#ctpsd

[bpdmutt]

being self-aware but still unable to change your own reactions is such a uniquely miserable experience

[hel7l7]

I try to get away Two fingered gun reaches down between my legs, finds the hot center of my body, stays there until I tingle and smile, chest heaving which each shuddering breath. Touch myself until I feel nothing real, till I become my own fantasy, use myself up like they taught me to I like to say I've grown but most days I feel like nothing has changed

[sarinisanta]

Feeling weird over the fact that lately I've been enjoying my family's presence more, and they have been enjoying mine more too and like...

They haven't changed? I feel like I'm more myself, less distant with them. Like I'm finally letting go of the grudges I've held over childhood trauma and...

Feeling responsible over how maybe the shitty relationship we had was because of me and not the other way around.

[kittyit]

"Trauma inevitably brings loss. Even those who are lucky enough to escape physically unscathed still lose the internal psychological structures of a self securely attached to others. Those who are physically harmed lose in addition their sense of bodily integrity. And those who lose important people in their lives face a new void in their relationships with friends, family, or community. Traumatic losses rupture the ordinary sequence of generations and defy the ordinary social conventions of bereavement. The telling of the trauma story thus inevitably plunges the survivor into profound grief. Since so many of the losses are invisible or unrecognized, the customary rituals of mourning provide little consolation.

The descent into mourning is at once the most necessary and the most dreaded task of this stage of recovery. [Survivors] often fear that the task is insurmountable, that once they allow themselves to start grieving, they will never stop.

The survivor frequently resists mourning, not only out of fear but also out of pride. She may consciously refuse to grieve as a way of denying victory to the perpetrator. In this case it is important to reframe the patient's mourning as an act of courage rather than humiliation. To the extent that the patient is unable to grieve, she is cut off from a part of herself and robbed of an important part of her healing. Reclaiming the ability to feel the full range of emotions, including grief, must be understood as an act of resistance rather than submission to the perpetrator's intent. Only through mourning everything that she has lost can the [survivor] discover her indestructible inner life."

Trauma and Recovery: The aftermath of violence –from domestic abuse to political terror by Dr. Judith Herman (read here)

[h8everything]

“Hatred, I learned quickly, was the antidote to sadness. It was the only safe feeling. Hatred does not make you cry at school. It isn’t vulnerable. Hatred is efficient. It does not grovel. It is pure power.” —Stephanie Foo

[angrytraumavoid]

Me as a teenager: I really relate to victims of child abuse. Weird, given my parents are amazing.

Me now: oh.

[aidenhartewrites]

Is it just me, or are people with PTSD demonized when their "fight or flight" response is "fight?"

It's the same thing going on internally, yet they are made to feel like evil monsters deserving of punishment, rather than people who deserve empathy and care.

I'm not a mental health professional in the least bit. I'm just an individual diagnosed with PTSD, who's "fight or flight" response is usually "fight," and this is something I've observed among my peers and in the media.

I was not able to get better until I found people who were willing to forgive me, support me as I continued to work on my reactions, and give me their patience until I finally felt safe with them. Obviously not everyone has the capacity to do this, but I'm grateful for the few that did. They changed my entire outlook on life. <3

[bpdmutt]

“just communicate” becomes a lot harder when your brain keeps treating uncertainty like a physical threat