Bruce: And have you learnt anything this Christmas, Y/N?
Reader: …Not really.
Bruce: Nothing?
Reader: Tell you one thing I have learnt—Christmas; ultimately, commercial holiday. Who's the real winner at Christmas? Amazon. they have drones now! Tiny little dystopian slaves delivering iPads and headphones. I ordered a toaster; It was on the doorstep five hours later! Do we need that? It was 4.99! For a toaster! I mean, someone's being exploited there.
—
Steph: You know guys, sometimes I feel like Reader doesn't take me seriously enough.
Bruce: "Sometimes"?
Jason: "Enough"?
Steph:
Jason: Change that to 'at all' and we'll talk.
—
Damian: Who wants to go out of the country on a road trip?
Reader: Yea, I could drink legally!
Tim: I could hang out with the boys!
Jason: I could hide from the consequences of my actions.
—
Damian & Dick: *accidentally set the kitchen on fire*
Dick: We need an adult!
Damian: Grayson, you are an adult!
Dick: We need an adultier adult! Get Jason!
—
Reader: Hey Jason, I’ve got an idea for how to solve this.
Up at night trying to remember what keywords I used to stumble across a fanfic of lust hazed reader calling Jason to do an impression of Bruce as she touched herself.
Only for Bruce to appear above her, apologetically so, as he had brushed skin with reader who was subjected to Poison Ivy’s aphrodisiac.
If anyone knwos any profiles with batsis stories,daughter of batman stories (something of that sort) on here or like stories from A03 please tell me or like tag me i would be really grateful
You know how every teenager has that paradigm shift because as much as they love the people around them, they’ll never know the inner workings of your psyche? And they realize they’ll never truly be known? And it makes them feel really lonely?
Yeah, you never come to feel like that because you know Bruce digs so far into everyone around him he probably knows you better than you do.
Honestly, he probably reads your diary. At least, he reads the fake one you hide under your mattress. And the second decoy in the A.C. vent above your dresser.
If you’re as paranoid as Bruce, you probably don’t have a diary, and the aforementioned “decoys” are just to mess with him.
Sun Tzu’s The Art of War was practically your Bible growing up.
You’re torn between giving yourself the tactical advantage of being underestimated & being non-reactive, which — besides giving you the lioness role in the lion–gazelle dynamic — gives you the advantage of having time to think carefully on the repercussions before speaking.
Because, as Sun Tzu said in chapter seven, verse twenty-one, “Ponder and deliberate before you make a move.”
Seeing as Bruce and Damian both have eidetic memories, I’m guessing you do too.
Which means you totally read the dictionary when you were young and whip our big words nobody’s heard of.
Bruce always assured you it’s okay to be scared. As a matter of fact, like he told Dick (seen in flashbacks in “The Lesson Plan”), he taught you to “Let terror embrace you. The better you know fear, the better you can use it against others.”
And we all know Bruce is the paragon of using fear against people.
Take that, Scarecrow!
(See, I chose that gif because earlier in that move, he displays a fear of bats, & in that scene, he summons them to use as a distraction and walks through them completely unperturbed. No? Okay, I’ll see myself out.)
You started into the vigilante business young, a little bulge under the back of Batman’s cape that made the rest of the Justice League in the meeting think Bruce was host to an alien parasite until your little mask-covered eyes poked up over his shoulder.
The League’s known you since you were young, so they kind of all see you as their niece. That just quadruples the amount of people who are overprotective of you.
Eventually, in your tweens, you think enough’s enough and start out on your own — being underestimated may be an advantage, but it’s getting ridiculous — and you tackle unsolved cases.
You set up various safe houses around the world for your own disposal (using the zeta tubes) and anyone who sees the inside of one in an emergency is always surprised. You don’t really understand why; what serious vigilante doesn’t have secure, state-of-the-art safe locations scattered across the planet?
Sometimes, it gets you into danger, but you always get yourself out of it. If there ever comes a time you can’t, well, you’ve got a direct link to Batman, and if communications fail, you can always yell for your Uncle Clark at the top of your lungs.
If the latter ever comes to fruition, you ask Bruce if he’s disappointed you had to call for back-up or that you called Superman instead of Batman, and he says, “It takes a strong person to admit when they’re weak, [Y/N]; if anything, I’m proud of you. Besides … you’re not the only one who yells for Uncle Clark when they get in over their head.”
Your training entailed hacking and mechanics, so you like to fix computers and sell them on the internet Hugh Jeffreys style. It started out with Macs from the dumpster behind Gotham Academy and turned into a surprising side hustle. Large portions of your profits go into either savings or funding your extracurricular activities.
You’re using a MacBook that’s running Linux and an iPhone 4 that’s running your own program.
At some point, your phone falls into the wrong hands, and someone asks why it has such high security. You deadpan and say, “I have three older brothers.” No further explanation required.
One such solo case led you to a ring of drug dealers working in a small town outside of Gotham. You made some tranquillizers and heavy-duty smoke bombs and busted out your shinobi-iri training.
After sliding on a mask covering the bottom half of your face that filtered out smoke, you set all of the bombs off at once in the ventilation system, filling the building and using the infrared in your domino mask to sedate everyone before the cops arrived so no one got hurt (because there would inevitably be a firefight if the cops got involved).
You never go into a situation expecting to go hand-to-hand with someone; you always have a plan to take our your targets quickly an efficiently.
One night, when you’re working on a cold case in Gotham, you stumble across some intel that Poison Ivy’s been stockpiling chemicals and is going to wipe out all human life on Earth.
Luckily for you, Bruce’s paranoia is hereditary; you just happen to carry some white kryptonite in your belt, so you won’t have to go all the way back to the cave to obtain some.
You type out a quick debrief on your wrist computer in case you end up needing to send out an S.O.S., pop on your bottom mask to filter out spores or pheromones she might send in your direction, and bust out your shinobi-iri training again.
Of course, you try the peaceful approach, explaining to Ivy that you agree with her on the tree-hugger front to build rapport (T.B.F., who doesn’t?), but it comes to physical confrontation. You kill every vine that comes your way with a quick punch from your kryptonite ring, toss an expanding polyurethane foam bomb (see Batgirl #38) at her feet, and manage to get an inhibitor collar on her.
Gordon takes her away, and by the next morning, it’s on the news.
“You took down Ivy by yourself?” Bruce asks when you come down for breakfast.
“… Yeah,” you say after a moment, expecting a tongue-lashing.
“Are you hurt?”
“No. She didn’t get a hit in. And before you ask, I had a contingency set up in case things went sideways.”
“… Good job.”
Your dad has the article framed in the batcave, which is the bat-equivalent of having your drawing on the fridge or getting a sticker back on a test.
You’re fighting a grin for the rest of the day.
It bugs you you can’t tell anyone why you’re so happy, so you visit Dick in Blüdhaven while he’s on patrol and give him a play-by-play. You even get a hair-ruffle!
Deathstroke targets you at some point. One of Batman and Nightwing’s worst villains, and he targets you because he knows they love you. You’re the smallest bat at the time, the weakest; he thinks you’ll be the easiest to take.
Boy, was he wrong.
He was trained by the League of Assassins, so you know dropping a smoke bomb’s not going to give you cover (and his mask probably has infrared). His brain processes faster than yours, so tricking him is improbable. He’s probably done enough research on you to know you favor foam bombs and has fast enough reflexes to dodge before they go off.
And he’s jammed your comms so you can’t call for backup. You’re worried he’s got kryptonite on him and will hurt Superman if you call for help.
It’s just you and him.
He has enhanced stamina, so he tries to wear you out. You maintain distance to avoid taking damage and wearing faster.
You always admired Tim for his ability to plan ahead (see, like, the entirety of the Red Robin comics). He doesn’t know how he does it; he just does. He can’t really teach you, so you just watch and learn.
You realize your fight with Slade is just a matter of managing the distance and immobilizing him, so you strike. You duck behind a pillar or grab onto a railing or something and shoot him through the thigh with your grappling gun, reeling him in. He, of course, draws his sword or a knife to cut the line, but you’re already throwing high-density expanding polyurethane bombs.
And, just like that, you’ve single-handedly taken Deathstroke.
It sends a clear message to the rest of the Gotham villains, Blüdhaven’s villains, the League of Assassins — don’t mess with the bat’s little girl. She can hold her own.
Now it’s time for you to come up with another plan to take him down; you doubt the same method will work twice, and you’ve just made a very powerful enemy.
As Wonder Woman’s said, “Do not mistake a desire to avoid violence for an inability to deal with it.” You might go into most situations with a plan to take down your opponent already in motion, but when it comes to an all-out brawl, you’re perfectly capable and don’t pull your punches.
You’re working on an unsolved case in Blüdhaven (Dick’s got enough on his plate) when you get an S.O.S. from the aforementioned along with the feed and recording from his mask. You listen to the mission briefing while you ride back to the cave and then the audio from the Young Justice mission. They got jumped by the League of Shadows in an abandoned factory, and Talia’s trying to coerce Damian into joining the League or whatever.
The usual dropping some smoke bombs and tranqing everyone isn’t going to work on thirty armed League assassins who were trained to fight blind, so you load up on polyurethane foam bombs and call Jason and Cassandra.
The three of you take out the guards outside before splitting up and taking either end of the building (Cass stays with you). You meet in the middle, in the room the team’s being held in.
You highjacked the speakers, so they’re blasting AC/DC’s “Shoot to Thrill” upon Jason’s insistence. You wanted Zayde Wølf or Alice Cooper’s “Hey, Stoopid,” but big brothers will be big brothers.
Jason pops them with rubber bullets from above to slow them down for you while Cass demolishes them and you drop foam bombs, slinging your signature custom shuriken, bonk them over the head with Tim’s staff you picked up along the way, dislocate their arms, or shatter their kneecaps.
You and Jason get a couple slices from swords that got a little too close, but it’s nothing compared to what you’ve had before.
When the fighting’s done and the building’s quiet, the team’s, like, “Who the heck are you guys?”
And Dick’s, like, 😏 “They’re our siblings.”
Speaking of siblings, you’re older than Damian, and as such, you take upon yourself the honor of teaching him all things pop-culture.
“I have a lot of amazing older siblings. I want to be a good big sister.”
First things first, you give him one of your refurbished e-waste phones and take him to Target to pick out an OtterBox or a LifeProof case or something that’ll keep it safe in the pocket of a vigilante.
Vigilantes are always coming to you when their phone’s broken anyway; you’ve got a stack of spares you’ve repaired.
Then you help him set up a Spotify account (follow me at @remakethestars 😉) and try to help him find his rhythm.
Poor child’s never had Oreos before, so you drag a pack of Double Stuffs out of the cabinet and a glass of milk and show him the best milk-dunking method you know.
You think about handing him a cookie and telling him to waterboard it until the bubbles stop coming up, but cookie-dunking is something every kid does; it’s sacred, and you don’t want him to associate it with violence.
You show him how you and Alfred feed the bats in the batcave.
And you show him Vine compilations and your favorite shows and movies and as many classics as you can, and you put up with him pointing out the inaccuracies and calling them stupid.
Every time he doesn’t get a reference, you write it down so you know what to show him later.
If anything ever happens to you, Damian finds your list and makes it his personal mission to watch/read everything on it. It makes him feel close to you.
You build a relationship with him that’s similar to his and Dick’s, and he comes to you with things he might not be able to come to anyone else with.
Plus, since you live in the manor still and he doesn’t want Bruce to think less of him, it’s you he comes to after a nightmare.
If you know Alfred has pictures of him curled up in your side, you ask him to send them to you. Not for blackmail purposes; just to have.
You’d never use the need of comfort or the sharing of emotions against him because (A) it’s perpetuating toxic masculinity and (B) you don’t want him to think it’s wrong or confirm any of the stupid “strength” things the League of Shadows taught him.
You gave him a stuffed cat that looks like Alfred (the cat, not the butler) with some of your perfume spritzed on it. He verbalized his revulsion when you gave it to him, but on nights he has a bad dream and you’re not home, it brings him comfort.
Titus comes to get you when Damian’s upset.
Even when he’s not with Damian, he seems to know. Pets are like that.
You’ve learned to trust Titus’s instincts. Damian thinks it’s suspicious when he’s feeling down and you just happen to call.
You never realized it until a long time later, but Ace was acting weird the day Jason came back from the dead.
And he was acting weird the day Jason came back to Gotham too. He ran to the door and began barking. Alfred swept security, but nothing seemed to be off. The whole family was on edge that day.
You were the reason Jason knew he wasn’t completely forgotten; he spotted you through a café window, and you were wearing his jacket.
There’s no fooling Cass. He can lie until he’s blue in the face but she sees through the lies, or rather past his words. In fact, sometimes he suspects she doesn’t listen to him at all. And she doesn’t really need to. She’s an expert at reading people’s body movements - a human lie detector and most importantly, she can detect when he’s in a bad mood no matter how hard he strives to maintain a poker face.
Hands clasped together in thought, his eyes flicker to the reflection of her face in the screen of his computer. If only he was as good as her at reading body language... “I don’t know what Damian told you but even he is capable of exaggerating sometimes.” Damian can exaggerate and overreact sometimes. That is a truth, a thin cover for his blatant lie. Damian wouldn’t exaggerate the seriousness of a case like this.
