How Often You'd Be On Viva La Bam Based On Which Cast Member You're Dating
This was a fun idea requested by @mul3sk1nn3r! It was cool getting to write about how different of an experience you'd have being on VLB depending on which guy from the cast you were with. This covers Bam, Ryan, Dico, Raab, Rake, Novak, Jess, Frantz, and Glomb. Enjoy!
Side note, I learned that the little text that appears telling you who a person is during a reality TV show is called a "lower third," so I made sure to incorporate that little piece of television lingo a bit here lmao.
Tag List: @eyesofaliar @k1ttenmassacre @johnnyfuckingpisces @kellynickelsgirl00 (for Ryan's section) @xx-st44r-xx (for Rake's section) @girlychickflick (for Ryan and Bam's sections)
Bam Margera:
Bam is the star of the show, so it should come as no surprise that you'd get the most screen time if you were dating him compared to if you were dating any of the other cast members. Bam would insist on you being in every episode and most of the storylines, and even if that wasn't the case, you'd end up being in a good chunk of the show anyway just by virtue of living with Bam and being around him so much. I don't know if you'd be in it quite enough to show up in the title sequence, but still, you'd be a guaranteed presence in basically every episode, and you're almost certainly coming along for trips!
I think you'd be in a similar situation to Jenn Rivell where it's very obvious you and Bam are dating, but MTV doesn't want you to explicitly say it or show affection during episodes cuz it would affect Bam's marketability to teen girls or whatever. Like, the two of you are very clearly dating because you live together and share a bed and interact like a couple, but you're never referred to as Bam's partner. I feel like the title cards for you would always be some shit like "Bam's partner-in-crime," "Bam's favorite victim," etc.
There's definitely a lot of scenes of you either being pranked by Bam, helping him prank someone else, or having to clean up whatever crime scene is left by his antics. In that clip show they did for one of the Viva La Bam DVD extra's, I think there'd be a compilation of the top 10 times Bam fucked with you and ruined your day.
Seriously, at least 40% of the side plots that happen in the show would be Bam and/or the other guys doing stupid shit to mess with you. You had a trip planned for the weekend? Too bad, Bam has hidden your car and created a confusing treasure map you have to use to find it (spoiler alert: your car was turned into scrap metal and scattered throughout West Chester). You told Bam you wanted a little space from everyone? Sucks for you; you waking up handcuffed to Dico, and Don Vito's already swallowed the key.
I think you'd show up in the background a lot talking to Ape and Phil, and there'd probably be a few cute scenes of you interacting with them one-on-one too :) you and April running errands or going to a painting class together, Phil showing you his Elvis moves, or the two of them showing you old photos and telling you stories from when they were first dating. You and Don Vito would probably despise each other and get into hilariously-subtitled screaming matches.
Are You In The DVD Bonus Content? Yes, 1000%. You participate in the commentary tracks, you're in a lot of the deleted scene content, you have quite a few photos in the photo gallery, you make cameos in the music videos, and you even get your own interview in the 'Q & Assholes' section of the first season's DVD!
Ryan Dunn:
Even though Ryan is Bam's best friend and has a big role in Viva La Bam, I don't think that necessarily translates to you having a large presence in the show. IRL, Ryan's longtime girlfriend Angie didn't make any appearances (from what I can remember), although it's possible she just didn't have time or wasn't interested in being in a reality show. I could see Ryan not wanting you super involved in the show because he doesn't want you dealing with Bam's antics or having your privacy invaded! Bam always wanted his relationships public and blatant, but Ryan was more laidback and quiet about his.
If anything, I think you'd be a pretty consistent presence offscreen, but no onscreen. Ryan would probably ask you to be there during filming, either standing behind the camera with the crew or hanging out on the sidelines with the cast members who aren't involved in whatever scene is being filmed at the moment. I also think he'd bring you up every now and then by name and would make sure everyone watching the show knows that he's talking about his partner.
I can see Ryan using you as an excuse to get out of episodes he wants no part in. There's at least a couple instances where someone asks where Ryan is and Bam rolls his eyes and says Ryan went to go do something "lame" with you, like going to your mom's birthday party or taking a trip with you to the other side of the state.
If you do appear in a scene for some reason, you're most likely standing behind Ryan, and you probably don't say anything on camera or get a title card explaining who you are. The most likely times you'd end up on camera are during big parties and events, like the family reunion and the Slayer concert. You also might show up in the background of travel episodes, since Ryan would almost certainly insist on you coming along for any vacations the group takes.
Are You In The DVD Bonus Content? A little! You're definitely not in the commentary tracks and don't get an interview, but I think you'd show up in the photo gallery at least a few times; in particular, there's almost certainly a picture of you kissing Ryan's left cheek and Bam kissing his right cheek during a party. I think there'd also be a couple deleted scenes where you're visibly in the background laughing with the crew, as well as one or two of you and Ryan fucking around and being cute during one of the group's trips to another country.
Brandon Dicamillo:
I'm not gonna lie to you, your presence in the show would be extremely small if you were dating Dico. His IRL girlfriend made like 1 or 2 incredibly short cameos in the show, and those were each 2-second long blink-and-you'll-miss-it moments where she reacted to Dico's antics as if she were a stranger and wasn't named or said to be his girlfriend. Dico notoriously hated MTV, and I just don't think he'd want you to have much involvement with the studio or the show.
If you did appear in the show, it would be the way his IRL girlfriend was, where you're there for 2 seconds to react to his antics as if you're a stranger. I don't think he'd want your name given or for the show to tell the viewers that you're his partner, although I could see him "jokingly" flirting with you on camera as part of the bit.
I honestly don't even think Dico would want you hanging out on the set off-camera or chilling out in Castle Bam between scenes, just because he'd want to keep you separate from Bam's antics and from the hardcore partying some of the other guys were involved in.
If you were absolutely hellbent on getting to be involved with the show, I think maybe Dico would be willing to go for something where you pop up randomly during an episode to help him with his schemes, but again aren't named and aren't said to be dating him. Maybe you randomly appear to scare Ape and Phil when Dico turns their house into a jungle, or maybe you follow Dico around for a scene in State of Bam pretending to be his personal assistant. It would be like an inside joke for Dico, since none of the viewers would know who you are and would be so confused by your presence.
Dico didn't go on most of the trips, so unfortunately, you wouldn't be going either. This takes away some of the opportunities you'd have to appear in the show, although it could also open up the possibility of you getting to participate in whatever side-plot the producers come up with for Dico to do while everyone else is traveling, in the rare event that Dico actually relents and lets you shoot a scene with him.
Are You In The DVD Bonus Content? Very, very small chance. I think Dico would ban the guys from bringing you up or naming you in the commentary tracks, and I don't think you'd appear in any deleted scenes aside from maybe one of you and Dico fucking around or doing a skit together. There may also be a picture in the photo gallery where you're in the background talking to Dico, but that's about it.
Raab Himself:
Raab would be relatively eager to have you make at least a few appearances, especially during the first few seasons where his heart was really in it. Despite that, I feel like how much presence you have in the show would mainly depend on whether you lived with him in Castle Bam or lived on your own, as weird of a factor as that is.
If you lived on your own and had your own thing going on (aka had a whole life outside Bam's general circle of chaos), you'd probably only appear on the show for special occasions, like episodes where the group is traveling or where teams are involved. You'd show up 1-2 times per season, and each time, you'd get one of those little lower thirds introducing you as Raab's partner in a funny way.
If you lived with Raab in Bam's house, you'd pretty much be a regular presence on the show, guaranteed. You might not show up in every single plotline, but you're in every episode to some extent, whether that means participating in the main story, contributing briefly to a side story, or showing up in the background napping on the living room couch. You probably wouldn't even need the introductory lower third after the first episode of the show, since it would be pretty obvious that you're with Raab. I think there would be quite a bit of footage where everyone's having downtime and you and Raab are just chilling out in the back laughing about something together.
Whether you live at Castle Bam or don't, you'd be guaranteed to show up in the scavenger hunt episode as a member of Raab's team, and you'd definitely show up in the background of vacation episodes sharing snacks with Raab and admiring the views as a couple. I also think there'd be some cute clips of you and Raab napping together in weird locations and sleeping on each other's shoulders in airports.
I actually think the Russian mail order bride episode would still happen even with you dating Raab, but part of the humor would be you and Raab being extremely baffled and annoyed by the whole situation. That, or it would be some kind of elaborate joke on Raab and Bam's end where the payoff is Raab revealing he actually wants to fake marry you in a Las Vegas ceremony, not the Russian lady.
Are You In The DVD Bonus Content? Definitely. Not as much as if you were dating Bam, but more than if you were dating any of the other cast members. You're not getting your own interview and might not be in any of the music videos, but there's a chance Raab could convince the guys to let you participate in the season 1 commentary track, and there's definitely a few photos and deleted scenes of you and Raab being cute and/or causing trouble. I think there'd be a deleted scene for the Europe trip where it's just you and Raab sightseeing and doing fun tourist stuff together, like taking a gondola ride (with the joke being Raab shitting off the boat at the end).
Rake Yohn:
Poor Rake would probably be the most enthusiastic of all the guys to have you make an appearance or two on the show, and yet I can't guarantee he'd be able to make it happen. His schedule for being on the show is pretty odd because he has a full-time job as a chemist, so it's hard enough for him to know when he's going to be on the show, let alone for him to figure out a day where he could get you on it.
Rake also doesn't strike me as the type that would bring up his partner unprompted, and I don't think any of the episodes would have storylines that would justify him mentioning you.
The guys also love to give Rake shit for everything, so you'd probably only be brought up so they can make fun of him and say they have no idea how he landed you. Dico in particular might actually be more likely to bring you up as Rake's partner than anyone else, and he'd be doing it solely to fuck with your boyfriend as much as possible. I'm imagining him buying a cardboard cut-out of you so he can stand behind it and hurl insults at Rake, or him calling and telling you to come to Castle Bam because of an "emergency" — said emergency being Dico having set up some kind of situation to torment Rake.
Rake would definitely at least insist on you coming along for the trips and stuff, so you might show up in the background of those episodes for a few moments! There probably wouldn't be any lower third or title card saying you're Rake's partner, so there would probably be a ton of forum posts online of people asking who you are and asking if you're dating one of the cast members. You may not get anything more than a few minutes of screen time total, and you won't be named, but at least you get to come along for the vacations!
Are You In The DVD Bonus Content? Probably not, I'm afraid. Your left arm might be in the frame of a photo in the photo gallery, and you might show up in the distant background of a deleted scene or two, but aside from that, I don't think you're in the bonus content at all unless one of the guys brings you up on the commentary track.
Brandon Novak:
Novak was really going through it in the early 2000s and didn't show up much in the first couple of seasons (never mind the fact that he was basically incapable of serious, committed relationships at the time), so you'd be nonexistent on the show for seasons 1 through 3.
Even after Novak's on the show more often, I still don't think you'd get any screen time except on very rare occasions. Novak couldn't do the travel episodes because he had warrants, and he mostly only showed up to be Bam's punching bag, not to really contribute much to storylines. If you did show up, it would almost certainly just be in the background of episodes; you'd be laying in Novak's bed asleep when Bam breaks in to mess with him, or standing in the background talking to some of the other cast members and watching in terror as Novak does something dangerous for Bam's amusement.
Novak might bring you up by name a couple times throughout the show (most likely to lament on how pissed off you're probably gonna be when he hurts himself doing whatever Bam tells him to do), and the other guys might occasionally mention you in passing to express confusion as to why you put up with Novak's antics, but that's it.
If anything, you'd probably show up more in some of the stuff that's related to Viva La Bam but came after, like Bam's Unholy Union and Where the Fuck Is Santa?, since Novak had more screen time in those and his IRL girlfriend Mandy made some appearances in them.
Are You In The DVD Bonus Content? You might get brought up in a commentary track once or twice, and you may appear once or twice in the background of deleted scenes involving Novak, but that's it.
Jess Margera:
I'm gonna be totally honest with you; you're probably getting like 3 seconds of screen time in the entire show. Jess may be Bam's brother, but he was only in six episodes and never stuck around for long since he had his own thing going with CKY and touring; there just wouldn't be much reason for you to appear unless he specifically asked you to be on camera with him in one of the episodes.
I could potentially see you popping up in the background of episodes where there's a family gathering or a big event that Jess is also attending, and if you get along well enough with Bam and Ape and Phil to hang out at Castle Bam even when Jess isn't over, then you might also show up in the background of episodes that way.
I do think there's a chance that if Bam really wanted Jess to be in an episode and he couldn't make it, Bam would ask you to appear instead since you're technically the next best thing. Your name would be "Replacement Jess" for the entire episode, and Bam would probably make you dress, talk and act like Jess the whole time.
If CKY performs in an episode, you'll definitely show up backstage or on the side of the stage, or maybe even onstage with Bam and the others if they come up and rock out with the band during the set. This is the one and only time you'd get a normal lower third with your actual name and an explanation of who you are in relation to Bam.
Are You In The DVD Bonus Content? Potentially, but only in deleted scenes Jess is in and in music videos and clips related to the CKY band. You're getting like 2-3 appearances max, and I can't guarantee they'll be more than a few seconds apiece unless Jess decides he wants you to have a starring role in one of the CKY music videos.
Joe Frantz:
Frantz was pretty much exclusively behind the camera for Viva La Bam except for occasionally appearing in the frame of other cameramen's shots, so it's extremely unlikely you'd end up in the show at all unless Frantz himself insisted on you being on set and recorded the footage of you. Even then, MTV had a habit of not using Frantz's footage, so there's no guarantee you'd end up making the final cut (plus Bam and the others would probably bully Frantz for trying to shoehorn his partner into the show).
At most, you might make an appearance if you're standing in the background of a shot or if the guys needed an extra person for a task or stunt and you were nearby and available. You might also get brought up by the other guys for the same reason you'd get brought up if you were dating Rake or Novak — so the guys can make fun of Frantz and say they have no idea why he's with you.
Like Novak, Frantz appeared more in Where The Fuck Is Santa?, so you might make get some screen time there! Not much, but maybe a scene or two where you get a couple lines. You'll probably end up having to defend your boyfriend, and I don't think you'd get to go on the trip with them to Finland, but at least it's something.
Are You In The DVD Bonus Content? You're getting brought up a few times by Frantz in the commentary track and once or twice by the other guys, and Frantz might be successful in convincing MTV to include one of his clips of you as a deleted scene. Something cute that the other guys will poke fun at, like him letting you film a scene while showing you how the camera works (and then you almost dropping the camera and everyone laughing while Frantz freaks out).
Tim Glomb:
Glomb appears a lot more than Frantz and honestly more regularly than Novak (at least for the first few seasons), but I don't think that translates to much screen time for you. Glomb is there to build stuff and hang out a little, and he's not an ingrained enough member of the group for it to make sense for him to bring his partner around unless there's a party or a big event going on.
Even if there's something happening that justifies you being on set, you're most likely staying behind the camera or in the background of a scene, and you're likely not getting an introductory lower third or any lines. The viewers are probably going to get zero indication that you're Glomb's partner unless he's standing there with you and holding your hand or something in one of the shots.
The most I can see happening is Glomb convinces the guys to let you help him build something for a scene so you can stand in the shot wearing Tim's toolbelt and looking cute with him. Even then, you're getting like a minute or two of screen time at most tbh.
I do think you could potentially get a little screen time in the episode where the guys end up stranded on Three Mile Island and call Tim in to build some stuff, since he might have you tag along to keep him company; I can't promise that won't be slightly miserable though.
Here’s a nice little appetizer to tide you guys over while I work on my fic for Ehren <3 You can assume this is referring to the 1999-2004 era I usually go for, but it isn’t explicitly stated, so if you wanna imagine the guys at a different time, then by all means go for it! This includes Bam, Ryan, Dico, Raab, Rake, Jess, Novak and Frantz.
Tag List: @eyesofaliar
Bam Margera:
Bam is so unbelievably annoying about phone sex. Like, he won’t answer if you try to call him, but he’ll call you 10 times a day and at least THREE of those calls will be him attempting to initiate dirty talk. He’ll also get pissy if you don’t answer him, and if you decline the phone sex attempt he’ll definitely pout about it a little. In terms of the actual phone sex, he’s mid. He mostly just says shit like “I’d be fucking you SO hard if I was there rn” and “Your tits are so awesome,” not anything super sexy or sensual. It’s more like he’s planning ahead for when you guys have actual sex in person, and half the time it doesn’t even seem like he’s getting off at all. I also think he occasionally gets distracted halfway through sessions and just starts yapping about a skate trick he learned or a new Finnish rock band he’s into, completely forgetting that he was just having a hot and heavy conversation with you.
Ryan Dunn:
Y'all are gonna be mad at me...but Ryan doesn't do phone sex. This man hates being on his phone and especially hates calls, and I think he'd find the whole thing more miserable/awkward than sexy. He prefers the real thing! I think he'd love an occasional sexy photo or voicemail from you though, since it feels less awkward and he can just appreciate it without having to come up with a response right then and there.
Brandon Dicamillo:
Dico is either the absolute best or the absolute worst at phone sex, and it all depends on the mood he’s in when you call him. When he's in a more serious mood (or he's just too horny to focus on anything other than the task at hand), he's genuinely amazing at it; he's got a really sexy voice, he knows how to give commands, and he has a way with words that comes in handy for getting really descriptive and detailed with dirty talk. Unfortunately, that's only about half the time. The other 50% of the time, he's in his usual unserious mood and is just dropping one genius joke after another, even if you're begging him to stay on topic and say something sexy. It's like he saves his best impressions and jokes and characters specifically for your phone sex sessions, and it can be equally as annoying as it is hilarious. Sometimes he'll spice things up and randomly switch from a serious straightforward phone sex session to freestyling a rap about pussy, and you're just stuck there on the phone groaning in frustration and asking him to knock it off. I like to think he's intentionally amazing at it half the time so that you'll endure the bad phone sex sessions no matter how annoying they get.
Raab Himself:
Raab really, really likes phone sex, mostly because it combines his two favorite things: sex and getting to talk to you. However, as eager and passionate as he is about it, Raab's also a very giggly person, and I feel like the calls are usually more sweet and light-hearted than sexy. Even if you're both really horny and talking about something that's sexy in concept, Raab's gonna be laughing and sounding absolutely adorable the entire time and it'll impede on the erotic factor at least a little bit. I think there are two exceptions to this rule: one is when you're having a really late night phone sex session and he's super tired (cuz his voice gets a little gravelly and he's less giggly and more straightforwardly sexual), and the other is when the two of you are away from each other and he's missing you so badly that he's genuinely too focused on talking to you and thinking about sex with you to laugh at anything.
Rake Yohn:
Rake loves phone sex, and honestly I think he's pretty damn good at it too. He's very chatty and can get super detailed about how much he loves your body and all the things he'd do if you were there, and I think he can do this in whichever tone works best at any given time — serious and commanding, teasing and sexy, light-hearted and sweet, whatever suits the situation best. He definitely calls you 'baby' a lot during it too. I think Rake's also pretty good at staying on task compared to the rest of the guys (maybe a skill he's picked up from his job), and I think he prefers it when you're equally chatty and contributing sexy scenarios and very clearly are as into the whole thing as he is. If you're pretty quiet or wanting him to lead the entire conversation, he may lose interest.
Jess Margera:
Jess is probably the most casual/laidback about it; he likes it just fine, but he doesn't get like insanely into it and isn't calling you up 24/7 like Bam does. I could honestly see a relatively mundane phone call with him turning into phone sex because one of you randomly suggests it and the other is like "sure, why not." It's not like it's boring or unsexy by any means, it's just not some massive event when it does happen. I think he'd mostly be wanting it when he's away on tour with CKY and has to go a while without seeing you, and even then I think he'd be calling you more out of a desire to talk to you than to have phone sex. Still, if he's alone in a hotel room and is in the mood...expect a call.
Brandon Novak:
Novak loves phone sex, to the surprise of absolutely no one. He gets really into phone sex because he loves dirty talking and thinks he’s the king of it (feel free to use your own discretion), and honestly I feel like he’s got this interesting thing going on where he’ll say the most detailed, dirty, smutty stuff to you and then will get super turned on by you saying the most innocuous shit. Like, you could say you’re wearing red pajamas and he’ll get all turned on and start talking about how hot that is and how he wishes he was there fucking you in your “sexy” red pajamas. I also feel like he honestly can get a bit annoying because he barely lets you get a word in. I’ll give him credit though, he’s dedicated. You could call him while he’s in the middle of filming a stunt for the guys and he’ll start dirty talking to you right there in front of everyone. He also answers any phone call from you right away, any time of day or night, just in case it’s you initiating phone sex.
Joe Frantz:
Frantz takes phone sex the most seriously out of all the guys, and that makes total sense given that he’s incredibly good at it. Seriously, Frantz doesn’t have most of the issues the other guys have; he doesn’t feel the need to be funny, he’s able to stay focused, and he’s really good at being erotic and sexy and giving detailed dirty talk while still letting you speak an equal amount and without coming off as demanding or needy. I think he specializes in a domineering, gravelly, mildly condescending (but amused) tone, and I think he understands very well that phone sex isn’t just about talking — it’s about sounds too. He can make really sexy moans and work with breath play and knows how to turn you on with just the sound of his voice. Of course, as soon as you’re both “finished,” he’s back to being very sweet and light-hearted; I think of all the guys, he’s the only one who does aftercare for his phone sex, and it can make a big difference.
