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Week 53, Day 365.

I don’t really have a lot to write about this week because I haven’t really done much. I got me a horrid cold, which rendered me useless and resulted in me spending most of this week at home, primarily in bed. Usually, I’d have a million panic attacks over such a lack of productivity, however, I feel A HELL OF A LOT better for having a few days to myself, to properly unwind. Nevertheless, I am still extremely nervous about my confirmation review next Monday, and now have more energy to panic about it.

However, I have quite an exciting week ahead, which means I can ignore the existence of next Monday until the weekend. On Wednesday, I am heading back down to South East London as I have been invited to present a speech at my old secondary school. My A-level Biology teacher is bribing me with wine to come and tell an assembly of high-achieving KS3 students and their parents about my journey through my career/life and my experiences at the school. I am very excited, especially as this is exactly the kind of thing I wanted to do as a STEM ambassador.

Finally, my bestie @steffnow visited me this weekend, which we spent catching up, watching films, eating pizza, and drinking wine. Bliss. <3

Photo: A perfect illustration of how I’ve felt this week: content. My cat was also happy to have so much of my vet-free undivided attention. Source: Tumblr.

Week 52, Day 358.

Wow, it’s officially been a year. I am experiencing a feeling of relief but also sheer terror. However, I did get my s**t somewhat together last week and finally submitted my confirmation review report! Now it’s only a two-week countdown until my actual review, eek. Not going to lie, I have completely burnt myself out doing this report, to the point that if someone asked me what my project is about I’d look at them dazed and respond with an intellectual “err, water and stuff”. I am beyond shattered. The long weekend away in the Forest of Dean has helped a smidgen, but I am still not fully recharged, at all. I have also been struggling with self doubt this last week; feeling like I am not good enough to be a PhD student. I know that every PhD student feels like that at times, but that doesn’t really comfort me. For one, I could not have written this report without the help of my supervisors. Secondly, if writing an 86 page report wore me out, how will I cope with a thesis?!?! What if I’m not clever enough to contribute something novel to the world? What if I’m not capable of withstanding the pressure of a PhD? etc. etc. I guess the one good thing is that I have never felt like I wanted to give up on this. I am also learning that I need a lot more rest than I’ve been giving myself if I am to survive this. Therefore, I have booked myself a holiday to Malaysia for a couple of weeks in October, for a proper break after my review! I haven’t had a proper holiday since June last year when I went away to Spain with a guy I was seeing at the time but who I ended things with prior to the trip; needless to say it didn’t feel like a holiday...

Talking of taking a break, as you can tell our long weekend away did indeed happen! My amazing mum volunteered to cat sit my poorly floof and came all the way from London to Sheffield to do so. This meant that I could actually relax. For those, like me, who have forgotten the meaning of the word:

Relax rɪˈlaks verb 1. to make or become less tense or anxious. We had a wonderful time stargazing, going on woodland walks, discovering cave systems, drinking wine, and generally enjoying each others company. I have included some photos at the end of the post. I would like to reiterate over the fact that I am extremely lucky with the support system that I have around me. At work I have my supervisors, who push me to be the best that I can be and guide me when I am losing faith. As for my personal life, I have incredibly loyal, fun, understanding, and caring friends all over the world. My family can be hit and miss sometimes, but will never let me down when I truly need them. I would need a separate post if I was to list all of the things that my partner does for me and brings to my life. And there is also my silly cat who brings more joy to my life than I can endure, and who has also almost fully recovered from his injury and is back to his normal derpy self. Thank you to all of you for keeping me going and acknowledging my strength. <3 Now I just need to re-balance my work/home life balance, have a cup of tea, lift my chin up, and keep going. Photos top to bottom: 1. A view of the forest of Dean. 2. The beautiful Coach House Annex we stayed in - 10/10 recommend - here’s the link: https://www.airbnb.co.uk/rooms/19974015?location=Penallt&adults=1&children=0&infants=0&s=_e3WmURw 3. Reunited with one of my best friends who I hadn’t seen for a year. 4. Buttons on his favourite bag, confused as to the presence of a new cat sitter who looks suspiciously like his owner, but older.

Week 34, Day 231.

The weather has been incredible all week and so, on bank holiday Monday, we finally got around to sorting out our garden... only took 8 months. :’) I found the process very therapeutic, especially trimming our bay leaf tree, which smelled incredible. I now intend to use gardening as active but relaxing time away from work. The next stage is to paint the fences! Our neighbour, who is an elderly chap, was so excited to see us do the garden up that he voluntarily trimmed our hedges in the front garden and fixed our pedestrian gate. We’ve bonded. I am desperately trying to keep most of June and August free of travel to spend more time at home, and utilise our green space. This week I also fixed my bike, which, after relocating to hilly Sheffield from a flat terrain down south, refused to switch gears properly. I now tackle 480 ft elevations (not exaggerating) on my way to work and back on a regular basis. Gains.

Apart from the above, there’s not much to report. I have spent most of the week plodding along with my literature review. I have however bought myself a holiday for October!! And although that means I am now super poor, I am also much more motivated to write and do work in general. My confirmation review is just before the holiday, so I’m using it as a reward for my hard work. ;) I am also away at the moment, in the Lake District, in a village called Broughton in Furness to be precise. I am here with my partners family for a week, and because I can work pretty much anywhere, as long as there’s WiFi, it’s a beautiful location to work from. Especially, as we are staying in what I can best describe as a “quirky” cottage, full of character and soul. This week will be filled with hill-walking, exploring the area, drinking lots of wine/gin, and obviously getting lots of work done... We are currently making a proper British roast, and later climbing ‘The Old Man of Coniston’ to watch the sunset. Feeling pretty lucky right now. Cheers life.

Have an incredible week, and make sure to use your time wisely, and with purpose.

Photo: Sunset in the Lakes, Google.

Week 49, Day 336.

It’s a rainy bank holiday weekend, I’m cosy at work in an empty office and feeling better than I did last week; both mentally and physically (mostly because I’m on my 5th cup of tea). The amount of time I am dedicating to my confirmation review report is starting to seriously drain me. However, this week I received an email from my doctorate centre (STREAM) informing me that I have passed my first year on their side of things with no corrections! This was a much needed motivational confidence boost as I have just 18 days to submit the final version of my report with exponentially depleting energy levels.

It is starting to really hit me just how hard this project will be, and I thought the last 11 months were tiring! To deal with this realisation I have put together a colourful GANTT chart of my entire PhD (2017-2021) so I know when I need to do what, and to also prevent myself from exploding/imploding from stress/feeling overwhelmed.

I have put together a list of 10 things that I have learned are necessary to succeed in a PhD:

Take it a day at a time - “slow and steady wins the race” is literally the phrase to live by.

Be extremely organised - I cannot stress this enough.

Break up big tasks into smaller sections - do small tasks often, before they become too hard and unmanageable.

Remind yourself why you’re doing this.

Take time off when you feel like you can’t do anymore - otherwise you’ll burn out, which is not something you can afford to do with a PhD.

Focus on one thing at a time.

Do things properly first time around - a PhD is not like a bachelors or a masters degree where you have time to go over the same work/content multiple times.

Don’t be afraid to ask for advice - that’s what supervisors are for!

Look after yourself - sleep, exercise, and eat well!

Plan things to look forward to - really helps to stay motivated.

Some days/weeks/months will be harder than others, that’s just part of the deal. Personally, I am hoping that things will calm down a bit after my confirmation review. Currently, I have just 6 days off between now and October, however, 4 of those are for a long weekend away in the Forest of Dean with my partner and two best friends. ^^ Right, I have to get back to work, even though I really don’t want to... I guess it’s time for cup of tea no. 6. GIF: Tumblr. I like rain, it’s peaceful.

Week 46, Day 316.

Hello, hello, hello. I hope you’re having a good Monday! I have finished reading ALL of the journal papers I had collated towards my literature review; I’m especially proud of myself for having read the remaining 176 in just one week! Although, it meant that I had no days off last week, ah well. Now onto the writing... I intend to have a full first draft finished by the end of this week. One of my friends has recently left her corporate job to start up her own business and she asked me how I cope with my PhD where I have absolutely no daily structure, which is something she is struggling with at the moment. I guess my only answer is that you have to be extremely organised, and find ways to fill up your day with useful tasks. For example, in terms of work, this month I am primarily focusing on my confirmation review and I have made a GANTT chart specifically for it. I have then written out individual tasks for each day and until I complete them I am not allowed to stop working, which I find works better for me than working a set amount of hours instead. I admit, it takes a hell of a lot of self motivation to be so determined and organised, but there are a few things that help:

Enjoying what you do. I know that sounds obvious, but it’s crucial. If you don’t like your job/lifestyle, you will always struggle.

Thinking of the finish line. On my really bad days, I think about graduating, and it motivates me.

A cosy work-space. You have got to enjoy where you work, make it a positive space and you will want to come back to it. I have put in a photo of one of my work-spaces below as an example.

Keeping track of your progress. Looking back at how far you’ve come is very rewarding. For example, I tallied the papers I have read this week, and now it makes me happy (see below).

Tea. Literally the main thing that keeps me going. It also prevents snacking; I made the mistake of snacking throughout the final stretch of my BSc and gained a stone (6kg). Never again.

Turning off your phone. I have started putting my phone on aeroplane mode when I’m working, otherwise I endlessly distract myself, get frustrated, and fail to concentrate.

Having a reward system. For me, that is spending quality time with my partner; I don’t tend to work when I see him as we don’t currently live together, and are in separate cities. I also see my friends, or visit new places; makes the hard work worth it.

Having a routine is also useful, but it just hasn’t worked for me, my lifestyle does not allow for it. Basically, find what keeps you going and focus on it. I am definitely applying all of the above to August as I only have two days off this month.

So, you’re motivated, but how to stay awake when your energy reserves are running low? I know I am a huge advocate of Red Bull, but believe it or not, I don’t actually drink that much of it. I have a strict rule of no more than 1 can a day, and on the days I have Red Bull I don’t drink alcohol; and I definitely don’t drink it every day! I understand the health implications of energy drinks, so I do my best to be mindful. I don’t smoke or drink heavily, but we all have our addictions. However, I only had two cans of Red Bull in Russia, and that was purely because they were new, unusual flavours; at home I strictly drink sugar-free. I tend to rely on tea and exercise over Red Bull to stay awake; I use Red Bull for concentration. Right, on that note, I better get back to work! Enjoy your week!

Photos: One of my work-spaces & my tally chart of the papers I’ve read this week.