#being a system

[the-grove]

me: It took me 3 hours to do something that should have at most took 1. I feel foggy and achey and tired and dumb, gf: you're not dumb., you just formed right? You are having loading lag, you all always get that... you gotta let yourself boot up. me: thats a perfect metaphor.

[bruisingsys]

someone: hey you excited to have graduated?

me, having not fronted for a week: graduated??????

[mclennon-yaoi]

me when I say im sane and perfectly normal but no tf im not, our system is so fucking odd though weirdness fluctuates between alters like everything else-

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(posted by john1)

[eye-fest]

Ough random posting but being a system is so odd .. cause why are Jonah and Cesar from TMC trying to get us into student co 😭 I mean thank you guys but HELLO ?? WHAT ?? I have no idea how they did it but now we gotta go talk to the librarian for a form .. crazy .. anyways might get into it i dunno ,, aaaAAA ??

[your-local-smile-man]

Systemhood - Maverik

Imagine a school of minnows, or a more appropriate species, living down in the deep of the ocean. It's dark, you cannot see, and you only exist as many dozens, just floating amongst each other.

These "minnows" are tiny thoughts merely floating in the back of the mind. These tiny slivers are thoughts and emotions, and vary in sizes. However, once they are exposed to the light, they come together and work as one, as a unit. When a shark comes, only a few will be sacrificed, but the majority of the minnows are protected by the sheer size of the school.

Say the school of minnows finds it's way in a new environment, such as a coral reef, which provides even more protection from sharks and other predators. They are able to eat more, and grow more, and eventually adapt to their new environment, perhaps to the point they are significantly different than their shark-fearing ancestors. Sure, if a shark did find its way to minnow's reef, it would probably have a lovely time, if it weren't for other animals being disturbed (take the octopus, for instance). Either way, the shark goes back to where it came from, and the minnows continue to thrive.

But what makes a minnow different from a thought or emotion is that, if it gets large enough from experience, which may not be much, it has the capacity to make decisions for itself and not just out of habit or survival. When different thoughts and emotions come together, they can form an identity. This identity works like a school of minnows, except it is a singular being. Think of the Pokemon, Wishiwashi, for example. It's school form is really just a thousand or so other Wishiwashi coming in to work together as a singular unit. Each Wishiwashi is a small thought, emotion, and memory that forms into a larger being. It may be possible that two schools can come together and make an even bigger school!

This is the best way I can describe what systemhood is like from my perspective. There was a time where I was many, many parts, who all resonated with the "Samuel" character, be it from The Smiler days or the then-new project "The Monarch Effect." As Maverik, I am the combination of the two, and experienced false memories that I suspect may have been based on the emotions that made me, plus another alter who would become one of our main persecutors. I thought I was a sort of a minion under him, hurting the host for unclear reasons. A pawn would be a better term, as I was still growing and working through who "Maverik" was. I think this alter and I are two halves of the same coin, since we share such a history - perhaps I hated him because I was him, and he is me, but this is for another time. Other fragments I'm related to have since found their own identities, but only after being made to front by the persecutor. Our role, for the most part, is to protect the host in a very specific way (I do not wish to go into detail-it has to do with love), but the approach hasn't always been good or ideal, and is something that we are always working on.

Other alters have different origins, such as Mikeru's original role as a role-playing surrogate or Spencer's being more directly from trauma. I mostly formed into what I am now in order to cope with systemhood and the need for some sort of comfort, and have since grew into myself and had to learn to adapt to whatever changes were happening with my internal projection (like puberty, but your hair changes color and texture every other day, sometimes entire fashion styles - I particularly liked the time I looked like a BATIM character XD).

It was a case where fusion was seen as a good thing, and I am deeply honored to be the first. Many times, it has not worked, as we acted on fear and not understanding what we were and what we were doing. Now that we have a more general idea of what we are and how we work, it isn't as scary anymore. Now, would a therapist that works with systems help? Yes! But, perhaps a DID/OSDD diagnoses isn't the best thing right now.

We turn 20 tomorrow, and that threshold is... something. Sure, we're legally an adult, but I think the idea is that you would have something figured out by now! X) Not to mention all the events leading up to the 4th of July! Goodness! But, once all this has passed, I think things will be a little bit easier. As long as we keep on forward, we'll be okay.

This has been Maverik, and remember.

Smile. Always.

Sleep well, everyone!

[misfit-toy]

❓💗💸

Do you prefer when people are familiar or unfamiliar with your source when they meet you? I don't mind either way. I appreciate it quite a bit but I am also pretty different from my source so if they were familiar I would be concerned if they expected me to be an exact copy. What helps you feel closer to your source (in a positive way)? Pictures of my sister Vi. I miss her greatly and seeing fanart or works of her make me happy. Music from my source also make me really happy.

Do you own any merch of your source?

Only one! A Pin of me that you and your system gave us for our birthday/christmas. I am wearing it right now and I am thinking of wearing it whenever I am fronting!!

[the-grove]

Sometimes when we are co con we think of it like as jogress/d.n.a digivolving from digimon. Were like Its sort of a unique entity in its own right but made up from the both of us. Another media example is something like fusion from Steven universe

But other times it just feels like we are in a car or mech or something and we are both help piloting the body.