✏ ashashbaby to my bestest friend ever, congratulations on your marriage! i still can not believe that you manage to survive all these years filled with mainly our shenanigans, as well as manage to fall so hard in love, really, congratulations! you nearly ended me and i nearly ended up on your wedding day, but still, i love you a lot and i hope you live a very happy life together with jieun!
[/ biting his lip had always been a habit of his - a tic he does subconsciously whenever he’s nervous or stressed or both. their relationship as brothers has greatly improved, and for that he’s thankful. rhe usual banter and teasing is still there, but at least they aren’t aiming for each other’s throats anymore. the thought had him to subconsciouly scratch at his neck as he thinks of a way to start his sentences. maybe a call would be better, he thinks, except he doubts he’d be able to express everything he wants to say so with a sigh, he stretches his legs out in front of him and sends in his text. might as well drop the bomb while he’s at it.]
[text: older annoyance]
➡ big bro! My man! how are you?
➡ i… kinda need your help…
➡ i want to move out
June 2017 Evaluation
♦ Royal Entertainment
Team: Bang Minsoo, Kim Kibum, Lee Dongmin, Lee Seunghwan
Song: Shinwa-Venus
He was pretty much fucked up since he was one of the clumsiest dancers alive. And now he had to cover his two left feet up during the June evaluation, during Shinwa's Venus. But somehow luck was on his side, Minsoo hyung was on the same team, so there was someone who knew of his struggle and it kinda made him feel more at ease. With newbie Dongmin who was everyone's eyeapple because of his precious age and Kibum sunbae who had taken on the burden to teach him every single step to take away most of the awkwardness, he felt like the team was pretty complete to somehow survive the evaluation. (Even though he honestly wanted to see Minsoo hyung act more of a leader than Kibum sunbae.)
Since they wouldn't have background dancers during the evaluation, just the instructors and the fellow trainees they had swapped songs with would be present during their performance, they, or rather Kibum had to do a rearrangement of the dance which excluded the needed background dancers. He was somewhat relieved of that fact, not that he had a problem to dance with girls, but felt the burden of dancing good enough to be the lead during a dance falling off. But the level of difficulty was also kind of a practice to him, since their team had two rappers and two singers, Kang Joon kind of got to take on a big brother role to little Dongmin who was still a little shy about his skills, even though the older could never dream of those. June evaluation was about giving his all, despite the hardships and struggles, it was about his realization what were his strengths and his weakness, and it told him about group dynamics. So this is how it will be like in a boygroup later.
At the day of their preparation time Kang Joon felt nothing. He had worked hard til the end of the months, his limbs were sore, his mind empty and he wasn't sure if the training had been enough to not disappointment. And still he couldn't show the audience how tired he was, he needed to be strong in order to gain their recognition. This wasn't the time to give up, no matter how hard training was, how many failures he had to endure. He had to function. This was what this industry was about.
And Kang Joon indeed functioned, when the music started to play. The tiredness that had been heard clearly in his voice was blown away, he sung clear and loud, full of emotions, how he had been taught, his body moved on its own, moved far from how it used to do at the beginning of the month. He was feeling the music, his heart and the song beat were in sync, he was charming, as his voice were enchanting.
The four of them supported each other's movements and voices, sunbae and hyung rap's seemed at their peak, Dongmin did much better than the younger had ever expected and Kang Joon could see the spark of pride in Gary's eyes as he watched them doing their best. They wouldn't see it, the tiredness in the White Lotus's glimmering eyes. He would exceed their expectations, he was more than just looks, he could do it.
so far in royal jaehyun’s had little to no problem getting close to the sunbaes –– it’s come to the point where he thinks he might even be a little too babied by the older trainees ( but he’s not complaining. quite frankly, jaehyun enjoys being treated like a little brother ). he’s freely started to referring to most of them by noona and hyung; greeting them with a bright smile and a wave.
though of course, despite his friendliness and bright personality, jaehyun did find himself somewhat ... wary of another trainee. more specifically, minsoo. he’s heard things about the older boy before, and jaehyun’s grown –– for a lack of better word –– a little frightened of minsoo.
he usually finds himself avoiding eye contact with the boy, though of course it’s impossible to avoid him forever, especially when the both of them are made to train together by their coaches, alone. cautiously, jaehyun looks up at minsoo and scratches the back of his neck. “so uhm... sunbae,” he says, and he wonders if the discomfort in his words is audible. “should we get started? i’m not the best at lyric writing ... sorry.”
she’s bored. the painful, energy-buzzing-through-the-body-but-nowhere-to-spend-it kind that leaves the girl practically desperate in order to do something about it. there’s never a time when the young dancer’s not moving, hands clapping lightly against her thighs and head bobbing as she hums aloud ed sheeran’s latest she heard earlier on the radio. the crew is working hard-- fixing some lighting instrument or another-- but she isn’t, all holed up in the vehicle’s small interior with her feet propped up and nothing to do until the director says to go.
she darts a mischievous glance to minsoo beside her and hyeri clicks her tongue in a fake beat to get his attention. he’s a pretty good rapper and she’s anything but. “yo, yo... the samsung’s in my pocket/ yo, what a hot topic/ got my photos, got the pics/ of cool dudes and hot chicks/ what’cha doin’ there, soo?/ got somethin’ new we can do?”
✿ december eval pt.2;; heat it up by brand new;;
ft; bang minsoo, kwak youngmin, kang heegun, lee seunghwan, son seungwan
this performance definitely made elly tear up a few times. well, maybe more than she would like to admit, but it just felt like she had a new family beside her? yeah, hopefully that made sense to everyone, because she wouldn’t say it say it out loud more than once.
so now as they walked on the stage, all wearing christmas themed onsies, the female rapper managed to squeeze herself next to wendy, a wide smile spread across her lips as she looked at the other female.
elly swayed casually to the song, listening to the other;s rapping and singing and paying attention to when her part would come on.
To be honest,
I drank too much of that coffee
Last summer, I’ve been chasing dreams so far
All I did was work,
I want to travel again
Let’s hit up the beach we filmed ‘Good Start’
of course, being herself, and having been influenced by minsoo more than she should have been, her arm sneaked around wendy’s waist, before giving the singer a wide grin that was obviously something jokingly suggestive that followed up the next few line.
Let’s heat it up in a hot hotel room, have some play time
When the waves call us, let’s crawl out and walk in pajamas
Get rid of all the leftover grudges that have been bothering us
Ain’t nothin to worry about
honestly speaking, this was something she would actually rap about. having started her dream of being an idol, with the mga’s this summer, she was still chasing after them. and somehow, the more she stayed inside the company walls, and the more she spend time in samsung’s training centre, she got a better idea that she actually fit in just enough to be able to push forwards and achieve what she wanted to do.
well, who knew tho, she might eventually find out that she isn’t suited for constant criticism from the public, nor dieting and work outs, but she would definitely survive the next year and something, until her contract ended. then she would start to think, if royal would give her the support and road to develop, because so far, it has been a perfect experience.
“you’re practically asking us if it’s ok for you to move out. the answer is no.”
the answer came not even a second later. his mother’s frown evident in the way her brows furrow. her expression screams of finality, of a decision that had been set on stone. it’s the same face his father has during business meetings. it’s that look that would have sent everyone else shaking where they stood; would have sent them scurrying to do whatever it is his parents wanted to happen and make sure it’s done exactly how they want it to happen.
it seems like the fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree.
but still, sehun is different - had always been different.
for years he had been immune to this kind of look. he’s rarely told no, and if he does he had always made sure to whine long enough to be able to change their minds and he’s done a lot to do just that. there’s practically nothing he wants that he didn’t get. other times he just do what he wants regardless of what the consequences would be. everyone else can worry about that later. so long as he gets what he wants, nothing else mattered. it’s the mindset he’s always had - one he’s grown accustomed to.
but this time, it’s different.
being away from his parents - with a new environment and circle of friends - had definitey done him a few good things; had helped him mature to some extent. his grandparents aren’t as strict - the maids and butlers do that a lot for them instead. but this time, he has his reasons ready instead of locking himself up in his room to whine until he gets his way. he’s got his options lined up, got his choices to appease his parents instead of ignoring their side entirely. this time he’s ready to reassure them he’d be fine on his own.
sehun had always known why they’re overprotective of him. but he’s turned 18, a legal adult in the eyes of the law, and it frustrates him how he still doesn’t know how to do anything because no one lets him do anything. everyone’s afraid - afraid of his parents, afraid of his grandparents, afraid of the family butler. it’s been fun, of course. he’s enjoyed the never ending perks of being spoiled to no ends. but he’s just… he just wants to to learn how to be independent.
“mum, please!” he starts, again, keeping himself from huffing and rolling his eyes. “how will we know if we–if I don’t try? if it makes you feel better, we can just get a small place and then I can find a roommate,” he rushes the last part before his mother can even interrupt. there’s a long stretch of silence, mother and son having a stare down as if challenging who would back down first. but she’s always been the softer one, easier to reason out with compared to his father, and that also meant she’s by far a lot more protective of him.
“then it has to be someone we know,” is what his father says when it felt like his mother still wouldn’t speak. his posture screams of authority as he stares him down, although the slight slouch is there - only ever seen when he’s around family. there’s something in his eyes, though, a challenging glint as if he’s waiting on how this will turn out. sehun is unaffected, but he can’t deny that he hadn’t expected this kind of request from him. it’s the same one they’ve given him when he told them he wanted to continue his studies in Korea. “and a butler or a maid would be with you–”
“no!” he huffs, unable to keep the frustration in his voice. “that wouldn’t be much of a difference with my current living arrangement. not to mention it would defeat the purpose of wanting to live independently. but I do think I can find someone you already know so you don’t have to worry as much. if not, I promise I’ll introduce them to you properly. then you can interrogate to your heart’s content,” he reasons, making sure his expression mirrors that of his parents’ - determined and undettered. there’s another stretch of silence and sehun takes this opportunity to explain more. “i actually have one in mind - hugo hyung? he offered when I… had vent out things back then,” the memory makes him chuckle fondly. he’s managed to surround himself with good people all by himself. “he said he has a spare room for me, and that they don’t mind me staying. i doubt he’ll let anything happen to me. you already know he’s a good person.”
the look in his mother’s eyes softens somehow and it has him tilting his head in confusion. “I’m actually more worried that you’re more comfortable to talk about your feelings with your friends than with us to be honest,” and even her voice is soft - fond. of course she knew. if there’s anyone who knew him inside and out it’ll be his mother. it has him smiling, as fond as the smile on her lips.
“I actually talked to Minsoo about it, too,” he chuckles, shrugging sheepishly and really, they should also know how good he and minsoo are getting along nowadays.
“…you’re serious about this.”
sehun nods. “I am,” and he bites his lips before he continues. “I also want to continue my studies - dance major, but I won’t be giving up being a sphere trainee.”
“can you do it?” and the worried look in his mother’s eyes returns. “i don’t want you over working yourself.”
“i have to try,” sehun shrugs but keeps eye contact. “but i guess we’ll see?”
there’s a sigh, strong hands clapping sturdy knees. the sound made him flinch a little in his seat and sends the laptop monitor shaking a bit. “i see you’ve made up your mind about everything,” was what his old man says. and before his mother could even try and reason out with his father, his old man reaches over to place a hand on her shoulder and gives her a look. it was soft - the kind he never understood until now - and his mother deflates, a defeated sigh slipping past her lips.
“we still can’t say no to you, can we?” she says. it comes out more of a whisper but the mist in her eyes was unmistakable. it makes his heart stop. “you never let the rules restrain you. you always find a way to break out of them,” there’s a fond chuckle before she wipes a stray tear away. he never pegged himself to be brave. he’s always thought he’s scared to even thing of stepping outside his comfort zone. that’s exactly what he wanted to accomplish this time. what’s she on about? “but you’ve always shown this kind of courage. you’ve never been afraid to break out of your comfort zone to do the things you want to do. it’s one of the reasons why we’ve held such tight reigns on you - we couldn’t keep up. we were worried of a lot of things, but it felt like you’re growing up way too fast for us. you’re our baby, and no matter how proud we are of how much you’ve accomplished on your on, you’re still our baby!”
“we love you, sehun. and if this is what you want, we won’t stand in your way,” this time it’s his father. sehun blinks, growing uncomfortable but couldn’t help but think the warmth that spreads across his chest felt nice. he felt like a child, but not in the bad way. “but you still can’t stop us from sending someone to check up on you once in a while.” and this time, sehun laughs - really laughs - but the tears in the corners of his eyes builds and he’s sniffling. “at least bring the driver with you - although i can already feel that you’ll be taking care of that driver’s licence soon, too?”
sehun chuckles but nods. “one step at a time, dad.”
his old mand laughs. “we’ll call you, okay, love?” there’s a pause just as his father reaches forward, probably to end the video call. he gives him a warm smile. it was brief, almost as quick as the words “i’m proud of you, my boy,” leaves his lips. it was so abrupt he wondered if he imagined it. then the screen turns black.
sehun sits there, overwhelmed, but he’s done it.
it’s a big step, he knows, but it’s also one he needs to do.