I really think it’s important in today’s day and age to get something about mental health straight:
The phrase “I’m so OCD” for liking things in a certain order or washing your hands a lot is no where near what it’s like to actually live with the disorder.
It’s not really anyone’s fault, though. What it comes down to more than anything is the public perception of what OCD is as opposed to what it’s actually like. And we keep feeding into it to the point where what OCD actually is gets lost because no one corrects it.
The disorder can manifest in a lot of different ways, but the important part is the obsession and then the compulsion. They are mostly unwanted thoughts (obsession) that the person finds incredibly distressing, and the only way to help them feel better about it is by preforming the compulsion. The two don’t necessarily have to be related. An obsession can honestly be anything, but some common ones are fear of contamination, (which is where the public perception of the disorder comes from) fear of becoming violent, fear of being sexually aroused by “taboo” things.
These obsessions make life difficult because the nature of these intrusive thoughts are so far out of the realm of what the person is actually thinking that it gives a kind of mental whiplash; where you will panic because you worry (“OMG I just imagined pushing Sarah down the stairs” or “OMG what if I’m sexually attracted to my cat holy shit”) that these thoughts are things you would actually do or enjoy- even though you would never push Sarah down the stairs or get a boner from your cat.
But knowing these things isn’t enough. People with OCD are fully aware that these thoughts aren’t what they actually feel or are plans to do something in the future. But the fear is still there, and it’s so overwhelmingly consuming that if you don’t preform the compulsion that has been associated with it, you can’t think about anything else. Some common compulsions are seeking validation from others (“You don’t think I would ever hurt Sarah, right mom?”) or “checking.” (“My cat just meowed cutely I have to make sure I don’t have a boner hold on.”)
These thoughts are very real and very distressing, to the point where it consumes hours of time and makes it so they may just avoid these things all together (“No I can’t hang out with Sarah anymore I might push her down the stairs.” / “I can’t keep Buster- do you know anyone looking for a cat?”) It significantly affects the quality of life and, in some cases, is so bad that it ends it.
I didn’t get diagnosed until I was 26, despite remembering the very first time I ever felt the obsession and compulsion combo when I was 7. The best way I can describe it is having thoughts in your head that are not yours, and these thoughts terrify you. I always thought I just had anxiety, and even that took me until high school to understand. But if my parents and the people in my life had the proper education about what OCD was actually like sooner, maybe those 19 years would never have happened because I would have been treated for the actual disorder that I had.
So to those of you that have OCD- I promise you are not your obsessions and they do not define you. You are not a monster or a terrible human being. You deserve to live a better life.
To those of you who are reading this and are wondering if maybe this disorder may actually be what you’ve been feeling, please reach out to someone because you deserve to feel better and should not be ashamed of your mental health no matter what state it’s in.
It’s important that we all understand the symptoms of mental illness so that way everyone has the chance to be treated properly.
