TF2 MERCS AND WHAT FLOWERS I THINK THEY WOULD GET YOU
Note: every picture here is from pinterest
Enjoy🩷
🩷💛🩵🩷💛🩵🩷 💛🩵🩷💛🩵🩷💛🩵🩷
Scout: Lego flowers
When he asked spy for some advice on what flowers to get you, the response was to get you something unique that would impress you.
So the most logical thing for Scout was to get you a Lego flower set since the flowers won't wither and you will have a nice decoration that will remind you of him.
Soldier: wild flowers
He saw some dried flowers on the side of the road that reminded him of you.
Gathered a handfull of those and came running to show them to you. Ain't that sweet?
Pyro: crocheted flowers
He spend 3 months learning how to crochet and make them.
Took multiple tries before they turned out perfect and you can tell he poured all his love in them.
Demoman: Generic bouquet
He is sweet and lovable, but in reality, I don't think he knows anything about romance.
Therefore, he will get you the first most basic premade flower bouquet that his eye landed on. Sorry...
Heavy: Something classy
He can be described as stupid by some and terrifying by others, but at heart he is a distinguished gentleman.
He will get you something simple, but delicate.
Engineer: Tea flowers
He is a man that priorities functionality over looks so he will get you a bouquet of different flowers like lavander, roses or chamomile that you can dry and use for tea.
Medic: Also clasic, but bigger
Just like Heavy, he is a gentleman and will get you something classy.
But since he is a very flamboyant guy, Medic will have to show off by getting you the biggest bouquet he could find.
Spy: Something fancy
This motherfucker is an expert in romance and expensive things and so he will go all in by getting you the biggest and most breathtaking flower bouquet you've only seen on Pinterest boards.
Sniper: Handpicked
Another sweety that will bring you a bouquet of handpicked flowers. But Sniper will also add some wild berries he found around because they looked tasty.
Could you do tf2 mercs a kid reader who kinda shows up at the base some times? Like demo/engi and theyre teaching the kid how to make a bomb/sentry or scout playing baseball with em
🌤️ — platonic tf2 mercs will be forever in my heart ♡ enjoy!
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« Detected: family (caution, may be dangerous!) » 𖦹 ׂ 𓈒
— FANDOM: TEAM FORTRESS 2.
— CHARACTERS: THE RED TEAM MERCS x CHILD!READER.
— PLATONIC.
— HCS/CONCEPT.
— TW: BAD ENGLISH, BAD GRAMMAR, OOC, IT'S IMPLIED THAT READER IS ONLY FAMILIAR WITH THE RED TEAM, BLOOD, VIOLENCE, DEATH(I MEAN IT'S TF2), THEY'RE ALL WEIRD BUT AT LEAST NICE.
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— SCOUT:
☆ ┈ So, speaking of how a child ended up on base and was walking around peacefully...
☆ ┈ Imagine that you either lost your parents or got lost at all, and while wandering around, you accidentally stumbled upon the base, where Miss Pauling soon found you.
☆ ┈ The Administrator said that she didn't care what happened to you as long as you didn't interfere with the battles, and Miss Pauling couldn't bring herself to kill you, so..
☆ ┈ Yeah, now she's looking after you, and you sometimes hang out at the base.
☆ ┈ It would seem that Scout is the youngest of the mercenaries, which means he's the best at dealing with children, so what could go wrong?
☆ ┈ Everything. Everything went wrong. Let's not forget that Scout is incredibly overconfident, reckless, arrogant, and often gets into trouble.
☆ ┈ In other words, you won't have any trouble getting along with him, but you're not exactly safe with him.
☆ ┈ His first reaction to you was probably anxiety, as he might have been afraid that you were Miss Pauling's child or something like that, and that he didn't stand a chance now lol.
☆ ┈ Upon learning that you were just a random child whose parents weren't responding, Scout initially felt relieved before realizing that there was a child on the base.
☆ ┈ Jeremy isn't sure how to handle children, and after some thought, he decided that the best course of action was to teach you to be as cool as he is!
☆ ┈ Scout is definitely not the best mercenary to look after the kids, but he's better than the others. He's probably in the top five. He's the perfect middle ground.
☆ ┈ He's probably the first one to find out about your presence, which is why you spend the most time with him.
☆ ┈ Scout gives you a brief introduction to all the mercenaries (probably half-made up by him), and he's bragging about himself to make himself look good in your eyes.
☆ ┈ He doesn't know how to treat a child, so his behavior is similar to how his mother treats him, but in a more cheeky way.
☆ ┈ He will give you one of his caps, bragging that you are now his honorary follower. I think he's going to forget your name and call you "Mini Scout".
☆ ┈ He's probably going to fight with someone if the mercenaries decide that you should leave, because he doesn't want to lose his mini companion.
☆ ┈ Come on, you're almost as cool as he is! Let him enjoy the company that truly appreciates his skills >:/
☆ ┈ In any case, the mercenaries don't bother you (because Miss Pauling is watching over you, and she won't be happy if you get into trouble), soo Scout takes advantage of this to spend time with you when you're at the base.
☆ ┈ He plays baseball with you, that's for sure. At first, you don't do very well because he's terrible at explaining how to play, but later, by copying his moves, you start playing well.
☆ ┈ He jokes that you're his best opponent (because the other mercenaries aren't particularly eager to play with him), making you feel proud.
☆ ┈ Usually, when you spend time with Scout, it's outside. You either play and fooling around or just sit and relax after the games, while he talks loudly to you.
☆ ┈ He always brings cans of Bonk! for you two and some sweets that he stole from the Teufort store.
☆ ┈ He probably accidentally hit you with a ball a couple of times while you were playing baseball, and got kicked in the back a couple of times for being careless.
☆ ┈ If you're injured, he'll probably be panicked and try to help you first, and then he'll take you to someone who can properly treat you (but not Medic, he doesn't trust him when it comes to you)
☆ ┈ Jeremy will probably try to instill hatred in you towards The BLU Team. Even if you've never met them, he'll keep complaining about how they're all jerks. Especially when their team is losing.
☆ ┈ Knowing him, he'll always boast to you that the entire team will win because of him, because he's the best mercenary.
☆ ┈ Usually, when there's a possibility of a battle breaking out while you're at the base, Miss Pauling keeps you close to her, but sometimes you sneak away and accidentally end up on the battlefield.
☆ ┈ If Scout sees you on the battlefield, surrounded by blood and probably with someone's dead body nearby, his soul will leave his body, then return, and he'll run to take you somewhere safe.
☆ ┈ He wants to show off to you, yea, but Scout is terrified that a single stray bullet could take your life, and he's attached to you and doesn't want that to happen.
☆ ┈ He'll yell at any member of The BLU Team, threatening them not to even look at you. In fact, he might even draw the attention of The BLU Team to the fact that there's a child hanging around The RED Team's base.
☆ ┈ Almost the entire team doesn't trust him with you, except maybe Pyro, and even Pyro is against it because they want you to spend time with them instead of Scout.
☆ ┈ For him, the fact that you're spending time with other mercenaries is even worse than when you're not at the base.
☆ ┈ Scout often runs away with you when one of the other mercenaries is looking out for you, because with him you have more opportunities to have fun. And he's damn proud of it and brags about it to everyone.
☆ ┈ Well, you know, Jeremy's not bad at babysitting, considering what happened to him in the comics. He just needs to learn to understand that you're still a child and there are certain things you shouldn't do.
— "Not a bad game, kiddo. Maybe you'll even be able to beat me soon? Haha!"
With a grin, Scout playfully nudges you with his elbow, not too hard, but enough to make your body wobble slightly. Before you could complain that you lost today's game, he handed you a sandwich, probably to appease you. You picked up it, accepting his bribe, hungry after a long game.
— "..Did you get it from Heavy? Wouldn't he be angry?"
— "Ha! Who cares?" — Scout let out an impudent laugh, shrugging his shoulders, clearly not caring about the consequences. He reached out to take off his cap and pull it over your eyes, chuckling at your complaints, before he heard loud screams from the base.
Will he ever have the opportunity to spend time with you without the interference of others?!
— SOLDIER:
☆ ┈ Oh my god
☆ ┈ The fact that you're a child doesn't save you from being tried to be raised as a soldier.
☆ ┈ Just seeing you walking around the base, Soldier is sure that it's too early for you to walk around here, you're not a mercenary after all..
☆ ┈ And he couldn't think of anything better than to make you a mercenary.
☆ ┈ Probably ranks seventh among the others. Quite bad, but there are worse ones.
☆ ┈ He doesn't care about where you're from, who you belong to, or whether you should be here. To him, these questions seem like nothing more than a doubt in his attempts to prepare you to become a fighter.
☆ ┈ He probably often barges in when you're spending time with Scout, literally just picking you up and taking you with him to force you to train.
☆ ┈ Scout, by the way, isn't the only one Soldier steals you from. Soldier can approach you at any time, no matter who you're with, and just drag you away. The only one it doesn't work with is Demo because of their friendship.
☆ ┈ Soldier has no idea how to handle a child because he only knows how to handle soldiers (he doesn't even know that, but he's sure he's doing it), so you're treated like a recruit in the army.
☆ ┈ He constantly carries you in his arms because he thinks you're weak, and "he's here to help you."
☆ ┈ I wouldn't be surprised if he initially annoyed you a lot, but over time he will get used to you and become more of a funny one rather than annoying.
☆ ┈ Jane, probably like Scout, will forget your name 5 seconds after he hears it, although he doesn't really care, he didn't intend to remember it.
☆ ┈ At the beginning he just called you "soldier" or "rookie", but after getting used to you, he started calling you surprisingly pretty normal nicknames. You know, like in the game he calls Medic "cupcake", something like that.
☆ ┈ Soldier consistently loads you with training. Probably give you something impossible for your physical condition, like run 2 kilometers around the base or do 1000 push-ups on your fingers.
☆ ┈ At least after you get tired without even doing a quarter (it's understandable), he will dismiss it, thinking that as a new recruit it is forgivable and give you a 5-minute break, giving you the opportunity to escape.
☆ ┈ He is perplexed every time how you manage to get away. He could yell at you for it, but he respects the fact that you were able to escape from such an experienced fighter as he, so he will let it slide. But only once!
(nope, not once)
☆ ┈ Probably give you one of his helmets, because he collects them as war trophies. Almost your whole head fits in it, but looking at him it becomes clear why he doesn't care.
☆ ┈ When he meets you, he doesn't say hello, but asks you how to behave in a certain situation on the battlefield, and even if you say it correctly, he will be displeased, because there's literally no right answer for him.
☆ ┈ Expect Soldier to tell you "the story of the great America" at least 4 times a day. If you are at least a little familiar with the real history, probably you will feel sick from his words. Press F.
☆ ┈ He thinks that all the other mercenaries suck at "educating you," which is why he constantly takes you with him.
☆ ┈ It's not uncommon for Jane to be the first to argue with others about what your presence at the base should be.
☆ ┈ Yes, he can be annoying and noisy, constantly talking nonsense and forcing you to train as if you were really a mercenary...
☆ ┈ But he allowed you to try using his rocket launcher! To the horror of the adequate mercenaries in this place.
☆ ┈ Not that he cared. Soldier as a whole is not particularly worried that something might go wrong with you.
☆ ┈ ..Now go and see how to wring the neck of the enemy!
☆ ┈ Soldier is so used to the fact that mercenaries just respawn that he didn't even think about the fact that you might die on the battlefield, so sometimes he can bring you with him.
☆ ┈ He probably killed someone from The BLU Team in front of your eyes, thinking that if he showed you how to get rid of enemies, you would add the enthusiasm of a soldier. I hope you have strong nerves.
— "RECRUIT! Where are you?! Shirking your trainings won't make you a real soldier!"
You didn't even have time to say anything, as you saw a red spot from the base moving quickly in your direction, and soon you were casually picked up in your arms and the smug face (or rather only half) of Soldier appeared before your eyes.
— "HA! No one can hide from training! Now-"
— "Whoa whoa whoa, man, wait a minute, you can't just grab them and take them with you! They're hanging out with me, so go do whatever crap you usually do or somethin' and leave us!"
Scout exclaimed indignantly, trying to pull you out of Soldier's hands, which caused him to let you go and you fell to the ground unpleasantly. Well, it could have been worse..
— "..I don't remember asking for a boy's opinion, maggot!"
Deciding that while these two are fighting, you should go somewhere else to take a break from the hustle and bustle, you stealthily move away to the entrance of the base and walk briskly down the corridors.
— PYRO:
☆ ┈ I don't even know if I should feel sorry for you or not.
☆ ┈ Pyro themselves behaves like a child, and their bloody actions only make the situation worse, so you rarely find yourself next to them.
☆ ┈ Of course they won't hurt you! They may accidentally squeeze you too hard, but they will never do anything serious, so there is no reason for you to worry about injuries.
☆ ┈ But, eh, although they mean no harm, their appearance can be quite frightening.
☆ ┈ In eighth place after Soldier. They really treat you well, but they don't intentionally make you uncomfortable
☆ ┈ Surely your first meeting with Pyro was really creepy. You were just sitting quietly in a quiet corner of the base, hiding from Soldier, hoping that he would soon forget about you, when you hear loud footsteps and heavy breathing nearby.
☆ ┈ Sounds like a scene from a typical horror movie, right?
☆ ┈ In any case, Pyro is thrilled to see you! They already see their enemies as something cute and funny, rather than mercenaries who want to kill them, so they probably see you as a little princess/prince.
☆ ┈ They often drags you by the hand with them, humming something you don't understand. They wanted to carry you in their arms, but you don't seem to like it very much :(( They wonder why..
☆ ┈ Perhaps if they had known that these were not drops of water on their suit, but a blood of mercenaries from the enemy team, they would have understood?
☆ ┈ They probably the reason why you've seen most of The BLU Team's corpses. They often brings their remains, and if you manage to get on the battlefield and you notice Pyro, it generally resembles a bloodbath.
☆ ┈ The smell of fried meat is in the air as another BLU mercenary falls dead from having their head smashed in with an axe, and Pyro waves at you affably, indicating with their hand that you should wait for them at the base until they finish.
☆ ┈ To be honest, you doubted Pyro's sanity before, and after that incident you realized that it didn't exist as such.
☆ ┈ They regularly arrange tea parties with you. This is probably the most peaceful time around them, when you drink an actual tea, sitting in a strange, but charming setting.
☆ ┈ You, Pyro, and a few stuffed animals are sitting at a round table that has been ineptly painted pink, with cups of real tea (surprising, right?) and a few snacks from the kitchen on the table. Sometimes Engie is sitting with you if he's not too busy, but that's rare.
☆ ┈ In these moments, Pyro puts a crown on your head, and although you have no idea what's going on in their mind, they're clearly trying to make the moment special for you.
☆ ┈ Each of the mercenaries shows their affection in different ways. For Pyro, it's through gifts! Of all the mercenaries, they're the ones who bring you all sorts of items in attempt to make you happy.
☆ ┈ However, these items are usually useless or weird, such as burnt flowers wrapped in wire or charred skulls that they've likely brought from battle.
☆ ┈ Yea, Pyro has a strong affinity for anything related to fire, which is why most of the gifts have somehow survived the fire (sometimes on purpose, sometimes not).
☆ ┈ Occasionally, you'll receive a normal gift, like a stuffed animal. It's usually a unicorn or another cute-looking animal.
☆ ┈ They always get upset when they see you sad or angry, so if they see you in a bad mood, they'll wrap their arms around you, squeezing you too tightly, leaving you hanging limply in their arms.
☆ ┈ Whether you're a teenager or a young child, they see you as something in between, appearing as something little and charming. It would even be cute if it weren't for the fact that they don't understand reality.
☆ ┈ Pyro doesn't understand why you sometimes suddenly leave the base, and they miss you dearly. If they had their way, you'd stay at the base forever...
☆ ┈ ..But apparently, if you're leaving, it's for a good reason. In any case, they'll be waiting for you, and when you return, they'll give you a drawing of the two of you!
Wandering through the corridors of The RED Team base, you hear a soft but distinct hum nearby. Everyone is probably busy with their own tasks right now.
Eh, doesn't matter. You only need a sandwich to start your day off right.
As you pass by the mercenaries' rooms, you notice a quiet sound coming from Pyro's room, and you see that the door is slightly ajar.
Intrigued, you approached the door with quiet steps and looked inside. You were greeted by a familiar sight, where Pyro was sitting at a table, pretending to have a tea party, with drawing of you, pinned to the chair, plush toys...
Deciding that you'll come back another time, you quickly leave before they look up to see if there's anyone at the door.
— ENGINEER:
☆ ┈ Oh, we've reached the mercenaries who can handle children properly.
☆ ┈ Engineer was one of the few who really cared about what the child was doing at the base. This is a place of battles, not a playground, you know, children definitely don't belong here.
☆ ┈ He suggested that you should be taken to the city, but Scout objected, distorting Miss Pauling's explanation (since he didn't remember it very well) why you were here and that you had nowhere to go in general.
☆ ┈ You know, he has pretty dubious feelings about it. After all, it's dangerous for you here, you never know if you'll get hurt or see, well, things that you shouldn't see..
☆ ┈ But, uh, seems like you're already getting used to this place, so maybe if he keep an eye on you, then everything will be fine...
☆ ┈ Like, in any case, what can he do? Take you to the city on his own? It's unlikely that you'll be better off there, alone, with nowhere to go, surrounded by idiots who probably don't even remember their own names.
☆ ┈ Engie is firmly in second place among the mercenaries who treat you best. Probably, if it weren't his tendency to be overprotective, he would have been in the first place.
☆ ┈ No matter what anyone says, I can see how Engineer treats you, perhaps a little more defensively than he should.
☆ ┈ On the other hand, he has a great excuse: it's actually dangerous for you to be here. There are people here who can't be trusted with a child at all (he doesn't want to name names, but ahem, Soldier and Medic...)
☆ ┈ I don't know, I just think he's one of the few people who takes the fact that now the team have a child in their base seriously.
☆ ┈ I wouldn't be surprised if Dell, if not your favorite, is definitely one of them, because he's so nice to you! A pure parental figure.
☆ ┈ He often calms you down if you're worried about something, he's actually interested in your opinion and listens to your words, and it's just nice to spend time with him because you feel that he cares about you.
☆ ┈ Engineer is a busy guy, he has a lot of work, but..for you, he is ready to change his schedule a little.
☆ ┈ Usually, if you get tired of playing with Scout and "training" with Soldier, or you get bored with the company of Heavy and Sniper, you come to him.
☆ ┈ You ask him what he's doing again, and he explains something to you in a pleasant voice about mechanisms in which, frankly, you don't understand anything, but you listen to him with interest anyway.
☆ ┈ Of course, he understands that you don't know what he's talking about at all, but he's amused by how attentively you're listening to him. You remind him of himself as a child..
☆ ┈ Usually, when he realizes that he's gotten carried away, he smoothly changes the subject to how your day went and what you were doing while you weren't at the base.
☆ ┈ You know, Engineer doesn't want to seem intrusive or anything, but he thinks that you shouldn't spending time with some of the mercenaries.
☆ ┈ Dell is not happy that Medic and Soldier are trying to make you the same madmen, thta Scout consistently poses a threat to you, and that after visiting Spy you disappear for a few hours and then show up in the kitchen as if nothing had happened.
☆ ┈ You have the right to choose how you spend your time among The RED Team, but he would appreciate it if you came to him from time to time instead of hanging around a bunch of crazies.
☆ ┈ If you are interested in his work..Well, he'll be happy to show you how it all works!
☆ ┈ Engineer tells you how his creations work in general, trying to explain it in a way that you would understand. It would be nice if he had a little assistant..
☆ ┈ By the way, you don't have to worry about him if you ever accidentally (or intentionally) get on the battlefield, because he has a Sentry Gun to protect you.
☆ ┈ Well, he will probably have a heart attack twice if he sees you on the battlefield and tells you to go to a safe place, but you were able to see his inventions in action, hooray!
☆ ┈ Imagine that Blu Spy was about to break his Sentry Gun or Dispenser, and you were there, causing him to fall into a stupor for a moment. It'll probably make him and the whole The BLU Team wonder what the hell a kid is doing with the RED Team.
☆ ┈ In short, to sum up, Engineer is probably one of the best people to spend time with mercenaries. Have fun!
Yep, sandwich was delicious. But it's a pity that there wasn't much of it, and now you want more...
Oh, maybe Heavy can share with you? You could do it yourself, but they don't trust you with the knife. You wonder where he is...
With your hand, brushing off the crumbs from your face that stick to your mouth, you look into Heavy's room without a doubt..But he's not there.
Damn.
Hearing a noise nearby, you quickly stepped back from the door, fearing that you had been spotted, but based on the curses and grumbling, it seemed like something had fallen in the workshop.
Just a few steps away from the workshop, you see Engie standing over..what was it, Sentry? You don't remember very well, to be honest... And although you didn't want to distract him from his work, you had a question to ask.
— "Engie." — you called out to him, causing him to straighten up and turn to you, and in a second, his confused expression turned into his usual smile.
— "Hey there, kiddo." — he greeted you briefly but warmly, turning back to the table, continuing to do something — "I'd love to chat, but I'm knee-deep in work right now. You can wait here if ya want."
— "Actually, I was wondering if you knew where Heavy was.."
— "That big guy? Likely stuffing himself."
Welp, you don't need to be told twice, you've heard everything you wanted to hear, and you walked out of the workshop with an impatient stride.
Engineer just turned his head to ask why you were looking for Heavy in the first place, but you were already gone. He just shook his head and returned to work, muttering something about how fidgety you were.
— HEAVY:
☆ ┈ Here he is, the best of the best.
☆ ┈ Maybe some think that Heavy wouldn't make a good caregiver, BUT guys he had three younger sisters to look after, so he knows exactly how to handle a child.
☆ ┈ He's definitely the best of all mercenaries when it comes to hanging out with you.
☆ ┈ He's a family guy, so it's not even a task for him, but rather an opportunity to take a break from his life as a mercenary.
☆ ┈ He was originally going to take you to civilization, like Engineer, because obviously the child couldn't just be in such a wilderness and most likely you're from Tuefort.
☆ ┈ But, um, since you don't have a place to go, maybe leave you here not so bad idea..
☆ ┈ Heavy is a man of few words. He prefers action over words, so it might be challenging to get along with him at first, but you'll likely come to consider him your best friend or something like that.
☆ ┈ At first, Heavy might even seem intimidating, so you'll avoid him for a while, much to his frustration.
☆ ┈ Over time, you notice that he, in general, seems more attractive company than Spy or Soldier, so one day you make an effort to get to know him, approaching him and starting a conversation.
☆ ┈ From then on, you'll often find yourself by Heavy's side. Sometimes it's nice to just sit with someone in silence after a busy day, you know.
☆ ┈ For Mikhail, you're a reminder of his family. You reminds him of his sisters and his childhood..Probably, that's why he's especially soft with you.
☆ ┈ Remember how he said that he wasn't afraid of anyone, but Pyro scared him? Well, this is a similar situation. Heavy doesn't have any weaknesses. But he does have a soft spot for you..
☆ ┈ Your company is like a vacation for him. He feels at peace when you're around, even though your activity may be a bit more than he can handle.
☆ ┈ I guess other mercenaries share this feeling with him, because he can't explain how it is that there's always confusion around you, and many try to win you over.
☆ ┈ Little men are willing to fight for you. Funny. He knows that their fights won't make any difference.
☆ ┈ Heavy introduces you to Sasha and tells you about it and his family. He speaks so convincingly about Sasha being alive that at some point, you'll start to believe it yourself.
☆ ┈ He'll probably ask you about your family, because he'd like to know how it is that you're now free to roam around the base.
☆ ┈ TELL HIM THAT YOU CONSIDER THE MERCENARIES YOUR FAMILY, it will be a strong blow to his heart.
☆ ┈ Mikhail will try to teach you Russian if you're interested. The process is slow, but you're making progress. He's proud.
☆ ┈ It's not surprising that you'll start to show interest in weapons over time, considering that you spend a lot of time around the damn mercenaries, who have a lot of weapons.
☆ ┈ Heavy doesn't approve of the fact that some of the mercenaries don't take it seriously, because weapons are not toys for children.
☆ ┈ Speaking of toys..To make you lose interest in real weapons, he will buy you a toy gun when he has some free time.
☆ ┈ Watching Heavy explaining to you with a serious face how to use your new "weapon" while you stand there, filled with joy, makes me think that it's a damn smart move.
☆ ┈ I'm not even sure if you'll ever accidentally slip onto the battlefield with this guy by your side. He's always there to remind you to stay away from anything silly.
☆ ┈ How is it that he's always by your side? You'd like to know, but for now, this mystery remains hidden from you...
☆ ┈ He's more of a listener than yapper. He allows you to express yourself about everything that has happened to you during your time at the base, while he patiently listens to you without saying a word.
☆ ┈ He's probably the best cook for you. If you're hungry, you're more likely to go to him rather than another mercenary to ask for food.
☆ ┈ Heavy has taught you how to make sandwiches, but only under his guidance. You shouldn't leave a child alone with a knife.
☆ ┈ Heavy is s also a great pillow. If you're tired after a long day, you can sit next to him to rest, and if you accidentally fall asleep, he'll gently carry you somewhere where you can sleep peacefully.
☆ ┈ Big brother figure fr fr.
Ah, here it is, one of your favorite places on the base. Kitchen.
Well, if you could call it a kitchen. The entire base was a bunch of rooms connected by hallways and doorways, and so it was here.
The kitchen was at the end of a hallway, with a corner between the walls filled with all sorts of kitchen appliances, including a sink, a refrigerator, a stove, and a bunch of cabinets, half of which were always open.
While loud laughter and a lot of noise came from the next room, where everyone usually gathered to eat or just relax, you approached the refrigerator, hoping to find something there.
So, what do we have...Alcohol, more alcohol, Sniper's jars, lots of alcohol, ham for sandwiches, and some old bread that was put in the refrigerator to keep it from going bad. Maybe there was something else on the top shelves, but you couldn't reach it to see.
Yeah, the variety is really high. And there's not even a knife on the kitchen table to at least cut the food. Bummer. Who the hell puts the knife in the top drawer?!
You reach for the bread, because it's the only thing in the fridge that you can eat (tearing up a huge piece of ham with your bare hands isn't a great idea), but out of the corner of your eye, you notice a movement towards you that catches your attention.
As soon as you turn your head, a sandwich is handed to you. You stare at the food for a while until you realize that you are being offered food, and you taking the treat.
— "Thanks Heavy !!"
The big man just nods, holding a piece of sandwich for himself. Although it was noisy, it was hard to not notice you in the huge doorway.
— "You were with Scout." — he said firmly, with anyone else, you would have been taken aback, but you were already used to Heavy's lack of conversation, so you understood that he was asking why Scout wasn't with you.
— "Soldier came to us and they started fighting, so I left."
— "I see."
For a while, the two of you just stood there in silence, eating sandwiches, but then there was an explosion from the next room, which naturally made you both jump.
Heavy went first to check what was wrong, and you followed carefully, trying to make as few movements as possible, as if that would help you stay hidden.
— DEMOMAN:
☆ ┈ "We should be friends forever, aye?" ahh energy.
☆ ┈ Demo is not soo bad when it comes to looking after children. His mother taught him the boundaries of decency, you know.
☆ ┈ The only problem is...He's always drunk, which often leads to inappropriate behavior. And this creates a number of other issues.
☆ ┈ However, as surprising as it may seem to you, there's a low risk of harm with him. Yea, he's probably completely drunk, he cares about you, and the thought of you being hurt makes him sober up.
☆ ┈ It's not long-lasting, but it does have an effect. If someone needs him to come to his senses, they can simply mention that you're currently near The BLU Team, and Demo will immediately wake up.
☆ ┈ Demoman is in fourth place on our list, I believe. He's nice to you, but since he's constantly drunk, he may behave in an inappropriate manner.
☆ ┈ He probably thinks that your parents or caretaker abandoned you in the middle of nowhere, which is why you're here.
☆ ┈ After all, the closest city to the base is Tuefort, and there are plenty of brainless idiots there. It wouldn't surprise him if someone decided they didn't need you and brought you here to get rid of you.
☆ ┈ The first thing you hear from him is "eughh f☆ck yer parents" before he falls over, mumbling something while drunk.
☆ ┈ Great way to start, isn't it?
☆ ┈ At first, he's wary of you because he's sure his appearance will intimidate you. Tavish is an eternally drunk, one-eyed Scot, he probably looks like a monster to you.
☆ ┈ And he's honestly..surprised when you don't seem to mind. But he's even happy about it. Considering that you regularly visit the base, you'll see each other often, so it's better if you get along.
☆ ┈ By the way, he constantly forgets why are appearing at the base lol. When Demo tries to remember, he thinks the team just took you in and you're living with them now, and he looks for you every time you return to Miss Pauling.
☆ ┈ He even set up one of the storage rooms as a room for you. It's a mix of items stolen from different corners of the base, but he tried his best.
☆ ┈ Plus, it's still nice to have your own secret place (which everyone knows about, but you don't need to understand that)
☆ ┈ To be honest, Demoman is like an always-drunk uncle or distant relative to you. He can make you laugh, he can be annoying, or just say odd shit, but he's still something you're used to.
☆ ┈ I imagine that when he's particularly drunk, he might try to offer you a drink, only to get a wrench thrown at his head.
☆ ┈ He often tells you funny and sometimes not-so-funny stories that happened to the RED Team during battles.
☆ ┈ Tavish is always doing those annoying gestures, just to see your annoyed face, like carefully pulling your ears or nose, just to make you grumble at him.
☆ ┈ It's not all bad. He's the most clingy of mercenaries, so if you enjoy physical contact, go to a drunk Demoman and ask for a hug.
☆ ┈ He's pressing you against his chest, crying because he's been drinking too much again, and he's mumbling incoherently while you're stuck in his overly tight embrace.
☆ ┈ The smell of alcohol isn't exactly nice, but at least you feel loved.
☆ ┈ You probably caught Demoman in the middle of spending time with BLU Soldier. He's bribing you with candy to keep quiet about it, and you're keeping quiet because you think others know about it too.
☆ ┈ Sometimes you complain about his behavior when he's drunk, but when he's sober, bastard just pretends to be drunk again and falls asleep until you leave.
☆ ┈ I could say that he might accidentally bring you to the battlefield while drunk, but, eh, I highly doubt it.
☆ ┈ He might tell you about the dangers of the battlefield to discourage you from going there. Naturally, it doesn't work on you, but he doesn't know how else to make you avoid dangerous places.
☆ ┈ By the way, Demoman is actually good at spending time with you. He's always trying to cheer you up.
☆ ┈ Like, imagine if he put his hands in his vest and only showed his palms, and he said he was a turtle to make you laugh, or he'll go with you to blow up something nearby.
☆ ┈ This man can explain chemistry to you in a way that even the best chemistry teacher in the world couldn't.
☆ ┈ Considering everything the mercenaries teach you, you can proudly claim that you're a smart child, and you'll be right because you know things they don't.
☆ ┈ Demo will teach you how to make explosives out of whatever you have on hand! Just don't overdo it, or both of you will get into trouble.
☆ ┈ Well, you know, it could be worse. Uncle Demo actually sounds pretty good.
Unsurprisingly, Demo was the cause of the explosion.
He lay on the floor, as he fell from the chair, while a huge trail of ash was left beside him on the bright tile. His face was frozen in silence, before he laughed, and he was laughing, and grinning with laughter.
Medic, who had been sitting next to him, leaned forward slightly to check Demoman's condition, looking at him with a bored expression, as if he expected something else.
— "..I vas sure zat thing vill explode in your hands."
— "As if that could kill me!"
You heard a quiet sigh from Heavy, who looked quite disappointed in the situation, but you found something funny in it, making you giggle, attracting the attention of Demo and Medic.
— "Ohh, hi lit'le one- *hic* ..Jane was lookin' for ya."
Demo says, nope, rather mumbles, probably drunk again, barely getting up from the floor, staggering in all directions.
He was still talking to you- but you didn't understand a word. Your gaze shifted to Medic, who was looking at you with his chin propped on his elbow and his usual smile.
— MEDIC:
☆ ┈ Okay, I love this man, and you probably love this man too, but he's not someone you'd want to run into in real life.
☆ ┈ Although Medic is, let's say, very much in violation of medical ethics, he's not going to experiment on you..And yet, he's still pretty creepy.
☆ ┈ If you're not opposed to a crazy person who's proud of it, then you're in the right place. If not, I'd suggest keeping your distance from him.
☆ ┈ He's at the bottom of our list. He's not trusted to be alone with you, and you're rarely together. Some people just think it's a bad idea, and some even worry about you :p
☆ ┈ If you're alone with him, it's either by accident or because Heavy is nearby. It seems like the big man is the only one who trust Medic with you.
☆ ┈ Everyone else? Yeah, they definitely don't approve of him, and try to convince you to stay away from Medic, to his misunderstanding.
☆ ┈ Medic actually is disappointed. He hoped to get a little assistant, or at least someone who valued his genius :((
☆ ┈ Ludwig always speaks to you friendly, calling you in a playful manner as if you are his native child he has long not seen.
☆ ┈ He had been on the basis of the first day he had seen you. Isn't this place interesting if it's chaos to add the same chaotic child?
☆ ┈ Medic wants to make you a mini version of yourself, briefly speaking. With fun trying to persuade you to try to help him with the operation of someone or put experiments.
☆ ┈ Damn proud if you agree to help him and clumsily, but in general, do everything he asks. Don't you think you should try operating on someone more often?
☆ ┈ Well, not with experiments over The BLU Team. You don't know (or don't understand) what's going on outside the base on the battlefield, and explain it will be difficult enough.
☆ ┈ If you catch him experimenting on someone from The BLU Team , he just tells you that you have enough experience for this operation..You still can come in and watch, however. (not worth)
☆ ┈ Constantly calls you German nickname, like "Schatz" or "Mein liebes kind", Medic often switches to German when talking to you, making you feel confused.
☆ ┈ Once you accidentally hit, running on the base, playing with someone, fell and crashed knee, which caused you to lead to the medical. After the stories of others that he's a strange enough guy, you frankly were afraid to go to him..
☆ ┈ ..But it wasn't as bad as you thought. You were not put experiments, you were not cut off your head and not coped in your organs.
☆ ┈ He just treated your wound, and at the end gave you a candy he usually supplies for Pyro, praising you for courage.
☆ ┈ Since then, he's been giving you regular (often unnecessary) medical check-ups, saying that you need someone to take care of your health after all.
☆ ┈ Sometimes, it's just an excuse for him to spend some time with you, because you usually hang around more desirable company than him.
☆ ┈ You might think that you've been told a lot of nonsense about him, but one day, when you just wanted to chat with him, you saw his less-than-humane actions and decided that maybe the others were right about something..
☆ ┈ Sometimes, you come to him, sitting in the corner of the room and drawing something with a pen and a small piece of paper that he gave you to keep you occupied while Ludwig tells you some weird stories.
☆ ┈ His pigeons love you! You sometimes bring them treats, and eventually, a small group of these feathered creatures gathers around you. Archimedes prefers to stay close to Medic, but he sometimes sits next to you.
☆ ┈ Maybe one day, he'll invite you to watch the RED and BLU fight from a safe distance, so you can see how they deal with their enemies.
☆ ┈ Come on, there's no harm in getting hurt accidentally. He can always heal you later!
☆ ┈ To be honest, it's hard to say for sure about Medic. He's not that bad, after all, and he's nice to you, but his behavior can be scary, and the other mercenaries think he's setting a bad example for you, so you don't spend much time together.
☆ ┈ Sometimes, you hear Medic grumbling that the mercenaries, who were laughing as they ruthlessly killed an enemy team just this morning, think his company will be worse for you..What a double standards!
☆ ┈ Ah, it doesn't matter. You still sneak over to him to listen to his crazy stories about what's been happening on this base.
☆ ┈ If someone gets on your nerves, remember that he's always there for you! He can listen to you, or steal someone's organs... It depends on the situation.
— "Ach, it's been a vhile since ve last sav each other, kind! How you feeling?"
— "I'm fine!"
— "Hmm, an extra medical check-up might not hurt.."
— "What for? Kid seems to be fine." — Demo objects for some reason, leaning back against the table, looking at Medic as if he had just suggested burying you alive.
— "Vhy not? Or perhaps you do not trust my medical skills?"
— "If anyone asks, I'm walking around." — you're not interested in arguments and fights today, so you quickly passed them by, hurrying out the door and stealing another sandwich from the table along the way.
Even though you were already a good distance away, you could still hear them arguing. Poor Heavy, he'll have to listen to this..
— SNIPER:
☆ ┈ Why is it so hard for me to write something about him ughh
☆ ┈ Sniper usually always keeps his distance from the team, used to the hermit lifestyle, so he was the last to know that a kid had appeared on the base from somewhere.
☆ ┈ When you first met it was a bit awkward. You and Scout were hanging out together, and at some point he saw Sniper nearby and pulled you in to introduce you.
☆ ┈ The two of you looked at each other in silence, wondering what to say before you briefly exchanged names and you left, interested in something else.
☆ ┈ Sniper couldn't understand why you were still here at first, Scout's explanations didn't help much either, so he'll probably just ask you directly.
☆ ┈ In fact, for the most part you only started getting along because Scout was encouraging it so you could spend time together as a trio.
☆ ┈ Sniper was against it at first (because why would they bring a kid around?), but he soon got used to you. You're..nice, although he's surprised how calm you are about being surrounded by a bunch of mercenaries.
☆ ┈ He doesn't consider himself, and never has, a person who gets along with kids, but it seems to work for you.
☆ ┈ Mick is a quiet guy, so if the base is particularly noisy and you want some peace, you always go to his camper.
☆ ┈ Sniper silently lets you in, and you sit quietly with your thoughts while he goes about his business or hangs around nearby, watching what you're doing.
☆ ┈ He's a great listener. If you're worried about something but don't know if you should tell others about it, you can always tell him. He won't force you to do anything, but he'll give you advice on how to handle it.
☆ ┈ Sometimes, his inaction is even more effective than persuasion, to be honest.
☆ ┈ He constantly says that he doesn't care about you as long as you don't bother him, even though he was sitting with you just five minutes ago, doing all what you want.
☆ ┈ He sometimes takes you on walks or just spends time outdoors when they don't need to fight. Sniper doesn't know where you go or what you do when you're not at the base, but it's unlikely that you often venture outside.
☆ ┈ If you have any interest in camping, you'll probably become best friends with him, as he often takes you out to relax from the hustle and bustle of the base.
☆ ┈ I think Sniper is in third place in the rankings. It's going to take you two some time to get along, but it's worth it because he really cares about you, even if he has his own way of showing it.
☆ ┈ After you found out from Scout that he'd spent a lot of time in the bush, you regularly ask Sniper to tell you about it. And he doesn't mind, actually.
☆ ┈ Just don't ask for details. It's too early for you to know about such bloodshed.
☆ ┈ Although he likes you, Mick doesn't approve of you staying at the base, and he's suggested several times that he take you back to your real family, but it seems like you've grown too attached to this place to want to leave.
☆ ┈ He doesn't understand why anyone thought it was a good idea to leave you here in the first place. Okay, so Miss Pauling is your caretaker now (which he doesn't approve of too), but it's still a battlefield!
☆ ┈ The other mercenaries don't seem to think about it, or they don't want to think about it. Sniper can't say he blames them; among the grumpy adult men, having a cheerful child around sounds like a relief.
☆ ┈ Sniper will briefly tell you about his youth if you're interested in learning more about him. For the most part, it's pleasant memories of his family.
☆ ┈ He doesn't want you to emulate the mercenaries (well, specifically what they do on the battlefield), but unlike the others, he acknowledges the possibility that you might be in danger, so Sniper will teach you what to do if you're attacked.
☆ ┈ It's self-defense, but more violent. Sniper will even give you a small hunting knife after teaching you how to use it.
☆ ┈ He hasn't told you who you might need to defend yourself from, but he has warned you to avoid people in blue clothes. This isn't the first time you've heard about them, but you still haven't figured out who they are.
☆ ┈ Sniper might try to teach you how to shoot... But the last attempt didn't go well. You missed, and the bullet flew around, banging into iron poles.
☆ ┈ You've tried to convince him to try again, but he says it's not the right time :(
☆ ┈ Overall, Sniper is a good companion. Although he's not very talkative, his presence brings a sense of understanding to you.
☆ ┈ Would it be true to tell his parents that he has a child?..
Although it was usually noisy outside the base, when everyone were inside, the place seemed almost harmonious.
But still, standing around like a fool on the street isn't a great idea, so you're heading towards Snipes's camper, you want to sit in peace, and you can't think of a better place than this!
Soon, his camper comes into view, and you quicken your step. Snipes, who is standing outside (probably lost in thought again), turns his head towards you and lazily waves from a distance.
He gestures to his camper, asking you without words if you want to come in, to which you nod vigorously (as if this would make him see better), and he goes inside, probably to get something for you.
You might have gone to see him already, but your attention was drawn to a column of smoke coming from the direction of...some place. You had seen guys heading in that direction several times, but they had forbidden you to go there, and whenever you tried to join them, they always caught you and sent you back to the base!
..Well, you don't go straight there, you quickly go to see for five minutes, and immediately return.
However, you didn't leave for long, as you soon felt a hand pulling your clothes back.
— SPY:
☆ ┈ Oh, uh... This is a very difficult situation.
☆ ┈ Let's be honest, when it comes to Spy and the child, it's always a difficult situation. You know why. Scout.
☆ ┈ Spy is not a good father, definitely not. But he does care about Scout, it's evident in the comics, and he has a certain weakness for children (also from the comics).
☆ ┈ He didn't become a parent to Scout, and he has no intention of becoming a parental figure for you. However..your very image appeals to his conscience, which he was certain had long been dead.
☆ ┈ He respects Miss Pauling, and they have a decent relationship, but after he found out about her keeping you and allowing you to enter the base, his respect decreased.
☆ ┈ This place is not for a child. Being here puts your life at risk, after all, there's no stopping you from venturing outside the base and accidentally running into The BLU Team, and if they find out you're from the REDs, they might not appreciate it.
☆ ┈ Spy tries to avoid spending time with you, he doesn't want to be a sitter, and he doesn't understand why the other mercs don't mind it.
☆ ┈ I just like the idea of you trying to get along with him because you think he's cool, and he's trying to avoid you, hoping that your attention will shift to someone else..Does the Administrator even know you're here?
☆ ┈ Sometimes, when you're particularly persistent, he might stop to distract you for a few minutes and then leave.
☆ ┈ He's not soft with you, but he's not cruel either, I'd say it's a cold form of politeness. You don't really understand if he likes you or if you're just annoying him..He doesn't seem to be sure himself.
☆ ┈ Maybe he's in the sixth place of our ranking. It's not great, but it's not terrible.
☆ ┈ Spy occasionally keeps an eye on you when you're unsupervised, making sure you don't cause any problems that he and the team would have to fix later.
☆ ┈ You might occasionally notice that he's nearby, but it's very rare. Mostly, he's standing silently in the distance, observing you discreetly.
☆ ┈ Imagine that you're sensitive to smoke, so it's easier for you to find him when he's around.
☆ ┈ Scout once showed you the location of Spy's room, his smoking area, yk. Now, you sometimes go there to annoy him or if you want something from him.
☆ ┈ You've sneaked in a couple of times, but he never lets you inside himself because the place smells too much like cigarette smoke, and you start coughing violently.
☆ ┈ Seriously, stop. It's for your own good.
☆ ┈ He's obviously the last one who wants to keep you company in something. As I said, he tries to stay away and watch something.
☆ ┈ Let others enjoy your attention. He's quite enough of a distance. In this regard, he probably can even understand why other mercenaries are so adorable to you: children's years are the most memorable.
☆ ┈ Spy often swears in French when you're around, whatever you don't understand him. It was very awkward when you started to repeat the words, and he had to teach you others that you wouldn't swear, not knowing.
☆ ┈ You'll be surprised..But he's pampering you most. Sometimes when you're stuck with him, and if he's busy or got other plans, he just gives you a decent amount of money, saying something like "go take yourself what you want", leaving.
☆ ┈ And you? You don't mind..Making other mercenaries to wonder where you have all these things. Besides Sniper, because he the one takes you to Tuefort, that you'd buy what you want.
☆ ┈ Oh, it would be nice if you tried to buy the other mercenaries gifts and him too. He had long thought if it was worth throwing it out, but he had never found his strength and hid it where he would find it.
☆ ┈ You had a feeling when you know someone remotely and practically don't interact, but still think it's cool? Well, there's something wrong with him.
☆ ┈ ..Honestly, he's even a little flattered that you're interested in them. Yet, he's not a suitable company for you.
☆ ┈ But exactly better than Medic or Pyro, if these two try to take you away with him, and the spy will be near, he will take you, and then give someone more adequate.
— "..You shouldn't venture too far from the base." — you hear Spy's voice behind you, and you turn around to see him looking at you with a face that's not exactly angry, but rather disappointed.
— "I..wasn't planning to go far."
— "Indeed?" — he asks you slowly, letting go of you, holding the cigarette in his other hand, trying to tilt it away from you.
Although you are rarely scolded, you always feel awkward when it happens..Fortunately, you were saved by Snipes calling out to you, and you quickly walked over to him, muttering an apology to Spy.
The masked man shook his head, throwing his cigarette on the ground and extinguishing it with his foot before he disappeared into thin air. It's time for you to learn what you can and cannot do.
..:*･ﾟ☆.｡.:*･ﾟﾞ｡.:*･ﾟ☆.｡.:*･ﾟ🌤
🌤️ — I DID IT omgg...
🌤️ — sorry for the late update!! also, DAMNN, I hope this is good, I'm always afraid that I don't write the characters well in TF2 :')
🌤️ — this is probably my biggest hcs, as I've never done 9 characters at once before, so it took quite a bit of time. I'd love to hear your feedback! ahh, anyway, hope you like it, have a good day ☆
Can we have a scenario with the tf2 mercs of how they react If you're gonna go on a long trip like a vacation or something like that And how badly do they miss you or how do they act when they you get back Would they be all over you or just trying to cuddle with you?
Okay so. I would do individual ones but I feel they all fall into one of 4 catagories!!
Masterlist
The…
“Oh? You’re back?” - Heavy , engineer , ms Pauling
They’re all nonchalant , giving you a peck on the wheel asking if you want anything keeping their cool but you could see in their eyes they’re just so overwhelming happy to see you. Keeping a rational head! But don’t mistake them their yearning ran to their souls.
“DONT EVER LEAVE ME AGAIN!” - scout , soldier
Loud , brash and chaotic. Even if you called them everyday when you get back you’re getting tackle hugged and yelled at to never leave again as if you just came back from what was meant to be a suicide mission or something! They aaaaalllll over you so good luck moving tonight
“It’s nice to have you back in my arms..” - engineer , spy , Zhanna , demoman
A yearner and proud , they don’t hide the fact they missed you as they kiss you all over wistfully complaining about how they were oh so alone! How tragic am I right? They joke but they definitely aren’t letting you be tonight
“I’m not letting you out of my sight again dumbass.” - Sniper , pyro , medic
These yearners are quiet. They just smiled coming over giving you a quick hug but if you dare try to let go?? They hold tighter just casually saying trying to mask the love in their voice “just…another second love.” . They act as if it’s alll okay but you can see they never wanna go through that traumatic devastating horrible event again!!! (You were away for a month and still kept in contact with them.)
Could I maybe ask….and *coughs cough awkward cough*
You really don’t need to but I just gotta know…
The mercy with a s.o that’s a BIG ROMANTIC?!?Like a Gomez Addams level but in some weird carnal “cannibalism is symbolism for deep deviation” kinda romantic..? The type just randomly lay with the mercs one night and have their s.o look at them deep in the eyes and just go “I want to crawl into your ribcage”……..???
PRETTY PLEASEEEEE PRETTY PRETTIEST OF PLEASEES!!!
okay slay 💅
SUCH A CUTE IDEA!!!! they deserve gothic chivalry <3
♡ All Mercs with a Creepy-Romantic S/O ♡
(your dialogue is marked in blue! I used the nickname "my love" a lot bc that feels like Gomez to me <3)
Medic
You doing your over-the-top romantic stuff will 100% go to his head. He feels like hot shit whenever you do anything for him
He likes a little PDA, + hugs n kisses while he's working
He literally feels his heart swell with love for you <3 he thinks you're the sweetest little angel
And the creepy stuff? You are his dream partner on god. He blushes and giggles any time you say some freaky shit
"My love?"
"Hmm? Yes, taube?"
"I wish I could crawl inside your ribcage and kiss your heart."
"Ahahaha! Oh, stop it you~ I'm trying to work!"
Will be smiling for the next half hour while he thinks about what you said
He eats it up, and will return the sentiment with real blood and guts!
(If you want to eat a little piece of him, he's sure he can find something he doesn't really need... just kidding! ...unless? 😏)
Spy
Surprised he's met someone who can match his chivalry; you're even more sappy and romantic than him
You would try to outdo eachother with stupid things, grand gifts, planned dates, and proclamations of love. He sees it as a game
"My love, you look divine tonight."
"Divine? You are absolutely radiant. I should be the one worshipping you, mon coeur."
"That can be arranged... perhaps tonight?"
Scout would gag at the sight of you two. You're sickening
For your creepiness, he finds you a little disturbing but as he gets to know you, like... he gets it. It's poetic. He knows what you're trying to say/the feelings behind them
He gets used to it and tolerates your affections, even if he finds them strange
"Your blood is the most beautiful vibrant red, my love."
"Hmm. Thank you. I'd prefer it if it stayed inside of me, though, mon coeur."
Scout
He is scared and horny
Romantic part: he's the most openly shocked at any romantic gestures you show him.
He totally likes being pampered by you. Give him all your attention forever and ever and ever
Like, you show up one day with a ridiculously huge bouquet of roses for him, and he goes through so many emotions so quickly. Surprised, amused, embarrassed because he assumes you're playing a joke on him, even more embarrassed when he realizes you're 100% genuine, and shy acceptance
"Babe, listen, that's... really frickin' sweet n' stuff, but I dunno where ta put these roses. I'm not really a flowers guy."
"Oh. I'll take them back if-"
"No, they're mine, back off! I'll find a spot."
I think at first he would be creeped out when you say loving yet concerning things, but his infatuation with you overrides his self-preservation.
You'll be cuddling and you'll be like "I wish I could be inside your skin." and he'll give you this look of horror and be like "What???" but will continue to cuddle you
He teases you and calls you a freak/vampire/cannibal
He'll get used to it. Everyone else will wonder how he bagged such a baddie <3 he's literally stupid
A part of him also kind of likes that you're "scary" because he feels like you'd be able to protect him. He would never ever admit that in a MILLION years but its true
Demoman
Oh he so loves romantic shit. No one's ever done anything so nice for him, he feels so special around you!!!
He wouldn't be embarrassed by any PDA, he might even enjoy showing off that he has someone that loves him so much!! <3
Drunk or sober, he loves being by your side and having an arm around you, which you seem to like too
He's glad you're so expressive, because it makes him feel like his "clinginess" is normal, it's just how you are with each other
When you kiss his hand and trail more kisses up his arm, he'll be giggling and pulling you in by your face for a BIG kiss
I think he would be confused the first time you do or say something more macabre, but not afraid
Like.... what'd you say? Oh, it's a compliment? Aw thank you luv P] (thats his eyepatch)
After that, he'd usually reply with his own compliment or add on a joke to yours, like
"You're so adorable, darling. I just want to eat you up."
"Yeah? Bet I'd be good with whipped cream on top, aye? And a cherry, too! Ya look cute yourself, luv."
Heavy
He'll smile real big and laugh when you do romantic things for him. He loves it!
He finds it a bit funny just because, well, he's not the sort of guy anyone does anything romantic for. He also finds it incredibly sweet
It reminds him of being a character in a book he's read, actually being pined after and "wooed"
He always likes cuddling in bed with you at the end of the day, and it's then he'll say thank you (again) for all the cute things you did for him that day
Brushes off the weird things you say, affectionately! he takes it as just another way of saying i love you
His usual reply to your creepy-compliments is to pat your head and be like that's nice honey :] Heavy is going to go make a sandvich. You want?
Pyro
Blushing and giggling at romantic gestures. They love everything cutesy and cheesy and stupid, it shows how much you care!!!
They would be 10000% happy with PDA, excessive smooching on the battlefield
I think they would kind of flip-flip on their reactions to creepy ways to expressing love
Usually they'd 100% get it, giggling, squealing, flapping their hands excitedly
Other times, they'd understand the compliment, but they'd freak themselves out a little bit and ask for reassurance that you're not actually thinking about eating them or something
But that's easily resolved :]
Engineer
Another sucker for classic romantic stuff
He'll insist you shouldn't do anything fancy for him, he's a simple man (but if you do fancy things anyway he'll totally like them. It shows how much you care about him/you think he deserves nice things hehehe)
But he does love compliments and acts of service. That is totally his comfort zone, you two will constantly be exchanging those
He's not exactly wholesome but he does have a picture of the ideal domestic life, very sweet
First he's surprised at how many romantic gestures you do for him, and then he's surprised you're a freak. Not bad surprised! But... it takes getting used to for sure
"You have such beautiful teeth, my love."
"Uh.... thank you. Yer... teeth are nice too," he says while awkwardly rubbing his neck.
He does feel flattered in a weird way?? He is confused
Soldier
He's a little lost in the world of 'romantic' things. He considers very blunt things to be romantic, so when you treat him like... fancy... he takes some time to buffer and figure out how to react
Like he's happy asgkdfl of course he likes it he's just so not used to it, it takes him a second
He thinks of himself as being rugged and manly, he doesn't need nice things or any special treatment, he'll insist, but if you insist, he'll begrudgingly let you do nice things for him
He enjoys it more than he thought he would, like nice dinners, and compliments, and roses, and seeing you so gorgeously dressed up.... nice
He finds your disturbing nature SO attractive. He values strength and loyalty in his partner, and ripping out his heart and eating it is SO strong and loyal!!! What better way to prove your devotion to someone??
lowkey blindly agrees with everything you say
"You have such a beautiful heart, my love. I wish I could just squeeze it in my hand."
"I'm sure Medic could cut it out for you! Wait, that's crazy-talk. I'll cut it out myself, like a real American does!"
You tell him to keep his heart inside and he's like "you sure? I'll do it. i'm not a coward"
Sniper
He likes "creepy" things, like skulls, dead bugs, dead things in general. He can appreciate the beauty in them
He would LOVE your affection, creepy and romantic. He'd be standing there and trying to hide the big smile on his face bc he doesn't know how to handle it
He matches your freak but he's shy teehee.
The creepy-romantic stuff is actually easier for him to respond to than the outright romantic stuff, because he finds it a bit funny
"Darling."
"Yeah, mate?"
"I want to crawl inside your ribcage and wrap myself around your heart."
"Hah, that's sweet, darlin'. I'll crawl in your ribcage too."
VS:
"Darling."
"Yeah, mate?"
"Your eyes are the most beautiful color I've ever seen. Between blue and gray, like the stormy sky above the ocean. I could get lost in them for hours."
"..." He pulls his hat down and tries to hide his smile, looking away from you.
He's so easily flustered by regular romantic things its stupid ahafdsjk
I don't think he blushes an insane amount, but he does a little, and he goes all quiet and like kicks the dirt with his boot aakjfl
He'll say "thank you", "you really didn't have to...", or "I don't deserve you" (shut up yes you do man)
headcanons on how the mercs would react to giving reader a belly bulge ?
is my size difference kink apparent with this ask
gn pronouns with afab reader if possible
a/n: ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVEEEEEEE. Heavy, Engineer and Demoman for now, But I'll probs do the rest soon!
Heavy, Engineer and Demoman reaction to a belly bulge.
Heavy
❥ Heavy already knew this would happen. He knows his side and he knew that he was going to cause a bulge.
❥ But fuck was it different to actually see...Seeing your smaller frame struggling to take him sent him wild.
❥ The two of you finally had time alone together after the busy schedules the two of you had. You were an assistant to the administrator and you finally had time to be intimate with your partner.
❥ You didn't want him to be gentle either, despite the eyebrow raise and his concern for you.
"are you sure about this? I do not want to hurt you."
"Mik...baby, after the day I just had..I need it."
❥It would boost his ego a little more, even though he knows he'd cause one.
❥"You take it so good. Tell me how good it feels for you."
❥ definition of size kink just has a picture of heavy beside it lmao-
Engineer.
❥ Talk about a man nearly about to lose his shit-.
❥ Engineer likes to be very intune with you when it comes to sex, he like to ask you if you alright and make sure you feel as good as he is.
❥ You would bring it to his attention, moving his hand to feel the lower part of your stomach.
❥ he would feel it and look down, before a deep groan would leave his mouth. He wouldn't be able to control himself.
"S-shit..look of you darl'..look at that..shit.."
"takin' my cock like you were made for it.."
❥ Oh yea, be prepared to be fucked silly by him so he can see it more. Bottoming out repeatedly so he could hear your moans and feel how deep he could get inside you.
❥ Definitely leans into the breeding kink this man has, even if he can't get you pregnant he is going to make sure you feel full of him.
Demoman
❥ Another one that would boost his ego.
❥ He wouldn't notice it at first, he knew he was pretty big compared to you. and he would chuckle as he watched you struggle to walk or sit down the next day after the two of you go at it.
❥ It would be one day you would be riding him, his hands would be on your hips, running them across your lower stomach as he would buck up into you. when sudden he would stop.
❥you were confused at first until he runs his hand along the bulge, moving slowly so he could see it move.
❥ It unlocked something in his mind, suddenly you would find yourself on your back, and Tavish would start moving faster than he ever did before, On top of getting to hear your sweet sounds he got to see what it did to you.
"seeing me..so deep in you..hope you don't have anything planned.."
"Cause i'm not lettin' ya up from this bed.."
Hi everyone!! I missed writing for you all!! I apologize if this is not as good as my previous writing as i am trying to get back into the swing of writing! Enjoy!!
Hello! I am the author and not only do I have an online presence, but I am also a very good cook. I have been cooking since I was a young little writer and I cook and eat food from all over the world, so, I hope this is fairly accurate to the characters and anything nationality wise. If you are familiar with any of these cuisines, please let me know some foods I can research! I’m also sorry if there is any blatant errors, I have very poor vision. I am Scottish and German and I think that is quite apparent.
Medic:
Gaisburger Marsch. A hearty stew from the Stuttgart regions of Germany, and a doctor should eat well, ja? It has beef, potatoes, Spätzle, and caramelised onions.
Labskaus is also very good in the author’s opinion, and I think Herbert would enjoy it in its slightly odd nature (to the likes of other mercs anyway). Corned beef, potato, onion, and beet mash, with herring, a fried egg, and pickles.
I feel like he has a really big thing for pickled beets. There’s just a jar sitting on his work desk and his fingers and clothes are occasionally stained pink.
When cooking, he is a little impatient and often turns up the heat on the stove very quickly, leading to a moment of panic when things start to cook too quickly.
You have to come in and sit with him so he is entertained while he cooks, and also so he does not panic.
If cooking together proper, he definitely is the patient sort if I do say. He understands there is a process that yields a decent result.
However he does occasionally complain about cooking in general, because, “Abendbrot is much more efficient! Vhy vould I eat a whole meal at zhe end of my day anyway? Für Schlafen? That is its own fuel! Eat a good breakfast for vahnce and you vould understand..”
Drinks while cooking. Beer probably, and if not an alcoholic beverage, espresso is good too.
He gets a little tipsy cooking and comes over to lay al his affections on you, asking for ‘Küssen für der Koch!” And offering you drinks yourself.
Treats it as a project rather than a daily task. If he IS in the mood to cook, it’s something elaborate and methodical as far as prep goes. Again, impatient with the stove.
I would say Herber is a decent cook. He is by no means a chef but if he wants any food from his region, he’s gonna have to make it! (This is a pattern).
As I said in another post, FANTASTIC baker. It is a science.
Mannered while eating. Nothing crazy, but very particular on cutting his food into proper bites and keeping himself tidy. Elbow are fine to be on the table.
If he takes you out to eat, it’s during the winter or cooler months. He loves getting all bundled up with you and walking to a restaurant.
Never cooks breakfast as much as it’s the only meal he ever would want to cook. He proposes hearty foods and is shut down with pancakes. Always.
As far as sweets go, he’s a sucker for chocolates, and anything you bake, if that’s your fancy.
Really confused when drunk. Not dumb, just slow and clingy but happy.
Demoman
Although a basic reach, his favourite food is most definitely Scotch Eggs. If you have ever been to a British or Scottish pub and ordered Scotch Eggs, you’d understand. They are absolutely wonderful and crispy.
If he’s drunken, eating scotch eggs would sober him up for a solid five seconds while he stares into some void of bliss. They are in fact that good.
Scrambled eggs? I wrote this thinking they’re some other unrelated thing to Scotch Eggs but I think Tavish just likes eggs tbh.
Not a good cook by any means, but is a quick learner. You show him how to do something and he’ll pick it up and do it quite well.
If he’s cooking, he doesn’t like anyone else in the kitchen really unless they are chopping vegetables or sitting quietly. Neutral towards company, because if he’s the one cooking, he wants to turn his brain off a while a follow a recipe
#1 Recipe follower. Follows the recipe exactly.
Will take you to a pub with him, and he arrives with the intention of being sober or only have one drink because he is with you. I feel like whatever pub it is though, he’s a regular, and the bartender keeps slinging him beers and he keeps drinking them and ends up feeling bad.
Will try and feed you himself because he is so excited about scotch eggs or other food at this pub, like toad in the hole or something.
“Come on lass/lad! Try a bite, it’s lovely really, ah just like your face, you’ve got a lovely face y’know?”
Bartender definitely notices he’s in there with a love and gets everyone to sing a drinking song as a group for ya. If it puts a smile on a drunken man’s face, it will put one on yours. The atmosphere must be warm for that moment.
Tavish kisses on the cheek a bunch and keeps a hand on your knee/thigh while out, with a huge grin on his face.
He's drunk all the time so nothing new.
Heavy
Sandvich. No explanation necessary.
Memorise how he makes it and it would bring a tear to his eye. Even if it’s simple, it’s the fact you learned it for him warms his heart.
“You learn how to make perfect Sandvich for Misha? Why— why so sweet to Misha? Do you need favour?”
Okroshka is a ‘cold soup’ with Kefir and dill and cucumber and onions and other vegetables (this is from memory do forgive). It is refreshing and simple, and I could definitely see him putting it in a big mug to drink while reading.
Halupki are cabbage rolls with beef, onions, parsley, and spices, drenched in tomato sauce and cooked slow and low for a few hours. A bit tedious, but I’m sure he would love making it with you!
“And you learn Russian recipes? Why? Да, Misha knows you love him but Misha has not had to protect you, and little love still loves me enough to make Russia’s food?” Followed by more crying and a tight hug.
Please keep him company or cook with him. It motivates him, and when someone is ‘cooking with love’, it’s him. Nobody else can out-love his cooking.
If you’re keeping him company, it’s either intellectual conversation, stories, or you reading or doing your own thing. Sometimes he stops and looks at you a while with that still stare full of endearment.
If you’re cooking together, you’re attached at the hip. Wrapping Halupki, cooking over the stove, anything where you can lean on him.
He will be writing his family a tear stained letter about how you cook with him. What’s with this man and crying, anyway??
A great cook. He knows what he knows and does not need a recipe, but is limited to what he knows, even if it’s a fairly extensive list.
As far as desserts, probably pastries with jam. No cream, he thinks it’s gross in texture on a pastry.
Eating out is a rare occasion, and it’s somewhere you two can sit outside while it’s drizzling rain. You’re the only two out there, it’s quiet, and a good time for reflection he thinks.
Just gets sick when he is drunk. It takes a lot for him to get that stupid, so he is just sick.
Scout
oh lord talk about an inability to cook.
Favourite foods are French toast, wings, and pierogies.
If you have ever had a terribly incompetent classmate in a home economics class, it was him. He couldn’t the difference between a tablespoon or a teaspoon off the top of his head.
“Man, I just don’t get this cooking thing, how do (you) ladies do this? Not— not that it’s a woman’s job to cook, but when’s the last time ya had a bad meal from a woman? I’m jealous! I wish I was a woman!”
He can follow a recipe, but it does take him a very long time if he’s trying. Putting together the simplest chocolate chip cookie batter takes about ten minutes usually, and it takes him 45.
If you introduce him to metric when cooking, “that’s some British bullshit, who else uses metric?! The rest of the world..? Oh.”
And then suddenly becomes a fairly decent cook because it’s way easier and sensical. Until he stops cooking, then he has to start over next time he wants to cook.
He may be an idiot sometimes but I feel like he can do math? Can’t read well for shit but he can do numbers if you give him a moment.
Supervise him, I beg of you.
Does sneak tastes of food if you are cooking, and will continue to do so no matter how much you reprimand him.
He will not sit quietly. Jeremy asks “how much longer” until food is done, and until then, he is reading comics nearby.
Or, “Pleasseee let me help, I swear I’ll do good, come on baby give me a shot here, I know I screwed up last time but I deserve a fourth chance too!”
Is extremely proud when he actually cooks well and even if his cookies from earlier disappear quickly, he’s proud he made them that good.
Out to eat? Buffalo Wild Wings.
6/10 spice tolerance
Sweets? Hell yeah! All of them! Except scones!
Thinks whatever Hebert and Spy make is gross.
“You said you made sour krot—“ “Sauerkraut, but—” “Yeah yeah whatever, and cookies? Where’s the sour krawt, is it in the cookies? What the hell is wrong with you?” “I forgot to make zhe SAURkraut, and vhy vould I put it in cookies?! How stupid are you, dummkopf!”
(real, but modified interaction the author had btw)
Hebert has DEFINITELY given Jeremy melatonin gummies without telling him, and if you’re dating him, you probably ended up eating some too tbh.. Hebert felt a little bad for you (not really) but was laughing his ass off at poor Jeremy
Bigger idiot when drunk. Zero hand eye coordination, and just ends up passing out asleep on you.
Engineer
Barbecue for sure, especially ribs, is his favourite.
Stuffed mushrooms. Idk anything about texas cuisine but I think if it can be put on a grill it counts
Probably the best stove cook out of everyone. Hot oil, all the spices, everything all at once and everything is coming out ON TIME
He seems like a tomato hater ngl but he’ll eat ketchup
Join him in the kitchen or by the grill! Dell dearly wants company. He’s okay if you help cook if you’re so polite to do so, but he also is another one who isn’t a huge fan of too many cooks in the kitchen.
Blasting music for sure. Country music and the occasional slow song so you’ll dance with him.
“Hey honey! Dance with me, will you? Sorry I know I smell like motor oil… and cooking oil… but I love you and I love your company!"
Not time period accurate but I think he would listen to Colter Wall.. Imaginary Appalachia is a good album in his opinion.
If it is only you two and Dell is cooking, expect it to take a little longer than usual. Because he knows you have the patience and love for him, he's tinkering with the stove or grill.
I think he has a very low spice tolerance. "Hey-- hey babe? Whatdja put in this?" "Chili flakes." "I'm sweatin', Jesus! You promise that's it?" But eats it anyway out of love.
"Baby you don't gotta cook if you don't wanna, I'll take good care'a'ya."
"Honey! Will you please come try this and tell me if ihs' good?"
There is very rarely an out to eat night. If there is, you've been leanin' on his shoulder in his truck while you two are driving somewhere and he pulls over to a mom and pop diner and wakes you up. It is very late in the night, and he makes sure you feel put together an okay to go in first. (Gonna write this as a Oneshot dw)
No measuring spoons or weighing. It's all done off the top of his head. He works with blueprints and methodical things all days and needs a break from that.
Does indeed go fishing and begs you to join him. He may be a sweetheart but he probably pushes you into the water and laughs his head off, fully expecting karma of course.
Does NOT hunt. It makes him sad. He also does not want to be covered in deer piss. Sniper piss is enough.
Everyone loves his cooking, especially Soldier.
Another guy with a sweet tooth. Please bake him something and surprise him while he is working, he will pull you on his lap and eat it and hold you tight while he works.
Cries when drunk. He seems all confident but does not see himself very highly and that all spills out when he drinks a little too much.
Spy
Unsure about French cuisine but I think Lucien is a soup man, I believe Coq Au Vin is an onion soup
Enjoys healthy eating. I think he has somewhat a bland pallet sometimes, but not that he does not enjoy rich foods as well.
Collects wine. Wine and cigarettes is his preferred meal some days, but if you skip a meal simply because he does, he will be sure to eat with you at meal times.
Obviously he probably does not eat much in general :( you're gonna have to encourage this grown ass man to eat a little more, because he would do that to you.
A good cook.I feel like he was taught young and it is just a life skill to him, nothing much of it.
Do not cook with him. Do not even ask. If he needs help, he will ask. But drink wine with him in the vicinity and Lucien will have a little smile about him.
When drunk he is just a bigger lover boy than before and much more apparent about it.
"Come on, Ma belle fille, have a glass with me, oh what a lucky man I am to have you.. I would not be a louse without you, but i sure would feel like one." and kisses you down your neck.
Fancy dinners, obviously, Would you expect anything else from the biggest romantic in the world?
Listens to opera while cooking and sings pretty well. Replaces the names in arias with yours. (1)
Not a big sweet tooth. He enjoys dark dark chocolate and very lightly sweetened hot chocolate, but he is very particular on his sweets.
Was bitten by a tick and now has a red meat allergy. He blames Mick. He didn't even like red meat in the first place.
Very happy to hear when Dell goes fishing. Lucien is a fan of seafood.
If you are someone who enjoys cooking (like me), after a while he might find recipes and show them to you and ask you to make it.. er.. "I think you would enjoy the process of this one, it has things you have wanted to cook with.." "Just tell me you want me to make it for you." "I have no idea what you are talking about." And he is a little shy about it to avoid coming off as rude.
I don't remember whose headcannons this was and I am sorry for not remembering, but that he is a huge fan of Pyro's pancakes. Hell yeah he is.
Pyro
Pancakes, as I just said, and udon.
Takes the filter off of his mask and feeds the udon noodles through the holes.
Really high spice tolerance.
Very sweet and refuses to eat by himself. He always wants to sit down and have a proper meal together. If there's a group meal and someone starts eating before everyone is served it kinda makes him sad 😭 (2)
Cook with him!!! All the time! He loves cooking, and he loves company!
Asked Dell to build a double decker stove so you can sit on his shoulders and you both cook. Dell said yes, you have to think about it, Herbert says no.
Music while cooking. Probably just pop music or new wave stuff.
Everyone loves his cooking. Popular headcannon and popular for a reason.
“Hhm mmrph mrphh mhrph hmvh!” “I made it with love!” He says, handing you a tray of something. You immediately put it down because you know he will hug you.
Dinner dates are at hibachi and he always asks the chef if he can try. Or they’re at some place random like Medieval Times
Movies and snacks all the time. Heck, every night if you let him.
If he ends up drunk for whatever reason he is confused and tired
Sorry it’s so short, it’s pyro 😭
Sniper
I feel like he knows HOW to cook but just doesn't like to, and the food he does make is just energising and not necessarily for taste, but it is still pretty good.
Give him a recipe and a lot of quiet and your expectations will be exceeded.
I do think he would be very fond of stir fry or just general comfort food. Lots of vegetables.
Loves peppers. Hot and mild. Nothing hot enough where the pepper is oily, but he does love spicy food and crunchy peppers. Idk if he's super pissed off and needs to feel something I think he would eat a hot pepper and start freaking out, because at least he is getting some emotion out.
Drinks a lot of coffee instead of properly eating. Remind him to eat.
If you two are out in his trailer, he prefers to cook outside later in the night so you can stargaze at the same time.
No music while cooking, unless it is someone playing a real instrument. Mick enjoys the sound of crickets and anything else quiet on top of the outside, still, silence. It is the only time where he can check out and do something tangible without thought.
If you cook for him, he would be over the moon. He would sing your praises between bites and just be so happy someone wants to cook for him, even if you are his partner.
If you are a baker, don't be surprised if the treats disappear quickly. "Hey, hey, you can't blame me, love! And I only eat the fresh ones, I think that's fair as your partner." Says Mick, who had come up behind you and taken a treat from the plate in front of you. He held it over his head when you tried to grab it, and ended up hugging you and swarming kisses all around your head and face as he teased you.
Explained fairy bread to the others. Jeremy and Pyro loved it. Misha thought it too sweet. Lucien scoffed but tried it with displeasure. Herbert felt his arteries explode at the thought. Jane did not want to lower himself to the sub-American standard or something, and Dell just politely declined.
Rambles when drunk, and the deeper in he is, the sadder the rambling. Just be there for him to lean on and help clean him up, I think Mick the sort to get sick by drinking on an empty stomach.
When cooking in a proper kitchen together, he likes to help prep but ends up just leaning onto you from behind and following you happily.
When cooking in the trailer, it's because it is raining or too cold. Or there's too many bugs. Takes a while because he has to kiss you every few minutes.
Occasionally eats a bowl of boiled peas.
Does take you on plenty of dates at first because he is quite worried about if he is doing enough. Anywhere quiet, and anywhere he can sit across from you and hold your hand. He brings you small bouquets of flowers every single time.
Soldier
American food. But it has to be proper food, I don't think I could see him eating a packaged cake because it is "work of the government." He likes everything about America but it probably takes him a second to remember we even have a vice president.
Makes and loves chilli. Nobody wants to eat when he cooks unless it's chilli.
Do NOT let him in the kitchen otherwise. He doesn't know the difference between a tablespoon and teaspoon, "Why my spoon got a table in it?! And we dumped that tea back in uh.. 1776!" (Boston Tea Party was in 1773 btw)
Grill does not count as the kitchen, but he is a fairly mediocre griller. Dell tries to teach him and there is slow improvement, but Jane often gets a little stubborn about it. Everything is a little dry but again, not bad, just mediocre. BUT AMERICAN!!!!
Really likes oatmeal, especially with raisins and brown sugar.
Does put a lot of butter on everything.
"OOOOOOH You're cookin' tonight, huh? YA HEAR THAT EVERYONE? WE ARE IN FOR AN ALL-AMERICAN TREAT! And thank you, love, I am very very very excited wholeheartedly." (Tight hug)
Lingers if you are in the kitchen. He just sits and watches you and asks about everything with a smile on his face.
Baking?? Ohhh he is even more excited now, but doesn't tell anyone you baked.. He wants everything for himself, but also thinks everyone deserves a chance to stumble upon such graciousness.
Attempted and did pretty well at building a pizza oven out of bricks, but it took him a while to figure out pizza.
Weirdly into making bread. Hmm. But also I think Jane is decent at baking bread. No baguettes.
Dates are to steakhouses and picnics in unique spots (I have image of Nny in JTHM on top that overlook for those who have read JTHM)
Decaffeinated coffee with one sugar.
Loud when drunk. Lots of talking and adopts a shorter fuse, but doesn't do anything rash.
Wow omg this took so long!!! I've been up for about two hours each night I wrote for this. I hope it's all good and fun and I think this is a genre of headcannons I don't see as much.
Also, how do you guys feel about the name Lucien for spy?? I feel weird just calling him Spy. Pyro is ok because it feels like a nickname more than a class sometimes, but Spy is too handsome to be without a proper title, even if it isn't cannon. I would say it's a fake name, at the end of the day.
PLEAAASSEEEE SEND ME REQUESTS!!!!!!!!!! PLEAASEEEEEEEEEE
Featuring: Engie, Pyro, Demo, Medic, Sniper, Spy, and Scout (individually)
Just wanted to make something cute! I know tumblr really likes headcanons and stuff so I thought I'd make some to get back into the swing of posting fan fic stuff on here again :]
dividers by strangergraphics
Engie:
It really depends on his mood at the moment, especially if he's currently working on something, but most of the time he'll be by your side to help you out.
He seems like the kind of guy to just make you a cup of coffee or tea, whichever you like best, and sit down at the table and let you rant about it while drinking his coffee. Very totally not because he does a similar thing with the administrator in the comics shut up
He also really likes cuddling, turning his workshop air down super low so the two of you can snuggle underneath a cozy blanket and not be too warm. That's usually the option he goes for if you don't want to talk about it, or if it's more of a matter of you being sad than angry or annoyed. He may also play his guitar if you'd like instead of cuddling.
In the event he's got his nose buried in some blue prints he probably won't even notice you're upset in the first place, too busy calculating things, making sure everything is tightened correctly, etc. You'll have to be more straightforward about being upset so if you're the kind to hide being upset then he definitely won't see it at all.
If he's not in a good mood, upset as well or something similar, he'll probably have you sit next to him while he works on something and hope that it helps calm you down too.
Pyro:
I'm gonna be a little non canon compliant for a moment bear with me I don't think Pyro is actually in Pyro vision 24/7 and/or does in fact know that Pyroland (and subsequently all their perceived good actions within Pyroland) isn't real. Citing the fact that they got offended by smokey bear in Pyro vision in the comics ☝️ nor do I think the Meet the Pyro short is an accurate representation of Pyroland, more like a dramatized version of how they described it to the director guy. because I say so :3
All in all pyro is pretty good at telling when you're upset, whether sad or angry, but what they do with that can be interesting
First they try sitting you down in a chair and handing you a lighter. They know that watching fire makes them particularly happy whether they have Pyro vision on or not, and somewhat guess that it might help the situation.
When they hand you the lighter they mumble something along the lines of "Talk it out", letting you flick the lighter on and off while you ramble. Now if this is effective really depends on you, I think it'd help someone out there. probably me.
If that doesn't help you they move on quickly to their next idea.
Next on the table is tucking you and themself into bed and holding you very close, almost like they would with a teddy bear or something similar. Their grip is nearly crushing honestly. But the mask and the suit stay on
If both of those fail they let you cry it out on their shoulder, or rant about it if you're feeling angry.
They're trying their best I swear they're just not extremely good at all this, their experience with comforting someone is pretty limited since most people see them as an unfeeling monster and wouldn't go to them for comfort of any sort. Let them know what makes you feel better after one of these situations if you can, it'll probably give them a better idea of what to do past frantically trying these three things and these three things alone. It makes them feel bad that they don't know what to do :[
Demo:
A lot people say things like oh he would probably take you out drinking or something but I don't genuinely think he'd do that, unless you want to.
I think he's more of a words of affirmation kind of guy, he'd tell you you're amazing if you're sad, tell you that it's gonna be okay, etc.
he'd probably do all this while teaching you how to make some basic explosives, maybe just to temporarily get back at whoever or maybe whatever made you upset if it was a physical thing or person. If you're the revenge type that is. He might just do the revenge part for you if you're not though.
He would probably do some things for you, make you a mug of tea if you like tea, make you a sandvich, something like that. Something simple but nice, make sure you're not dehydrated if you're crying.
Medic:
I honestly don't see him being very good at comforting much. He'd probably comfort you in a practical sense like for an example if you come to him with a problem like someone keeps picking on you he'll just try to resolve the issue, giving you advice on how to stand up for yourself, or more likely handing you his bone saw and telling you he needs more replacement body parts.
This is unless you ask for a specific thing, which he's much better at. You gotta be direct with him about what you want for comfort. Especially if you don't want him to respond with something like "Well why don't you just kill them? they seem very mean" or "I could get your some anti-depressants, do you think that'd help?"
He's not very good at cuddling if that's what you want but he'll try his absolute best, most likely you'll end up sitting on his lap (unless you're like. as tall and bulky as Heavy. He'd probably still try though let's be honest.) while he does some paper work. Or you'll end up lying on top of him with your face in his tits while he gently rubs your back.
Sniper:
This man is awkward and autistic as fuck. He probably also has low or fluctuating empathy (very totally not because I like projecting). You'll probably get some hugs if you like those and back rubs.
He is in fact the best at listening though, so if you like to rant! he's your best bet! he'll hang onto your every word. Unless he's working in which case you are effectively talking to a brick wall.
He can give some wise words when he wants but most of the time you'll get some hums in response or "That's rough, mate." It's not like he's completely silent, he just doesn't usually have much to say in the way of advice.
You will have to seek him out for comfort though. He of course likes to hang around but it's not like he watches your every move, and even at that he's not very good at reading emotions on people's faces.
Spy:
The biggest sap around. I think what he does depends on how long you have been in a relationship with him tbh.
I think in the beginning stages of your relationship, and/or relatively soon after you officially got together he'd still be trying to impress you to an extent. He'd probably plan out a whole huge nice dinner with you with candles and flowers and wine and stuff.
But later on in the relationship he won't be as over the top with all that, he'll still do something nice for you if you'd like but he's much more tame. I think he'd do some chores for you, like if you were the one supposed to do dishes for the base that day he'd wash all of them before you can even get to it. Practical things like that.
Of course he isn't opposed to sitting down in his smoking room and sharing a bottle of wine while you talk about it, him pitching in a few words of advice or reassurance.
Scout:
I feel like. he has a weird way of showing how he cares. due to the whole lots of brothers thing. Not in a bad way of course! it's just different from the others.
If it's something like someone else upset you he'll probably make a few jokes about killing them — though if they're really jokes is debatable considering your line of work — and maybe chew them out for you. Otherwise he's not very good in the comforting department.
I think if you're really upset, like genuinely depressed over something, he's likely to get a few snacks and some blankets and sit you down for a movie night or something– your pick of course.
Like, basically, take Spy. He's the opposite of that. While still trying to impress you. He does the opposite of what Spy does. While Spy goes all out and does like a fancy dinner at the beginning of your relationship, Scout goes for. not doing something big.
If spy were to do a fancy dinner Scout would get you fast food at let you cry or shout out all of your problems over shitty fried chicken and ice cream. And hey if you're really mad about something he'll set up a cool rage room outside the base and go ham on broken appliances and abandoned machines from Engie with you! Best way he's found to get all that anger out besides kicking the other team's ass and stealing Heavy's sanviches.
