(˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶) 안건호 as the down bad guy chasing the girl he loves with a text and a dream (literally)…
🎀 when a girl misses school one day, she needs her homework and when she needs her homework, she’s gets the number to the guy in her class with it. and when a guy is hopelessly pining on a girl, he does whatever it takes. but when numbers get mixed up, feelings soon do too and realisations are made. so, can his dream girl finally fall for him, even if it was by accident?
(.◜◡◝) ❤︎ OR ALTERNATIVELY, can 건호 get his girl when given the chance?
💬 blackcat!fem!reader x sunshine!downbad!keonho fluff slow burn crack angst reader plays hard to get (#can’tbeeasy) keonho is extremely down bad reader doesn’t know how to manage her feelings mentions of cortis members and younghocrew !
⤷ ✿ riri’s notes ! (˶˃⤙˂˶) randomly thought of this while talking about smaus with my girls (younghocrew i love you) and honestly wanted to try out an smau series! this was pretty fun to make honestly, i hope you guys enjoy it cause i’m breaking my hiatus to do this. hugs and kisses, mwah!
➜ (´ ˘ `) MASTERLIST
YOUNGHOCREW + YOUNGCREATORCREW: PROFILES
1. RANDOMS ON THE RUN
2. YO CHAT WE BALLIN’
3. Pack It Up Bro…
4. IS THE MIC ON?
5. SYBAU JUSEYO
6. NO PAIN NO GAIN
7. YO CHAT THE BALL GONE
8. YOUNGCREATORCREW AFTER BADDIES
9. WHO GETTIN’ SLIMED TONIGHT
10. YOUNGHOCREW AFTER IDIOTS
11. “DELETE ALL FEELINGS”
12. ION EEN CUR FO REAL
13. I(D)Gaf FINAL BOSS
14. *EVERYONE LEAVES*
15. Ok…*no correlation meme*
16. Don’t Even joke Lad…
17. #ihatemybf with a dash of Flirt
18. FUCK IT WII BALL
19. LOVER BOY ERA
20. HOW TO GET (ACCIDENTAL) FINE SHYT
(bonus) 21. TOOK IT TO THE EMAILS
AS OF MAY 13TH, this is an ongoing series, all requests to be tagged on the series will be taken here. requests will not be accepted after EPISODE 20.
unemployedFinalbosses that are waiting for the fic (lose your job and sanity to apply) @ramenoil @julesheh @tateholic @i-kai @aftermoontea @w0narchy @cookeyy @amoressb @k-oimani1 @miuwoniz @liliikkuma @ririzrecs @eohyeons @yeppiz @unakbb @leaderwon @kristynaaah @seombaby @sunoomisu @jellywichu @akarireadss22 @09zpzkeonnss @cherishmoka @emotiandon @realseanshady @fshiwore @lovuimuse @nichozzystuffs @ivehan @coconhovr @meeoowchi @dandeliongraveyard @soulskiu @ykvdani @young2keu @chrmedbyjju @kienhawon @coergene @mikienreverie @liove-madl @finalgirlmars @soupysnoopy1 @lowkhyeon @cortismysunshines @reysblr @chocom0ka @ookkwegetit @hoszhe @delirioastral @ddolleri
ONLY AT J4EYXN, terms and condtions apply, like seriously ts one of a kind.
syn. after months of ghosting your trainee situationship, you finally decide to reach out during their live in weverse at 2 am.
warnings&contains. separate fiction from reality, situationship, no angst, idol x idol au, ignorance, "almost", not proofread writing, intended lowercase writing, 2.4k+ words
2:08 A.M.
seonghyeon sluggishly reads the time on his phone, trying to think of some lines for a sample that martin is producing in their studio.
they're currently doing a live in weverse, and seonghyeon is also trying to fight the urge to sleep.
"martin, you're so cute." martin reads a comment, grinning from ear to ear while doing so. seonghyeon ends up pulling himself out of the frame to make a face, and sure enough martin starts cackling at his reaction.
"eom seonghyeon, go home." he reads another comment out loudly to provoke further, and it just worsens seonghyeon's desire to head back and leave him behind.
they both sit in pleasant silence before martin's jaw suddenly drops, not even being subtle about what he's seeing.
"what?" seonghyeon asks, barely audible for the fans watching but enough for the other to hear.
martin gestures a side-eye while the atmosphere in the studio thickens. the suspense is making seonghyeon creeped out, so he cocks an eyebrow in confusion.
the blonde still doesn't say anything while opening a tab on their computer and starts typing—a half smile shown on his face to keep the tension less suspicious.
'i think the one who commented that was y/n' the text on the monitor says.
something immediately shifts in seonghyeon upon reading that, though his face remains neutral—his shoulders are starting to feel stiff now.
seonghyeon is profoundly hit with a wave of reminiscence during his trainee days, where you and him had somewhat made a bond that's far from what normal friends do, but less than what lovers do. it wasn't confusing nor was it depicted as serious for you both—it was just there.
a situationship? maybe.
seonghyeon takes a moment to process before unlocking his phone and opening the weverse app, making sure he's out of the camera from the live.
martin proceeds with whatever he was initially doing, bringing up other topics to distract the fans from the prolonged silence just earlier.
for a whole year and a half, martin was accustomed to listen through seonghyeon's never ending rambles about your interactions with him—it was always baffling to hear.
he still recalls how seonghyeon would fanboy once you're out of the studio they practiced at, or how his ears turned into a shade of pink and a small smile crept on his face whenever you passed by him down the hallways.
despite working in the same building, you've never once ran into seonghyeon since their debut. ever.
you were voluntarily avoiding him, and consistently made the excuse of not wanting rumors to spread right after their debut.
having said that, you thought he wouldn't mind much since there was nothing serious going on between you and him.
on the other hand, seonghyeon did forget about it until the promotions stopped.
the last time he heard from you was when you congratulated him before the debut happened.
it felt odd. he has your number saved, but there are absolutely zero messages exchanged. before, mostly prank calls happened whenever you couldn't sleep during the night.
so why would you comment on their weverse live now? even worse, how did martin figure out that it was you?
while scrolling through the countless comments on their live, a notification bar suddenly appears on his phone.and thank gosh he has silent mode on.
y/n | 2:14 A.M.
→ hi
→ haha, martin read my comment
→ i saw that the light of ur studio is on, thought i'd drop by to say hi
seonghyeon's eyes widen a bit, straightening himself on the chair while staring at your message.
martin turns to look at him, a brow raised while his hands precariously rest on the keyboard. from that alone, seonghyeon is already holding back a smile unconciously.
martin scoots closer so he can peek at seonghyeon's phone, and his jaw drops a second time with eyes wider than ever.
"shoot your shot, what are you doing?" the blond whispers, and seonghyeon just smiles while his stare lingers on the screen showcasing your messages.
their faces are both out of the frame, so no one has a clue on what they're fussing about.
meanwhile, your phone buzzes while you're hanging around the lobby nearby their studio, and seonghyeon's name pops up.
seonghyeon | 2:16 A.M.
→ hello to u too
→ it's late, you should come in
you swear you could laugh at his boldness. they're having a live and he wants you to come in?
it takes you a full minute to think of something to say. after all, you embarrassingly took ten minutes to deliver the first few messages you sent.
it's ironic. how can you show up at a workday late at night after ghosting him since debut?
y/n | 2:17 A.M.
→and start a rumor..
→no thanks lol
→tell martin he's cute though!
seonghyeon | 2:17 A.M.
→ why not? also I'm not telling him that
→ and you commented for me to go home
→ miss me?
→ *deleted a message*
that deleted message did not go unseen by you. other than the surprise you have from how fast he replied, the text he unsent made you even more perplexed.
you didn't have anything to say, it already felt awkward after seeing that.
pursing your lips into a tight line, you switch apps to weverse and click on their live again to see whatever he's doing. with volume down, of course.
seonghyeon is suspiciously out of the frame, only a glimpse of his shoulder is seen beside martin.
although martin keeps looking back at him as if they're both anticipating something.
it's two in the morning, and the halls carry an eerie aura that somewhat feels like a horror movie. only a few lights are flicked on and distant sounds of music leaking through the doors can be heard while you're sitting in the lobby with a fogged mind.
you stare longingly at your screen, both thumbs hovered over your phone tentatively.
sleepiness will come as an excuse later on.
y/n | 2:20 A.M.
→ yeah, i do
→ what's your solution mister eom?
and sent. you immediately switch back to their live for reaction purposes.
there you see seonghyeon remains out of frame, but martin's face is as well—he's in an awkward position on his seat, presumably to peek at whatever seonghyeon's phone has.
it's your conversation with him, no doubt.
you silently watch them both with a wave of drowsiness starting to get to you. you don't know what you're trying to achieve.
thankfully adrenaline is helping you stay awake; the 'i want to see seonghyeon' adrenaline.
you started calling it that if a sense of nostalgia hits you whenever you scroll through past pictures from trainee days, because you were always beside seonghyeon during group workshops.
you both did duo hand poses, or similar facial expressions—either silly or attempting to look cool. you just randomly miss those times.
there's no response until now, so you decide to give up on whatever banter you had going on and head back to your dorm.
right when you stood up and is just about to pass by their studio, their door suddenly opens. you froze on the spot.
you could already tell from your peripherals that it was seonghyeon. no doubt.
turning to look at who, you're met by a familiar presence who's leaning on the door frame. he looks surprised at first, then his face immediately turns smug—which was not a good thing.
"this is my solution, miss (last name)." a raspy tone escapes from his mouth. you swear you want to run away and pretend this never happened.
"i suggest you go back to entertaining your live, eom." you say, returning the nature of his intentions.
"we ended it." martin suddenly pops up from behind, a wide grin on his face.
you stood still, breath hitching from the betrayal you just felt from the six footer.
"so?" you feign a look of disinterest, not wanting to involve yourself. although you started this.
"so, come in, obviously?" seonghyeon persists, shoving martin out from behind him and opening the door wide for you to follow inside.
looking at him while you maintain eye contact, a surge of unfamiliar feelings rise in your stomach, so you immediately dart your irises somewhere else. "do i have a choice?"
"it's two a.m., and you're already here." seonghyeon reasons with you, and you let out a sigh in defeat.
"fine."
deliberately entering their studio with small steps, you look around the hallways beforehand in case someone else might be witnessing this whole thing.
the door clicks shut behind you, and you're met with the setting of their studio. it looks just like yours, as it is with every other studio in this building.
the only light source is from the monitor and two warm-colored lamps illuminating the room.
martin sits in front of the working computer with headphones on and a mic beside him. a couch rests right behind.
various stuff decorates their studio as well, like a box of the minecraft TNT, a lineup of different instruments, and a few small plushies.
"it's not much." he denies, looking at you, then to martin.
"nice." you compliment with a low voice, remaining stiff with a straight stance at the corner of the room.
seonghyeon stands beside you with a decent gap, chuckling at what you said.
martin removes his headphones and spins the chair to face towards you and seonghyeon.an awkward silence fills the room with back and forth stares.
"why are you so silent, (name)? you used to comment about every single thing you see." martin laughs, standing from his seat.
"oh... I guess." you vaguely respond with a nervous laugh, pressing yourself further onto the corner you're in.
"I'll go back down to get some snacks. perfect time to reconcile, lovebirds." martin says teasingly, hastily leaving the studio.
all you can do is internally curse.
you and seonghyeon stare at each other with silence filling up the air the moment martin leaves.
"so..." he clears his throat.
"so," you copy, trying to dig up something to say.
"sorry, it's kind of...weird. I know." he speaks up, moving to sit on the chair martin once occupied.
he turns to look at your state and how you're compressing yourself against the corner of the wall.
"what?" you ask, avoiding his stare.
seonghyeon starts laughing, and you can feel your cheeks heat up from the sudden sound.
annoying action, breathtaking laugh. as always.
what are you even saying?
"why are you just standing there? sit over here." he points towards the couch.
you take a while to gather your composure and end up relentlessly sitting on where his fingers gestured.
seonghyeon doesn't turn a blind eye on your behavior, he's blatantly noticing on how wary you're acting.
"congrats on your recent comeback." leaning back on the couch, you cross your arms and look up at the ceiling in attempts to avoid his gaze.
"thanks. we have a lot on our plate lately."
"that's normal."
another intense wordless moment passes by, and your stomach is beginning to do these unpleasant feelings of it churning, or tightening.
"seonghyeon—"
"(name)—"
the words die on your tongue the moment he speaks in unison with you while staring at each other dumbfoundedly—as if you and him are distinctively thinking of the same thing.
"gosh. let me speak first." you inhale deeply, a rush of adrenaline load your senses. "i don't know why I'm here, I don't know why i texted you— i mean i literally ghosted you for nearly a year, and i-"
without a second thought, amidst your panicked maunder, you hear the wheels of the spinning chair seonghyeon sat on moving and before you knew it, he had pulled you in for an abrupt embrace.
"hyeon, what are you—"
"do you know how many times i wanted to text you?" he softly asks, his hand laid on your head gently while resting it against his chest. the other loosely wraps around above your shoulder, cautiously trying to not move it carelessly.
you're speechless. it feels like you've short-circuited and turned illiterate.
remaining rigid, you bite back any impulsive actions.
what's worse is that you're enjoying this while being guilty, and it seems like he is too.
the faint sound of the air conditioner buzzing with the cool air escaping and hitting your body right on time, you end up giving into the warmth he's offering and shift a little to comfortably rest your torso against his. his arms are fully wrapped around you now, while heat prickles up onto your nape.
a frown rests on your face, still trying to look reluctant despite your current situation saying otherwise.
"...aren't you going to ask?" your voice muffles through the soft fabric of his navy blue jacket.
seonghyeon lets out a hum, instinctively pulling you closer. you hesitantly place your arms on his back to at least reciprocate whatever he's doing.
"no, i think you being here explains enough." he breathlessly laughs against your hair, and your lips twitch from trying to not smile like an idiot.
this is bad.
moving a bit to steal a glance at him, you see how close the proximity between your faces are. you quickly lower your head back down.
seonghyeon doesn't fail to realize this, so he uses his hand to lightly gesture your head back up and turn to look at him. this is the closest you've ever been with seonghyeon.
this was not the arms touching gesture, or the head leaning slightly on your shoulder gesture he did back then. this is seonghyeon literally hugging you, and one movement could possibly result into anywhere on your faces touching.
eyes meeting with his, you look like you're melting into both his stare and his touch. unlike you, he looks composed and calm.
which is embarrassing.
he doesn't break eye contact at all while he's slowly leaning towards you, and is nearly reaching to rest against your forehead.
your heart feels like it's about to physically pop out of your chest, and your stomach is doing a bunch of flips that doesn't make this any better. heat is arising from your toe to head, and you're aware there is definitely no backing out now.
he's about to—
the door suddenly clicks open and you push seonghyeon away as fast as you can before anyone can see the monstrosity you and him were about to do, making yourself lay face flat onto their couch in shame.
seonghyeon didn't make any attempts to pull away so he's left there on his spot once the door opens and martin reveals himself with a chocolate bar and a bottle of pocari sweat.
the blonde only looks at you curled up on their couch questionably while seonghyeon looks like he's about to throw a fit.
— ᨳଓ𝓀eonho starting his summer almost running over a ridiculously pretty girl? perfect! That ridiculously pretty girl being his new swim coaches sister? not so perfect!
warnings: reader got a lil rude, boys being dumb, reader is txt sobbing sister, cursing, TikTok ahh memes, implied asian reader
hi :3 its my first pic on this account lettuce clap! this is a multi series story im gonna have fun with so lmk if you guys like it or should I shut my ass up!
half written half smau
001 002
you can do it, you can do it
keonho repeated in his head as he sat in his driveway, hands on the steering wheel of his dads brand new SUV which only added more to his nerves, knowing he'd get his ass beat if something were to happen to his baby (the car)
he begins to back out when suddenly a figure appears in his mirror oh shit
keonho slams on the brakes and curses, hopping out the car to see a girl and a bag full of oranges spilled all over the sidewalk "What the hell dude?"
he stared at the girl who wore a dejected look on her face, the frills on her skirt suddenly looked sad too "oh uh...shit I'm sorry I wasn't looking"
"You started to drive without looking...?" you gave him a blank look
the boy who nearly ended your life and wasted your oranges wore a stupid look on his face, raising his stupidly thick eyebrows that you were lowkey jealous of
god forbid a gal walks to the market every once in a while
"It's my first time driving alone! I was nervous..." he threw his hands up as if he almost got ran over
"and I'm nervous for anyone you encounter once you make it out the driveway" you shoot him a glare and bent down to gather the oranges "I was gonna eat the fuck out of these oranges dude"
"do you want money or...are you hurt?" he scratched his head, feeling guilty he messed up the pretty girls day and her oranges
part one - part two - part three - part four - part five
pairing: cortis member!james x katseye member!reader
warnings: angst, mentions of virginity loss (no smut), break up make ups, making out mentioned, you guys lowkey can’t get over each other
a/n: my request are open for stray kids, nct (any unit), riize, enhypen, seventeen, tws, boynextdoor, ateez, cortis, txt, nexz, tbz, &team
this is based off back to friends by sombr
since you guys were first introduced by your mutual friend jihoon you were embarrassingly attracted to james.
james felt the same, but neither of you would’ve admitted it if jihoon hadn’t repeatedly teased the two of you, which led to you guys having the shy conversation that started your relationship.
you guys were together through his late trainee a era and would go on secret dates with each other every opportunity you got no matter how late it was.
however, that only lasted up until your dream academy era as you two became long distance and rarely had time to talk, you felt bad for never having time for him, but he always reassured you and understood how busy and stressful it must be for you.
once you made the debut lineup the stress multiplied, you barely had any time to rest.
you realized you couldn’t do the long distance anymore, so you called him late one night to call it off since you guys could rarely keep in contact anymore, but, of course he understood as you sobbed into the phone, and he comforted you reassuring you that you guys could always get back together when the time is right.
neither of you wanted to end the call that night.
your chest was aching when you finally did and you couldn’t stop crying as you knew it was for the best but you wanted to take it all back.
the whole week after the breakup you couldn’t even fake a smile as you felt so empty not being able to text and call him all the time you’re free.
even three months after the breakup, your members would occasionally notice your face being puffy from crying during the night, but they try not to pry as they understand you’re experiencing your first breakup after an almost two-year relationship.
once your group debuted, you sucked it up and focused on spending time with the girls and fans.
you and james would occasionally text each other just basic messages like “congrats on your debut,” “happy birthday,” “merry christmas,” “happy new year.” and every one of those messages started short conversations.
in your free time, you guys started gaming together as you recently forced him to start a minecraft world with you, but even with the amount of hours that you two spend on the game he was your little secret.
when your group flies to seoul to promote your debut album, you just so happen to land back in his arms after you told your members you were just visiting a friend after practice.
you guys keep it as casual as possible, even if “casual” is cuddling and making out every time you two are in the same city.
it wasn’t until he was finally set to debut that everything changed.
it was around december when your group had their break for the holidays.
you decided to fly to seoul with yoonchae that same friday since you and james had planned to spend the weekend together.
he had been busy with his trainee schedules, so you guys barely texted lately, but he had that whole weekend free, and he promised he’d make it up to you.
you knew he was under a lot of stress and would simply call to listen to you talk and not say much as it helped him sleep so you really wanted that weekend to be fun and stress-free for him.
when you arrived at his dorm, he was the only one there as the other trainees in his dorm went home to visit their families.
as the door opens james doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you.
“i missed you,” he says muffled into your neck, and he doesn’t move for a minute, which makes you smile softly, wrapping your arms around his neck, inhaling the smell of his shampoo that you love.
“i bought you a christmas gift,” you smile softly “and snacks.”
“really?” he smiles as he looks down at the bags in your hand and takes them from your hands so you don’t have to carry anything.
“of course?” you say as you walk to the kitchen to give him a snack haul of the ramen, pastry buns, chips, and ice cream you bought.
“i’d accept a tummy ache for you,” he smiles, wasting no time grabbing the chips.
you guys decide to get comfy on the couch as he turns the tv on, and you insist on picking the anime, which inevitably leads to you two watching a cheesy romance that neither of you pay attention to as you just catch up.
“i’ve met so many fans lately i feel like a celebrity,” you smile softly.
“you ARE a celebrity bro?” he laughs.
you talk about a whole bunch of nothing while you’re just mindlessly massaging his scalp.
“i want to give you your gift,” he says relaxed, and he slides out of your arms and heads off to his room before coming back with a box, and you pull out his gift which a similar box.
when you guys exchanged the boxes, you realized you both got each other the exact same silver hermes bracelet, which had you guys laughing a bit too hard as you casually pecked his lips, which was normal for friends, right?
it was normal to the both of you at least.
as you were fastening the bracelet on your wrist, he just watched your features with the way your eyes crinkle when you laugh, the way your glittery lip gloss shines, the way your hair sits perfectly framing your face.
you were mesmerizing and right when you turn to him catching his gaze he crashes his lips onto yours and that starts a make out session a lot different from the other ones and you get lost in the kiss.
in the heat of the moment, you two cross a line that changes your relationship.
he knows he shouldn’t have initiated it when you two are just supposed to be friends but as you laid on his chest with that afterglow he just watched you knowing this was probably going to be the end of you two in whatever this situation was.
he doesn’t want this to end, but he knows you both crossed a line as he stares up at the ceiling holding you tight knowing you’d probably run.
as expected, when you woke up the next morning, he was still asleep and everything from the night before registered and panic flooded your thoughts and you grabbed your things and snuck out embarrassed.
as you were leaving you were texting your friend eunchae asking to stay over at her dorm until your flight the next day and she gladly lets you come over.
while you’re there you told her everything as you tried to distract yourself at all costs, but after a while your phone goes off.
you group members were constantly texting you wanting to check on you, and you’d just text a simple “i’m fine guys” and you fly back to cali and decide to spend your time off in your room to process while the other girls are away with friends and family, but sophia doesn’t hesitate to come and check on you.
“did something happen with you and james?” she asks softly setting the bag of food she brought for you down.
“we went too far,” you say shamefully, grabbing the to-go box of chicken and fries she brought, and she slowly processes your words: “too far?”
you take a bite of the chicken, opting to eat the ache in your chest away. “we had sex.. it was both our first time” you slump, too embarrassed to make eye contact.
sophia’s eyes widen “WHAT?” she gasped, putting a hand over her mouth as she assumed maybe you guys argued or something, but never that.
“how do you feel? are you okay?” she asks, to which you numbly shrug.
“i don’t know how i’m supposed to feel right now, i just left the morning after without waking him up..” you say feeling bad for how it went down.
“i guess i’m just accepting that this is the end of an era i need to focus on my career.”
“that’s best” sophia nods.
she decides to stay home for the night so you’re not alone and you two just eat and watch a netflix original series to get your mind off of james.
could a netflix show stop you from thinking of him though?
𓏲𝄢 ⠀𝗌𝗎𝗆.⠀⠀you blame your friends. and also your desire for clout, but mostly your friends—and especially their podcast. one accidental confession and a disastrous tweet from your mega-crush later, and now all of stan twitter is out for your blood. you’re just trying to survive the backlash, but when martin keeps finding excuses to cross your path, pretending this was all a mistake gets a whole lot harder.
𝖺𝗅𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗇𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗏𝖾𝗅𝗒──you confess on a niche podcast that your romance song was written for martin, never expecting it to blow up—and now your life is pretty much ruined. or… maybe not?
𝖼𝗐.⠀⠀( 🩹 ) unrealistic industry online harassment/toxic stan twitter sasaeng mentions creative burnout sunsun agenda ug artist!rea non-idol!illit & non-idol!enhypen smau + written mostly very silly light angst
𝗇𝗈𝗍𝖾.⠀⠀( 🎹 ) ok yay supa long smau series 🤞 starting off strong on this blog enjoy ♡ updates aren't set by date but i'll try to keep them consistent ;p
𝒾. loud as hell on da creek
𝒾𝒾. HWAITING
𝒾𝒾𝒾. Swear On Minju's Life
𝒾𝓋. standing on business!
𝓋. WE ARE SO BACK
𝓋𝒾. copium
𝓋𝒾𝒾. Spam W in the Chat
𝓋𝒾𝒾𝒾. LET HIM COOK!
𝒾𝓍. nothing but net
𝓍. midnight magic rizz ?!
𝓍𝒾. Absolute Cinema
𝓍𝒾𝒾. Keep it Undacover
𝓍𝒾𝒾𝒾. Swear On God
𝓍𝒾𝓋. it's joever.
𝓍𝓋. IDGAF WAR #LOSER
𝓍𝓋𝒾. WE ARE SO BACK (2)
𝓍𝓋𝒾𝒾. To Be Determined
𝓍𝓋𝒾𝒾𝒾. No matter what situation you're in, misery and happiness exist at the same time.
ANY UNCREATIVE HOE CAUGHT STEALING WILL BE PUBLICLY HUMILIATED 🫵 some banners by @uzmacchiato
PLEASE VIEW IN DARK MODE.
˚₊‧꒰ა MARTIN EDWARDS × FEM!READER ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
#FEATURING a (bullied) yufan, iroha as a child of divorce, & the 09z....gtfo lil bro 😹😹
⏝ ( gggg. ) 🎹 ⑅₊゜ SOCIAL MEDIA!AU FLUFF HUMOR SLIGHT ANGST (HERE & THERE), UNDERGROUND/ASPIRING ARTISTS!READER & MARTIN (non-idol!au) EXES2LVRS!AU music used as a form of communication (or the lack thereof)
< ⊹₊ 🌤️ ⋆. w !!!> KYS/KMS JOKES, martin's kind of a shitty ex 😬 crashouts (multiple), swearing (duh), food (?), both reader and martin are stupid asf, james is called unc in some occasions so I apologize 😹 if one of you is plotting on your ex, don't do it 🥹 this is fiction 🥹 take all ur frustrations out here 🥹 [MORE TBA.]
( SYNOPSIS. ) after 1.5 years (almost; yes, you're counting) of radio silence, a divorced friend group and a graveyard in your camera roll, the last thing you were betting on was your fuckass immature ex sending you voice notes; his voice choked-out, muffled by passing cars and regret.
# LINK 2 T𝒜GLIST
NOTES & AUTHOR'S ADDITIONS (please read)
this fic is inspired by the intro of KNOW YA by TY DOLLA $IGN, my growing music taste, a stupid new hobby and my love for dominic fike 💞
the public twts of all artist characters are inspired by existing artist twts (ie. feng, fakemink & bronclair)
while writing this fic, I noticed some tropes and reoccurring themes that coincidentally matched with @j-jinxee 's martin fic “beat by mars” as well 🥹🙏 i haven't read it yet but wanted to shout her out here, please check her fic out!
AS OF [08.01.2026], this fic is INCOMPLETE. it will be updated irregularly, so please bare with me 🥹🙏
since I will be including songs from existing artists in this fic to "mimic" the characters releasing those titles instead; and I can't tailor existing produced and completed songs— I want to make it clear that ANY SUGGESTIVE/SEXUAL LYRICS IN THE SONGS PROVIDED IN THIS FIC ARE NOT MEANT TO BE PART OF THE FICTIONAL SONGS THE CHARACTERS WRITE/PRODUCE.
the songs provided are only inserted to help readers feel included in the energy/vibe of the discography; and to feel the creative progression of the fic itself. PLEASE IGNORE ANYTHING SEXUAL AND ONLY TAKE EVERYTHING TO A ROMANTIC EXTENT. this is extremely important because I do NOT write nsfw, and martin and reader are meant to be teenagers.
SYNOPSIS It’s time to start filming, and yet your members still seem to hate you (except one, he’s been acting a little weirder though) whatever, at least you have an air fryer now. (wc. 18.4k)
swearing, mildly crude language, mention of injury.
INFORMATION this chapter is much more cheerful than the last, a few bits of angst sparkled here and there, mentions of past trauma, early stages of friendship beginning to bloom (reader just doesn’t realise it) the word ‘action’ is said at least a hundred times.
SERIES MASTERLIST.
IT'S VERY HARD TO BE PART OF A GROUP THAT HATES YOU.
"Do you mind running faster for this scene?"
You stiffly nodded towards the director, staying still as a stylist fixed up the messy bun they did on you that morning. Pieces of your hair had managed to get loose while you were running, sticking to the back of your neck while the hot sun showered it's scorching rays upon you. The concrete beneath you absorbs the humidity, almost sending it back to you as you stand by.
'GO!' took priority for being filmed first as it was your pre-debut track.
You ignore the way Martin and Juhoon's eyes flickered to you immediately after the director asked you that question, the corners of their eyebrows twitching up in annoyance.
You've learned to not care for it anymore.
You watched the preview of the clip with the guys.
"We should go all the way through…" James had remarked, readjusting his hoodie. Martin nodded next to him, his eyes deathly focused onto the screen.
Just as you were about to nod, the stylist presses hard on a particularly sharp bobby pin, poking the back of your skull. It stings for a few seconds, the area it had ran through feeling irritated. She readjusts another clip in the same area–a smiley face on it staring back at you as she brings out a mirror for you to check.
You touch it briefly, not wanting to complain as the director started ushering you back.
You stand close to Keonho, squeezing your right eye shut as the sun reflected on the garage doors close by. He doesn't bother saying anything to you as you get ready, watching the car as the stuntman drove through. The faint smell of smoke and gasoline runs through the air–you partially thought it was because the place was near an abandoned gas station.
Los Angeles can't get any hotter, you think.
You had all been awake since six, getting driven to the makeup studio while also getting fussed over repeatedly by the stylists. Apparently they couldn't make up their mind for what you were supposed to wear until last minute.
Your outfit is a slim green Hollister hoodie paired with baggy jeans. The real highlight is the odd handkerchief hanging around the jeans' waist–colourful drawings ranging from badly drawn stars to animals, with the added CORTIS logo at the side.
It's clear to be promo for your merch line, and they had already said you'd be paid extra if you wore it. You didn't have a problem with that, but your parents would probably snatch up the money before you could do anything about it.
The scene is easy enough to shoot–'Just look like you're partying' is what one of the directors had said to you before they started filming. It's done after two tries, so you all move quickly to the next location.
You sit down on one of the portable chairs close by, letting the electric fan's air blow on the parts of your neck that felt like they were overheating. It's an old and janky one, which made you worry whenever it turned on. You honestly thought it would've exploded in your face after three uses, but here you were four years later.
You let the air run under your hoodie, pulling at the fabric to create space. You weren't sure why production thought wearing long sleeves in this weather was a good idea.
You were a little envious that Seonghyeon was the only one out of you to have just a singlet on, although then again they did have slather copious amounts of sunscreen onto him before putting it on, so maybe you weren't that jealous.
Keonho and him stood by the corner of a garage, the camera held above their hands as they did a handshake no one taught you.
You had watched them do it a hundred times, and yet you couldn't find it in you to even be slightly bitter.
The next scene is shorter–Keonho, James, and Martin stood close to a camera pointing right down at them. They were in a pose they had planned out months ago–from before you were even part of the group. Keonho and Martin would be laying loosely over James' shoulders while bending slightly backwards. The music playing was a modified version of the actual song, the voices playing through the speaker sounding like grainy old men rather than six teenagers.
Even though it was to prevent any spoilers from getting out, you still couldn't help but cringe slightly whenever you lip synced to it.
The pose looked more awkward in real life, but the camera was supposed to make it look 'cooler' apparently.
Seonghyeon and Juhoon sat down on benches far away from you, talking about some other thing while you spaced out, watching James lipsync.
The music video was supposed to be a fair share of screen time for everyone–you had your own solo part, where you would be rapping lyrics you had poured countless hours over for just five lines. It didn't seem like much, but all the other parts in the music video you were kind of just in the background for, so even having screen time at all felt almost scarce.
The next scene is James running through the road, holding up a random car plate while the cameraman moves with it. It's done quickly enough.
You wrap up filming and move to another location–one where you could see the sea. The faint taste of salt in your mouth almost distracts you while the waves on the shore crash into one another before dissipating back into the sea.
Again you're running.
That seemed to be a perfect theme for a song called 'go'.
"You need to group up but don't block each other–let's just keep the spacing right and try one more time."
Acting like you're having fun is very easy, you concluded after looking at the scene preview.
The director applauds at your acting, saying that you were a natural.
You don't know if he means it genuinely, or because he knows what really happens behind the scenes. The guys around you let out dry laughs as you accept the compliment.
If you could do it while filming the documentary, you could do it now.
"We have to run up from there?" Juhoon points at the steep hill close by, James and Keonho walking over with a few assistants.
The assistants are dressed in neon yellow vests, a uniform basically.
A stylist comes up to you with a tube of tinted sunscreen, applying it to your neck as you continue to let the fan blow.
The hill is steep enough to the point where something could genuinely start rolling down. A part of you wants to take out the skateboard for your scene already, but the director and staff would never allow that.
You all walk to the slant where you would all be running from, waiting for your cue to start.
"Action!"
The word puts everyone in motion, their heavy breathing almost right next to your ear.
The shot looks a bit awkward…
Seonghyeon had been lagging behind, saying that his shoe was coming off in the midst of it, and the end where you all stood still in front of the camera just didn't look right.
"You should have the vibe where you don't know where you're going next, like 'where are we?' that kind of thing."
You redo it as per the directors orders.
A little bit later, you're all standing in the shade.
At this point, your mini-fan had become part of you. The lanyard was now loosely tied to your belt loop, but because it matched your outfit, the stylists allowed it.
It turns out you shouldn't have been too envious of Seonghyeon–his arms had begun to start turning red. Even though you had only been in the sun for two hours, his pale skin was beginning to look tanner by the second. A red flag should've been the holes in the singlet–when they pulled it back, red spots were starting to form where the holes had been, leaving his back looking like a polka dotted fabric.
They applied sunscreen over his shoulders, telling him to cool down for a bit.
Following immediately after that scene is the throwing clip.
In the original music video, the guys had thrown stuff at a car while the camera was inside, displaying everything they hurled at the front window.
The staff handed you a few odd things–a small drink with green liquid and for some reason a piece of bread with expired jam.
You and Keonho would be the first ones out, tossing the liquids onto the window while everyone came after.
As soon as the jeep starts moving, you and Keonho toss the liquids onto the window at the same time, the substances mixing with eachother while splashing almost everywhere. You try not to bump into him as you run to the other side, watching your step as the jeep comes forward.
"If you're done throwing, come refill!" The director yelled out through his megaphone.
You weren't sure how they hadn't gotten some type of noise complaint yet, all that came after.
Despite all of your efforts of throwing, none of the items actually stuck other than a few cheerios near the window shields, and your piece of bread pathetically sliding down the side.
A staff member comes back with a junk box, filled to the brim with random items of clothes, ribbons, and somehow even more food.
You and Keonho kept your original liquids, having switched out the foods for a sock or two.
The behind the scenes camera captures everything–how slow the actual car was going, how rough the guys had thrown the items.
As soon as the clip was finally deemed perfect, everyone moved underneath the portable gazebo, the staff reapplying even more sunscreen. You and Juhoon happened to be the only ones safe from the only ever increasing heat, only having to apply some on your hands.
Somehow the cameraman had turned it into a running joke–zooming in on your fingers while the stylists around you chuckled.
"They look softer compared to the others." He had simply said.
You don't know how many times you had to run that day.
Each time you all ran together, the guys would laugh around you, trying to keep big smiles on their faces as they ran through the streets.
You find out that you really can act really well.
Like top tier actor material stuff–even though it felt awkward trying to look like you were a part of the group, none of those moments translated into the camera.
You looked like you were genuinely having fun.
That fact annoyed Martin more than anything.
He didn't show it on his face, but his irritation came in the form of tightened fists and forced laughs when watching the previews. Not enough where staff or assistants would notice, but enough to catch the attention of the other members.
You ignored him.
Curse the gods, you think as you approach 'Lightning Express Car Wash'.
Even though your time as a child was spent almost always in a practice room or another vocal space, you absolutely abhorred getting wet while still in clothes. You think back to all the times the older girls used to prank you by sticking a bucket of toilet water at the top of the practice rooms doors, or even at the dorm door.
They even used to do it just as you entered the room, meaning that you would either have to dance for seven hours in wet stinky clothes or leave early and face the consequences. You can't recall the amount of times you had to dance and sing in irritatingly damp clothes, each article of clothing sticking roughly to you as you moved. Sometimes you would even have to hold your breath as you danced–your dance instructor even once teased you for looking like Thanos because you were turning purple.
You would think after two years you would get used to it, but every single time the cold water poured over you, the sensation wrapped around you like a thick layer of ice.
It wasn't just about getting wet either.
You remember after a particularly heavy dance session, you ended up getting sick.
It was in the middle of winter too–the clothes that were supposed to keep you warm and safe had you sneezing and sniffling as you went home.
The next day, you woke up with a bad fever.
The trainees around you didn't care at all.
They just simply got ready and left.
Like it wasn't their faults.
You now sit in the cosmetics trailer, the hair stylist applying pomade to your hair to give you a 'wet' look. He combs out the small pieces around your ears, messing it around until it looked almost wavy.
They didn't want to mess with the bun too much, so the only parts they really touched were the small parts that stuck out. The pieces they had styled at the front of your face were the only things that actually looked damp.
They applied it to everyone, messing up their original hairstyles.
You all wait outside the actual car wash, the team around all of you pouring cold water out of the water bottles they bought hours ago. Your members try to squirm away, scrunching their faces as the water rolled down their backs.
They all let out exaggerated screams and yells.
"Ah, my underwear's soaked." Seonghyeon complained.
"…you didn't need to share that."
After another running scene, the director decides to soak you all in more water.
Cars whip past the you on the street, the LA sun finally seeming to settle. The sky blooms with oranges and a fading blue, showing the change from morning to noon.
You clench your jaw as another staff member pours the water down your hoodie. The handkerchief looked like a sad rag by the end of it, and everytime you walked, the ends of it would smack heavily through your jeans.
"Wait." Seonghyeon had said.
You turned, staring at him with a blank expression.
You looked around for the behind-the-scenes camera, and sure enough it was just ten feet away, recording both of you. Seonghyeon takes the initiative to walk behind you, grabbing the ends of the handkerchief and wringing out the excess water. Your eyes widen a fraction of a second before immediately calming down.
You keep still as the water splashes around your shoes, the kerchief only looking slightly damp now.
This was probably the closest you had ever been to him outside of dance practice. You watch his shadow as his hands carefully place the kerchief to its original position. He does it with such an ease it's hard to believe he hates you.
You look over to the side, the camera watching every single moment of it.
You give it a casual peace sign, acting like it was just an everyday occurrence.
It wasn't.
The cameraman seems satisfied with the footage, giving you both a thumbs up. You both give the lens one last smile. As soon as the camera turned away, Seonghyeon stepped closer and leaned in next to your ear.
"Next time, call a staff over." He muttered before immediately walking away.
This was how it always was.
The manager had told them to act 'kinder' to you on camera, because you were the only girl and the youngest. None of them ever let you respond, but you doubted you would even know what to say.
On screen, they couldn't be any more than the perfect big brothers.
Outside of it, they probably wouldn't have cared less if you suddenly disappeared the next day.
The director approaches you with another storyboard–shit, the tunnel scene was next.
"Let's pick the order with rock-paper-scissors."
Everyone had picked scissors while Juhoon picked paper.
The guys immediately let out a few chuckles, patting his back teasingly as the director dragged him over to the wash tunnel.
Despite being at a car wash, not a single car was in sight.
The setup would be a cart with Juhoon sitting on a stool attached at the end of it, the camera rolling onto the handlebars. Only the camera and cameraman would be covered a large raincoat, leaving Juhoon sitting bare in the car wash's water.
"Action!"
As soon as they turned the jets and spray on, everyone let out gasps or honest 'wow's' as the water trickled everywhere.
You had never been to a car wash, no less been inside of one.
The jet sprays were powerful, creating a loud vacuum sound that could be heard even almost 30 meters away. The camera displayed Juhoon moving through the car wash tunnel like he was at the front of a moving car. Water sprayed out from everywhere, only flashes of white drops teetering around him.
Martin was next, followed by Keonho, and then Seonghyeon.
The water dripped around them like a veil, each of them trying to look cool as they moved through.
You were next.
Your hoodie was still soaked to the bone, leaving you somehow feeling hot and cold. Your skin under the hoodie stuck to it like a wet rag.
You sat down on the stool, looking around the car wash as the cameraman readied up. He had the front of his raincoat clutched in his hands, despite having zipped it all the way up.
The director gives you a thumbs up before you give one back, telling him you were ready.
"Action!"
You regret your choice immediately.
The water drops down onto you like all those times in the JYP and Pledis practice rooms, the faint smell of a soapy bath somehow emitting from the floor. It feels like you're reliving every second of your trainee years, the memories making you swallow thickly.
Their laughter and mocking glances, the way they would 'accidentally' bump into you before complaining that you 'stink'.
At least this time it isn't toilet water.
You don't let your discomfort show on your face, instead flashing the camera dramatic expressions before playfully sticking your tongue out between your teeth, trying to imitate the guys before you. You throw your arms around, playing with your hood and even flashing the camera one last big smile before it ends.
As soon as you finished, you let out a small sigh of relief.
A staff member immediately comes to you with a soft towel, wrapping it around your neck as the director reviews it.
"Good job! James, your turn now!"
You exit immediately.
Your socks and shoes had gotten soaked to the bone despite only being there for a few minutes. The staff usher you into the clothing trailer, giving you the clothes you had given them that morning.
The other guys had already changed out of their wet clothes, all looking more refreshed.
You changed into a fresh pair of sweat-jorts and a baggy hoodie–at least this one kept you warm.
"Good work!" The directors shouted after coming out of the tunnel, several assistants in raincoats while yelling into their megaphones.
You all bowed to the leaving staff members, saying quick 'thank you's' and giving them handshakes.
The rental you were staying in was nice.
This time you got your own room, so you didn't have to worry much about getting interrupted in the middle of the night.
You plopped down into your bed, somehow not tired at all.
Even though you had barely eaten anything that day, you weren't hungry and you definitely weren't sleepy either.
So you stayed up, staring at the moon while cold wind blew through your window.
The next morning, you sit in the makeup studio once again.
It's 6:13 AM.
The sun hasn't fully risen yet, and the air is still as cold as it was last night. The leather on the chair sticks to your skin as you shift around, letting the hair stylist do your hair as always.
"Your eye bags look heavier today." Keonho mumbled in the chair next to you. The stylist was combing through his messed up hair, his bed hair looking more severe than yesterday.
You look over at him in his reflection.
"Did you sleep?" He casually asked.
Your eyes dart around the room for a camera nearby, only for your efforts to leave confusion. There isn't one.
Keonho was genuinely asking you.
You shook your head, unsure what to feel.
In the next two hours, you're all at a rooftop.
Your outfits are all different–instead of a hoodie and jeans, they had given you jorts and a shirt.
Basic, but the backwards cap was supposed to 'tie it all together'.
The scene was basically all of you just dancing and playing around on the rooftop–they had even bought out the 360 camera for a slow motion clip.
A little bit later, you're at another steep hill.
This time it's in the middle of the city, the ocean view no longer in view. Skyscrapers replace the open view, and the faint smell of gas and dust seem to linger.
It was a basic shot–as soon as you ran up the the hill, Juhoon would just pretend to faint in between you and Seonghyeon.
Despite his clear avoidance of you, Juhoon fainted pretty naturally in your arms.
Right after though, he immediately swatted your hands away. Not in a way that showed the staff his clear dislike for you, but just enough for you to get the message.
To his dismay, you ended up having to redo the clip four more times until it looked 'natural'. You had felt the way he tensed up by the third time, still very clearly uncomfortable with your touch.
"Whether we're under the sun or in a car, it's still hot."
You walk for 10 minutes to a small bodega in the middle of nowhere. Your managers get the owners permission to film while you, Juhoon, and James figured out which drinks or foods you would open for the camera. The other guys stood outside near the van, doing whatever they usually did.
You don't realise how long you had been in the heat until the cool air inside hits you immediately. You calm down for a few seconds, but faint smell of a spice and rancid cheese suddenly makes you grimace.
You picked up a small Dr Pepper, walking over and squeezing it in between the two at the counter. The owner scans it immediately, still in deep conversation with your manager.
"You picked..Dr Pepper?" You whirl around, finding James and Juhoon holding up Cokes. He doesn't say it in a judging tone, just pure keenness. Juhoon looks at you with another scrutinising gaze before averting it elsewhere, trying not to get caught by the camera nearby.
You don't know what to make of that.
You simply nodded, letting them pass by you while the manager announced that you could film.
It was a simple shot–pop the drinks in front of the camera and maybe add a few theatrics.
All you really did was shake the drink hard before letting the drink fizz up, a few drops of Dr Pepper suddenly dripping down your elbow. You slightly grimaced, but tried to make it through for the scene.
"Just run on this road…"
You stare out onto another LA road, the skyscrapers and apartment buildings seemingly blocking out every clear view of the sky. The director explains (surprise, surprise) another running shot, telling you all to run in front of the cars they had parked in place. Thankfully the road wasn't busy, if it was filming would've taken another three hours.
A few hours later you were all at a park.
This was where you would be filming your solo scene.
You ended up changing into the same outfits from yesterday, the lavender smell of the laundry detergent still on your hoodie.
You all sat around a table, sharing snacks and acting as if you were all good buddies. The cameraman held the camera almost parallel to the ground, walking around the picnic table. Keonho and Seonghyeon were probably the only ones who interacted with you during that whole scene–passing you a drink or pointing at the kerchief.
At some point though, Keonho had started pouring his drink out onto the grass up until Seonghyeon smacked the liquid right into his face, drops of it splashing onto his long-sleeve. He ended up having to wiping it off with another one of those soft towels.
"This must be how it feels to be in your 40's." James remarked as they attached the camera to him.
To the pedestrians walking by, they probably all thought you guys were crazy, dancing around and acting as if there was some type of party. Even though you had already gotten used to judging stares long ago, you couldn't help but notice their eyes on you like you were some alien.
The behind the scenes camera was persistent–every time you had a break, it would follow all of you around, trying to capture anything it could. You basically had to act the whole time.
"Do you mind..standing closer?"
The director guided you close to James, your right shoulder right behind him. He looks back at you with a side-long glance, turning back around with a blank face.
"Lean over more during the bag shot–put the box under Keonho so he actually looks into the camera…"
Just as you were about to start, Keonho placed his arm over your shoulders.
You froze.
What the hell was he trying to do?
Even though everyone tried to act more casual for the cameras, physical contact felt like a cardinal sin. You could see the behind the scenes camera zooming in at the touch. You internally groan. The editors would have a field day with this.
He leans into your ear. "Act naturally." He whispered, his warm breath blowing slightly against your ear. His smile never leaves his face once. The other members give him a look that he simply shrugs to, mouthing a quick 'just being nice' before looking over at the staff.
You don't respond, instead looking down at the camera inside the bag.
You try to ignore his touch, but you can't seem to.
You can't ignore how the pads of his fingers faintly touched your shoulder, or how his forearm grazed the back of your neck like it was the most natural thing in the world.
James would be the only one lip syncing while you all stood around him, straight faced while looking into the camera.
For some reason, staying straight-faced there was harder than any scene you did.
As soon as the scene finished, Keonho simply unlatched himself from you, walking away to watch the preview.
You ignore the way his touch seems to linger, the hairs on the back of your neck tingling.
Your relationship with Keonho was weird, you realise.
Ever since you had given him your AirPods, it was like a switch had flipped. He wasn't trying to be rude or intentionally avoidant anymore, he just simply let your interactions be.
You think it irked Martin a lot.
"So I just run with this in my mouth?"
Seonghyeon stood in front of the director with the 360 camera, a mouth guard attached to the bottom. The director simply nodded. "Try it on and when you're all ready just start running around."
If Seonghyeon hasn't hated you so much, you would've laughed at him as he tried to navigate the park without anyone's help. Thankfully, he ended up working out how to adjust the angle so that he wouldn't be running around half-blind.
The scenes with the 360 camera were effortless.
It was either even more running around, or setting it up in the middle between all of you as you jumped around it like it was a totem.
A few minutes before your scene was supposed to start, Keonho and Seonghyeon were playing around with the skateboard. A few staff members told Seonghyeon to be careful as he rode it on the pathway, an ever so playful smile on his face. He eventually lost his balance as he rode it down the asphalt.
He passed it onto Keonho, who had now stood on it by the picnic table.
"No jumping." A staff strictly said.
He tried to anyway, his body twitching as he tried to gather the courage to do a trick.
"You were about to jump, weren't you?" The same staff had said when he lost balance.
You had been watching close by, gnawing on your bottom lip as the seconds ticked by.
It wasn't that you were nervous for your scene, quite the opposite actually.
LA was a massive city.
Everyone associated it with the land of the famous, where you swore almost every western teen drama was filmed.
For you, it was the land of discovery.
Even though Covid had hit across the whole world, you found a lot of upsides while living here.
Skateboarding was kind of one of them.
You had tried it a few years ago while recording hundreds of songs, just trying to get by in a foreign country and speaking a foreign language. It became a bit of an outlet for you–if you didn't have inspiration for a new song, or another producer cancelled their session because of Covid troubles, you would walk over to the skatepark nearby and do whatever you wanted.
You can't recall the amount of times you would walk back to the rental with a new scrape on random parts of your body, and somehow no one would stop you. You remember watching hundreds of Tony Hawk videos, trying to imitate the tricks he did even if you could only poorly imitate them.
It didn't matter to you if you couldn't land them exactly as he did, you just wanted to have fun.
LA was like the land of the free, so when an 11 year old with no friends rode through the streets, no one batted an eye.
It was supposed to be freeing.
It was everything an 11 year old who felt empty should've been doing.
You had become quite good at it, but you never truly loved it.
You liked having the rush that went through you every time you landed a new trick, and you especially liked just being out and about.
What you didn't like was how little fun it actually was.
Fun was supposed to be smiles and laughs, not frustration at yourself for not landing a trick right.
Fun was supposed to be good times, so why did you find yourself always blankly staring at the concrete like it was supposed to give you it?
Even if you ended up landing the trick right, you would find another trick and another until it seemed like you couldn't anymore. Nothing could truly fill that hole inside you.
You didn't like how little you enjoyed skateboarding.
If fun was supposed to be frowns and anger, then you didn't want it.
You wanted those little moments of peace and giggles that you saw the skateboarders online had, not the moments where all you could do was copy their movements.
You could try and try every single moment of the day to replicate their tricks, not knowing that you couldn't copy the happiness they had as they performed them.
After you had gone back to Korea, skateboarding ended up becoming nothing but a faint memory.
But now, here you were–back in LA and filming a scene where you rode and even did a trick on one.
You couldn't help but feel nostalgic as you soon as you saw the skateboard, flashbacks to when you were 11 and stupid coming back to you.
As soon as Keonho let go of the skateboard, a directing assistant came over and handed it to you.
"Practice for a little bit–we don't want you getting hurt, y'know." He chuckled, patting you on the back before walking back to a manager. Maybe it's just his foreigner-ness that makes him oblivious of how different he treats you compared to the others.
You stared at the board for a few seconds–it was smaller than the ones you were used to, but you could manage. Details of palm trees and shrubs were slapped onto it, with the back of the board painted white with the South Korean flag at the bottom.
You walked over to an empty space of pavement, stepping up onto the board.
You realise you hadn't touched a board in almost four years.
The time off had gotten you a little sloppy, but after a few minutes of riding and doing some easy tricks, you were already back to your old self.
As soon as a manager called you back, a strange feeling of exhilaration took place inside you. You cut through the pathway with an ease, the same exact way you used to when you were 11 and 12, riding down the streets of LA while the sunset went down.
You come to stop in front of the camera, nonchalantly flicking it up into your hands. A few staff members let out sounds of surprise, some even clapping for a few seconds before going back to their tasks.
"Your first scene will be you launching off of the skate ramp over there–" The director points behind him, making you avert your gaze. "If you want it shorter let us know, but the camera will be right below you so make sure to jump off high."
"This height is fine."
You said while nodding, walking over to the ramp with a new purpose. The height went just mid-thigh–enough to make most people scared, but you had jumped higher.
The camera man lays beneath you, on his back while holding the camera up. His gives you a judging glance while he shifts uncomfortably underneath you.
Maybe you should tell him that he'll be fine?
No, he's probably had enough of teenagers trying to tell him what makes him comfortable or not.
You stand atop the ramp, waiting for your cue.
The guys stand under the shade, pretending they weren't watching. Only Keonho was keeping his eyes on you, a speck of wondering and curiosity in his gaze.
The scene is done no later than a minute later.
The director explains the next one to you, using exaggerated hand gestures and facial expressions. "The guys will be walking just normally on the path, laughing and doing whatever until you, whoosh–cut through their group with a jump or trick, making them jump back while you do your rap. They'll try to chase after you, but because you have these headphones on, you'll just simply be ignoring them."
You nodded, fiddling with the wheels on the board. A staff member places the headphones on your head, the wires attached to an MP3 player.
"You can either carry it in your hands as a prop, or just have it clipped around your waist."
You decided to keep it in your hands, knowing that you could play with it while still lip syncing. You walk over to your starting point, squinting your eyes as the hot sun seemed to come back. It wasn't as hot as yesterday, and atleast now you weren't constantly running.
"Action!"
The modified version of the track immediately plays through.
You push on your skateboard, rapidly riding down the path. The guys walk in a small group in front of you before you do an 'impossible'.
The trick was something you had practiced hundreads of times–at some point it felt as easy as walking.
You felt a bit nervous, but as soon as you were three feet away from them, you went for it.
You pressed your back foot against the tail of the board, tilting it up and scooping it against that same foot. The action would cause it to spin around the vamp of your shoe, a fancy trick you still found satisfying even now.
The minute you landed straight, you immediately stared into the camera and started lip syncing, holding out the wires of the headphones in a melodramatic fashion. The guys started running after you, their footsteps pounding on the pavement behind you. You could hear their laboured breathing and pretend shouts.
They really were taking this seriously.
The wind blows perfectly onto your skin. Even though the conditions were completely different now, the fleeting memories from back then rush back, flashing through your mind as you acted.
Unlike yesterday, these memories made you feel just a tad bit better.
"Cut!"
You hopped off the board, blowing away a few strands of hair in front of your face that escaped.
The guys encircle the screen with that buzzing energy they always seemed to exude.
You walk over, peeking over Keonho's shoulder as your scene plays.
He moves slightly out of your way, leaning down so that you could see more of the screen.
You don't know whether to thank him or stay silent.
"You look so cool," The director chuckled, pointing at you while looking at the screen with an amused expression. "It's perfect." He gives you the 'OK' sign, patting your back as they moved onto the next scene.
A stylist is immediately on your hair, fixing up the loose strands once again. By this point, it was basically routine.
Juhoon sits beside the camera, testing out how wide his mouth could go.
"Jumping out of Juhoon-hyung's mouth." Martin said, pointing at the camera as it moves to show Juhoon on one knee. You stand behind him as he basically talks to himself, distancing yourself enough so that you looked busy.
"Action!"
You all ran out, jumping off the small box while Juhoon tried his best to keep his mouth wide. You all try to look wild as you jump out, striking really dramatic poses for such short jumps.
"Can we switch who does the wide mouth pose?"
You all stand in the shade, watching the preview clip while Martin asks the director.
"With whom?"
"When we talked about it, I…"
He trails off, but the director seems to get the idea.
You're all standing back in the same positions, only now with Juhoon behind you.
Martin sits beside the camera now, widening his mouth while the director readies everyone for the scene.
Again, you jump out.
The next few minutes are filled with bickering and showing off who had the widest mouth. You stand near a staff member, trying to act like you were busy.
"Your mouth's smaller!"
"Oh wait you've got a big mouth too."
"It's the angle!"
A quick selfie and shoot later, you all crowd around a fruit stand.
You watch in fascination as the vendor cuts up the fruit with a simplicity in his actions that tells you he's done it hundreds of times. It's quick and precise, like a butcher cutting up meat.
Right after though, he sprinkles a red spice that the staff explained was tajin.
"Have you tried it before?" Keonho asks next to you.
You immediately look around for a camera–yep, it's right across from you.
You nodded.
"Seriously?" His eyes seem to widen with even more curiosity than at the skateboard.
You squint for a brief moment. Should you applaud him for his acting skills?
"It's actually pretty good–kind of refreshing too." You mumbled.
He hums, seeming to accept that response. "I'll take your word for it."
The vendor hands you your bowl with a mix of almost everything. The red spice completely contrasts with the lightness of the fruits.
You stab the tooth pick the vendor had handed you into a piece of watermelon, bringing it up into your mouth and letting it cool you down. The salty texture provides a very savoury taste, an explosion of flavours right in your mouth.
Just as you were about to take another bite, your manager shoots you a piercing glare that only ever came out when you did something wrong, making you narrow your eyes. You already knew what that sign meant.
You give the rest to a staff member, telling him that you felt full despite only taking one bite.
The cameraman makes sure to avoid capturing your actions.
Your manager nods in approval. She walks over and whispers into your ear, low enough so that the microphone didn't catch it. "Good job. We don't want you gaining too much weight."
You narrow your eyes once again as she passes by you, watching as the guys took more bites of the fruits.
Unfair treatment like this was always common.
You don't bother complaining, as all those years as a trainee prepared you for it.
Keonho shows the camera the slice of orange he stabbed through with a fork, flexing it like he was on a food channel. He shoves the slice into his mouth, chewing for a few seconds until his face contorted.
"This is…" He doesn't say anymore, his facial expression one of…disgust? Uncertainty? He didn't know either.
"It's very unfamiliar." He says to the camera.
James next to him seems to share the same sentiment. His face is scrunched up, the outer corners of his eyes crinkling as he chewed.
You walk a few steps away, letting them try their fruits.
Seonghyeon feeds Keonho another slice–it doesn't change his mind at all. He gags, trying his best to chew again.
"Do an acrostic poem with Coconut."
A staff member holds up a slice of coconut up, gesturing it as a punishment if Martin failed.
Martin tries to think, but shakes his head soon after. "What the heck starts with co.." he mutters as the staff feeds him the slice, watching his expression as he bites into it.
His reaction is interrupted by someone's gagging in front of him.
"Coconut's weird too!" Keonho retches, holding up a slice of pineapple instead.
You begun to step off to the side.
"How do you find this good?"
You don't register that his question was directed to you until you feel multiple eyes on you. You look up.
"How do you find this good?" He repeats, still chewing lightly on his pineapple.
Your eyes flick over to the camera. "It's good! Maybe you're just grabbing the wrong fruits." You playfully rolled your eyes, walking away while maintaining eye contact with him.
The camera seems to follow your movements though, even as you swipe the skateboard off the floor.
You had just been pushing off random parts of the pavement when you heard a couple of shouts around the playground. You tilted your head. You wandered close by, pushing lightly on your skateboard.
All the guys had decided to pull ups on one of the bars close by, Seonghyeon being right in the middle of James and Keonho as they supported him. The staff cheer everytime he gets one up, clapping and even whistling as he approaches his nth one.
You had known for quite a while that the guys had started working out at the HYBE gym, but as you watched them, it occurred to you that you really didn't know the extent of their strength.
You look down at your arms–you had never really been the type to work out.
Dancing had always been something that seemed like a chore to you, and whenever you did have free time (which was, almost never), it felt weird to use your time for anything other than singing or dancing. Even when you had first started skateboarding, there was this misplaced sense of oddity inside you.
Like you shouldn't have been trying it in the first place.
You had ignored it for the most part, which is why you had come to like it so even now, but now that you were older, that feeling had somehow trickled back into your gut.
You were too used to the confines of the cage your parents had put you in that you couldn't do anything, even when the key was handed to you.
You watch as they all laugh once again, again helping Seonghyeon as he did a one arm pull-up.
Well, that was just the difference between you and them.
They were free because they wanted to be.
You were free because your parents wanted you to be.
"Do you mind not standing so close to me." Martin whispered behind you, still trying to maintain that perfect smile for the camera. His cold breath blows against the back of your ear, making you slightly uncomfortable.
You ignore the snarkiness in his voice. "We're all the same width apart–take it up with the director."
He doesn't respond, only the slightly louder than normal exhale escaping him.
Martin somehow had this idea that everything you did was an offense to him.
If you even breathed near him, he would probably sigh and pinch the bridge of his nose, acting like you specifically wronged him.
You just can't believe his attitude towards you is all because of a girl.
You all stand in a diagonally uniform line, the bright yellow thing in the sky suddenly deciding to come out. You squint very slightly, trying to maintain your composure as one of the assistants gives the okay to record.
"Action!"
The distorted voices play through the speakers–
"Martin…play that beat."
The cameraman zooms into the picture of Martin attached to a basketball before zooming out to all six of you.
You honestly didn't know how many more cuts and shots of the music video you could take.
'Lullaby'
At first, Martin had argued.
He always did.
"I don't want her on this song." He shoots you a scathing look, his bottom lip a bright red from the amount of times he had bit it in retaliation.
You had sat still on the couch, your knees drawn up to your chest. Your eyes were heavy after a week of almost no sleep, and your arms went limp as they loosely wrap around your torso.
James sighs. "I don't want to replace her voice either, but you know we have to. You heard what our manager said–the media is always catching onto everything–"
"I don't care."
Martin's voice is hoarse, filed with spite and somehow hurt. Way too much hurt.
You don't want to look up at him.
"Martin…" James tries to start. He doesn't say anything after that though, instead just placing his hand on Martin's shoulder, his thumb grazing over his jacket.
Martin slides his hand off of him. "I'm not recording it. If you want to replace Bo-ra's voice with hers, go ahead. It's not like she hasn't taken up anything of hers anyway."
A hush fell over the room.
No one could say anything to that. They all knew it was true after all.
You had already taken her position, and taken up her apartment.
Now here you were taking up her lines.
Martin stared at the floor for a few seconds, his face scrunched in sadness and resentment. Millions of thoughts were probably running through his head, all of them likely leading back to Bo-ra.
You stared at his shoes out from your half-lidded eyes, watching as he shifted his weight to his left and right.
"Just, go to sleep hyung," Seonghyeon softly spoke up. "I'll record it."
He doesn't say anything after that and storms out of the studio. James shakes his head but follows him out.
Only you and Seonghyeon were left behind.
He sighs, getting off the couch to sit down at the laptop. You notice his eyebags have gotten darker and how his hair looks like his fingers have run through it with more frustration than he thinks.
The studio is dark–only the faint light in the outside hall just barely getting through the opaque glass.
Seonghyeon opens his laptop, his wallpaper opening up to a photo of him and the guys eating ramen.
He's not in it, but neither are you.
For very different reasons though.
He's the one taking the picture. You were never part of it in the first place.
He doesn't say anything as you grab the sheet and sit down next to him, adjusting the microphone while he opens up FL studio. The blue light illuminates his face, the shadows from behind him beginning to dissipate.
You don't say anything, just leaving complete silence between you.
It's not awkward, but it's definitely not comfortable either.
The recording is done after an hour.
The longest you had ever done.
Maybe it's because you were both tired and exhausted, or maybe it was because unlike Martin, Seonghyeon didn't have any lingering feelings for a girl who left them.
You don't know why you felt so content being around him at that time.
None of you laughed, but none of you cared.
You were just two people recording inside a studio, at 2 AM while everyone was sleeping.
The walk back home was quieter.
Most of the staff had already been sent home, and seeing as how you two were still very young to drive, you ended up walking home side by side. The cool Seoul air had begun to flock around the streets, blowing through your hair as you tried your best to keep your eyes open. You stared at the gravel below you, the faint sound of dirt and rocks crunching beneath you.
You both had decided to listen to music–from different phones of course.
You don't say anything for 30 minutes, you don't say anything even as you enter the building.
It's a very uninteresting situation you have with him.
Sometimes he doesn't care and most times he just seems annoyed.
You had already decided from the first moment your saw him that Eom Seonghyeon was a difficult person to understand, even if others just seemed to see right through him.
You don't know what to think of him.
And you certainly don't know what to think of him now as he helps you carry a carton of coke.
DAY ONE.
"Hold it up from underneath the camera."
You listen to Seonghyeon and stick your fingers into the little hand hole underneath the camera, careful to not let your arm bend too far.
The supermarket is somehow colder during the day, and even though you're wearing a cardigan, the chill settles in between it and your arms. Thankfully you're wearing very baggy light-wash jeans, with a small lace skirt layered over it. It's cute and definitely something teens your age would find interesting.
You must look like an Illit member right now, you think.
The camera faces Seonghyeon as you both walk down the aisle while Keonho walks in front of both of you, carrying random snacks.
You both slide the carton into the shopping cart, making sure the camera wasn't getting damaged. It was a little harder to do–seeing as you had to act casual while also trying to make sure the camera wasn't going to fall off.
Seonghyeon puts his hands onto the handle, pushing the cart through the frozen foods aisle while the guys shoved in everything they wanted. At some point, Keonho had chucked a bag of something at Martin.
You walked behind Seonghyeon, pretending to look around while periodically checking out the snacks.
You checked out what the guys had gotten–cheeseballs, frozen pizza, and salt and vinegar chips. Juhoon had taken the intiative to actually get something you needed though–milk.
The behind the scenes camera stood around all of you as you walked past, exposing each part of the setup.
The guys try to include you in stuff–asking you if they could get a specific snack, talking to you like you were a core part of the group.
Once the scene is done, they dropped the act.
"We'll let you know when the next setup is ready."
"Okay!"
"Thank you!"
You all wander around the supermarket, finding the area for cheap party supplies. The camera gets into everyone's faces, letting them talk and talk like it was some sentient being.
"Hello." Martin says while bowing in front of the camera, wearing strong reading glasses with the tag still on. It makes his eyes look comically bigger.
"They're reading glasses…"
You stand close to James, leaning against the rack as Seonghyeon makes his way over in front of the camera.
He's wearing glasses too and it makes his eyes look even bigger than Martin's. He smiles as he tries to act normal about them, his dimpled cheeks popping out as he gets up close.
A part of you can't help but be amused by it all, especially when Keonho comes by with the same exact glasses.
They laugh as they look back the photos, pointing at each other while the camera naturally captures every movement.
You stare at it from the side.
Sometimes you feel like that chunk of metal and glass is more of a member than you.
You approach the checkout station after a bit, finding the staff members close by. The wide variety of random smells from all over the place provides an interesting insight on how the Americans ran their supermarkets out here, although you had already known that when you were 11.
Seonghyeon had wandered around the store for a few seconds and had came back, holding a box of twinkies.
You hadn't tried them before–actually, you hadn't tried a lot of things before.
Experiences like skateboarding and walking were open to you, maybe because the staff was more lenient on letting you exercise like that rather than having you eat unhealthy foods.
"Please get this for me." He asked one of the managers, holding out the box while the camera zoomed in on his face.
"Just grab a bunch of snacks." The staff members let decided, letting them walk anywhere they wanted to.
James seemed to be the happiest about it.
You didn't decide to go, seeing as how your manager was shooting you another look again.
The camera naturally found you after a few seconds.
"We have a bunch of snacks back at the rental." You simply explained, leaning against the checkout counter as the cameraman left your side to follow the guys.
After a few more minutes, the setup was finally done.
"Action!"
You shoved a few items inside a plastic bag while the guys acted around you.
"I told you to get a bigger bag."
"…Then get one?"
As soon as the clip is done, you all walk outside to the parking lot.
"It's cloudier today than I expected." James remarked, his sleeves rolled up to reveal his forearms.
Seonghyeon hummed in response, sitting on the open part of the car's back door, while Martin leaned against it beside him.
You stand near the cart, leaning against the handlebar as the assistants got everything ready.
"Action!"
Keonho and Juhoon began walking over to the car. The guys around you throw the other things carelessly into the truck, dragging the cart away as they set the carton carefully down.
They redo the shot a few more times.
You stood off to the side every time they discussed what was wrong, staring at the clouds.
Ever since this morning, something felt odd.
You don't exactly know why though.
Everyone around you was acting the same like always–Martin and Juhoon kept sending you looks, James and Seonghyeon ignored it, and Keonho acted just like himself.
Something was just off.
'Lullaby' was a song that the guys classified as 'virtually meaning nothing'.
Some would believe them.
You don't.
The old rental comes into view after a short ride.
You had only stayed there for a week, but the boys once spent almost four months living there. You supposed that's why they were in much better spirits than usual.
You all change into the 'swimming' outfits you had chosen earlier that day.
Your outfit was pretty much the same as the guys, with shorts and a basic graphic tee.
James, Juhoon, and Seonghyeon held up the behind-the-scenes camera up to their faces, playing around with it as they sat on one of their old beds.
You can't imagine how many times they must've had a sleepover together there.
You sit down on the couch close by, waiting while the staff and assistants prepared everything. A part of you wanted to help them, but every time you offered they would just say it was fine and guide you back to where the guys were.
You claimed the little corner on the couch as yours, playing around with the frills of a pillow you were sure had been there for months.
The guys had begun to throw and toss pillows back and forth while Martin recorded every single bit. Dust had begun to pick up while they did, flying into everyone's eyes as Keonho and Seonghyeon ignored their complaints.
"Should we just sleep here?"
As soon as Keonho asked that, Seonghyeon immediately perked up. His eyes seemed to brighten up immediately, shooting your managers a look as the camera zoomed in on that.
It seemed like he wasn't the only one wanted too aswell, seeing as how James and Martin acccepted it immediately.
"We've got underwear and clothes too."
"So we've got everything."
Your manager presses his lips into a thin line, deciding on whether to give in.
"Can't we just sleep here tonight?" Keonho persisted, leaning down with those big expectant eyes he always had whenever he asked for something.
You could only stare blankly back at your managers, watching as they tried to think about it.
"What do you think?" One of them tried to ask you.
The camera immediately switched to you, showing your placid face in response to that.
You don't say anything and pretend to awkwardly look to the side. You try to make it look like an intentional act, but in reality you really just wanted to go back to the hotel.
The conversation is soon let go though, when the staff calls everyone over to check out the phone-on-can setup.
"How long does it take to change per scene?" Keonho asks.
"It takes a while each time."
As soon as he says that, Keonho nudges you with his elbow. You almost flinch by the contact. His eyebrow is cocked up teasingly, and a small smirk tugs at the end of his mouth.
"Don't mess up." He says in English.
You shoot him an unimpressed look, shaking your head as the camera moved closer to your face.
"Standby, let's rehearse!" The director called out after a few minutes.
You all sat by the pool as the closed can of coke made its way through the members. Seonghyeon passed the can to you while you sat on the ledge, pretending to take a sip as Keonho snatched it away once you were done.
'Lullaby' plays in the back as you do it, Martin's vocals blending in with the track.
You feel weird as you look at the preview.
You hadn't worked on 'Lullaby' or 'JoyRide' like all the other tracks.
The lyrics you were supposed to sing weren't yours, and the actions you were supposed to do in the music video weren't yours either.
The guys had drawn every storyboard and line for her, not you.
You had always known you weren't part of the group.
But now the fact was really beginning to settle.
You weren't going to to be part of the group whether you wanted to or not.
They treated you like you were weird and probably an eyesore. The only reason why they dealt with you was because they knew that if they didn't, the group wouldn't survive at all.
And no one wanted that.
Strangely enough, Martin and Juhoon didn't seem all that annoyed with you that day.
"The weather is a bit of a letdown, and considering that your storyline needed for you guys to have sunshine, we wondered if we could do it tomorrow?"
James and Martin let out groans, but both nodded in understanding.
Everyone else seemed to agree as well, a few staff members already deciding to pack up the set.
"It's a shame, but the sunlight is needed." Juhoon said to the camera.
Keonho had taken the initiative to make of whatever time they had left and jumped into the pool, taking off his shirt and diving in with no hesitation.
You simply stood under the veranda, watching as the guys paraded into the water.
Later that night, you were back in your hotel room.
The guys had decided to stay there overnight, but you didn't want to be a bother.
If you had to sleep in Bo-ra's old room, you would've been sick.
Metaphorically speaking of course.
You thought that the guys were probably done with you taking up everything that used to Bo-ra's, so you stayed out of the way. You always did.
It worked just fine.
That whole day was just you zoning out while you filmed and halfheartedly acting for the camera.
You sit against the rough headboard, staring at your ruffled sheets as moonlight reflected off of them.
DAY TWO.
The sun is out.
You stare up at the sky, squinting as the bright blue settles everywhere. You couldn't sleep much last night, although then again you barely slept at all.
The guys are playing around you, grabbing the hose and spraying it out everywhere.
There's a certain way the guys act when the cameras are on.
If they want to have fun, they do it without you.
You're barely included in a lot of things, and having fun just happens to be one of them.
It would be a lie if you said you wanted no part in it.
Soon enough they start pushing eachother into the pool.
Keonho pushes in Seonghyeon while Martin pushes him in. They splash eachother a couple times, a few drops even reaching the still Jacuzzi you were sitting on.
"Is it cold?" A staff member asks them.
"It's refreshing!"
Your legs dangle off the Jacuzzi's side, your toes just barely reaching the surface.
You notice Juhoon slowly entering the pool, only to stop midway through as the water reaches his stomach. He grimaces, the cold water beginning to settle in.
Seonghyeon helps him in, the camera catching it all.
A little while later, they all stand at the other end of the pool.
"Look! There's a small rainbow.." Martin points at it as he sprays more water into the pool, the dry pavement around him absorbing each drop as he moves it around.
You realise he's right, the sunlight reflecting off whatever surface to create the explosion of colours.
Keonho lays down on a unicorn floatie completely out of the pool, his head resting on the back of it. Seonghyeon decides to interrupt his peace, spraying the hose directly onto him.
You see another small rainbow form just around him, even when you were 20 meters away. You see the smile Keonho always had on his face when he was having fun, and the way his older members just seemed to accept it in every way.
The first take is good, but not good enough.
The timing is off just by a little bit, and the guys somehow look stiff despite already having done it multiple times before. You all gather around the phone, watching the preview as the director begins to point out more details.
"Make sure to not drink directly in the sun either–the phone will create a shadow and no one will be able to see your face clearly."
A staff stands behind you, drying your hair while the guys discussed even more specifics.
You can't really voice out your opinion here–even if you did, they would've just ignored it.
You're not too bothered by it though.
They had it all planned out from before you were even part of the group, and if you tried to change anything, it would've just added more complications to a strained relationship.
You stand next to Seonghyeon as two staff members place towels on your heads. It's shaped pretty loosely, but enough to make it look like the 'lamb's head'.
You both pose for the camera, giving it a thumbs up before it moves on.
When filming starts, your original spot would be at the side of the pool, kicking up at water until Keonho and James started spraying the hose onto eachother.
At the end of each take, you would sit next to Martin and laugh as Keonho poured cola all over his face.
It was Bo-ra's original spot.
Honestly you felt bad for Martin.
You didn't really care that he still had feelings for her, but you did care that everything you did was just going to be a poor replacement of her.
After one last take, you're all back in the kitchen monitoring the takes.
Each time you all look like you're really having fun.
"That's wraps!"
Everyone claps as the director announces it.
You sit down in front of a stylist as she dries your hair, your barely wet shirt and shorts now replaced with warm clothes.
'Lullaby' only took two days of filming on a random week in May.
'What You Want'
The desert was worser than you thought.
You sit against the car's trunk, trying not to let any bare skin touch the hot metal.
You had already made that mistake once, and you'd rather not do it in front of the camera.
The first scene you were supposed to film was the 'angry' one, where you would all act confused and frustrated with being stuck in the middle of the desert.
All you really were supposed to do was act like you couldn't care less, like it was just a random Monday.
You even yawned for emphasis while the music played, shoving your hands in your pockets while carefully leaning against the back window.
Juhoon was the real highlight though–he was laid against the sand, his arms out while acting like he was also unbothered.
You watched from the corner of your eye as Seonghyeon and James acted as annoyed as they could, Martin a little further away from everyone acting confused. Keonho leaned back on the side of the car, shaking his head in faux disappointment.
A few minutes after, Juhoon's 'waking up' scene was next.
Again you weren't really doing much, just watching James and Seonghyeon throw sand at eachother while looking like they were fighting.
The preview is a little funny though–Seonghyeon couldn't stop smiling as they recorded, making all his efforts of getting sand in his eyes pretty much useless.
"Do you guys have some pent up anger of something?"
You sit underneath a portable tent, sand kicking up from pretty much everywhere. Everytime the wind blew, it was like it made it's personal mission to bother you.
You were pretty careful with not getting sand in your eyes–you all had contacts in, so getting too much in would be a disaster.
"Hi."
You look up, finding Keonho staring at the spot on the portable bench next to you.
You shift further down from your spot, letting him slip in next to you. It's too effortless–the way you act doesn't feel awkward or weird in the slightest anymore.
"You don't have much solo scenes, don't you?"
You glance at him, finding him lazily sprawled over the bench. His legs are spread out onto the sand, his thick shoes leaving an imprint while he plays around.
You look around for the behind the scenes camera, only to find it exactly where Martin was filming his scene.
You stiffly looked back at Keonho, confused as to why he was talking to you again. "I only have one scene, other than that I'm kind of in the background."
"That's a pity," he mumbled. "All the directors love your acting. I'm surprised they haven't asked you to act for some of us."
"…I doubt they would ever do that."
"I'm being serious!" He says while kicking up even more sand. You moved your head and shut your eyes immediately, making sure the wind wasn't completely blowing in your direction. He doesn't seem to notice though instead voicing out his thoughts. "Every time they watched the preview for 'GO!' and 'Lullaby', all they could do was compliment you."
"Right." You said while slowly opening your eyes.
You looked over at the behind-the-scenes camera, only find it moving to where both of you were. You both waved to it as it came over, trying to ignore it filming both of you as you pretended to watch Martin.
A little while later, you're all holding up umbrella's.
The sun is much hotter out here than in the street of LA, maybe because you were quite literally in its domain.
"Have you been to the desert before?" James asked.
"I've been to the Sahara desert before." Keonho answered, reaching down to play with the sand.
A few seconds pass before he looks back up at the camera, smiling. "That's a lie by the way."
Martin laughs at that. "You think?"
The camera pans to him again. "We have to act a lot today." This time he's addressing whatever fans you'll have in the future.
It still feels odd to think in just a few months, your group will debut and you'll have fans.
It also feels even more odd to think how much money your parents were going to steal from you.
"I'm not that confident." Seonghyeon remarked.
"Oh yeah, don't you have that screaming part?" Martin chuckled.
Seonghyeon groans, looking down at his phone.
You're not sure why he keeps doing that though, it's not like you had data anywhere here. "I kept asking if we could leave that part out."
Your left hand is sweaty as it holds onto the umbrella. You had that same issue with your right hand, and you had already wiped off the sweat on your jorts. It was beginning to become a problem, especially when the sticky residue left behind by that damn sunscreen was still stuck on your hands.
"I have that one part–where the members are following me and I go–" Martin talks to the camera before he walks off and turns around, an annoyed expression on his face. "What you want!" He breathily yelled, James and Keonho letting out laughs.
"I get all annoyed and stuff." He says as he walks back.
"But you get all annoyed in real life too." Juhoon commented, gaining another laugh from James.
"Art imitates life." He said immediately after, only for Martin to pretend to punch him as he moves out the way.
The sun comes out again a little while later, making you squint your eyes once again.
"I have to scream a lot," Seonghyeon announces to the camera. "When we were first planning out the music video, I asked if we could take all those parts out."
The camera immediately pans to you.
You let out a small smile of pity. "It didn't work."
He lets out a shaky sigh, obviously feeling nervous.
Usually people would comfort their members when they were like this.
Not you though.
Ever since they had started recording the group, you were never really sure what persona you were supposed to have.
Should you be quiet like Juhoon? Funny like James and Keonho? Exaggerated like Martin?
You weren't sure.
If you were yourself, you would've been framed as just being closed off.
You recall all the clips you had gotten for the behind the scenes videos. The editing team would probably just portray you as just being another one of the guys.
Honestly you just prayed your acting was convincing enough.
You're all led to the car (minus Martin), crowding around the camera while the director explained the scene.
"You should act really annoyed here–the car has a flat tire and you don't know where you are; 'it's your fault!', 'it's your fault!' and with the finger pointing, do it and then pull away quickly like this."
You all nodded.
The music plays through the speakers–
"Money, style, fame, love and…"
The wind blows harshly against everyone's faces, their hair going wild–luckily for you and Seonghyeon, you two were the only ones blessed with a beanie and a bandana tied around your forehead.
"Lipsyincing at 'Ooh' should just be fine." The director said to you after the watching the preview.
You redo the scene, nailing it and earning a pat on the back by the director.
Martin had been off to the side, reapplying sunscreen to his neck.
Keonho, Seonghyeon, and you stood on a large wooden platform, waiting as they got the camera setup. It would be attached to a long stick while sliding around with a rag wrapped around it.
It was supposed to be a scorpion, but you couldn't take it all that seriously when it started sliding in between everyone's legs.
You and Seonghyeon sat on a fake rock, lifting up your legs when it slid too close.
It ended up at Juhoon, with him leaning down and pressing his finger against the lens.
"I've eaten a lot of sand," James said. He opens his mouth and closes it. "I think I just ate some more."
The next scene is all of you walking up a sandy hill.
Sand had begun to trickled into your shoes, making you grimace as it seemed to crawl into between your toes.
You all saunter up the hill tiredly, pretending like you had just been walking aimlessly for hours.
After one last retake, you were all done.
"'What You Want' day one wrapped." Martin said as you all stood behind the van.
Keonho had his arm around you and Seonghyeons' shoulders, smiling as they all cheered. You stiffened up immediately at the contact before telling yourself to relax, reminding yourself of the camera still rolling.
Physical contact was still awkward for you.
As soon as the segment ended, Keonho took his arm away, keeping it at his side.
You all enter the van soon enough.
Fortunately, the staff had decided to put the AC on before you went in, the heat at the back of your neck seeming to finally go away. You retreat to the seats at the front that no one ever took, clicking in your seatbelt as you looked out the window.
You sit down in your hotel room, calmly staring out the window.
It really wasn't easy having to get by every single day knowing that your members really didn't like you that much.
Martin and Juhoon almost made you feel paranoid–with every mistake or comment you made, all they seemed to do was ignore it and/or harshly insult you right to your face. You had grown almost expectant of it.
Because you had been busy with filming almost every single day, their comments were beginning to wane. It still occurred at least a few times a week though–the least amount of insults and glares you had gotten in a week from them was 21.
You counted everytime, seeing if you could get a world record.
Honestly you were just enjoying the calm before the storm.
They would probably return to their old selves after you finished filming everything.
You were a little surprised they hadn't gotten tired of it yet. It felt like they were more pettier than teenage girls, which in reality was hilarious to think about.
The van stopped in front of a gas station.
James would be the first to record his scene where he would hold up a gas pump, only for it to spray orange juice into a glass.
You all watched from a distance.
"Action!"
The first spray ended up being a disaster as James had completely missed the cup, instead landing on a poor assistant who happens to be crouching close by.
They redirected his actions before retaking the scene, this time with a little more cleanliness.
You had realised it ages ago, but James was a really good actor.
He kept his face straight the whole time, even when the orange juice started spilling everywhere onto his jeans and arms.
He complained about the scene after–"The pump was heavier than I thought, so my arms are aching from holding it up so long." He shakes his head, rolling out his shoulder as he walks off.
"Martin-hyung's scene is next…" Keonho mumbled out next to you.
You couldn't watch with him, but the cameraman told you later that Martin acted really nicely.
Not that you asked.
The director had apparently praised him for it after, inducing a pink flush over Martin's cheeks.
Seonghyeon's scene under the station was next.
The scene was supposed to be him getting swallowed by the butterfly, but the director had told you all an artist would be drawing it later.
"I can't believe you'll be the butterfly." Keonho said as you walked out of the trailer in a new costume.
You, yes you, would be the butterfly that ate Eom Seonghyeon.
The storyline had been difficult to believe at first, but you got over it.
The behind the scenes camera zoomed in on your fancy outfit.
Honestly you were surprised by how detailed it was–the dress was layer after layer of diaphanous fabric, falling over you delicately as you moved across the set. Fabric wings were attached very loosely to the back of the collar, flowing behind you even if you took just one step forward. At the top of your head were long antennae that surprisingly didn't feel heavy at all.
Your makeup wasn't natural in the slightest–they had given you contacts to make your eyes look bigger and almost 'butterfly' like, but honestly you just looked like an alien. Small wings that you were sure were plastic were attached just at the ends of your eyes, really selling that almost ethereal look.
You felt weird as you trudged over to the station, your fancy high-heels digging into the sand. You feel eyes on you the whole time. You don't really blame them for it though, you straight up looked like some weird creature wrapped up in lace and frills.
You sigh as you think of how much the company must've paid to get so many details, and here you were in the middle of the desert using it like it was worth nothing.
Keonho walked next to you. Somehow a bag of chips had materialised in his hands, and he was now crunching on them as he waved to all the cameras. You give him a side-long glance, wondering how he just kept so calm.
Seonghyeon is still retaking his scene, but you don't miss the way his eyes seem to drag over to you when the director asks if he wants to do another scene.
You can't tell if he's fully judging you.
James seems to be the only one who actually acknowledges it right.
"Woah," he says, running his hands under the small fabric wings. "This is cool. It's better than what we actually had in mind." You stay still as he does so, letting him even play with it by flapping the fabric up and down.
The cameraman asks a quick question: 'How does it feel to eat one of your members?'
"Unsatisfying. Seonghyeon would barely count as an appetiser." You said with a straight face before giving the camera a peace sign.
A few minutes pass when you look over at Martin, finding him already staring back at you.
For some reason, he doesn't look at you with hatred.
He doesn't even look at you with annoyance.
His gaze looks far away, almost like he was imagining something in place of you.
Then again, this was supposed to be Bo-ra's outfit.
You think Martin probably imagined every single detail on the dress, wandering if his crush would like it.
Now here you were, replacing his dreams with crushing reality.
It seemed like everything you did lately was just going to be a pathetic replacement of Bo-ra.
He snaps out of it soon after, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallows thickly.
"We'll be recording you sitting on a ledge, and then on the big screen it'll look like you're interested in Seonghyeon."
You can't help but shoot the camera quick glance as he says those words.
You nodded as they guided you over to a secluded area, tilting the camera up. You had your legs crossed lazily, leaning against one arm against the wooden ledge.
"Pretend like Seonghyeon is below you and then lean down." The director instructed.
Your scene is wrapped up after a few minutes.
You honestly think it was a waste to put you in such an intricate outfit only for a few seconds of screen time. Even though you'd be wearing it back in Korea, you couldn't help but feel bad for the stylist that probably sold their soul to design something like it.
You've changed back into the outfit from yesterday, now sitting down somewhere as Seonghyeon played with an RC car close by.
The guys run around close to him, Juhoon playfully pretending to kick at the car.
Seonghyeon soon hands the controller to Keonho when he asks, letting him control whenever the speedy car went. You hear the way it zips across the ground, kicking up dirt as it passed through some staff.
As soon as your lunch break ended, you were back at the gas station.
You and Seonghyeon wouldn't be included in the shot, so you both watched under a portable gazebo as the guys rushed into the car.
You and Seonghyeon would 'technically' be left behind because of the lore.
They retake the shot four more times before deciding on the last take as the perfect one.
You all wait around for another few minutes. The guys had somehow found themselves inside the van, with Seonghyeon now in the drivers seat. You couldn't see him do anything, mainly because the stylist was redoing the bandana. As soon as you turned your head to the right, a loud horn echoed around the station.
The stylist flinched back, letting out a sigh of relief before going back to your bandana.
You spotted a few staff members looking over at Seonghyeon disappointingly, shooting him glares before walking off.
"As the butterfly flutters around, you guys go 'Ahhh' and run off chaotically."
Another running scene…
You stare out at the empty pavement, flashbacks from 'GO!' rushing back all at once. Just this time you didn't really have to run your hardest.
It felt weird running away from something that was technically supposed to be you, but considering that the director had told you to keep it to a minimum, you could already understand how the story was supposed to go.
"We've finished the second day of shooting 'What You Want'. The view outside right now is really nice."
You're all inside the van now, changed into comfortable outfits for the ride back. The camera moves to show a small stream close to the road, Keonho immediately pointing it out.
"I got a nosebleed though." Juhoon said into the microphone.
A tissue was stuck pathetically in his nose, hanging out as he spoke. His voice had sounded more nasal.
"That just proves how hard you really worked." Martin nodded, clearly proud of himself as he said the line.
You were squished at the back with Seonghyeon, bringing your arms closer to you so that he had more space to move. He seemed conscious of your decision, so he pretended to lean into Martin so that he could have more space away from you.
You're not offended by it.
"I think the bleeding has stopped." Juhoon said.
Keonho takes the microphone from Martin and you can already imagine the shit-eating grin on his face. "That's what she said."
A flash of a camera makes you grimace.
After another long flight, you've landed back at Incheon airport. Your right shoulder aches, partially because on that whole flight, you had leaned against the window so that you could sleep. You roll it around a few times, keeping your eyes to your feet.
You stand close by to your managers, acting like you were just another staff member. The HYBE shirt ended up dragging more attention though–
"She looks too young to be staff."
"Wow, I wonder what her skincare routine is!"
You trudge through the crowd, trying to keep your hood down.
You had made the mistake of having some of your face caught on camera last time; you'd rather not have it again. The videos that came out were annoying to you–even though they had received much less attention that the guys, they still showed up.
You walk out the airport doors. Your fingers are pinched around one of your managers' shirt, ignoring how many phones were out and recording all of you. That piece of fabric was the difference between being lost and getting home safely.
As soon as you walk over to the van's, a staff member helps you get your luggage inside the back, shoving it carelessly inside even though he had been so careful with the guys'. You aren't particularly worried about it though, as you hadn't packed anything noteworthy enough to care if it got damaged.
You slide into one of the single seats near the doors, the faint smell of a mint car freshener piercing through the vehicle smoke around the car park.
Korea's air quality was almost always worser after you had gotten back from the US.
You let out a breath of relief as soon as the doors closed.
The guys sat in the two seaters–James and Juhoon sleeping in the front, while Seonghyeon and Martin sat at the back.
Keonho sat right behind you.
"Do you guys wanna eat in or go out for food tonight?" Your manager asked from the front seat.
You don't bother to say anything.
In discussions like these, usually the whole group's opinion would be needed.
Not yours.
Never yours.
James immediately turned around to ask Martin and Seonghyeon what they were feeling for today.
"Chicken!" Keonho yelled from behind you while holding his arms up.
"No, we had Wingstop before this!" Seonghyeon yelled out.
"So? We can still eat more."
"Nahhh bro. If we eat chicken one more time you'll be sleeping in the hallway." Seonghyeon joked.
Martin let out a loud laugh next to him while Juhoon stifled a chuckle. James shook his head in disapproval, but the smile that ghosts the corners of his lips betrays him.
"Well that wouldn't matter anyway." Keonho said. "I'd just sleep in her room."
The van goes silent.
You hadn't even realised what he really said until James cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck while his eyes darted back towards you and Keonho.
Keonho doesn't elaborate any further, rather just deciding to pop his AirPods in and ignore the awkward moment he created.
"Yo, come on." Martin rolled his eyes, hitting his knee in annoyance. "The cameras ain't even here." He said in English.
No one said anything after that, just the awkard cough and the sound of someone's messages pinging.
You look stiffly to the side.
Something was obviously wrong with Keonho, and you were not going to be the one to find out why.
As soon as you entered your apartment, you dropped onto the floor.
Your cheek is pressed against the familiar wooden floors, the cold and unused smell of your apartment coming back to you.
You closed your eyes, letting yourself absorb the calmness of your apartment.
Tomorrow, you would be filming the continuation of the 'What You Want' music video.
You recall weakly that they were planning on filming it at a subway.
You sighed as you walked over to the window, dragging yourself to open the living room windows.
You stare out into the blank space.
The river was close by to your place, the cold waters staring back at you.
Sometimes you felt like the water.
Sometimes you feel like the calm waters of the sea, when no one was around in the morning to witness it. Sometimes you feel like harsh tides crashing against rocks, splashing your salty tears everywhere.
It was weird.
You never felt particularly connected to the sea, but when Miya, a producer you knew back in LA had once brought it up to you, you realised she was right.
"Others find you shallow, maybe because of your quietness and one-worded answers," she said. "I think you're much greater than that."
She ruffles your hair, her hand so much bigger than your tiny prepubescent head.
"If others find you like the flat and paltry shore, then I find you like the deep waters of the ocean, enexplored by the people who just can't see."
You didn't really understand what she was really saying.
Even now you're still confused on what she was trying to say.
You picked yourself up slowly, a strange heaviness in your actions.
Your body move on autopilot as you roll the suitcase into your room, embracing how much darker it was there. You always shut your blinds before you left, meaning that any sunlight and wind couldn't really reach the room.
You sighed as you grabbed the clean bedsheets out of the closet, doing everything you normally did after getting back from another country.
You don't think of anything as you run through your normal routine–brushing your teeth, washing your body and changing into sleeping clothes.
Tomorrow was just going to be another day of filming, and then the week after that you'd be in New Zealand.
How exciting.
The subway is as hot as you expected.
No air gets down there, and your eyes had already begun to dry up.
You're back in your butterfly costume, a staff member kind enough to hold up your fan while a stylist fixed your wings. Another staff member held out eye drops for you, telling you to use it when you were done.
Keonho would be acting with Martin, picking a pool ball out of a briefcase. The camera setup surrounds them as they do so–the faint sound of Keonho's voice coming out of a speaker close by.
"The numbers one and eight," Martin explained to the camera. "One is the number of beginnings and eight is the number of endings. We debut on August 18, so it combines to one and eight."
The next scene comes with the guys pretending to be in a commercial.
They hold up random items, lip-syncing to the chorus of the song while having a customer-service smile on their faces. As soon as the scene was done, the behind the scenes camera went at it again, zooming in on their faces as they walked through the station.
Your scene was supposed to be you waking up Keonho in your fancy butterfly outfit before pointing at the scene across the station from him, showing his 'past'.
You did so, acting with a blank expression the whole time.
The director gave you a quick thumbs up before telling you to change into your normal outfit.
The final scene at the station comes anticlimactically.
You felt strangely tired as you walked out of the trailer, a fresh face of 'natural' makeup and a lightheadedness that made you almost trip.
The music video would conclude with all six of you staring at the camera while saying 'What you want'.
You exit the station soon enough, riding up the escalators slowly while you try to keep yourself awake. Martin and Keonho talk to the camera as per usual, either screaming into the microphone or laughing at eachother.
You change into fairly normal outfits for the restaurant.
Actors and directors fill up the tables as food is placed before them. There's a strange but enjoyable warmness in the room, maybe because this time you weren't under the hot searing sun. Food is placed on the tables intricately, the faint smell of fresh ribs flowing through the air.
You can't help but drool at the sight of it all.
While imagining yourself scarfing down on some spaghetti, Keonho materialises next to you.
He had been way too persistent with this strange act of his.
You realised that everytime you went somewhere, he somehow ended up in the same place you did.
Even when the cameras were off.
It felt weird to think about, so you bottled up your thoughts and kept them to yourself. If Keonho wanted to get at least a little bit closer to you, he would have to work harder.
"I have to pretend like I'm sleeping again." He muttered.
You nodded, reaching forward to check out the fine china the staff had set out for you. The teacups were empty but thankfully clean. Your fingers delicately wrapped around the handle, trying not to make too much sound while the director got everything ready.
"Action!"
Immediately, the restaurant exploded into chaos.
The actors started arguing loudly, throwing napkins and food at eachother. You watched as some whipped others with the table cloth, keeping their faces either terrified or unserious.
The group was supposed to act calmly, clinking glasses with eachother and taking sips out of the teacups.
Keonho had his arms crossed, his head leaning down onto one shoulder while the cameramen walked over.
You all watched the preview, nodding as the directors asked if it was good.
You had just been sitting off to the side when a staff member came up to you.
You had thought it would be for something else–maybe a shoelace untied, your hair somehow messed up, but when he held out a mini air-fryer to you, confusion spiked through.
“We originally bought it for the shoot, but we’ve just gotten told that we won’t be needing it,” he said before dropping the box into your arms.
You flinched as it landed onto you, looking up at him with even more puzzlement.
“If you don’t want it, we can take it back. But honestly it’s kind of an old model so none of the staff members want it.” He shrugged.
You open the box–even though it was an ‘old’ model, the air fryer itself was in new condition. You traced your hand over the metal, the cool surface feeling nice against the back of your hand.
“Do you want it?”
You contemplated your decision–if you took it, then maybe you could finally try that one smore recipe you saw in an article. Plus, you didn’t really have much kitchen stuff because you barely ate.
And who could really say no to free stuff?
Yep, you were taking it.
You nodded in response, hugging the box close to your chest.
The next scene came with the spinning camera in the middle of the table.
"What should we get?"
Martin asked as the camera spun towards him. Keonho let out a confused shrug next to him while Juhoon just said 'something tasty'.
James and Seonghyeon tried to act serious, asking eachother questions while you just pretended to groan about food.
"Why can't we just order steak?"
"We're at a fancy restaurant, you should order something fancier."
"Fine, then seafood."
"…This is a barbecue restaurant?"
After a few more scenes–James getting creeped out with the people around you acting weird–'What You Want' wrapped up.
It was odd to think about.
Tomorrow you'd be filming the rest of 'GO!' and then you'd be all the way in New Zealand, filming 'FaSHioN' and 'JoyRide'.
You can't help but feel a sense of relief as you bow for the cameras one last time, shouting out your group name while syaing thank you to everyone there.
You look over at the staff members who had been with you since 'GO!'.
Some look a little happy and most look tired.
They all clap as filming finally ends.
You don't know what to feel as the guys cheer, putting their arms over eachother while laughing.
They really do look like they're having fun.
It just always happens to be when you're not around.
You think back to Miya's words as you stare out into the sea.
She lied.
The sea was calm for today, but the temperature was absolutely boiling hot. You had unzipped and zipped your hoodie up at least ten times since you had gotten to the docks, hot air seeming to blow from all sides.
Surely you couldn't be the hot weather that made everyone pissy, right?
The waters were probably even warmer, making you grimace as you stood near the edge.
The guys had decided to hog up the portable AC close by, using the pumps the blow air in their faces.
As soon as filming starts, you can't help but be envious of the staff under the portable gazebos, sitting on chairs and benches while the group had to jump and dance.
"The heat is insane," Martin said, trying to talk over the fan that was blowing in his face. "How do people even survive here?"
You all stood by the AC, trying the atleast get some amount of cool air on you.
It didn't work though, as Juhoon had decided to put his long-sleeve over one of the pumps that released air.
You had the slight urge to push him away but kept your hands to your sides.
"Let's switch members and try again!" The director yelled out.
Keonho was perched atop a ladder, holding up a mirror while Seonghyeon lip-synced. They switched spots soon enough, with Keonho now below Seonghyeon.
You held up your fan against your forehead, feeling the way your scalp had somehow decided to start sweating now. An assistant was kind enough to gift you a small box of dabbing tissues, meaning that atleast the sweat around your face would be cleaned up.
You watched from the side as Martin got underneath a car, his face close to the chassis and concrete as he lip synced.
You could tell his scalp was probably burning against the asphalt, but he tried to play it cool by smiling at the camera.
Keonho was next underneath, his cap now off as he laid against the floor.
"For out next album, we'll film on a boat, and for out 3rd album, we're going straight for a chill vibe on a yacht." You stood next to him as he went on.
Even though he was complaining now, he was probably glad that this was going to be your last day of filming. He also looked like he was partially losing his mind on the heat,but then again everyone else did too.
You all lip-synced around the camera on the floor, trying your best to look actually excited.
At some point you started going around in a circle, with Keonho putting his hands on your shoulder.
Seriously, you ought to start getting used to physical contact.
"Should we go up?"
You had just been standing around with Seonghyeon while a staff member redid a few of the clips in your hair.
James had asked the question, pointing up at the large container crane. He had taken his jacket off to the heat, which wished you could do if not for the stylist who stared you down everytime you tried to take something off to alleviate the heat.
The crane stood tall in all its glory, the red paint providing a satisfying look to it.
The cameraman ushered for you to go with them, pulling at your arm while trying to get you to catch up with the guys.
You look back at him, a small but evil smile on his face.
You tried to ignore it, walking closely to James.
"I think we can go up." James simply stated.
You walked up slowly on the stairs, realising how big the cranes really were.
Seonghyeon held the phone as you all walked up, feeling the way the wind was much cooler under the shade. It blew through your faces like a fresh breath of air.
You walked higher and higher, more of the sea getting revealed to you in a scenic way.
You were never really scared of heights, but Seonghyeon looked to be.
"This is scary…" he whispered, holding the phone close to his chest while keeping his other hand on the railing. You had walked a little further ahead from him, waiting every few seconds for him to catch up.
You only ended up reaching the second floor, as one of the managers yelled for you three to get down.
You looked back up the structure–in truth, you wanted to walk up the whole way.
You looked down at your shoes in disappointment as you walked down, the metal slightly rattling as you all walked away.
"We're running again," Keonho said the camera, pointing out to the empty stretch of pavement across from you. "I've probably ran for this music video more times than I have for my school years."
As soon as the scene was done, the director yelled out the best news you had in weeks.
"Alright! That's a wrap for everyone but Keonho and Martin!"
James, Seonghyeon, and Juhoon all cheered as you walked off underneath the shade.
You were already sweating bullets and if you had to pretend to like touching sweaty teenage guys you would've jumped into the sea.
Keonho pouted as the staff blew air into his face. The guys were still cheering, an unbearable sense of FOMO crawling through him.
He only had one last scene to shoot and then he would be finally done.
You watched as his thought process jumped, the previous pout now replaced with a placid smile. His eyes looked far away, like he was day dreaming.
He looks weird…
The hideout was the one place you truly felt like you didn't belong.
You had only been there once, and decided never again. The room was filled with drawings from the guys, vibrant colours and bright words covering the walls. The mirror was even filled with random pictures, making your reflection pretty much invisible.
You stood next to Seonghyeon while 'Stay Away' by Nirvana played from one of the speakers.
"We don't have ny more scenes so we changed back into our own clothes," Seonghyeon explained to the camera. "Martin-Hyung still has some shots left."
You walked over to the couch, pulling your phone out while Seonghyeon and Juhoon walked over to the random whiteboard in the room. It was filled with scribbles and random signatures, all in bright neon colours.
You were about to scroll through your phone when something on the wall beside you caught your attention.
It was small.
It should've meant nothing.
But you still found yourself staring at it.
It was a drawing of six stars.
The lines were too intricate to be any of the guys', and you had always been too afraid to draw anywhere here.
You stared at it for a while.
Even when the music was turned off, and even when the director said 'action', the drawing never left your sight.
Reminders of Bo-ra were everywhere.
On the floors, on the mirrors, and especially on the walls.
Even though you hated how Martin and Juhoon acted because of it, you hated it even more that you understood why they did so.
As soon as filming wrapped, you all went out for a quick dinner.
Your manager ordered to get beef, leaving you behind with the guys as they talked all over eachother. You sat furthest from them, keeping on the side with the least amount of people.
How strange it felt to be surrounded by such loud people, only to feel like the loneliest in the room.
🍪🍪
Keonho didn't know how to feel about you.
Throughout his trainee years, he had been known to be someone easy, someone who just went with the flow.
If the other trainees didn't hang around one specific person, he'd blindly follow them because he would think it was the right thing to do.
He soon found his own voice when he got added into the project.
At first, he was lost.
He was too young to understand anything about himself, and now they were basically forcing him to dig through the sand dunes to find something.
Music was something he knew he liked when he worked on tracks with Martin. So that's what he did.
He found his own passion and rhythm through music, but the lingering feeling of not knowing what he was crept through him on most days.
When he first met Bo-ra, something felt off.
She was sweet and she was kind, so he felt guilty for even thinking that. She was even exactly like them in every way–loud and easy to talk to.
But he couldn't help but be slightly uneasy whenever she was around.
He tried to ignore it.
His hyungs however, seemed to absolutely adore her.
Of course they would–she was sweeter than candy and constantly considerate of others.
The most she would hurt some one was by an accidental stumble during practice, and even then she would immediately apologise.
So Keonho bottled it up.
He went with the flow.
He went with it like one of the many fish in a school did.
It was easy.
It was like he was swimming all over again–diving into the water and simply letting it carry him to the finish line.
He didn't love her as much as Juhoon or Martin did.
So he just pretended to.
He asked her questions all the time, fooled around with her and Seonghyeon, and even would go on late night walks.
He found parts of him enjoying it, but with every fake laugh he made and every polite smile he gave her, he couldn't help but feel weird.
One thing he really hated was when Martin and Juhoon started bringing her up in all their conversations. It started out small, with passing remarks like 'oh, Bo-ra knows her' or 'Bo-ra would like this'.
It was fine.
He could handle it.
But when her name started infiltrating every single conversation, even the ones they had late at night, he couldn't help but feel annoyed.
It was all 'Bo-ra this' and 'Bo-ra that'.
He tried, he really did to like her.
But no matter how many moments they shared together, he just couldn't.
So when she left, something didn't feel right.
She was gone, and he was supposed to be sad about it.
So why didn't he?
He remembers pretending to be upset with her decision to leave out of the blue, but in reality he couldn't even find it in him to figure out what was wrong.
While the guys were upset and crying, he would sit by their sides, patting their backs while also trying to ignore that strange blotch of contentment that took place inside of him. As stupid and strange as it sounded, Bo-ra had left and taken every weird feeling he had about her with her.
He felt guilty for even thinking in the first place.
Then you came into the picture.
It was easy to blame you.
You were the quiet freak who had replaced the girl who they spent months with.
The guys hated you.
Everytime you walked into the practice room, their lively conversations would stop. Everytime you tried to say your opinion, they would shut it down.
It was easy to.
Keonho acted annoyed, fake-laughed at the guys' rude jokes about you and would even make some himself.
But in reality, it was never anger towards you.
It was anger towards himself.
He didn't like how he felt about Bo-ra, and he especially hated that he couldn't feel so strongly like how the guys felt.
He didn't enjoy it one single bit.
He thought you would be angry–yelling at them, screaming at them to just shut up. He thought you would be loud, and storm out of the room.
But you never did.
You ignored it all, like it wasn't supposed to bother you one bit.
Like it was just another day for you.
He couldn't understand you one bit.
If he were you, he would've left long ago.
So why didn't you?
Everytime the guys got angry and annoyed at you, you would just give them a blank stare and leave it alone.
You were your own person, and he didn't know how to feel about it.
If he was simply a small fish in a pond, then you were like the unmovable waves of the deep, deep ocean he so desperately wanted to swim through. He wanted to feel what you felt every time the guys were rude or annoyed, he wanted to know what the waves of your thoughts felt like when you were quiet.
Were they gentle?
Or had you just built a damn high enough to hold them back?
When you had given him those AirPods, something had changed.
You didn't seem like that quiet and uncaring girl who he thought you were.
He found himself paying more attention to you, watching the way you carried yourself on days where you were all tired, walking near you during the shoots and talking to you about stuff in passing he usually did with the guys.
He noticed how you didn't eat at all, and worst of all, how you didn't seem to care that you looked like skin and bones. He noticed how on some days, you would just zone out, staring into space while the guys around you were jumping and having fun.
When he started talking to you, it was like some weight had been taken off his shoulders.
Sometimes though, his actions would register as borderline weird.
He wanted to get closer to you, sure, but making offhand remarks about wanting to sleep in your room probably weren't the best for that.
With you in the group, it somehow didn't feel heavy on nights where he usually did, and talking to you felt more natural than he ever did with Bo-ra.
The guys never questioned it, and he was secretly glad they didn't.
What he felt for you wasn't love or like.
What he felt wasn't as warm as that.
What he felt was cold and piercing, stabbing sharply into his guts.
It was the realisation of how little he really was.
Even now, he can't even bring himself to apologise to you for how he treated you.
He stares at you from across the table, pretending to be in conversation with Seonghyeon about something random.
In reality he had already mentally tapped out of the conversation ages ago.
He watched you as you scrolled through something on your phone–probably a random news article because for some strange reason you didn't have social media.
You were much too different from all of them, and yet a part of him wanted to be closer to that.
But he knew that deep down his feelings wouldn't be enough.
He needed to act, and accept the consequences of what he did.
Right now, he was 16 in Seoul, watching you across the table.
ꫂ ၴႅၴ | Only those with excellent social standing and filthy rich families are lucky enough to spend their time here at the elite, private school, CORTIS Academy for the Gifted and Talented. The CORTIS Host Club is where the school’s most popular boys, who have too much time on their hands, entertain young ladies, who also —have way too much time on their hands. These young hosts’ sole purpose is to charm an array of young ladies, with no time for lowly pleasure such as relationships. But when a series of obstacles attempt to squander the single nature of the club, will each host truly not be swayed?
I. THE MISCHIEVOUS HOST
pairing: rich! eom seonghyeon x scholarship student! reader
synopsis ⇉ Nicknamed one of the resident ‘twins’ of the host club, Eom Seonghyeon’s main role in the prestigious CORTIS Academy Host Club is to bring mischief and entertainment into each guest’s lives. Alongside Keonho’s family, the Eom family has had a hand in producing Korea’s highest-grade instruments, and have created many famous musicians along the way. With a representative rose of the color orange, he represents a sly, and carefree fox in every aspect of his life. That is, until y/n l/n, a poor art student, stumbles into the host club and shatters a twenty-two million won vase. And also shatters the last of his ‘carefree’ attitude.
read me here ! (coming 07. 23)
II. THE ENERGETIC HOST
pairing: host! ahn keonho x host club client! reader
synopsis ⇉ As the other resident ‘twin’ of the Host Club, Ahn Keonho serves the guests with a refreshing charm. In contrast to his counterpart, he is very energetic and loud, always cracking jokes with the guests. With the representative rose of the color blue, he is seen as the prestigious CORTIS Academy Host Club’s residential golden retriever, living a carefree and privileged life that has never been swayed or interrupted. That is, until his so-called twin got a girlfriend, leaving him with almost double his usual clients. Good thing yn/ l/n, one of his favorite clients was able to calm down the array of fans—except, his favorite customer has eyes for every host but him!
read me here !
III. THE NONCHALANT HOST
pairing: host! kim juhoon x secret fiancee! reader
synopsis ⇉ The secretary and international officer of the Host Club, Kim Juhoon is decorated with the title of the most chill, laid-back, and reserved host. Many customers request him for his quiet and elegant charms, differing from the rest of the host club– making his request rate over 35%! This demeanor comes from his family’s long line of royal lineage, which they use to promote their renowned Global Entertainment Enterprises. He has a representative rose of the color purple, showing his zen mindset that is similar to a turtle that crosses the river. However, that zen mindset slowly starts to crack, as the president decides that he needs more help– recruiting the leader of the drama club as the CORTIS Academy Host Club’s first ever female manager. Except, the new manager turns out to be the heiress of one of the largest media companies, and Juhoon's fiancee!
read me here !
IIII. THE CHARMING HOST
pairing: host club president! martin edwards x hater! reader
synopsis ⇉ Of course, we can’t forget about the president of the CORTIS Academy Host Club. As president, Martin Edwards’ role in the host club is to plan events, manage the other hosts, and obviously–flirt. Born a natural sweet talker, Martin peruses each conversation with his clients with sultry and fun banter, making his re-request rate %100! The heir to MKE Talent Agency, he was trained to navigate and persuade people from a very young age, and hosting was no different. With a rose colored green, his greyhound-like tough exterior and soft interior never fails to charm him into anything, and anyone he wants. Except the head of the costuming department who he constantly butts heads with, y/n l/n. Will he be able to get you to cooperate for the end of year festival? Or will his charm finally run out?
read me here !
V. THE NERDY HOST
pairing: best friend! James x best friend! reader
synopsis ⇉ Last, but not least, Zhao Yufan is the backbone of the Host Club, operating as its’ vice president. The oldest of the group, James steps in when he needs to, but also helps to bring the chaos of each member to life. With clients, he is usually requested due to his awkward personality and quirky interests, creating a niche that makes the rich girls at CORTIS Academy request him time and time again. Being the next-in-line of a family filled with famous performers, James has always been used to attention. With a representative rose the color red, he normally flies through the days at the club with an air of swagger and undeniable awkwardness, just like an eagle. But, with all the other hosts locked in with their girlfriends, the club has slowly transitioned into the Love Club. As the resident single, while all the other hosts give great relationship advice, James is stuck dealing with all the wrong types of attention from single teenage girls! To get them, and his meddling clubmates, off his back, he devises a plan— his best friend y/n l/n, a huge declaration of love, and a fake relationship.
read me here !
a/n: I am so excited to start this series, seonghyeon's should come out in a few days, and the rest will follow a weekly schedule...if I can keep up lmao. I was recently rewatching OHSHC, and decided this would be the perfect AU for these boys. Please be kind, as this is one of my first full series that I am doing here, on Tumblr (yay). Most of all, don't forget to like, repost, comment, or even just message me about this- I love talking!
