one or two at a time.”
“Absolutely”
“Okay.” he helped you up. “And I’ll always be right there with you, I promise.”
J E O N G G U K / J U N G K O O K
“Hey, baby?” Jungkook hollered from across the room
“Yeah?” you responded, in the middle of your League of Legends game.
“Where is that English guidebook we picked up last week?”
“It should be on my bookshelf, I think it was on the second one from the top.” you directed, unable to get it yourself since this was a multiplayer game with no pause feature, something Jungkook was well aware of, as he played the game too.
Jungkook inspected the shelves in search of said guidebook. As his eyes landed on it, a set of books right next to it caught his attention.
“The Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism.” he said to himself, reading the spine. “What Every Autistic Girl Wishes her Parents Knew.” said another. Curiously, he pulled all 3 books off the shelf.
“Did you find it?” you checked in with him.
“I got it, thanks babe!” he pushed the hesitance out of his voice, and got back to his mission.
Jungkook knew vaguely what autism was, but he’d only associated it with young children who did not speak and slapped their hands. He wondered why you would have these books, considering you didn’t work with children at all, as far as he was aware. He made a mental note to ask you soon.
“Woohoo, the enemy team surrendered!” you cheered as you entered the room, cutting into Jungkook’s train of thought. When he didn’t look up right away, you noticed the small pile of books he was carrying. You saw the titles of the books he’d chosen and froze.
“Jungkook, what are you doing with those books?” you asked.
“I could ask you the same.” he replied. “I didn’t know you worked with kids?”
“I don’t.” you clarified, confused.
“Then why do you need books about autism? It’s a pretty weird topic just to learn about casually.”
“Because I’m autistic?” you answered.
The books fell out of his hands as his doe-eyes bulged out of his head.
“You? You’re autistic?” he stammered disbelievingly.
“Yes, Jungkook. I am autistic.” you confirmed.
“But- but how? You talk and you don’t, I don’t know, act like you are, and-”
“That’s because I do a good job hiding it, because people don’t understand. They do horrible things to people like me.” you said, sadly.
Jungkook thought a minute, before his hands went to his head, and then he was rushing to hold you tight.
“Baby, I’m being an asshole, I’m sorry. I’m your boyfriend, and I’m supposed to be helpful and supportive and shit, and I wasn’t doing that.” He kissed your head.
“I’ll be honest, I don’t really know what it means to be autistic. I truly believed it was something kids had, and that it was, well, more obvious, if that makes any sense to you.” you nodded against his neck.
“But I’ll learn. I want to be better, so I’m gonna start learning about what it’s like, and how to help you, because I love you, dammit, and you deserve so much more than the people who are treating you like garbage.” He kissed you hard on the mouth, and bent over to pick up one of your books.
“Can I start by borrowing this?”
NOTE: This has been REPOSTED so it will show up correctly in the autism tag.
