Dec 9, 2018
— ◉ — @borark
seen from United States
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seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from Germany
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seen from Türkiye
seen from Japan
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United States
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seen from South Korea
seen from United States
seen from Japan
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— ◉ — @borark
The one and only SQUAD
We don’t keep calm. We savage.
I used to be normal… Until I met those losers who I now call my best friends.
Squad means family. Squad means no one gets left behind or forgotten.
《 ZHANG YIXING ★ 》 ALL EYES ON ME, BUT MY MIND’S ON YOU
he’s on a natural high, fueled by the way he’s been feeling since he got to meet his teammates. they’re all friendly and kind. yeri’s the most precious girl he’s met in a while and seungyoun can keep up with him on a level that yixing admires head to toe, deep down in his soul. there’s so much energy he’s jokingly rhyming, a dr. seuss in the making and he doesn’t know how to contain himself.
it’s at the airport that yixing feels his energy come to a lull. he’s calm, quiet, but not at all composed. the airport is one of his least favorite places. an airport is where he had to see meiqi off when she left to seoul alone and it’s where he was the one that left his grandmother alone. guilt binds him when they first arrive on-site and he does his best to hide it, keep it hidden under his suit of armor but there’s no princess around to activate knight mode and he’s but a mere peasant.
there’s a brief break, touch-ups and lighting checks, but his hand won’t let go of the phone in his pocket. there’s a phone call he has to make, a certain voice he has to hear.
“nainai,” he nearly croaks into the phone and he can imagine the furrow in her brow at the way he sounds. half-broken, the facade cracking again and he laughs when she scolds him for only calling when he’s sick. home-sick.
there’s no denial, no argument because he hasn’t been calling as much as he used to before he was signed. “i’m at the airport.” her shock reaches him through the phone and he’s laughing in spades by the time he can get a word in edgewise, explain why and what he’s doing.
“aiya, you did that on purpose.” she’s right, he did. guilty as charged but it’s just what he needed to recharge.
“我爱你奶奶.” i love you.
.anxiety
[trigger warning: depression, anxiety]
life was repetition of ups and downs, just like the lyrics of gary hyung described. so why did it feel to him as if the sadness always outnumbered the happiness? everything happened for a reason, there was a plan his life headed to. and still it felt like he had gone down the wrong path. was his karma that bad? was he experiencing a few happy moments just to see how well they shattered? the male didn't know anymore. during times like this he missed his parents the most. desperately holding onto the memory of their faces, he wished to hear his father's encouraging voice, telling him to stand up and to move on, to never give up and to never forget about himself. he yearned to be in his mother's arms, in her warm and gentle embrace that gave him the love of the world. but his wish was just delusionary thinking. they had left him behind, way to early, had gone to a far away place where his crying voice couldn't reach him.
maybe he was too emotional about the break up. maybe he had become a pathetic man, vulnerable, dependent, hateable. during these past weeks he had felt useless and weak, carrying negative thoughts around like rocks on his shoulders, closing his eyes from the world. was this the feeling of having lost faith in seemingly fated bonds? they had gone through a messy, brutal break up before and kang joon had recovered. but this second chance they had received was like a wink of fate to him, it had told him of the love he had never lost during the separation. they had lost sight of each other and had met again. but this time, he felt resentment. she had done it again. she who had hold of his heart, cruelly crushed it within her palm, until the bloody pieces dropped dead on the ground. her reason was a dream they both pursued and yet it seemed like she just wanted to break free from him. the monster who had destroyed her long ago. she, the beauty who had been pain and healing to him. a beauty who easily changed herself into a monster. and yet he didn't wanted to hold grudges against her. despite the darkness that surrounded him, a tiny light, his love still remained in him.
the dim light who still hoped everything will work out for him, a hope that didn't necessarily included her in his future. remembering a love from the past could be the strength to move on. and still the light continued to grew weaker, darker from anxiety. anxiety to not only lose her, but also them. his family, his army who defended and protected him to fall, to jump of the clouds. separations, goodbyes, farewells had always been part of his life. he thought of his grandmother. she was strong and healthy, even though she went through hard years of raising him. how long could a single life last? he thought of his brothers. Minsoo, Aron, Gary. brothers who would fight everyone who fought him. they weren't connected by blood and feelings, relationships could change. they didn't knew about the future and he was anxious that they slowly grew apart, distant from not being able to meet up much. he thought of his sisters. Jieun, Bora, Minhee, Elly, Wendy. how much they had cared for him, giving him affection and acception for who he was instead of who he seemed to be. how much longer would they be able to hold onto a man who has lost sight of himself? he thought of everyone else, his friends, his supporters, his haters. everyone who somehow was connected to his life. separations, goodbyes, farewells. seunghwan knew too well. and everyone would slowly move away from him, giving up on him, fading away, leaving him behind, leaving him alone. until the day he had lost every single bond and would be at the end faceless.
[/group message "Sisterhood"-Jiji-noona, Uranaibora, Pretty Leg Woman Elly, ☢Min Min☢, Wendy Wings👼 ]
→ anyone there?
→ i need someone to talk to.
{ text; Wendy } my flight was alright.. well besides having to take a little detour because some crazy lady caused a huge scene on the plane.. it was sort of interesting to watch though.. haha { text; Wendy } that’s cool! Just let me know when and where and I’ll be there!
[ Outgoing: Bora Bora unni ]
- LOL. Sounds rough. At least you survived.- Any time after training is A-OK!
Kang Gary presents his first charity event SPONSORED BY Wu Corp.:
“We see in order to move; we move in order to see.” Get the movement started!
Rappers, now you gotta move! Let’s join in the Korean Wave and show the world Korean Rap Culture! Movement means to strive even higher, even if you are being told the opposite. Dreams are there to be dreamt, so let’s join hands and help humans all over the world to achieve their dreams!
EXPECT
5 different rounds for rappers to participate in Stalls including rapping technique, lyrics writing, hiphop and food/beverages
COME
30th of November 2016, 6-11pm (+Aftershow party) Rolling Hall 롤링홀 Address: 35, Eoulmadang-ro, Mapo-gu
[/group message >>sisterhood<< Jiji-noona, Pretty leg woman, old hag, Min Min]
@rksxngji @ellyrk @borark @rkxminhee
→ there was a street casting at the trainee concert... → someone came up to me and asked me if I knew the symbol of the three chasing arrows. and i thought they were just testing people if they learnt about recycling on that day... my answer wasn’t even that serious... → and now i somehow got myself an invitation for a sphere audition...???