confidence mismanagement: a series
“Did I do a good enough job?”
“Am I obsessing over this?”
Me: “I think I’m right.”
Them: “You think or you know?”
Me: “I ... know?”
Them: “You don’t know.”
Me: “I think I’m right.”
Them: “Gah.”
*ten minutes later*
Me: “Oh ... I’m right!”
“Just another few tries ...”
*one hour later*
*sobbing*
“IT’s NOT GOOD ENOUGH YET.”
“I don’t want to spend an hour trying. So here, have five minutes and I can honestly say that I put zero work in and I don’t care, which will be the perfect way to explain why it’s so horrible.”
“I did it ... I think? No ... yes ... no ... maybe?”
*takes ten minutes to decide between two brands of bread*
“I DID THE THING TOO SEE SEE SEE”
oh shit that was attention seeking and way too loud
*doesn’t speak for the rest of the conversation*
*awkwardly asking questions to not seem attention-seeking*
“Is this the right question? Was it too personal? Too bland? Do they like these questions?”
Yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no
*flips coin*
“Mr. Quarter, are you sure that’s the result I want? Best two out of three."
*flips quarter*
"Best three out of five."
*writes a paragraph of text*
*edits text for an hour*
*deletes text*
*sends text containing one word and an emoji*
Me, regarding the one thing I can do: “SEE ME SEE ME SEE ME DO THE THING I CAN TALK ABOUT IT TOO SEE SEE SEE!”
Me, a series:
“I really feel that maybe, quite possibly, but not disrespectfully, but perhaps--”
“I think that”
“It’s possible that”
“I’m probably wrong, but”
“Uhhh ...”
*desperately runs through series of possible responses*
*composes speech*
*starts speech*
*starts on the fifth line of the third paragraph*
“So I was walking and then--well I mean--never mind--but when we were running--”
Me: “I’m chill, super chill, the chilliest chill person you’ve met.”
Me: “HAHAHAHAH YES I DID IT EAT THAT CHALK, STUPID WALL.”
Me: “Super chill.”
Me: “Hey, so I was walking through the grocery store and I had reached the ... uh ... erm ... the person who checks out the groceries ... shit.”
Me: *googles*
Me: “CASHIER.”
“Which cashier is going to forgive me for taking longer than two minutes to find my cash?”
“Just smile and wave, smile and wave--NO NOT THE MANIACAL LAUGH ABORT MISSION ABORT ABORT ABORT.”
Me: "feelin' stressed, might write a quick tumblr post."
*one hour later*
Me: "THE FORMATTING THE LANGUAGE EVERYTHING IS WRONG."
