How Each CKY Guy Would Handle Secretly Dating You [circa 1999-2006]
I love doing these headcanon-y “would include” things whenever I get writer's block while working on fics! This one includes Bam, Ryan, Dico, Raab, Rake, Jess, and Novak. Some very mild NSFW stuff for a couple of these, but nothing explicit at all, just allusions to sex.
Tag List: @eyesofaliar
Bam Margera:
Honestly, Bam is by far the LEAST likely to WILLINGLY get into a secret relationship with you in the first place.
We all know that Bam is dramatic, a total attention whore, and someone who likes having every aspect of his relationship (both good and bad) on display for everyone to see, so I just don't think he'd be willing to secretly date you — he'd want everyone to know about it so he could be obnoxious with you (and to you) in public.
In the *extremely* rare case where he'd decide to get into a secret relationship with you, I think it would have to be for a very specific, self-serving, and probably ridiculous reason. For example, maybe you've been a part of the CKY friend group since the beginning, and everyone always said you and Bam would end up together, and he fervently denied it, so when it does eventually happen he gets all stubborn and is like "We can't tell anyone cuz that'll mean I was wrong and they were right." Something petty like that.
I do think if you and him were secretly dating, it would be in the late 90s or very early 2000s (when he was slightly more chill) and he'd only be able to keep the secret for a month or so before he'd end up being like "fuck it" and spilling the beans. If you tried a secret relationship a little later on, like 2004-2006, I think he'd only last a few days and then he'd impulsively admit to everything on Radio Bam, likely without even consulting you or asking for permission.
The funny thing is that if Bam and you were secretly dating, he'd actually be a lot more convincing than some of the other guys at acting like he doesn't have feelings for you. The way he'd treat you in public would be pretty similar to how he treats everyone else; he wouldn't slip up and call you an affectionate name or be nicer to you than he is to everyone else. Bam's issue isn't how he treats you in front of the guys, but rather his inability to stop himself from doing risky shit with you when the guys are nearby.
I think if the two of you did get found out by the others instead of admitting to it yourselves, it would be because Bam insisted on doing something risky and stupid. He'd want to make out with you in his bedroom while everyone's in the next room, or he'd decide to be a little shithead and insert split-second clips of you and him having sex into one of the CKY videos. He just can't help himself, and that's why a secret relationship with Bam wouldn't be secret for long.
Cute Little Headcanon: I think Bam would grab your hand and squeeze it every now and then while you're out with the guys and no one's looking, just to get a little affection in. I think he also wouldn't be able to resist talking you up when he's hanging out with non-CKY guys he looks up to; Tony Hawk would 100% catch on to you and Bam dating after like 5 minutes because Bam would just keep going on and on about how cool you are and how Tony needs to meet you.
Ryan Dunn:
Ryan’s honestly the complete opposite of Bam in this regard. He’d be totally fine with the idea of secretly dating (at least temporarily, not forever) because he’s already relatively lowkey and private about relationships most of the time anyway.
I feel like he'd be hesitant to propose the idea though since it would make him feel like a jackass (no pun intended); he's fully aware of how scummy it sounds to say he doesn't want to tell people he's dating you, so I think he'd most likely end up only secretly dating you if (1) you were the one to initiate the idea or (2) he was able to fully explain his reasoning to you and get your full approval. He wouldn't force it if you didn't like the idea.
I’d say if you weren’t a pre-established member of the CKY/VLB friend group, Ryan would consider keeping his relationship with you secret as a way of protecting you and your privacy. He wouldn’t want you having to be targeted with the guys’ pranks or having invasive details about you leaked on Radio Bam. If you were a member of the friend group already, I think this would be less of an issue and he’d just want to do secret dating to avoid both of you constantly getting shit from the guys for supposedly “throwing off the dynamics” of the friend group by being together.
The funny thing is that while Bam hates secret relationships but would actually be pretty convincing, Ryan would genuinely kinda suck at trying to act like you and him aren't together. His poker face wouldn't be very good, so if he tried to say something mean or "unboyfriend-ly" to you in front of the guys I think he'd be trying so hard not to smile and it would look hella suspicious. I also think he'd let pet names slip out on accident, especially 'baby' or 'babe.'
Even with the slip-ups, I think everyone wouldn't start to catch on for at least a few months. If Bam confronted you, I think he'd be such a smug dick about it that Ryan would stick to his guns and deny it just to be stubborn, but honestly if it was anyone else he'd probably just give up and be like "fuck it, yes we're together" and leave it at that. If no one confronted you guys, I think the secret relationship could easily continue for over a year before you and Ryan would finally decide to tell everyone — except everyone would already know and would find it hilarious that you guys sincerely thought they didn't.
Even once everyone knew, I think you'd both remain pretty lowkey about it and would stick to your guns about maintaining privacy or about not letting the other guys give you too much shit for being together. Unlike Bam, Ryan's not trying to fuck you in public places or slip clips of the two of you making out into a CKY project for fun.
I do think the guys would start a running joke where every time two people in the friend group get into a fight, someone else will immediately blame you and Ryan's relationship for causing it. Could be a yelling match between Dico and Bam, Novak getting the shit beat out of him by Frantz, or Rake trying to strangle Raab for whatever reason; whatever it is, someone will instantly point to you and Ryan and be like "This wouldn't have happened if you two selfish assholes weren't fucking each other. You're tearing this group apart!"
Cute Little Headcanon: One of the biggest giveaways that you're dating would be that Ryan physically would not be able to resist sitting next to you at every possible opportunity. He'd knock Bam or Raab on their asses trying to sit next to you in the car or would shove Novak to take the barstool beside you at a club, and then everyone would exchange looks and ask him what his deal was. His brain just can't help but prioritize sitting with you over keeping the secret.
Brandon Dicamillo:
Unlike the two previous amateurs, Dico could keep your relationship a secret forever without an issue, and that's not an exaggeration. It would also be completely his idea, and I think he'd stand by it even if you didn't react well to it initially.
In the earlier days, like pre-2004, I could totally see him wanting to do it as a bit. He would find it hilarious for the two of you to not tell the guys that you're together for a couple years and then to suddenly kiss each other and talk like a couple in front of them and completely shock them. He would love the idea of being able to be like "well technically you guys never asked if we were dating, so it's not like we lied." Honestly, he'd probably want to stretch the whole thing out even longer to make it even funnier, but I don't think he'd put you through that if you didn't want to do it. Ultimately though, I think his ideal ending to the bit would be revealing your relationship to the guys via sending them invitations to your actual wedding.
After 2004 or so, I think the bit thing could still potentially be a factor, but I feel like it's more likely he'd want to keep the relationship secret because he wouldn't want you involved in all the bullshit Bam gets everyone into. He got pretty disillusioned with all the hardcore drinking and drug use and partying and total debauchery, and I think he'd just find it easier to keep you out of it altogether. He wouldn't want you getting called up on Radio Bam just for Novak to sexually harass you and ask for sex details.
That's assuming you weren't already involved with the friend group; if you were, I think Dico would actually be the opposite of Bam and Ryan where he'd be less likely to keep his relationship with you a secret. He wouldn't care about the guys giving you both shit for it, and he'd probably feel more at ease flirting with you and progressing his relationship with you in front of them if you were already close with them as well.
Whether you were a pre-established member of the friend group or not, Dico would be really convincing at acting like you and him aren't together, probably the most convincing out of the entire group. He wouldn't feel the need to force himself to be mean to you or to treat you any differently to avoid suspicion, but he also wouldn't slip and call you pet names or be uncharacteristically nice to you when the guys are around. He's a decent actor who always commits to the bit, and I think everyone would genuinely be shocked to find out the two of you have been secretly together the whole time.
If anything, Dico's commitment to the bit would mean that he'd have a contingency plan in place for every situation. Rake unexpectedly getting back to the apartment early while you're over? Dico's got a natural-sounding excuse that he's rehearsed plenty of times before. You sent Dico a spicy text while one of the guys is looking at his phone? Not to worry: you're listed in Dico's contacts as being Rake Yohn's sister. You'd even participate in the trickery yourself by "casually" telling the other guys intricate, hilarious, totally made-up stories about the girls Dico is supposedly dating or sleeping with at any given time.
I think if you genuinely were upset and eventually decided you didn't want to keep things secret anymore, Dico would relent pretty easily and tell the guys, even if it meant giving up on the bet. That being said, he'd probably decide to go for the complete opposite bit of being a super obnoxious boyfriend in front of all the guys, at least for a few weeks. He'd intentionally bring you up in every other sentence just to piss them off, and would get affectionate with you in the most annoying (but funny) way possible while everyone's there. I think one of his favorites would be saying something really fucking gross or weird, and then immediately turning to you and going "Right, honey?" to imply you somehow agreed with him.
Cute Little Headcanon: Committed actor or not, Dico wouldn't tolerate the guys trying to do something genuinely disgusting or dangerous to you. If one of them physically tried to make a move on you (e.g. going for a drunk kiss or trying to grab your ass or something), or wanted to smear shit on you while you were sleeping, or were trying to force you into a stunt that could actually hurt or kill you, he'd find some way to intervene without giving away his real feelings for you. Hell, he'd intervene even if it did mean coming clean about the relationship. Dico's a lot more protective than most would expect.
Raab Himself:
I literally wrote a fic about this, so you'd think my thoughts on how Raab would approach secret dating would already be apparent — but let me go a little more in depth here!
I don't actually think it would be Raab's idea to hide his relationship with you (at least in the late 90s or very early 2000s), and if anything I think he'd despise the idea. He's not great at keeping secrets, and he'd want to be able to bring you along with the guys and show you off. I think it would genuinely be torturous for him to have to act like he's not with you, especially if any of the other guys tried to hit on you in front of him. If you were already in the friend group it might be less of an issue since he'd still get to be around you all the time (albeit while having to pretend like you're not together), but if you were outside of the friend group it would be excruciating for him. He'd have to either endure not seeing you as much as he wants or try to somehow introduce you to the guys and integrate you into the group without it seeming suspicious or weirdly forced.
I honestly don't know if you and Raab would be able to secretly date if you were a pre-established member of the CKY friend group, to be quite honest with you. I feel like Raab's crush on you would be so obvious to everyone as it developed, and he'd want to tell the guys about it and ask for advice even if they made fun of him for it.
You and Raab were able to hide things for a whole year in the fic, but I think in actuality you'd be able to keep up appearances for maybe a few months. I don't even think anyone would get suspicious necessarily, I just feel like Raab would be exhausted from hiding things and would beg you to let him tell everyone and get it over with.
I'd say Raab could actually be decent at pretending the two of you aren't together if he really wanted to...but he doesn't want to, and that's what would fuck things up. If anything, I think he'd intentionally start sabotaging the secrecy after a while — one of the guys would accuse him of being into you and he'd get all giggly and not deny it, or he'd stare at you for way too long while everyone's talking and wouldn't even try to hide it. He'd be like a rebellious teen about it. And if one of the guys were to hit on you or try to secretly get footage of you naked for a CKY project or some shit? Raab would immediately reveal that he's your boyfriend and would tell them to go fuck themselves. Game over.
I do think that if Raab met you in like 2005/2006 and started dating you then, he'd be more open to keeping the relationship under wraps, and that's the only time I could see him suggesting it. He was starting to get fed up with Bam's treatment at that point and was going through a lot, and like Dico I could see him wanting to keep you out of all the group's insane shenanigans.
Once you and him are officially out in the open, he'd be so excited and eager to be affectionate with you and do couple stuff with you and bring you absolutely everywhere; he'd feel like he'd just been freed from prison! I think even just getting to call you his partner in front of all the guys without hesitation would feel amazing to him.
Cute Little Headcanon: April would know from day one that you and Raab are together...because he wouldn't be able to resist telling her. I can see Raab having little talks with her about how much he loves you and hates having to hide his relationship with you when all the guys are gone — early morning chats where she's drinking her coffee and he's venting and she has to reassure him that he won't have to hide it forever. Also, I think Raab would go to insane lengths to side-step women who are interested in him or who the guys try to convince him to get with while he's hiding his relationship with you; he'd throw up or shit his pants in front of them to gross them out, or he'd come up with the lamest excuse ever, or he'd try to distract everyone by doing a really stupid stunt instead.
Rake Yohn:
A secret relationship with Rake wouldn't be the most unlikely thing in the world...but it would be up there. Rake just doesn't seem like the type to have any reason to keep his relationship with you a secret; he was a lot less bothered by Bam and the others' antics and didn't take nearly as much of a step back as Dico and Raab did, so I don't think privacy would be as much of a concern for him. If you were a pre-established member of the friend group, he still wouldn't see much of a reason to hide it because the guys already give him so much shit, so them giving him shit for dating you wouldn't be a big deal at all.
I think if the two of you opted for a secret relationship, it would just be for the fun of it, whether you started dating earlier or later in the CKY/VLB timeline. Maybe he would want to see how long you both can keep it up, or maybe he'd just find it kinda sexy to sneak around a little.
I don't think Rake would be half-bad at pretending he's not with you around the guys (he would just act normal and try not to stare at you too long), but it helps that he has a legit job as a chemist and isn't around them as much as some of the other guys are. I think he'd have a lot more opportunities to spend time with you alone than the other guys, so it's not like you'd have trouble finding time to do couple-y things together without worrying about the guys catching you. The stakes also just wouldn't be as high for Rake. He's a grown adult with a career and income source outside of CKY/VLB, so he just wouldn't care that much if the guys caught you or confronted you about dating.
I do think Rake would sincerely have a lot of fun playing pretend with you though! I could see him doing a very convincing job talking to you very casually, then as soon as all the other guys leave he'd turn to you and grin with a big thumbs-up or would say "How was that?" (wanting to genuinely hear your opinion on his acting performance). Honestly, he's the most likely of the group to see the whole thing as a form of foreplay and would find it really sexy.
Once the guys find out you're dating, I don't think much would change. They might use the whole situation to rag on Rake by asking him how the hell he managed to bribe you into being his girlfriend, but otherwise I don't think it would impact anything in a noticeable way.
Cute Little Headcanon: I think Rake would eventually decide to spice things up by admitting that he does have a girlfriend, but not telling the guys who it is. He'd refer to you as "the Missus" and would brag about how gorgeous and funny and amazing you are, and then he'd wink at you when no one's looking. What a nerd!
Jess Margera:
My thoughts on Jess are extremely similar to my thoughts on Rake; I don't think he'd see much of a reason to keep his relationship with you secret other than because he finds it entertaining or thinks it's kinda hot. He'd take it by far the least seriously out of all the guys, and it would be super low stakes. What are the guys gonna do if they find out? He's older than them, he's got his band to worry about and isn't really on Viva La Bam or in CKY videos all that much, and he's a pretty laidback dude.
I think if you weren't a member of the friend group, the guys wouldn't know about his relationship with you only because he just wouldn't bring it up much, rather than because he's hiding it or whatever. You'd probably show up one day to bring him food and to give him a little kiss, and that's how all the guys would find out. I don't even think any of them would care except Bam, to be honest.
If you were a member of the friend group, then I think there'd be one valid reason for him to want to keep your relationship a secret, other than for amusement or as foreplay: avoiding Bam's wrath. I genuinely think Bam would be so pissy about his older brother dating one of his friends, even if you were Jess's friend too, and Jess may just not feel like dealing with his bullshit (see my fic about crushing on Jess Margera as one of Bam's friends).
The thing is, if Jess and you were keeping your relationship secret, it would only be from Bam and his buddies. I don't think Jess would hide it from Ape and Phil, and he'd certainly not hide it from his bandmates since he'd want you coming on tour with him. Deron and Chad are real ones though and they wouldn't spill the beans to the other guys, since they know how Bam would react.
Since Jess is usually away on tour or busy with the band in general, he's similar to Rake again in that he'd have plenty of time away from the guys to be with you and to not have to hide his relationship with you, which is why he'd have a lot of fun on the rare occasion where he's pretending not to be with you. It would be like a fun little acting gig he only has to partake in on occasion, and you'd both get enjoyment out of it for sure.
Again, the stakes are super low for Jess, so unless he didn't want Bam to know (or didn't care whether he knew or not anymore), I think eventually he'd just get bored of the whole thing and would purposefully do a terrible job hiding the relationship. You'd both start slipping up on purpose for your own shared amusement (e.g. "Hey babe—oh shit, I mean Jess. Sure hope no one heard that" while Bam and Dico and Raab are standing right there), basically begging for the guys to wise up and realize what's going on. It wouldn't be like revealing a dramatic prank (aka how Dico would see it), but it would be fun nonetheless.
Cute Little Headcanon: I think the second the guys find out you and Jess are dating, Jess would start being very, very loud about you. He'd shout you out constantly during his Radio Bam appearances (and would 100% talk about the whole situation on there while laughing with the guys about how funny it was when everyone found out) and would bring you up on stage during concerts all the time. He'd also casually have your name written on the inside of his hats or on the tags of his shirts, and he'd have you write it yourself as a way of "marking your territory" (he's mostly kidding...but a small part of him is dead serious).
Brandon Novak:
Novak doing a secret relationship would be pretty unlikely, given that he's painfully open about basically everything in his life and doesn't have much of a filter.
However, if he were to keep his relationship with you a secret, it would be for one of two reasons. The more likely/realistic one is unfortunately that he would be doing it so that he could freely sleep with other girls and do deviant shit with Bam and the others without feeling "weighed down" by a committed relationship, and even in this case I don't know if he'd bother hiding his relationship since he openly cheated on his girlfriends back in the day and admitted it on Radio Bam all the time.
The less realistic (but more sweet) reason would be him wanting to give an honest try at having a normal, healthy relationship and not wanting his crazy lifestyle and dynamic with Bam to ruin things with you. For all his faults, Novak would be fully aware of the fact that revealing you as his girlfriend to the guys means having to deal with the guys making fun of him, insisting the relationship will never work out, and giving you an insane amount of shit for being with Novak in the first place. If you are genuinely important to him, he's going to want to avoid having your relationship used as a tool to humiliate him or as a way of stirring up drama on Radio Bam.
The issue with Novak is that he would by far be the most difficult of the guys to have a secret relationship with. He's with Bam almost 24/7, he relies on Bam for money and a place to live, and the guys could take his phone and look through it at any time, so it's incredibly difficult for him to find time to be with you or show you affection or do anything needed for a real relationship. Novak also has a lot of personal struggles, and it would be hard for you to be able to help him in any meaningful way without the other guys finding out about you or (if you're already a member of the friend group) your feelings for him.
The only scenario I can think of that seems even remotely plausible is you being a member of the friend group and living in Bam's house with everyone else; at least that way, you and Novak could sneak into each other's rooms while everyone else is out or sleeping and would have excuses to spend time together.
I think if the above scenario happened, Novak could be really good at avoiding suspicion because he'd just flirt with you openly the way he does with most girls, and you'd just have to act disgusted and uninterested. Even still, I feel like it would just become too obvious that he's hiding something — Novak's not a great liar, and the other guys would 100% notice that he's suddenly not sleeping with every girl he can get his hands on. What happens when Bam wants Novak to hump a random girl on Radio Bam, or when a hot girl comes up to him in a bar and he has to somehow try to turn her down in front of the guys? It just feels like a recipe for disaster.
On a slightly more positive note, if the two of you were somehow able to pull it off and keep things secret, I think Novak would want to reveal the truth after a full year of being with you; the guys may be more likely to take your relationship seriously once they can see that Novak's capable of commitment and genuinely loving someone. He'd still get shit for sure, but I do think the guys would eventually end up rooting for you to work out and would be so pissed if he screwed things up with you or hurt you.
Sweet Little Headcanon: Novak would keep so many photos of you on his phone regardless of how risky it is, and once his relationship with you isn't secret anymore, he'd be showing those photos off to everyone so proudly. I also think on Radio Bam he'd refer to you as "my baby" and would tell all these stories about you that he thinks are so cute, even if the guys insisted the stories are boring/lame.
"oh your dying your hair your favorite color? no babe your dying it mine"
be prepared to have purple hair
he absolutely will dye his hair the same color to match you
hes very good at pointing out the spots you missed
he supersizing is very well behaved when you dye your hair
however not so much when you two clean up. if your wiping up hair dye from the counter or floor he will take the towel out of your hands and throw it at you.
Dico
"Jesues you look like a higlighter!"
He will pick out the most brightest sickest color for you.
he will absolutely refuse to help you
"you want me to dye my hair? what hair I'm balding!"
get him a matching wig
Rake
"you know the chemicals in that are horible for you right?"
this man isn't against you dyeing your hair but the whole time be propared to get a scientific explanation of how hair dye works
hates the smell of it
he watches you from afar when you dye your hair
he mostly stays far away because knowing you he expects you to try and throw it in his hair
Novak
"oh cool"
hes useless
he wont help
only time he trys and gets your color he comes back with a puck green
a lot of the time bam ends up paying him to match with you.
Raab
"I can help!"
this sweet boy is trying his best to help but he fails drasticly
he spills the dye and steps on it leaving colored foot prints all over the place.
want him to help you wash it out? hrd gonna spray you in the face like 3 times.
also get your hair tangeld
Ryan
"hold my beer"
oddly he's very skilled
he does everything for you
he wont let you dye his hair but he's open to dyeing his beard
wont help you wash it out. refuses to go close to the shower.
what its like to share a bed w/ the cky crew. platonically ofc 😋. jk.
warnings : swearing, afab!reader
dico, raab, rake, novak, bam, ryan
WARNING : swearing , afab!reader , really bad my b my b
dico :
- forces you to sleep on the floor with him if theres not enough beds left in the hotel room
- cuddles you without asking
- hes very touchy when hes tired
- likes to sleep w his head between your tits 🫢
- out of everyone on this list, hes probably the best to sleep with if you want to actually get rest
- curls up in a ball before he falls asleep, or he cuddles you like your a stuffed animal, and he doesn't let go until he wakes up
- likes to be that small spoon
- will wake you up if he can't sleep and talk about like tomatoes or something
- likes to mess around with your hair
- in the morning, he forces you to get up with him and go down to get breakfast
- will literally jump on you or the bed until you agree to go get breakfast with him
- for some reason he gets like frost bite cold at night
- he like completely latches onto you during the night so he can stay warm
raab :
- dont tell me this man wouldnt fucking snore right in your ear the entire night
- like completely on purpose
- hed situate himself with his wide open mouth that could catch flies as close to your ear as possible
- sometimes he sleeps in the hotel closets and he makes you sleep in there with him. no one knows why he sleeps in the closest.
- i lowkey feel like he brings a stuffed bear with him to the different hotels he stays at, but he keeps it hidden so the other guys dont mess with it
- your the only one who knows about his bear, it's name is reggie
- devious little man made it his mission to make it hard for you to sleep
- from the snoring to him farting in your face when your not paying attention
- but in the morning he brings you coffee and breakfast from the hotel dining room to make up for it
- refuses to let the other guys prank you while you sleep, only he can do that 👿
- tickles you just for funnsies
- turns the tv up to the loudest setting just to listen to the cops theme song, which annoys everyone in the room
- draws on your face with sharpie if you fall asleep before him, and ofc you do the same to him
rake :
- 100% ends up hogging the entire bed and youd wake up with him literally suffocating you because hes laying completely on top of you
- expect to find his hair strands in the most fucking weirdest places
- yknow when you get that one hair you find in your asshole in the shower, yeah, thats rakes
- yawns in his sleep ??
- i also feel like sometimes he falls alseep with his eyes open
- hes like a fucking heater during the night, and it doesnt help that he basically uses you as a mattress
- not much of a cuddler when he sleeps, but he does hog up the entire bed and the blankets
- youd probably fall asleep back to back and wake up with him sprawled completely over you
- he laughs about it when he wakes up, but in all honesty he couldve killed you by suffocation
- and you cant even wake him up when he does this because he sleeps like a fucking log
- sleep walks sometimes, so you have that to look forward to ig
- when he sleep walks he mostly just goes to the kitchen to sleep eat 🧍♀️
- one time you took fifty dollars from his wallet while he was asleep and he didnt even notice until the next night, you told him he left it at the hotel until he saw you buying like ten large pizzas for yourself
- after that he slept with his wallet in the pocket of his pajama pants
- sleeps with his socks on 🤮
- hes a fucking diva when hes tired.
novak :
- i feel like he sleeps with sunglasses on. idk why. but you find it fucking weird.
- likes to spoon you. gives you kisses on the back of your neck when he thinks your asleep
- all in friendly fun tho 😸
- makes you check for bed bugs before he even touches the mattress 💀
- he talks in his sleep a lot, like full sentences
- hates it when you touch him with your cold fingers
- late night make our sessions if your up to it
- the other guys in the room dont appreciate it tho
- still all fun and games he says 😸
- scratches your back if you ask for it
- you'll have to slap him sometimes because hes got wandering sleep hands
- doesnt wear pajamas and just sleeps in whatever he was wearing that day
- hogs all the pillows by 'accident'
- sometimes he strangles you in his sleep, also by 'accident'
- purposefully coughs or sneezes on you cuz he thinks its hilarious
- suprisingly not a very heavy sleeper
- very inconsiderate about letting you get to sleep or staying asleep 😒
bam :
- he totally sleeps naked and just becuase your a girl and sharing a bed with him doesnt mean hes going to change that
- hes either naked or falls asleep in his tight jeans
- expect to wake up with him in the most weirdest positions. like laying the opposite direction of how he fell asleep. or his ass up in the air and his face smooshed against the mattress.
- hes not much of a cuddler but sometimes you wake up with his head laying on your stomach
- also dont expect to get much sleep with him, he thrashes around so fucking much
- always gets a bed no matter how many are sleeping in the room because hes a drama queen
- uses your ass as a pillow a lot
- wakes you up by screaming in your ear sometimes, other times he wakes you by giving you kisses behind your ear. its either a nice awakening or a bad one.
- the second his head hits that hotel pillow, hes out like a light, so whatever position he fell asleep in he stays in, its like physically impossible to move him yourself, your just going to have to wait until he thrashes to another position
- tried to suffocate you with a pillow one night just to see your reaction
ryan :
- tries his best to not let the other guys mess with you while you sleep
- literally stays up half the night till the rest of the guys are asleep, watching over you so you wouldnt get pranked
- man is lowkey a gentlemen when it comes to women sleeping
- kisses your temples when your asleep, but only when your asleep
- keeps his distance from you unless you tell him it's okay to sleep next to you
- hes a big sleep cuddler
- so fucking awkward the first time, well it wouldve been awkward for you if you werent so fucking tired
- when you wake up during the middle of the night its probably from ryans beard tickling the back of your neck
- the first time he had to share a bed with you he built a wall of pillows so you wouldnt feel uncomfortable
- which you thought was ridiculous and used the extra pillows that made the wall as something to cuddle
- touches you with his cold feet when your on the verge of falling asleep because he thinks its funny
- you for sure love to put just a little bit of smudged black eyeliner on him. it’s just like the first thing that comes to mind for me, you love when he wears it.
- kinda like what dico does youll spit out random science questions just to quiz him. you know he knows the answer, but it’s a fun thing you can both do to pass time (:
- he really likes taking baths so i can totally picture you two taking baths together. not even sexually just romantic shit, relaxing.
- he wouldn’t be crazy on pda, but he’s definitely not shy to the idea of it. you’ll hold hands in front of the guys, he’ll have a arm around your waist, basic stuff.
- i could see him setting up little picnic dates for sureeee.
- very intimate relationship, i feel like he shows his love through a lot of physical actions and not so much words.
- that doesn’t mean he doesn’t shower you with compliments though. kinda like jeff this man is whipped for you. ):
- we all kinda saw this coming but- playing with his hair? yea that happens for sure lmao.
- your definitely in a few cky skits and stunts. whenever he’s filming with them he always offers you to join if you want. doesn’t want you to get bored while just watching
- honestly im not sure what he would call you. i kinda feel like babe or maybe even princess.
- calling him hellboy once in a while just to annoy him <3
- your close with all the guys, but i feel like you and dico would be pretty close.
- teasing him for his fear of mustards. nothing like the stunts bam pulls on him with it but just picking on him jokingly, and then apologizing later ofc.
- im sorry to do this again but there’s a age gap. nothing to big, kinda like the one in knoxville’s where it’s only 2-5 years.
- your were definitely friends before you started dating.
- literally he’s just the sweetest mf ever.
- “you know babe, baths are supposed to be relaxing, not a time for you to splash water in my face.”
Request: “ik he’s more viva la bam but could u do something rake yohn related plsss <3”
Not to pat myself on the back but usually I don’t think I can pull of cute fics but I’ve been loving the ones I’m writing
aeonian-knoxville’s main m.list
“Get my good side” You told Dico, turning your head to show the left side of your face as he held a camera up really close to your face. “You always look good,” He said grinning. “Don’t let Rake hear you say that” you warned Dico. “Hear who say what?” Rake came up to the two of you then sat down next to the parked van. “Nothing” You said, making your way to sit with him on the floor, you made room for yourself in between his legs.
You looked up at him innocently and gave him a quick kiss to change the subject. Dico walked away to go bug someone, probably Raab, and it was just you and Rake comfortable in each other’s presence.
Rake and you had only been dating for a couple months but you felt like you had known him your whole life. Rake, likewise, also felt very strongly about you. In fact that’s how you two ended up in Iceland together.
He knew it was a big step asking you to travel with his friends especially at the last minute but you accepted his invention so there you were with the love of your life thousands miles away from all your worries and troubles. You loved everything about Rake, including his friends. They were very chaotic but in a good way, they kept you entertained and they always included you when you were around.
“Isn’t it so beautiful” you asked Rake, you leaned into his back, relaxed. “What’s beautiful? You?” he said nonchalant “No” you giggled, “just like everything I guess” you couldn’t believe your eyes.
Even if you guys were in the middle of nowhere, the beautiful green grass and mountains that surrounded you guys, the clear blue lakes you’ve passed by and even though the sky was grey because it was cloudy and raining; it was all perfect. You took in every minute of it. “So is Ryan going to really do it?” you asked your boyfriend what his friends plans were.
Two of your boyfriend’s friends made a drunken bet last night that one of them would go down a waterfall in a barrel and the other one actually bought the plane tickets. “He has to, there’s no way he can back out twice” “Wait, you guys already tried to get him to do this?” You asked, laughing. “Yeah, in the winter but he pussied out at the last minute. He kept saying he was going to do it until we drove to the waterfall and told us “there was no way in hell” he was going to do it” Rake said remembering it like it was just yesterday
“You guys are insane” you shook your head in disbelief but you couldn’t stop laughing, imagining how it went down once Ryan broke the news. “What are the chances, we’re going to scare you away after this is all done and we go back home” Rake asked you seriously. You thought about it to mess with him a little but then finally said, “None, you’re stuck with me and I like your friends” “That’s the first I’ve heard that” He said surprised, “I thought after Bam stole that barrel from the chemical site you would’ve been thinking about what you got yourself into”
“Oh trust me I was but then I realized maybe that’s why I’m so comfortable with you and your friends. You guys don’t care, you just live and make memories. Who else could I get these amazing experiences from?” You started to shiver from the cold creeping up on you as you and Rake wrapped his jacket around you, holding you closer.
“I absolutely love you” he gave you a kiss on the top of your head.
You were a bit shocked, you and Rake had told each other “I love you” before but only in a joking way. “What?” You asked, whipping your head up towards him. “I love you. I really do. You don’t have to say it back but I just wanted you to know” He repeated himself, very secure with his answer. “I’m always unsure of a lot of things but I have never been more sure to know that I love you too” you told him, both of you adoring one another.
Rake was about to kiss you before you two had Bam’s voice “Okay, okay love birds, we get it” the both of you rolled your eyes but laughed, of course they would ruin a moment like that, “Let’s hurry to the waterfall so we can prove once again Dunn is full of shit and we came out here for nothing again”
“I already told you guys, last time that water was like negative twenty degrees, I would’ve gotten hypothermia” Ryan tried to defend himself as you and Rake got off the ground and hopped into the van with the others. “Are you sure you can handle us?” Rake asked one last time. “I wouldn’t want to spend this moment with anyone else” you said, happier than ever to be brought along on such a strange adventure.
The CKY/Viva La Bam Boys Switch Roles During Sex [Short Smut Drabble]
Quick little drabble about what Rake, Frantz, Raab, Dico, and Novak would be like if they each played the opposite role from what they usually play during sex. Frantz, Rake, and Dico try out being submissive, and Raab and Novak try out being dominant. I’m doing one long paragraph for each of them! @chasingwinehouse thanks for giving me plenty of cool ideas! <3
Notes: I really like the Raab concept here, let me know if you want a full fic for it. Also, here’s a couple warnings: Dico’s part involves you being rough with him (degrading, slapping and light choking), Novak’s part involves him calling himself daddy, Raab’s part involves him slipping up and calling you mommy once or twice and also attempting (and failing) to degrade you, and Frantz’s part involves him whining when you pull his hair. Rake’s part doesn’t need any warnings.
@butttxray credit to you for the Frantz hair pulling idea that I use in his section!
@asskickedbygirl tagging you as always.
Brandon DiCamillo:
For what was probably the first time in his entire life, Brandon DiCamillo was gonna be put in his place. He was on his knees in front of you, staring up at you with that same cocky, condescending, ‘I’m laughing at a joke that no one gets except me’ smile he always had on his face. That smile you were determined to wipe off. You’d already removed all of his clothes to make him feel more vulnerable and breakable—now all you had to do was break him. You roughly grabbed him by the chin, staring him down with an unflinchingly dark look as you decided what you wanted to do with him first. “Naked on your knees like a little bitch and yet you’ve still got that fucking look on your face. What’s it gonna take to wipe it off?” Dico’s grin widened, and he shrugged, not the least bit affected by how tightly you were squeezing his jaw. “I dunno, babe, how ‘bout a gimp mask and some nipple clamps—” You cut him off with a firm smack across the cheek, and he instantly went silent, staring up at you with a slightly shocked (but not pained) look. “That was a rhetorical question, bitch, don’t speak unless I tell you that you can.” The grin came back, and he instantly went against your orders by talking back once again. “How was I supposed to know it wasn’t a real question, it sounded like a —” You cut him off with yet another smack across the cheek, and then, just to really get your point across, you wrapped your hand around the base of his neck and applied enough pressure to get a reaction from him, a slightly choked sound leaving his mouth as he stared up at you with a slightly fearful expression, his cock suddenly hard as a rock against his thigh. The smirk was finally gone.
Brandon Novak:
“Just like that, baby, suck Daddy’s dick. Mmm, fuck, that’s good. Get Daddy’s cock nice and wet, baby, just like that.” It wasn’t often that Novak got to be the one in charge during sex, but when he did, he fully committed to the role. Novak loved to show off his dirty-talking abilities, especially while you were sucking him off, and he had a real talent for degrading you in the most encouraging way possible. He pushed your head further down, forcing you to take his entire shaft into your mouth, his slick tip hitting the back of your throat, and you ran your tongue up and down the underside of his cock, eliciting a pleased moan from him in response. You pulled your mouth off of his cock to swirl your tongue over the head of his cock, letting your drool coat the tip and then taking the whole head into your mouth to suck on it. Novak stared down at you with a domineering look that he reserved only for these moments, and it only spurned you on more, leading to you enthusiastically taking the whole shaft into your mouth again. “Yeah, baby, you like sucking on that big fat cock, don’t you? You love having Daddy’s dick in your mouth, don’t you? Come on, baby, all the way down your throat, just like that.” He forced your head down again, and you allowed him to shove his cock down your throat, saliva dripping from your mouth onto his cock as he face-fucked you. You knew this side of Novak wasn’t gonna be around for too long; he kept it up for as long as the blowjob lasted, but once he came, he was usually done being dominant for the rest of the week. But that was fine with you; you’d just appreciate the moment while it lasted. “Keep it up, baby, Daddy’s so close to cumming.”
Chris Raab/Raab Himself:
“Okay, so, uh, mommy—fuck, I mean, uh…what do I call you while I’m doing this?” Raab looked at you with uncertainty as he stood next to the bed, waiting for you to get comfortable on your back so he could get on top of you. He was clad only in his boxers, his cute little cock already clearly hard and leaking through the fabric as he admired the sight of your naked body. As excited as he was, though, he was also clearly a little nervous. Being in charge was far from something he was used to doing; it wasn’t that he preferred receiving over giving (quite the opposite, actually, given his people-pleaser tendencies), it was just that his personality wasn’t quite suited for being bossy or giving orders. But you had really wanted to try this, and he was more than happy to oblige you. You smiled up at him reassuringly, leaning over to grab his hand as you pulled him onto the bed and helped him get on top of you. “You’re in charge here, baby, you decide what to call me.” Raab still looked uncertain, so you whispered a suggestion. “How about just calling me by my name?” Raab nodded, looking very relieved that you’d helped him out. “Right! Right. Okay, uh, here’s what you’re gonna do, (Y/n). You’re gonna lay right here and take my dick like a good little slut.” You raised your eyebrows at the comment, wondering if Raab had been hiding a secret dirty dom side, but his face crinkled up almost immediately and he shook his head. “I didn’t like that, I’m sorry, mommy—I mean (Y/n). I’m not gonna do that again.” You smiled. “That’s okay, Raab, just stick to what you like.” He nodded, gently lining his cock up with your pussy as he thought over what he actually wanted to do. “I like calling you pretty.” You giggled. “Do that, then.” He leaned down to kiss you, and gently pushed the head of his cock inside you as he spoke. “Right. Okay. In that case, you’re gonna lay here and look nice and be pretty for me while I fuck you, okay?” Raab momentarily stopped what he was doing to shoot you a questioning look. “How was that? Was that good?” You grinned. “Yes, baby, that was good.”
Joe Frantz:
Frantz had never been much of a submissive type. When it came to sex, he liked being rough, fast, and aggressive, degrading you under his breath in a low, growly tone and smacking your ass and thrusting inside you until you came around his long, fat cock; the idea of him ever letting you be in charge during sex was unlikely at best and downright laughable at worst. But when it came to eating you out? That was a different story. You lowered yourself down onto Frantz’s face, moaning softly when he pressed his lips against your pussy to kiss it and stared up at you with a vulnerable, awestruck look that felt almost uncharacteristically submissive for someone as domineering as Frantz usually was. He ran his tongue over the lips of your pussy, squeezing his eyes shut and moaning softly as he savored your taste, and you fisted your fingers into his hair, giving it a rough tug that made him whine against your pussy pathetically like a whore. Something about having you on top of him, pussy against his mouth and hand tangled in his hair, turned Frantz into a whining mess; it was a side of him you quite literally never saw anywhere else, and it always shocked you when you did see it. It felt almost too vulnerable, like the taste of your pussy alone was enough to make him weak. You tugged on his hair again, and another whine left his mouth, his lips wrapped around your clit as he sucked on it with as much energy as he could muster, opening his eyes to look up at you again with that vulnerable look. In any other instance, Frantz would have been his usual domineering self, but in this little moment, with his face smushed between your legs, Frantz’s only purpose was to whine and beg and stare up at you pleadingly as he worshipped your pussy. To lap up your juices and suck on your clit and moan at the taste. To be your little bitch.
Rake Yohn:
“You sure you’ve got this, princess? You can take it from here? If you need help, just say so and I’ll show you how to—” You cut Rake off with a wave of your hand as he finished taking off his clothes and laid down on the bed on his back. “I’ve got it, Rake, don’t worry about it. And don’t call me that while we’re doing this, I’m in charge here.” Rake grinned with amusement, watching you as you stripped down to your bra and panties and climbed on top of him to straddle his lap. “You’re right, how could I forget? You’re not a princess anymore, you’re my Queen.” You blushed at the new name, pointedly ignoring his obvious amusement and leaned down to kiss him, and he ran his hands up your back, hips and thighs appreciatively, his cock already hardening underneath you. You pulled away with a smirk, running your hands down his bare chest and giving him the sexiest look you could muster as you ground your hips down against his to rub against his bulge. He raised his eyebrows at you with a soft moan, clearly slightly surprised at how easily you were assuming the dominant role. Rake was pretty much always in control, so he had just assumed that you wouldn’t know what to do once the roles were reversed. Unbeknownst to him, however, you’d been looking forward to doing something like this for a while. You wrapped your hand around the base of Rake’s long, thick shaft, hovering over it so your dripping wet pussy was barely an inch away from the tip, and Rake’s hands automatically shot up to grab at your hips supportively. “Beg for it.” Rake looked up at you, surprised. “Sorry, my Queen?” You smirked. “You heard me, baby. Beg me to ride you.” Rake’s look of shock turned to one of pride, and he smiled. “You’ve really got the hang of this, haven’t you?” You grinned. “I learned from the best, baby.”
how i think different jackass and cky crewmates smell
WRITERS BLOCK 🥳
jackass crew ↓
johnny : def coconuts or aftershave during the morning and whiskey during the night
ehren : for some reason i feel like he smells like minty chocolate, or just mint without the chocolate
steve : sandalwood and citrus ( from the orange he dripped all over his shirt )
dave : i feel like man smells like that one childhood smell you cant remember what its from but you smell it sometimes. or shit.
chris : shaving cream and candy
weeman : from the amount of baby powder hes had sprayed on him, i feel like its permanently just ingraved into his dna to smell like it
cky crew ↓
bam : yknow the smell before it rains, or like that fiji old spice deodorant
ryan : the forest after it rains and snow
dico : freshly cooked chicken strips. no im jk. kinda. the smell of pancakes after you just woke up from a rough night
rake : bro totally smells like slushies and the inside of a 7/11 in the morning
raab : yknow the smell of that man musk that smells kind of good but at the same time kind of gives you a headache, and it literally sticks to you after you sit next to him for to long. but like in a good way.
