#cw amatonormativity

[queerplatonic-culture-is]

Queerplatonic culture is not telling/doing anything in front of any of our friends/family because they’ll say we’re dating

queerplatonic culture is!

[magic4792]

the amount of fuckass amatonormativity in sex ed today jesus

we got like a virtual questionnaire about dating and shit and its like 'how do you know youre in love?' 'how do you treat a romantic partner?' 'how do you know if youre dating?' and like there was sexual consent stuff too but oH MY GOD

And then my teacher ezplains asexuality perfectly fine but then is like 'and aromantic people arent interested in dating or relationships at all' NO NO NO NO NO YOURE WRONG HOW DID YOU GET ACE = NO SEXUAL ATTRACTION BUT ARO = ZERO ATTRACTION OR RELATIONSHIPS WHATSOEVER

I - AUGHHHHHH I WAS SO MADDDDD

Finally just gave up at the end and said "sorry, im aromantic" LIKE

[our-aro-experience]

Ok this is driving me fucking crazy.

my best friend means the world to me and I want her to be happy but right now we’re both not very happy because we’re kind of in panic mode right now. This guy that she’s only been friends with for a little bit fell for her so hard and so fast and only wants an exclusive relationship with her. Like he wants to date her and is in love with her but that’s not possible because I exist, and she doesn’t feel attached to people like that. She’s aspec too nd has explained this to him and I’m glad he’s talking to her about it but I can’t help but be a little bit upset because I was there first!! I’ve known her longer than he ever will but he still wants exclusivity from her even though I haven’t even gotten the chance to see her yet? Why does falling in love automatically mean that you want this person and only this one person? Why did he seem disappointed when she said she couldn’t be exclusive?? Why does all of this even fucking matter?

He fell within a month and for some reason that hurts me. For some reason I feel like I’m just a liability even though she’s said that she loves me so deeply and cares a ton about me and has been my best friend for years who I plan on living with. Why am I the one, if this situation were viewed by anyone who isn’t aroace, the one who is expected to be cast aside even though I was there first? She’s not going to but the fact that he wants that from her, even if he’s not pushing it is so painful? I hate that friendships are viewed as lesser than romantic relationships. (Almost) everyone just wants to be loved so why can’t we just stop there?

he’s fine with me, like we’ve met but I’m still just hurt and confused. I wish someone explained this to me when I was younger because now I’m extremely lost.

amatonormativity SUCKS‼️

this situation seems complicated, and unfortunately i don’t know if there’s a way for everyone to get exactly what they want. this guy seems pretty serious, and i think his expectations are honestly really high. i’m glad that your best friend isn’t just dumping you for him though! she’s a real one <2

[anaviosi-springs]

this one is more in depth spoilers than the wintery bay joke so

when the name changes happen eve and lilith are denied sharing a last name because they aren't biologically related. this is a bit of commentary on the issue of how people don't conside found family to be "family enough" or not family unless you're married. it's also got a bit of homophobia and aphobia sprinkled in too.

[sex-repulsed-culture-is]

Sex-repulsed child-free culture is hearing that one of the effects of a disease is infertility or reduced libido and not being bothered by it while everyone else acts like it is the worst thing in the world, despite it being one of the least deadly effects :/

Why do some people think other people's sex lives and future planning and health are their business? Like sure, it might suck for some people to have these effects but ultimately, it's better than dying.

-Mod Eria

[graces-of-luck]

Well-being and Amatonormativity (Carnival of Aros, August 2021)

Word count: 713 words Reading time: Approximately 3-4 minutes Content warning: Amatonormativity

For this month's CoA, the theme is on amatonormativity and how it affects wellbeing.

Being aromantic, I feel intimately acquainted with the negative consequences of amatonormativity. Especially over the past year, I’ve been doing a deep dive into amatonormativity in order to better understand it and its impacts on society. The struggles of being aromantic can sometimes be dismissed or belittled or be used to pathologize aromanticism. This is why I find it important to name systems of oppression when discussing the experiences of aromanticism that are not so positive. I get frustrated when I see facts on queer mental health that demonstrate high rates of mental disorders but don’t contextualize them by explicitly naming the systems of oppression that contribute to these struggles.

Equipped with this knowledge, I have come to realize how many of my own struggles are rooted in amatonormativity. Especially as an adult when we are expected to be getting into committed romantic relationships and married, I find the negative impacts of amatonormativity very hard to avoid. It’s so pervasive, but I feel invisible when many around me just don’t see it (or don't see it as a problem). It feels like shouting into the void sometimes. Amatonormativity has a toll on my physical, social, emotional, and existential well-being, which culminates in struggles with mental health. Making friends as an adult is already challenging, but it’s frustrating that whenever I try to make friends, I have to worry about whether or not they’re amatonormative (most likely they are to some degree) and if they’ll end up hurting me if so- whether intentionally or unintentionally. I have to contend with the fact that people I care so deeply about might end up so willingly giving me up because of their romantic partners. It feels utterly dehumanizing and devaluing, as if I’m not worth it because I’m “just a friend.” Getting my needs met is also a challenge, especially when much of society deems that those needs should be met in a romantic partnership. It is difficult to live day in and day out and cope with stressors when a lot of my needs aren’t met. Healing is relational (for me, at least), but healing can be prevented when attempts at relating to others is often disrupted by amatonormativity. I shouldn’t have to be able to “love” in order to have my needs met or to be cared for. Planning a future and looking ahead feels bleak at times as I wonder whether I will just continue to be in this same situation. Many things I want for my life feel unreachable.

Given all this, how do we create lives we’re content with? How do we take care of ourselves? I admit that I sometimes feel a bit defeatist because of amatonormativity. It’s the dark cloud that hangs over me and impedes my thriving. As I try to build the life I want, it’s the torrential rain that tries to sweep away the seeds I sow. Despite the storm, I press onward and continue to hope for the best. One positive aspect of learning about amatonormativity, is that it actually helped me embrace my aromanticism. Before then, I wondered if I was a little broken, but afterwards I knew that it’s not me that is broken but society. Aromanticism for me is not just an orientation but it has also become a praxis for me, one that redefines how to relate to and care for others. This has helped me to become involved and active in challenging amatonormativity. For me, mitigating the negative impacts of amatonormativity isn’t just self-care but also doing things in a community. Participating in the aromantic community helps to reduce the negative impacts of being aromantic in a romance-focused society. My struggles feel less invisible, and it’s reassuring to know that there are people out there who relate. Enacting change also requires collective action and seeing the efforts that this community puts into advocacy and education and increasing visibility is inspiring and gives me hope. Amatonormativity is a force that threatens to take away our well-being, but we continue to create art, connections, knowledge, dreams, community. This is our resilience. We live in defiance of amatonormativity. Our very existence as aromantics in the face of amatonormativity is radical. Even if it’s hard and heartbreaking at times, I will continue daring to dream.

Cross-posted on WordPress

[queerplatonic-culture-is]

Queerplatonic culture is getting reminded of societal expectations and such.

I let it slip that me and my (opposite gender) qpp hug, cuddle, and hold hands to my parents and now they’re trying to get me to admit that me and them are dating.

“You’re in love and you’re in denial.”

“I hug and cuddle with [same gender friend] too. What’s the difference?”

“It’s different between boys and girls.”

Why is it different between boys and girls? They wouldn’t be saying that I was dating them if they were the same gender as me.

I hate this hetero/amatonormative world.

queerplatonic culture is!

@this-is-amato-heteronormativity

[queerplatonic-culture-is]

Queerplatonic culture is having the characters in the book you're writting outright state they're a QPR because you've seen people INSIST that 'if it was cannon it would have said so in the story'

which is infuriating in its own right

queerplatonic culture is!